Rebekah Gibbs has breast cancer

taken from the mirror
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m3/ap...F9D0CA54D2.jpg
EXCLUSIVE: Casualty's Rebekah Gibbs, 35, reveals her shock at being given the devastating news she has breast cancer
"By the time you read this, I will be lying on an operating table as surgeons try to cut out a lump from my breast.

It's a fairly small lump really, about the size of a walnut, but it is doing a great job of trying to screw up my life at the moment.

It was only last week that I got the final diagnosis - grade three breast cancer.

First a male doctor asked me gravely: 'What do you know about cancer? I think you've got it.'

Two days later a cancer specialist nurse told me gently that his hunch had been right.

She didn't use the word aggressive, but I know that it is. I don't need to look up statistics on the internet to know I may not make it.

You may remember me from Casualty a couple of years ago where I played Nina, a paramedic.

Then medical emergencies and hospital wards were all in a day's work for me. Maybe I never realised the full reality of what hospitals and doctors mean to people until now. Before, I left the chaos behind at the end of the day.

I've never even had an operation before today. And I'm scared.

It seems incredible now that only 11 weeks ago I was in hospital giving birth to my first baby, Gigi.

Then it was a moment of total joy.

This time as I pack my bag to go in it's with a different set of emotions.

I can't bear the thought that I might not be around as Gigi grows up. She's only 11 weeks old - she needs me for God's sake

I already know instinctively what she needs. I know when she cries or just wants a hug. I know what she likes and what she doesn't. If I'm not here who will smile at her in the morning?

I can't imagine her growing up without me - the thought of it is what makes me break down crying.

I have absolutely got to get through this. When I was pregnant I packed up boxes of photos, keepsakes and memories as a legacy for my unborn baby, I wanted to have my things in order.

I just didn't imagine I'd need to do it so soon.

During the operation, the lump, which is below my armpit on the side of my left breast, will be removed. The surgeons will also remove lymph glands and do tests to see if the cancer has spread.

I first felt the lump when I was seven months' pregnant back in November.

When you're pregnant you are obsessed with your body and know it inside out, so lying in bed I was immediately concerned when I felt a lump.

I went to see my GP who at the time reassured me she didn't think it was anything to worry about but that I should keep a close eye on it.

I'm not cross she didn't pick up on it straight away. It was her job to calm a heavily pregnant and hormonal woman. Then I noticed it was still there.

I went back and again my GP reassured me. Pregnancy does strange things to your body. It was probably just a lump or bump.

The funny thing is deep down my gut instinct told me it was breast cancer.

But I allowed my more practical mind to take over. I was so young it seemed unlikely, and I had becoming a mum to worry about.

On January 30 Gigi was born. It was the happiest day of my life.

But as I nursed her in the night and breast-fed her I could still feel the lump. It was still there and I was sure it was bigger.

It was my fiance Ashley, 40, who kept on pushing me for a second opinion. This time my GP didn't hesitate and I was immediately referred for tests.

I kept thinking back to a storyline I was involved in on Casualty when my stepsister had cancer. I didn't want cancer to creep into my real life. But it had.

When the diagnosis finally came I just felt numb. My consultant was talking about booking me in for surgery and that I'd need to stay in hospital for three days. All I could think about was 'Shall I get a babysitter for Gigi?' and 'What'll Ash do for his dinner?'

I do feel weak at times and the temptation is there to roll up into a little ball in a darkened room and refuse to get dressed. But I can't.

I will get up every morning and give Gigi her bottle (sadly I can't breast-feed any more) and I will cuddle her when she cries in the night. I need to be her mum.

My emotions change by the minute. Sometimes I'm sad and cry but other times I laugh. Sometimes I tell myself, 'It's only little. It's a little lump and soon it'll be gone.' Then other times I'm distraught.

There have been real feelings of anger too. It makes me angry that I have to do this when Gigi needs her mother. Why did it have to happen now?

I was the healthiest person I knew; I go to the gym all the time and my diet is rich with vegetables, fruit, fish and water.

My grandmother had breast cancer in her 80s, but I'm only 35! Why have I got it? I don't want to be on this journey, but I am.

