How Was Your Day VI

[Abbie]

I wish that were true Trinity about going to uni means I get to put off making hard and bog decisions for another 3 years. Cos even though Im going to Uni my dad wants me to have a plan. Hes been annoying me for the past year now. hes the most irritating little man I have ever met! He asks me the other day if I had started to look into jobs yet!!
And on my birthday he brought up what I wanted to do and so we argued a bit. My mum spoke to me later that night and we both had a bit of a cry. She told me just to make up anything and lie just to shut him up and get him off my back. Hes so annoying. And then he says he doesnt want to argue and well he shouldnt bring it up! Hes doing my head in and its only going to get worse the next couple of years, at least I'll be at uni away from him

[Trinity]

I don't know what your plans are Abbie, or what your degree is going to be in, but you need to tell your dad that your priority right now is to get as good a degree as you can.

When you are in your final year you will have to apply for jobs - right now that isn't and cannot be your priority.

A good degree can open doors.

There are many jobs available to people with good degrees, regardless of subject:

graduate trainee in large companies such as M&S
civil service
accountancy trainee etc, etc

I could be wrong but it sounds like your dad didn't go to university himself, and perhaps he cannot see a career path from whatever subject it is that you are studying.

I didn't plan it at the time, but in my last year at Uni I applied to the civil service as a graduate. At twenty one I had a team of people working for me who had up to 35 years service.

Maybe he just needs to know that you will have options?

[Abbie]

Your half right and Im not surpirsed youve managed to nearly understand my dad cos hes so flaming obvious and he wont back off

Apparently his dads advice to him was to work in trade of some sort so he did. BUT he got his degree when I was about 6 and the started to teach part time, and then we moved here so he could teach full time at the college I just left
The fact that hes a teacher at a college I think is part of the problem cos he thinks he knows it all and hes all like what kind of path are you going to go down? you need to start doing some research, what jobs are out there? I just feel like he puts too much pressure on me and its not in a dead mean way but I dunno its just the way he does it which makes it even worse than if he were a mean dad.
So he did get a degree but later on in his life and oh god I really dont know its like just cos he teaches and has some students that know what they want to do, but the thing is he makes out like all his students know but they dont! I have loads of friends who have no idea
Ive said to him, I have friends who dont know, I know people at uni who dont know, I know that unis help with things like this with jobs and all sorts, and after this speech I did throw in - will that shut you up. Just cos I was so annoyed and even after all this explaining and trying to get him to back off he wont, he still is nagging me to look. Its like he wants me to pick out a job now. theres no point, I may change my mind and I wont get my degree till like 3 years down the line.

I just dont know what to do anymore.

[Trinity]

It is hard being a parent, and the hardest bit is when you have to let go and let your child make their own decisions in life.

Your dad changed careers majorly midlife, and possibly wants you to think seriously about what you want well in advance so that you don't have to.

Unfortunately this won't work. People change, technology changes and jobs change. I have had 3 separate 'careers' in my life and few of my friends are still doing what they thought they wanted to do at 18. The only exceptions are the vet and the.. nope, sorry, the only exception is the vet.

I can kind of identify with your dad a bit, I have a son who is just about to go into his last year at school. I want him to think about what he wants to do really carefully, because I fell into the degree I did at Uni and didn't enjoy it at all. What I mean is I don't want him to make the same mistakes I made. I nag him a lot, too.

Unfortunately, people only seem able to learn from their own mistakes.

I would say that you are lucky because your dad obviously cares very much about you.

Maybe what he really means is he is finding it hard to let go of his little girl, he really wants you to be happy and safe and if there is anything he can help you with just ask?

Sometimes it just all comes out wrong. And thanks for this Abbie because you have shown me how I probably appear to my son - I am going to try and learn from this.

