Depression

[Tori]

Is there any type of support you could get at home that isn't through your doctor?

[Abigail]

I can't take these nightmares anymore. Last night I had four, every time I woke up and went back to sleep, another one would start. The last one started like a normal dream. It was part of a dream I've had before (they all start like this), then somebody told me that a bomb had gone off where my dad works. I rang him and he said he wasn't good and he was going to lose his head. I thought he said he would lose his leg at first so I asked him to repeat it. I misheard him the first time.

They're all about bombs going off, people being killed, stabbing people with knives, having a shoot-out without any ammunition, being trapped. The thing is, I can deal with people being killed, blood, guts and disfigurement when I'm awake. I love examining dead bodies and terrible injuries.

I was up and about at 8am this morning because I couldn't take any more nightmares. I don't want to go to sleep, they're getting worse each night. It must be the reduced Citalopram dose and I can't see my doctor until next Wednesday to get my regular prescription. Another 11 days of this is going to send me crazy. I'm so tired but I'm scared to sleep. I've tried amitryptaline (amongst other things), which helps a bit, but as I don't have a prescription for it I don't want to become dependant on it. My sleep is worse the next night so it doesn't help in the long run.

This afternoon I had my first depressive feelings in several months. I'm really worried that I'll be a jibbering wreck by next Wednesday and back to square one, all because I didn't get enough drugs to last. I know worrying won't help. I haven't told anybody about the nightmares, I feel embarrassed that I'm so scared I wake up crying, I get palpitations and a pounding headache. Sometimes they're so real, I get confused and don't know if something really happened or if it was just a dream.

I don't think I'll be able to stay awake much longer

[Tori]

Have you run out of citalopram? Normally you can take your white bit of the prescirption to a pharmacist and they can give you an emergency 3 day supply. May be worth a try, if the reduced dose wasn't intentional. Hope they go away soon, if this is what happens coming off or reducing dose, I'm rather worried!

[Dazzle]

Don't feel embarassed about the nightmares, Abigail: my mum gets exactly the same thing when she's depressed.

Have you tried over-the-counter sleep remedies? I don't know if they work 'cos I've never taken them, but it may be worth a try. Even if they put you in a slightly deeper sleep it may stop the nightmares.

I'll be thinking of you.

[Abigail]

I've only just seen the two replies above. Thanks guys My old GP gave me a month's prescription to tide me over. He wasn't happy about the high dose and he wouldn't prescribe my migraine meds either, too much risk of serotonin syndrome. I saw my new GP when I got back and he gave me more plus migraine meds. OTC stuff doesn't help as I've built up a tolerance to them. Kalms, nytol, sominax are as useful as sweeties in aiding sleep.

Anywho. The nightmares stopped after a while then I started on Amitriptyline for migraine prevention and they started again. I wouldn't say they were as bad but they were certainly... strange. Its settled down over the past month as I've gotten used to them but I did have a strange dream last night.

Time to confess... I've stopped taking citalopram. I lost them for a few days last week in between leaving my mum's and getting home then when I found them, couldn't really be bothered to take them. I know the risks, I know I'll crash in a few days (usually happens around the 3-4 day, it's been 5 so far) but that doesn't make me want to take them. I will take them when I crash, I guess I'm testing myself to see how long that takes. I also spent the weekend incapable of doing anything as I was either high or coming down. That's probably why the crash hasn't happened yet as I was taking serotonergic drugs. I'd had a difficult week with my mother then lost the ADs, also had a really bad migraine Wednesday night and I was fed up. There was another court

I tried to book an appointment with my GP for tomorrow but he's not in until next Monday. *sigh* I need to see him about my kidneys so I've got an appointment. I'm fully expecting him to tell me that he spent the weekend getting high too! He tells me about how he got prescription drugs "from a friend" once for a bad back and he gets smashed at the weekend. Completely the opposite of what you'd expect from a doctor but at least I don't feel he's judging me when I tell him what I've done.

So yeah. Sleeping a lot, tired, not doing much work. Waiting for my chemicals to get fudged up again.

[Dazzle]

I'll be thinking of you, Abigail.

[moonstorm]

Hugs and Kisses Abigail, take it easy babes.

[Abigail]

Thank you I think writing it all down cleared some things up for me. I realised I was being an idiot and starting taking the meds again. I've had a few mood swings today, I'm currently in the "you're annoying me" phase right now (that's a polite way of putting it) so I'm avoiding my house mates in case I blow up at them.

Tomorrow I have to go shopping for a new coat so I'm going to have some time to myself, maybe have dinner out and just relax.

[alan45]

I sent you a PM

[DaVeyWaVey]

I have mild depression... I don't tell many people, it's not something I like to talk about but I basically have good days and bad days. I've told one friend about it and now I'm telling people on here, I suppose.