Just for Alan "The Alan45 Joke Thread"

[alan45]

George W. Bush had a heart attack and died. He went to hell where the Devil was waiting for him.

'I don't know what to do here,' said the devil. 'You are on my list but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves.'

The devil open the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
'No!' Bush said. ' I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day.'

The devil led him to the next room: In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time.
No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!' commented Bush.

The devil opened the third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinski, doing what she did best.

Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, Yeah, I can handle this.'

Wait for it ......................








The devil smiled and said, 'Okay, Monica, you're free to go!'

[Abigail]

Thats so funny.

[alan45]

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.


When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."


"OK," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

[alan45]

Subtle Scottish Humour





An English doctor was being shown around a Scottish hospital. Near the end of his visit, he saw a ward of patients with no obvious injuries.


He started to examine the first patient, but the man proclaimed:


"Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face / Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!"


The doctor, taken aback, moved on to the next patient, who immediately said,


"Some hae meat and canna eat / And some wad eat that want it."


The next patient cried out,


"Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie /


O what a panic's in thy breastie!"


"Well," the English doctor muttered to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for last."


"Oh, no," said the Scottish doctor. "This is our serious Burns unit!"

[Abbie]

I dont get it

[alan45]

The clue is in the title.

[Abigail]

Neither do I

[Abbie]

Still dont get

[Abigail]

'A Scottish Joke For Friday Night'

It's Burn's night on Friday.

[alan45]

For all the non-celts amongst us http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burns_supper