So when I'm out of hospital I'm going to go for lovely walks with my baby and only then will I start to think about the next step of the journey - chemotherapy.

I'm going to make plans, go for nice lunches, have friends round, visit the theatre, sit in the garden and finally use my picnic hamper. Ash and I are engaged but before I wasn't bothered about getting married.

Now I'm thinking of setting a date, possibly for next year. It'll be something to look forward to.

In the meantime I'm going to spend every precious moment I can with Ash and Gigi.

I'm going to get up, shower and dress every day - and put my lipgloss on. No matter what, I'm painting on a smile."

I don't know whether this is because I'm drunk, but that made me cry :(.

I really hope she gets through this. If not for her then for her daughter. :(

She's so young. She doesn't deserve this!

Also bless her for carrying on despite how she feels :( I just want to cry loads now lol!

P.s I know this is posted in the Celeb gossip, but now in as much detail, so think it should stay open. :(

Awwww this is so sad, and it did bring tears to my eyes, I think its cos its all in the first person and its personal that we are reading which makes us have an insight to her thoughts which is sadder

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CrazyLea

P.s I know this is posted in the Celeb gossip, but now in as much detail, so think it should stay open. :(

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Agreed.

It's an awful thing to have so young and to happen to such a talanted actress awell.

She is so young for this to happen to her. I hope that the operation goes well.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by StarsOfCCTV

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CrazyLea

P.s I know this is posted in the Celeb gossip, but now in as much detail, so think it should stay open. :(

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Agreed.

It's an awful thing to have so young and to happen to such a talanted actress awell.

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Thats why its not been moved or closed :thumbsup:

I hope she makes a full recovery.

My friend is undergoing treatment for her 3rd bout of breast related cancer and has just celebrated her 40th. She first got it 7 yrs ago.

Sorry I never realised it had been posted I only looked in the casualty bit

and my aunt had breast cancer aswell and suffered with it for 4 years with it keep coming back and stuff, but she died december 15th :( she was only 37

Quote:

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Originally Posted by samantha nixon

and my aunt had breast cancer aswell and suffered with it for 4 years with it keep coming back and stuff, but she died december 15th :( she was only 37

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Same. I'm not sure what age and date she died because I was 4 but it was around the same age. I don't really like to ask about it. My dad was really close to her so he'd get upset if I asked.
Horrible disease. :(

Cancer shows no mercy to the suffers and their families of this terrible disease. It's no longer grandparents who suffer it can affect anyone at any age. Let's hope that Rebbeka makes a full and speedy recovery to see her beautiful daughter grow up. and not loose the battle like so many other young woman.

"Well, the operation is over and it's such a relief.

Before going in I was full of nervous energy, cleaning like a mad woman! I organised everything Gigi could possibly need ready for her stay with her Grandma.

Then on Wednesday last week, the day of the op, Ash and I were at the hospital by 7am watching GMTV, just like we always do.

The penny didn't really drop until they started to wheel me down to the theatre. I wanted to jump off the bed and run away.

But I knew I had to stay put.

When the anaesthetist started briefing me outside the theatre all I could do was nod. I knew if I tried to speak I would start to cry.

As they put me to sleep I stared at the clock and saw it was 8.15am. The last thing I remember was an itchy feeling at the back of throat.

When I came round I wasn't in pain because of the morphine but there was a tight feeling where my chest was bandaged.

I realised sleepily I had a drip in one arm and a drain in my armpit. I sipped some water and then the porter took me back to my room where Ash was waiting.

I felt physically numb and drained. But I was cheered to find 19 text messages on my phone.

I was inundated with flowers too. I feel really touched to have such thoughtful friends and family.

I asked Ash not to bring Gigi to the hospital. It's no place for a baby who is only 12 weeks old .

So instead he brought me videos and photos of her.

Seeing Gigi grow every day is getting me through this.

On Saturday morning I had the drain removed. I cannot tell you how painful it was. The physio told me I would only be able to lift my arm half way. It's an alien feeling to be so inactive.

