St. Peter
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day and St. Peter had to make an announcement: “Heaven is reaching its daily capacity and I have orders to only admit people who have had particularly horrible deaths.”
He turns to the first in line and asks, “So, what's your story?”
The first man replies: “Well, for a while, I’d suspected that my wife was cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her in the act. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, my suspicions were aroused, but for all my searching, I couldn’t find the man I thought might be hiding there. I finally spotted the guy hanging off the balcony, and immediately started kicking and punching, but this guy really hung in there. So I went back inside and got a hammer and proceeded to smash his fingers. This got the ******* off my balcony, but amazingly, he dropped 25 floors and landed in some thick bushes; stunned but okay. When I realized the fall hadn’t finished him, I went back into the apartment, and in my rage, pushed the refrigerator to the balcony and tipped it over the rail right where he had been hanging. The fridge sailed down on top of the sonofabitch and killed him instantly.”
“With all of this rage and stress, I ended up having a heart attack and died right there on the damn balcony, and here I am.”
St. Peter agreed that this was a pretty awful death, and he let the first man in.
The second man related his tale of woe. “It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I slipped on something and fell over the edge. I got lucky, though, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, shaken up, but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here.”
Once again, St. Peter had to concede that that was a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and is asked how he had come to be there. “Picture this,” he says, “I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator...”
Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe
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You're raving bonkers.
How come I've been taking my meds"
Originally Posted by Chloe O'Brien
