Can it work with friends?

[Bryan]

The age old question, can you have a relationship with a friend?

I've started to grow strong feelings for one of my friends, and would like to think we could become more, we do have a bit of a spark and spend a lot of time together.

I'm just not sure how to approach the topic, as it would be awkward to just change the dynamic in our relationship like that. One minute to just be friends and the next you're having a relationship, i dunno, it's complicated really, i dont know if it'd change the way i was around her

What are everyones views on getting with friends? Any got any experiences of this?

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

Not me personally but a friend of mine had really strong feeling for his best friend and one day he took a complete gamble and made his feeling clear and his mate just clammed up and didnt know how to take it. They spoke about it and the other one did not have the same feelings for my friend but he loved the person so much it tore him apart , he couldnt let go in hope the friend would change their mind but the more his friend insisted on not being with him the more he got hurt and ended up resenting his friend.

Im not saying this happens to everyone but that slowly ate away at that friendship and at my mate's heart, he would phone me up some days in tears others angry and others so hurt he wanted out of our little group and sometimes wanted to take his life so from that point of view no i dont think getting with friends can work but at the end of the day it is up to you if you want to take that gamble or not

[Perdita]

Is she available, that is important? No good hankering after her if she is in a relationship, imo.
I think that being friends before a relationship develops can be very beneficial to a relationship because you probably know each other pretty well and you know what each other likes and dislikes etc. But if you want more excitement in getting to know a person then of course it might be a downer. I always believe that honesty is the way to be with everybody, so you might want to find a way to let her know how you feel and that you would not mind being more than just a friend. If she is free, go for it is my advice. She might feel the same about you or she will soon tell you that she is not.

[Bryan]

Is she available, that is important? No good hankering after her if she is in a relationship, imo.
I think that being friends before a relationship develops can be very beneficial to a relationship because you probably know each other pretty well and you know what each other likes and dislikes etc. But if you want more excitement in getting to know a person then of course it might be a downer. I always believe that honesty is the way to be with everybody, so you might want to find a way to let her know how you feel and that you would not mind being more than just a friend. If she is free, go for it is my advice. She might feel the same about you or she will soon tell you that she is not.

yes she's available. it's been a case of never realising how great she was until recently. A line from All Time Love by Will Young "sometimes you walk by the right ones, cus you're trying too hard to see them".

the thing with me is i dont have any confidence with girls, so i find it hard to chat up girls i dont know or anything. but once i know someone i'm fine with them, but by then they consider me a friend and it's often the case "i dont want to ruin the friendship" etc.

personality is such a big factor in my opinion, i tend to fall for personalities more than anything, and you can only know about that when you've got to know the person. i agree being friends before hand gives a very strong foundation.

i'm not sure how to approach telling her though. it's going to be very awkward.

[Perdita]

Buy her a record/CD with meaningful words and/or a letter confessing how you feel, that way she has time to consider her side of things. This happened to me years ago, got a letter in which I was asked whether I would like to be more than a friend. I was in a relationship and turned him down. He gave me away at my wedding as my dad was dead, we are still mates.

[di marco]

i think it depends really, not helpful i know lol! in the best instance, it could work out and you could be together for ages/your whole life, but in other instances it could end horribly and you could end up losing her as a friend. i dont think you can know for definite til you actually try it so its whether you feel that its worth it to take the risk

i have friends who have gone out with other friends and each has ended differently. my housemate worked with her ex back where she lives at home and was good friends with him, they went out for about 1yr but she decided to break up with him cos he was starting to annoy her. he took it the wrong way and now hates her, she hates having to go back to where she works when she goes back home cos of the atmosphere it creates. even if he didnt hate her, she said that she didnt think she could still have been good friends with him cos the reasons they broke up were cos she didnt really like spending time with him anymore. obviously thats the worst case. i also have 2 friends who have been going out with each other for about 10months (i know thats not the best example cos its not that long but still) and they seem to be really happy, though theyre the sort of couple where the rest of us knew they would get together at some point. then there have been other friends who have gone out for a few weeks/months, realised it didnt work and just gone back to being friends how they were before. dunno how that long essay was helpful lol but just showing that it really does depend

ive never actually been out with a good mate myself, but one of my closest guy friends did ask me out, and although i turned him down, which i hated doing cos i didnt know how he was gonna react, he took it ok and we are still really close, hes one of my best friends and thankfully him telling me and me turning him down didnt affect that, even though there was a strong chance that it would

i think youve just gotta do what you think is right. the one thing you should think about before you ask her is do you have the same close group of friends, as if it all goes wrong and you then hate each other then that could cause a problem. also make sure you know that if you tell her and she turns you down then you wont hold it against her or let it ruin your friendship. though youre not gonna really know what will happen unless you talk to her about it and see what she thinks although i would make sure i was certain til i said anything

none of that probably helped at all lol but if you feel you wanna be in a relationship with her than dont hold back cos youre worried it wont work, you wont know unless you try and i dont think going by other peoples experiences will really help know whats best for you

sorry about the essay, didnt realise it was quite so long lol!

[DaVeyWaVey]

Write her a letter and tell her how you feel - I find writing down your feelings helps a lot, and it would save you feeling awkward telling her face to face. At the end of the letter, you could tell her to phone or text you, so you know how she's taken the news, then you can arrange to meet and discuss it ... just my two pence worth, but it could help you feel less awkward.

I think you should go for it anyway! Especially if she's available, you can't let the chance pass you by. If your feelings aren't reciprocated, then it's hard luck and you'll have to move on but I'm sure you would both stay friends... if it works out and she feels the same way as you do, then that's great!

I do actually think a relationship would work if you have been friends with them. At least, you've both had time to let your feelings develop for each other and you've sustained an impression on each other (which I can tell is a positive impression if you've spent lots of time with each other). You know each other well enough to take things that step further if a relationship does form between you, best to take things slow and start off as friends and then develop that friendship into a relationship, rather than dive straight in at the deep end and start a relationship from the off, in my opinion anyway.

Good luck!

[Jessie Wallace]

no no no no no, never ever goes there!

[Abigail]

Me and Kirsty were talking about this on the shoutbox the other night. I'll let her tell you her situation.

Never been in a relationship with a friend but I have had strong feelings for him. He had a girlfriend at the time and I didn't want to ruin what we had by telling him.

Has she displayed any signs of liking you? Maybe you or a mutual friend could ask if she's interested in a relationship or has her eye on someone. Just drop it into the conversation. If she asks about you, just tell her how you feel. If you don't tell her you might regret it.

[di marco]

Has she displayed any signs of liking you? Maybe you or a mutual friend could ask if she's interested in a relationship or has her eye on someone. Just drop it into the conversation. If she asks about you, just tell her how you feel. If you don't tell her you might regret it.

thats a good idea, although id be careful how you say it if youre going to be the one to just drop it casually into a conversation. before my friend asked me out, he started asking me questions about old boyfriends and if i liked anyone at that time, which i thought was weird cos it was just so random the way he brought it up! found out after when he actually asked me out it was so he didnt look stupid as he didnt wanna ask me out if i liked someone else or had a secret boyfriend somewhere he didnt know about lol!