Grieving worries..

Right well.. I am going to try and sum this post up so it's like essay like.. Very short sentences :)

My mum's mum is in a coma as she dosen't take good care of herself. We don't think she is going to get better, we reckon her kidney's failed..
My grandma hasn't got a good relationship with anyone, she pushes everyone away from her and hold's onto bad things in the past and she has had a sad past which is why she is the way she is, if that makes sense.
My grandma does not live in the UK but in another country..
We don't think she is going to get better and there is a high risk she will die and I am worried about how she is going to cope with her death..

My dad's dad died when I was around 8-9 and I can't remember much but he sort of put a brave face in front of other people but obviously he wanted to cry and he did in front of mum when he found out.. All my grandparents live in another country, so he went off. Oh and because they live in another country at the time I didn't cry for my grandad but was upset for my dad (as he went away lol).. I don't think I will cry now either but if I do I reckon it's going to be more for my mum.. *I am welling up now lol*

I don't think my mum will go and visit her mum and she has already said if she dies she dosen't think she will because of situations and I am not going to go into that..
But I am just worried about how she will cope if my grandma dies.. I don't know how she will react because it hasn't happened before but is there any way I can help her out? Different people cope in different ways right.. What if she wants to keep busy.. What if she dosen't want to do anything?...

So much for keeping it short but I tried my best :lol:

Thanks guys!

Spicy I'm so sorry to hear of your grandmother's illness, but while she is still alive you and your dad should encourage your mum to go and see her. She will regret it if she doesn't even if they have had a difficult relationship. I lost both my parents 13 years ago to cancer. I was 27 at the time. Age doesn't matter when you lose a parent you still want your mum and dad. Just be there for your mum as you say we all grieve in a different way.

Also try and help your mum out, and stuff as she may be upset and stuff so i dont know what your like anyway with helping wise and stuff, but ask your mum does she want anything done, as then she wont have to worry about that and things

and just listen if your mum wants to talk, and if she doesnt dont push her or anything, as my nan (dads mum) died when i was 4 so 13 years ago this november, and its only in the past few years that my dad will actually say odd things about her, as he has always found it hard to deal with and stuff, and didnt like talking about it

She died about 4 hours ago, got told by aunty 30 mins ago..
She seems fine, mum just saw me about 10 mins ago and goes 'Grandma gone' but I was like Yup I know Aunty told me :)..
I have no idea what to do man :(

My mother in law died in April and my husband was devastated.

Regardless of your mum's relationship with her mother she will be grieving, some people in the situation grieve the lost opportunity to reconcile with an estranged parent. Others are glad to see them gone, and feel guilty.

Parents are people who are always there in the background throughout a persons life, and the idea of being the 'older' generation is also scary.

You should give her every opportunity you can to talk - but respect the fact if she doesn't want to.

Sometimes the best thing is to say nothing, to give your mum a big hug, and ask if she wants a cup of tea, or is there something you can do to help?

Ask her if she wants to talk about your Granny, but just try to be their for her.

My husband was upset that one of my sons didn't seem bothered about his mum's death.

Make sure that she knows you are there for her.

Well so far I keep trying not to cry.. I only go about to cry when I see her.. So then I just shake it off, litterly but doing a little dance.. I keep acting like I am just bored because it's quiet if you get what I mean.. I am trying not to think about it.. I am more upset that mum's upset than the fact that my grandma is actually dead because my mum is rarely upset..

Even though my grandma pushed everyone away my mum really respects my grandma, so yeah she does miss her and will say so.. She's just a bit angry that she never looked after herself however much everyone tried to tell her and helped her too.. Some people will never change unless they do it themselves, and look where it got her now..

She's alright about speaking about to me and she dosen't cry but people keep phoning and then she wells up..
Personally I wouldn't answer the phone or tell someone I will talk to them another day. I would rather grieve alone and act slightly normal but mum says it's rude not to talk to them but come on, give people their own space you know.. *big sigh* :(

Sorry to hear about your grandma spicy xxx

When my grandad died last year i was devastated as was mum! mum handled it well and wanted to talk about him and stuff, i on other hand only wanted to talk when i wanted to! i juist wanted to be left alone to cry and think about him but then sometime i just needed dave there to give me a hug.

be there when she needs you to be hun, everyone deals with it in their own way but she knows you are there


xxxx

little spice, im so sorry to hear about your nan, hope you and your family are ok ,

please dont forget your allowed to grieve too, i know you want to be there for your mum, but dont forget yourself too, its ok to cry, kick out, scream or do whatever you have to do, you dont have to put on a brave face,

take care little chick xxxx lots of love, rach xx

Thank-you for your replies guys, means alot xxx

But yeah... I was never that close to my grandma it's not really affecting me much.. Like when my grandad died too, I cried for my Dad instead.. I just feel like I don't know what to say to mum when we do talk about it, you know.. People keep coming around and phoning up so we can't even talk properly so it's just annoying me because I know she wants to just be with her family and not see anyone else but she's too into that 'it's very rude' thing..
I would say it straight up because everyone wants to grieve in their own ways and they should respect that.

Sorry to hear about your grandma, Spicy. Words seem sooo inadequate, but I'd say just be there for you mum, but you have also lost someone too, so its okay for you to grieve as well.

I lost my mother when I was young, and I found for the couple of months or so after she died, it hadn't hit me....it was actually later on that I started to feel my loss and started to grieve...it's then that you need people more than ever, I would say from my own experience.

Take care, and all that good stuff. We are here if you ever need to talk. :)

sorry to hear about your gran spicy

dont pressure your mum into talking if she doesnt want to but just let her know youre there in case she does, sometimes thats enough. when my nan died earlier this year, im not sure how the rest of my family took it to start with cos i was at uni so whereas they all found out in the morning i didnt know til the evening when they came and told me. but we didnt really talk about it, im not sure whether thats cos we didnt wanna admit to the fact or cos we didnt really wanna cry in front of each other but just sitting there as a family knowing that we were all upset about it was enough. im glad my mum made me come home cos to start with i wanted to stay at uni but i know now that wouldnt have helped me, and my dad wanted me to be at home, even though we didnt talk about my nan and we acted normally for the weekend i think my dad just wanted us all there. so although everyones different, i think just being there for your mum will help her, even if you talk about normal things (if she doesnt want to talk about your gran, or talk about your gran if she does) or just sit there with her, she will know youre there for her