With the wailing of sirens a bevy of police cars screamed into Consternation Street and screeched to a halt in front of The Kabin. As soon as they stopped, the superintendent, Jack Grazingpasture, leapt out. “Just what I needed,” he said, as he looked at the poster on the door, “a Post Office. I need to buy a stamp.” However, on walking inside he discovered, that is spite of the poster offering all sorts of postal services, there was no postal counter after all. “I’ve been had,” he said, “Now where can I buy a stamp?” Just then a young eight year old girl got out of one of the other cars and said, “Don’t worry, sir, I have a stamp for you.” Jack looked at her in awe and admiration. “What would we do without you, Beth?” he asked rhetorically.
“Listen everyone,” said Jack, “We’re here to save Sun Hill from those who would shut us down and demolish the station.” A big cheer went up from the assembled coppers. “They’ve tried to get me many times, but they’ve never succeeded. Remember how the whole station was sacked once before after Don Seashore was found to be corrupt, but I kept my job. Then there was the time Tom Candlemaker tried to give me the push, but it was him who was written out, not me. And then there was the Vince Parkeeper affair. Did they get me? No, they didn’t. I’m the Teflon Man. Nothing sticks to me. Stay with me and you’ll all keep your jobs.” Most of the audience were in tears. Beth was blubbing like a little girl, which, of course, she was. Even DI Mansfield very nearly, but not quite, broke into a faint smile. “Back to work,” he ordered. “Where’s DS Carthorse anyway? We can’t solve any crimes without him.”
Suddenly Beth called for silence. “I have just worked out what happened to Sailor Joe,” she said, “Galeforce Splatt is innocent. Let her go. And I know who murdered Archie, it was Stacey Slapper. Arrest her. I’ve also just solved the Jack the Ripper case and I know where Lord Lucan is. O.J. Simpson did it.” One interested spectator listening to all this was a visitor from the Eastend. “You know,” she said to Fat Pat ‘Eavens Above, who had accompanied her on her trip oop north, “I could swear I’ve seen that amazingly talented policewoman somewhere before.” Fat Pat replied, “How could you have done? Don’t be silly, Ruby.”
Reply With Quote