[Abbie]

Oh god im sorry ive probably come across as really mean, I dont mean to its just the way my dad doesnt he doesnt try to be dead obvious, its this tone in his voice I cant describe
my mum understands more who didnt go to uni, she knows I'll figure it out cos Im a pretty sensible person really
And they both know I will enjoy the degree im doing to do, Animal Behaviour, because Ive gone out of m way to do work experience at the RSPCA plave near me which I started on monday. I mean I did it all on my own I didnt ask my parents I organised with no help just me and emails so I would have thought that the fact Ive shown to be sensible, organised and interesting the subject as it realtes to me degree....I thought he would have understood this and well this would have shown he can leave me alone but he hasnt. I dont seem to be mean but hes the one person in my life who I feel under pressure from which sounds quite bad, he doesnt do it in a typical evil teacher way, its odd I cant describe it.
I know he cares but then why wont he leave it, my mum has. I know they are people my age that needed to be nagged, I have friends like that but I just would have thought I have proved I dont need to me.
I think he has a problem with my degree tbh, the way he says it and he was like - is that the actual name? He want it to be a biological sceince, as in thats what my degree should be called. But its not, so I know he doesnt really like it.
Im sorry I dont mean to sound harsh but I know, and my mum knows unless I state the exact job he wont let go

[Trinity]

Abbie you have the sense to know that you have to study something that interests you in order to do well.

You may end up working in this field, and you may not, but as I said before now is the time for you to concentrate on your studies - and on enjoying uni.

If you dad has a problem with your degree tell him that you can study animal behaviour at over 30 universities in the UK - it would not be as popular in todays climate when people have to pay fees etc if noone could gain employment at the end of the course.

http://acunix.wheatonma.edu/kmorgan/...r_careers.html

[Kim]

He sounds like a nightmare Abbie; I have no idea what I want to do after uni either. I have had ideas but I've changed my mind a lot in the last year.

I have an almost opposite problem with my dad; he doesn't want me to go to uni. Both he and my mum didn't go to uni but my mum's ok with it; she says as long as I'm happy in the place I go to and with the course I do then it's fine with her. But he keeps saying my school are pushing me into going, degrees are a waste of time and not worth the money it costs to get them and that sort of thing. Yesterday I went with the school to a UCAS convention and got some prospectuses. I got one for Winchester and he now seems to have decided that if I go to uni I'm going there. He keeps finding ways to slag off the unis that he doesn't want me to apply to but I'm not so sure about the course at Winchester.

[di marco]

when i was looking at unis, my mum wanted me to do a maths degee, i wanted to do drama, so she told me i should look at unis where i could do a joint maths and drama degree (which isnt many!), i didnt really wanna do maths but i thought it wouldnt be as bad if i was doing another subject as well and my mum said it would be a waste if i didnt do it. she only listened to me when we sat through a maths talk which was so boring that we sneaked out halfway through when the lecturer went to get some information sheets! im glad as i felt like i was under pressure to do a joint degree as thats what she wanted as i didnt wanna let her down. i didnt know what i wanted to do after my degree, but just thought it was the only one i would enjoy that i was good at. i still dont know what i wanna do (which a lot of my lecturers disapprove of) but it has given me some ideas, and has also made me realise things which i really dont wanna do. my parents only wanted what was best for me and were concerned that my degree would be a waste of time (so im guessing your dad feels the same). but at the end of the day you have to do what you want to do, even if at the end it doesnt work out or you decide to do something else, otherwise you will end up resenting your dad if you do what he says and it doesnt work out or you dont enjoy it. good luck, im sure your dad will warm to the idea given time

[di marco]

today i sorted out all the final bills for my house so hopefully they will be sorted in a few weeks. then i went to help at the playschool in the afternoon, the kids there are so sweet and i really enjoyed being there

also my grandad came out of hospital today. he phoned us up at about half 10 saying he was coming home this morning and we phoned the school my mum works at asking if she could bring him home. they didnt get home til 6pm cos they hadnt sorted out this medication! they still dont know what is wrong with him, but they were sending half the ward home without finding out/even if they were meant to be staying in there longer! the hospitals useless!

[di marco]

I've been offline for a week due to Virgin being silly billies. Its been a very long and boring week with no internet and only terrestrial tv channels.

i know what you mean. my laptop broke while i was still at uni and my tv signal was so bad that i could barely watch the tv, i was so bored for weeks. you dont realise how much you rely on the tv/internet and that theres nothing to do without them! glad youve got it sorted now though