When Ash came to collect me I was already packed and waiting. We went straight to see Gigi, but she was asleep!

I didn't have the heart to nudge her so wafted my perfume to see if that would stir her, but she was out for the count.

When she finally woke it was amazing. I'm in agony from my surgery - the scar under my arm is three inches long and really hurts - but nothing would stop me from cuddling my daughter.

So I picked her up, winced and had a lovely cuddle.

On Saturday night, while Ash was downstairs, I lay in bed and had a little cry.

Everything else I've worried about in the past seems insignificant compared to this.

But I'm lucky, I could have come round and found they'd taken off a whole boob.

At the end of a very angry Monday I realised I hadn't taken Gigi out for fresh air and felt annoyed. I know getting angry only upsets me more.

On Tuesday, just as another angry day loomed like a rain cloud, Gigi cheered me up.

I'm always blowing bubbles at her and today she started blowing bubbles back, dribbling down her top. She's a clever little girl. It made my day.

So I put on my perfume, make-up and gladrags and met some girlfriends for lunch.

Tomorrow is a big day as I'll get my results.

During the operation they took away the lump, my lymph glands and some cells to be tested. So tomorrow they'll tell me if the cancer has spread.

I don't know how I'll feel if it has, but at least I'll know what I'm facing.

See you next week."

This is so sad, I hope her results are good news

The Mirror 1/5/08
3rd entry

"I've been recovering well since the lump was removed from my breast two weeks ago, but I still feel tender and sore.

And that's just the physical stuff, emotionally I feel drained.

Then there's the paperwork! You would not believe the number of forms I've had to wade through - having cancer is an admin nightmare!

Gigi hit the three-month mark this week and when I'm changing her nappy her head is lifting to look around to see what's going on.

On Friday last week I was called in to see the consultant. During my op they took away the lump, my lymph glands to be tested and he had the initial results.

During the consultation I learnt that I have cancer in my lymph glands.

My fiance Ash squeezed my hand as the doctor told me that 19 of my 33 glands are cancerous.

It sounds ominous and does mean the disease has spread.

But it's not all bad news: I'm also sensitive to Herceptin - an amazing drug that has been proven to benefit women with my type of breast cancer.

Trials have indicated the risk of a tumour returning after surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy was halved when herceptin was used for a year either with other drugs or afterwards.

Talking of chemo, I start that next week.

The news left me so exhausted that I stayed in bed with Gigi on Saturday.

On Sunday I felt more like my old self. My dad and my stepmum came over for lunch. I spent the afternoon going for a walk in the sun. Then later we went out for dinner.

At hospital on Monday I found out my oncologist Something I've not done much lately.

I feel like I'm on a train gathering momentum, I want to get off but I can't.

But Ash is my rock throughout all of this.

When I get up for Gigi in the middle of the night he's told me to wake him if I can't get back to sleep.

So I have, for regular 3am chats. It's the silence that frightens me. It makes me feel panicky but I wake him and he calms me down.

I feel blessed to have him."

Updates -

Mirror.co.uk exclusive and video: Hairdresser to the stars Trevor Sorbie on making Rebekah a wig
http://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/yo...9520-20409180/

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Video: I should be worried about cancer, but I'm scared of losing my hair too
Former Casualty star Rebekah Gibbs, 35, reveals how she felt having her long hair cropped short in preparation for chemotherapy..
As told to Charlotte Ward 8/05/2008

Every Thursday in Your Life we've been following the progress of Rebekah who was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer 10 weeks after giving birth to daughter Gigi.
After hearing the devastating news, Rebekah pledged to beat the disease and this week received hopeful news.
But she still needs gruelling chemotherapy and yesterday had her long locks chopped to help her face up to losing her hair.

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Here she shares her week..


