Part 2:
BREE, ORSON and KARL
Bree tells Karl that Orson knows about her divorce plans, and about Orson's subsequent blackmail plans. "The man put chives in my Parisian salad; he should be in a straitjacket," Bree fumes. Karl tells Bree he'll think of something — and he does!
He hires some goon who beats up Orson and leaves him with this message: Let go. Bree claims to have nothing to do with it, and Orson believes (or pretends to believe) her, so... he'll stay!
Bree confronts Karl about hiring someone to threaten Orson, about how she's sinking "deeper and deeper into your moral cesspool." Karl tells her that she loves every minute of it, and then confesses that he thinks that Bree is the most fascinating woman that he's ever met. This scene slowly enters screwball-comedy territory again, as Bree announces: "Understand this: I detest you," which, like last week when Bree called Karl "repugnant," is a cue for the protagonists to suck face. Only this time they actually do! Though I knew about this plot development weeks ago, it's still exciting, and I can't wait to see where Season 6 takes these two.
LYNETTE and TOM
Lynette is out of breath standing at the mirror, which is TV shorthand for "the cancer is back." At the same time, Tom finds out that he got into college, scoring in the top 5 percent of the exam! Preston helpfully tells his dad that he knows how to say "Take me to a strip club" in Mandarin. Porter says that Tom isn't allowed to talk to him on campus. Parker and Penny both say something useless, and I hope these kids get decent storylines next season.
Lynette heads to the doctor, but the news is "good": Lynette is pregnant! "Are you sure it's not cancer?" she cracks. She tells Tom, who is still on his college high. "You can't — we're old!" Tom protests. But oh yes, she is. But there's more! "Please tell me you're about to recite the Girl Scout oath," Tom asks, when Lynette raises two fingers to indicate that she's having twins... again! Oy!
KAREN and ROBERTA
In an effort to get some solid proof to back up their suspicions, Karen and Roberts use Edie's spare key to break into Dave's house. Karen justifies it by saying that she "only used [the key] when I was out of milk or bread — or cash." Roberta seems more interested in Dave's extensive liquor cabinet and his collection of prescription meds (but who's David Dash? they ask). Just as they're ready to focus on the job at hand, the idiot cops show up and catch them breaking and entering.
At the precinct, Karen warns her sister: "Don't piss him off; you can't take a club to the head like you used to." Though the rumor of a Karen-Roberta spin-off turned out to be totally unfounded, it's not the worst idea in the world, right? I mean, without the ladies, the idiot police might have never connected the dots between Dr. Heller and Jackson and Dave Williams and David Dash and Mike and Susan Delfino. But they finally do, and then it's off to find David Dash before it's too late!
DAVE, SUSAN and M.J.
Meanwhile, Susan, Dave and M.J. are heading up to the lake. Dave tells Susan that he had a little girl who died. Susan says she had no idea and expresses her condolences.
Mike calls Susan and tells her that Dave Williams is actually David Dash, and though Susan sufficiently hides her shock so Dave doesn't know they're on to him, Mike says he's a half-hour from the lake, which, if I were a betting man, I would say isn't Dave's intended destination after all.
Susan slips M.J. a juice box so he'll have to pee and they'll have to stop somewhere, giving them a chance to escape. They do stop, but just by the side of the road in a wooded area. It's a this point that the idiot cops call Dave and tell him that they're on to him, which isn't exactly crack detective work. Why not just track his cell-phone signal and call the local authorities to set up a roadblock? But oh well.
Susan tries to knock him out while he's on the phone, but while she's trying to ferret the keys from his pocket, he comes to. Susan and M.J. run away and Susan tells M.J. to hide, and not come out until she tells him to. Dave pulls a gun on Susan, and tells her to call M.J. She does, but she tells him not to come out. He pistol-whips her, and in short order finds M.J. crouched behind a tombstone in the cemetery that has suddenly materialized by the roadside. "Mommy, wake up, I get to drive the boat," M.J. chirps from Dave's arms.
They get back in the car and Susan puts headphones on M.J. so he can't hear her conversation with Dave, who still has a gun pointed at her. Susan tries to apologize, but it's no use. Dave is on a roll, and, you know, let's not interrupt him this time; it's been long enough.
So, of course, Mike calls, and Dave's plan changes yet again. "How does it feel to know that you can't save the people that you love?" Dave tells Mike. Nevertheless, Mike convinces Dave to swap Mike for Susan and M.J. Or at least that's what he wants Mike to believe. He asks him to meet them on Canterbury Road, which is conveniently the site of Mike and Susan's accident with poor Lila and Paige Dash.
The new plan: Dave is going to re-enact the fateful accident, with Mike in one car and Dave and M.J. in the other. Once there, Dave ties Susan to a pole, so she can watch everyone die. We see Dave take M.J.'s seatbelt off and we fear that we're about to witness something really awful. Dave sees the ghost of Paige sitting in M.J.'s place, but he shakes it off.
Just as Mike is speeding around the corner, Susan gets her hands free and runs into the street to warn him. But it's no use. The two cars collide, and Susan runs toward Dave's car to save M.J. But! He's not in the car; he's toddling down the side of the road. Dave freed him at the last minute. (Huh?) Mike stumbles from the car, basically unharmed. The trio is reunited, and Mike and Susan kiss.
Dave sits motionless behind the wheel. The camera moves into close-up on one of his eyes and he flashes back to the same moment when he told his wife and daughter to go out for ice cream, only this time he tells them not to go, and offers to make them s'mores instead. "I always have time for my girls," he says, and when the camera pulls back out of the eye close-up, we see that Dave has been institutionalized at a mental hospital in Boston.
TWO MONTHS LATER
We're at a wedding, and the Scavos, Solises, Orson, Bree and Karl are all in attendance. It's revealed that Mike is the groom, but the bride's identity is concealed by a giant veil. "For a moment, the groom wondered if he was doing the right thing," Mary Alice's voiceover says. The priest tells Mike he may kiss the bride, and as he reaches for the veil, Season 5 fades to black.
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