Just for Alan "The Alan45 Joke Thread"

[alan45]

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".


Roland the teacher's pet gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."


"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"


Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."


"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"


Little Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbor is painting her house with a 2-inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

[Pinkbanana]

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".


Roland the teacher's pet gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."


"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"


Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."


"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"


Little Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbor is painting her house with a 2-inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

Love that one, Al

Infact I love this thread, the jokes are really funny...Kath's Dopey joke.

[Abigail]

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".


Roland the teacher's pet gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."


"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"


Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."


"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"


Little Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbor is painting her house with a 2-inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

I've been trying figure that one out all day. I've finally got it now

[Jojo]

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".


Roland the teacher's pet gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."


"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"


Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."


"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"


Little Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbor is painting her house with a 2-inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

I normally read and stay quiet Alan, but this one....

Purely and brilliant hilarious!!! Thank you lol

[Chloe O'brien]

I had to read the punchline a few times before I got it Alan but well done great joke.

[alan45]

I had to read the punchline a few times before I got it Alan but well done great joke.

You really need to say it with a broad Dublin accident

[alan45]

Blonde Joke No. 1,439



As the manager passed the blonde's cubicle, he noticed she was sobbing. He asked, "What's the matter?"


She replied, "I just learned that my mother died this morning."


The boss felt sorry for her. "Go on home and take the day off."


"Thanks, but I'd rather stay here and work to keep my mind off it," she said.


He agreed, and she stayed on.


A couple of hours later, he checked in on her and found her crying hysterically. "Now what? Are you okay? Are you sure you don't want to go home?" he asked.


"No!" exclaimed the blonde. "I just spoke with my sister and got more terrible news: her mother died, too!"

[CrazyLea]

That's quite funny.

I like the contagious one too, but like Jelly took me a while before I got it (Although not the whole day )

[Abigail]

That's quite funny.

I like the contagious one too, but like Jelly took me a while before I got it (Although not the whole day )

I had trouble trying to remember what the Irish sound like (even though I'd seen my Irish doctor the same morning)

[alan45]

Two doctors and an NHS manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven.


Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves.


One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities."


Saint Peter says, "Enter."


The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people."


Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven.


The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an NHS manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care."


Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too."


As the NHS manager walks by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for 3 days."