Thursday May 1: Today I go radioactive!
"Now the tumour in my breast has been removed and I'm booked in for chemo, the doctors want to assess just how bad my cancer is.
So I was back at hospital today for various scans, the results of which could change my life for ever.
They ran tests to look at my bone marrow to see if the cancer has spread and I had a CT scan - a series of X-rays which build up a picture of the inside of the body - to see if there are any more tumours.
I also had a mild radioactive substance injected into my veins to show up any lurking cancer cells.
It meant leaving Gigi with her Grandma until Saturday as I mustn't expose her to it. She's only just three months old so I hate leaving her.
After the scans I felt really tired.
It's awful knowing you have no control over your destiny. What if the cancer has spread? I don't know how I'll sleep tonight.
Friday May 2: The results are back!
I've had the most amazing news - my CT and bone marrow tests have come back clear!
It means with a course of chemo and the Herceptin - an amazing drug which has been proven to really benefit women with my type of breast cancer - I have a fighting chance of beating this thing.
It's left me feeling elated. I'd been in such a state of fear the last few days. I wasn't sleeping or eating and I just felt exhausted.
After the results came through, my fiance Ash took me out for dinner with some friends and I had a glass of champagne to celebrate.
It was the perfect start to the Bank Holiday weekend.
Saturday May 3: Back with my beloved Gigi!
This morning I fetched Gigi from her Grandma's.
I picked her up and gave her a big cuddle. It was heavenly.
My course of chemo begins on Friday so I went for acupuncture in a bid to boost my immune system.
It was with a practitioner who comes highly recommended by a friend. I'm hoping that it'll get me fighting fit for the challenges ahead.
Sunday May 4: Sunshine and dandelions
We had a lovely family day out at the seaside taking Ash's nephew George with us.
We spent the day in Eastbourne and Rye, the weather was gorgeous.
George is nearly two and we taught him how to blow dandelion bubbles, something he's never done before. Every time he did it he giggled with delight.
That is what life is about. Catching every little bit of happiness.
Monday May 5: Hair loss woes
After enjoying a lovely weekend without a care in the world I'm now feeling desperately anxious about the chemo.
I've had long hair for the past 15 years of my life and now I'm facing up to the fact it is very likely that I will lose it.
I know I'm not losing my eyesight or a limb and it will grow back, but it still seems like such a horrible side effect.
I don't want it coming out in long clumps, so I've decided I want to get it cut in preparation.
A friend told me about a service that celebrity hairdresser Trevor Sorbie does helping women with medical hair loss to adjust.
He helps you choose the right wig and then he cuts it to suit you so I'm going to be meeting up him tomorrow.
Tuesday May 6: I've got a wig!
Trevor was amazing today. He told me that his sister-in-law has been through cancer and he was inspired to help after learning about the feelings of unattractiveness she had to face up to.
He helped me pick out a gorgeous Trendco wig that is the colour of Jennifer Aniston's hair. I've always wanted hair that colour, so it's a real luxury. Suddenly wearing a wig doesn't seem so bad! Trevor is making the whole experience into a treat rather than an ordeal.
He told me to remember I'm in the tunnel now and there is light at the end of it. I think he's right.

Wednesday May 7: The day my hair got cropped
This morning I couldn't go back to sleep after Gigi's 4am feed. I can't get over the fact I'll lose my hair. I know it's silly. My cancer is life-threatening so that's what I should be worrying about, but the hair thing is worrying me too.
Just before Trevor started to cut my hair I felt really nervous and frightened. There's no way I'd be wanting to do it normally. But I know it is something I have to go through.
It reminded me of a storyline in Casualty when Nina's half sister had cancer and she had to help her cut her hair. It was surreal actually. I felt like a little girl, a bit helpless.
But this is just a stage I have to go through and Trevor has been brilliant.
He has cut me a beautiful bob. It's really short and my head feels strangely lighter! I don't think Gigi will recognise me.
But being pampered made the whole experience exciting rather than sad and it's put me in a positive frame of mind, ready for the chemo on Friday. I now feel mentally and physically prepared and I'm not scared any more.
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Rebekah's journey: How the first chemotherapy session feels
Last month former Casualty star Rebekah Gibbs, 35, was diagnosed with fast-growing grade three breast cancer, just 10 weeks after giving birth to her daughter Gigi. We're following her progress...
15/05/2008

"After weeks of feeling a sense of foreboding, my chemotherapy stint is here.
All this stuff - the diagnosis, the operation to remove the lump in my breast, the injections and scans and now the chemo - they feel like a horrible list of chores I need to tick off but don't want to do.
I just want to be spending every minute of these important months with Gigi, who's 15 weeks now, and I hate that I can't.
When I arrived at the hospital on Friday to begin my chemo course, the nurses recognised me as Nina the paramedic from Casualty, which was a welcome distraction.

