How Was Your Day? VII

[Abigail]

How do you tell a friend that they can't have their girlfriend around our house all the time? I spoke to my other housemate tonight and he's fed up of her always being here too. She stays over every night, she never bothers to tidy up or wash up, she's using electricity and gas and not paying for it. She's just so annoying with everything she does. She can't even ring a taxi without writing the whole conversation down and rehearsing it. She'll constantly say "when are we eating?" for a couple of hours before doing anything about it.

They've just come in and are talking whilst I'm trying to watch tv and doing too much PDA so I'm going to my room. Again. Its so uncomfortable in this house right now.

[Perdita]

that is not on, if she stays over all the time, she or your friend will have to pay for her usage of electricity and gas and water. You need to have a word either one or both of them that it is unacceptable for them to behave the way they do. Get your other housemate to be there too, to back you up.

[Abigail]

that is not on, if she stays over all the time, she or your friend will have to pay for her usage of electricity and gas and water. You need to have a word either one or both of them that it is unacceptable for them to behave the way they do. Get your other housemate to be there too, to back you up.

I don't think there's an easy way to broach the subject so in true Abigail style, I'm gonna jump straight in and tell it to him straight. She can stay a few nights a week but not every night.

I have concerns about this relationship anyway. She hasn't got any friends at uni because she spends all her time with Gary. If Gary goes somewhere for a day (to a demo or to see someone) she goes back to her parents' because she doesn't like being alone. She seems incapable of doing anything without somebodies permission or accompaniment and I'm getting concerned about what would happen if they were to split up. I say this from the point of view of being in a similar situation, not because I'm jealous or want them to split up. I think she would drop out of university and become a recluse living with her parents.

[Trinity]

I would say something like - has X moved in? That is great we can split the bill X ways now instead of Y. Is she actually officially living at home, and basically using your place to crash every night? It doesn't seem very fair to the people paying the bills.

I think that your concern for her is nice, but it shouldn't influence how you deal with this, and I wouldn't mention it either - different strokes for different folks. She sounds immature, give her time.

[Katy]

i had exactly the same situation and unfortiuatley we didnt manage to solve the situation, so i hope its better turn out for you. She was the same and spent all her time with him, didnt go out or anything.

[Tuareet]

I think you need to have a house meeting, to which she is not invited as she is not a tenant! Tell him exactly how you feel and that if he wants her to stay over so much then she has to contribute to bills etc.

[Abigail]

I would say something like - has X moved in? That is great we can split the bill X ways now instead of Y. Is she actually officially living at home, and basically using your place to crash every night? It doesn't seem very fair to the people paying the bills.

I think that your concern for her is nice, but it shouldn't influence how you deal with this, and I wouldn't mention it either - different strokes for different folks. She sounds immature, give her time.

She has a room in university accommodation that her parents have paid up front for the whole year. She's always here though, when I get up in the morning they're on the sofa, when I come in from lectures or wherever they're on the sofa canoodling and that's where they stay until they go to bed. With the gas heater on full whack constantly every single day.

I think that's a good way to go about mentioning it. She's gone home for the weekend as has my other house mate so it's just me and Gary. He's gone to visit his dad in hospital today though so I'll have to talk to him later.

Yes, she is very immature. She's had a very sheltered life and her parents still do everything for her, including her washing every weekend. She has no idea how to use a washing machine or cook a meal or any other basic household tasks that most 18 year olds can do.

i had exactly the same situation and unfortiuatley we didnt manage to solve the situation, so i hope its better turn out for you. She was the same and spent all her time with him, didnt go out or anything.

Its really annoying as Gary is a great guy and we can have long conversations together but just lately its as if they have both morphed into one person. I can't have a conversation with Gary without her being present or them holding hands ()

I think you need to have a house meeting, to which she is not invited as she is not a tenant! Tell him exactly how you feel and that if he wants her to stay over so much then she has to contribute to bills etc.

I sometimes wonder if she's attached a piece of string to him so she can follow him around. If he's washing up she has to stand next to him but doesn't think to pick a towel up and dry Its going to be difficult to have a meeting without her there! I think having Dan around to back me up is a good idea though.

Thanks for all your replies.

[Chloe O'brien]

It's crap that you can't feel comfortable in your own home Abigail for her. Can't you text him or send him an email asking to have a private talk just the two of you about the bills.

[Abigail]

It's crap that you can't feel comfortable in your own home Abigail for her. Can't you text him or send him an email asking to have a private talk just the two of you about the bills.

I actually hadn't thought of that Probably because he never replies but I've also been a bit caught up in the annoyance of it all and not thinking about how to solve the issue.

I was thinking earlier about not mentioning anything about the bills. Its not really about that and also they'd probably use it as an excuse for her to stay here constantly. I want to be able to watch tv without feeling uncomfortable or having to turn the volume up because they're talking over it (this annoys me full stop) and spend time with my friend, not my friend's mirage. My main issue is with her being here all the time. I'm not stopping her coming over full stop, I just don't want her here morning noon and night.

I'm hoping to talk to him before she gets back tomorrow evening. I'm not sure if he's in at the moment or still in Manchester at the hospital.

[Chloe O'brien]

If he wants his girlfirend there all the time then maybe he should get a tv for his room. Your not asking for much wanting to sit in your own home without feeling uncomfortable and in the way, which is what they are making you feel like.