As they prepped me up, with a tube going into my right wrist, and administered a dose of anti-sickness drugs, I felt brave and strong.
But then I caught sight of the bright, neon pink tube of drugs waiting to be pumped inside me.
Suddenly my eyes welled up and I felt panicky. "I don't want that toxic muck in my veins," I thought.
But seeing I was having a wobble, my fiance Ash squeezed my hand tight. Comforted, I swallowed hard, finding my courage again.
After that it was actually quite boring.
There was a funny taste in my mouth and a tingling round my eyes but I didn't feel sick.
Two hours passed and I tried not to think about it, instead I laughed and joked around with Ash. Afterwards when we were getting into the lift, I asked Ash to check my hair. I was only half-joking - it's still there at the moment.
I felt a bit odd, a kind of toxic feeling - heavy and tired - so went to bed when I got home.
By early evening I was hit by a juggernaut of sickness.
It came out of nowhere, and I was struck down with violent nausea. After being sick once more, I collapsed into bed.
On Saturday morning I still felt ill but had started my course of anti-sickness tablets.
For once I gave in where Gigi is concerned and Ash played mum while I dozed.
They came back later armed with goodies like fruit and bread, but I still felt vile. Desperate for some relief, I called my acupuncturist from bed.
"Can you make the sick feeling go away?" I asked.
Then I forced myself up to see him. Magically, within a minute the sick feeling had gone.
On Sunday we went for a family picnic with Ash's family.
I felt kind of hungover but enjoyed the fresh air, swigging down anti-sickness tablets in between nibbles.
My mum is staying for a few days, and on Monday I pottered round the house, sorting out bills and did the food shopping.
It was a run of the mill day, but normality is just the tonic I need right now."

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Feeling rough after first bout of chemo
22/05/2008

"It's now almost two weeks since I had my first bout of chemo and, boy, I've been feeling rough!
After the initial wave of sickness, it's the tiredness that has knocked me for six.
I'm now having injections every day which artificially boost immunity. My fiance, Ash, bravely offered to administer them so I've dubbed him Dr Ash. I'm a terrible patient though.
I've also been talking on the phone to a doctor called Rosy Daniel, an expert in alternative, complementary and self-help approaches to fighting cancer alongside orthodox treatment.
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She is going to support me throughout the chemo so I'm really pleased. We talked for ages and I could really open up to her.
Last Friday I went back to hospital to have the scar from my breast lumpectomy looked at.
It was great to see all the team and they all made a big fuss of Gigi.

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Clumps of hair have started to fall out
29/05/2008
"It started last Saturday. I woke to find piles of hair on my pillow.
Although I've always known it would happen I was scared to move, walking round gingerly, hardly daring to run my fingers through my hair in case any more fell out.
I skipped the shower and called my hairdresser Jo, who promised to come round as soon as she could.
Later I sipped wine to calm my nerves as Jo set to work with her clippers, trimming my hair to a grade four.

Afterwards I felt calmer. When I looked in the mirror I was shocked to see short, spiky hair, but then I felt exhilarated, like I was taking control.
On Tuesdaymy pillow was once again covered in hair.
I was moulting all over the place - over Gigi's blankets, in her cot. Frustrated and upset, I tied a scarf over my hair and set to work filing down Gigi's nails so she doesn't scratch her face.
When I paused to look up I saw she was sat staring at me. She looked like a wise old owl. I kissed her on the nose and she reached up and stroked my scarf.
The moment of tenderness just floored me. I sobbed my heart out. Why can't I just shake off this vanity?
So that night I took control again and Jo shaved my hair off. I felt immense relief. I'm not going to get upset any more.
Poignantly, Trisha Goddard has been in the papers showing off her new hair too, which has been cropped and dyed blonde ready for her chemo course.
She says she did it to stick two fingers up at her breast cancer and I can really relate to that.
My hair is falling out but it is a clear sign the chemo is working, so that cheers me.
My fiance Ash has told me, "You look beautiful, babe, you look endearing and I fancy you more than ever."
Somehow he always knows exactly what to say to make me feel like I can conquer anything."

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Former Casualty star Rebekah Gibbs, 35, was diagnosed with breast cancer in April, just 10 weeks after giving birth to her daughter Gigi. This week in her exclusive diary Rebekah reveals how she's coping with chemotherapy and being bald
"You will already have seen the picture of me today with my shaved head.
I love the results of my photoshoot and felt really glam for the first time in ages. I spent ages putting my make-up on and then posed in the bedroom.
Although being bald is definitely strange.

I feel like I'm becoming an old hand with my chemo now. I had my second dose on Friday and it wasn't nearly as daunting as I thought it would be.
Beforehand I upped my dose of anti-sickness tablets and had all my vomit-avoiding tools to hand - motion sickness bands, ginger tea and a session of acupuncture lined up.
So that's two courses down, four more to go. I'm getting there.
Mum came with me and was a very welcome calming influence. Nothing seems to faze my mum and I love her for that.
I was wearing my Jennifer Aniston wig so after the treatment Mum took me for afternoon tea and cake.
At first I felt OK but as the day went on the all-too-familiar hot, clammy feeling of sickness itched back into my body.
I began to feel worse and worse. I'm trying to stay positive but at the moment it's tougher than ever. I can't stand that sick feeling Of course, on Friday night Gigi, who has been really good lately, didn't sleep through.
My fiance Ash urged me to stay in bed and rest but I'm a control freak.
I have my own system with the bottles and feeding so I was up to see to her before he could stop me.
Saturday was a new day and my friend came round with a CD of the Sex And The City soundtrack. It really cheered me up.
I saw the film last week and cried buckets. Every day following the chemo feels brighter.
Gigi is still growing at an alarming rate and already has a boyfriend lined up!
He's called Elvis. He's a really cool little dude and the son of one of my friends. They are the same age and when they met they both put fists in their mouths, gurgling and looking at each other intently.
I think Elvis was playing hard to get and Gigi was craving his attention.
She's going to be a high-maintenance girl - just like her mum!"

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Exclusive video and pictures: Casualty star Rebekah Gibbs beautiful after losing hair in cancer battle
05/06/2008

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She may have lost her flowing locks to chemo, but you have to agree Rebekah Gibbs looks just as sensational bald.
The former Casualty star's waistlength hair fell out after she started treatment for breast cancer.
But mum-of-one Rebekah, 35, is happy with her new look. She said: "It proves that losing your hair doesn't make you ugly.
"Being bald is an odd sensation. I shouldn't worry about what I look like, but it's been hard to go out. When I was out with friends last week it felt like the whole world was staring at me.

"I saw another bald lady walking around proud as punch, I admired the way she didn't give a stuff.
"She inspired me to have these pictures taken for the Mirror. I am so chuffed with the results."
Rebekah, paramedic Nina in BBC's Casualty, was diagnosed in April, 10 weeks after having baby daughter Gigi. But she is determined to beat it for the sake of fiance Ashley, 40, and their tot.
She said: "I can't imagine her growing up without me.
"The thought makes me break down crying. I have absolutely got to get through this. Gigi has kept me going."

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Rebekah's Journey: I must be getting back to normal... I'm shopping
Every week former Casualty star Rebekah Gibbs shares her diary as she fights breast cancer. Here she says sorry to her fiance Ashley for taking it out on him
12/06/2008
'I'm feeling much better this week. It's been a relief to shake off the physical symptoms of chemo - I'm full of renewed energy.
Last week I was really low. For the first three days after chemo I felt sick, then for five days I had no energy at all.
Staying positive was tough when I was so tired but I feel emotionally strong again now. Ash got it in the neck last week, so he's glad I'm feeling better.

Sorry pasted the diary entrys again by accident

"It seems apologising to my fiance, Ash, for being moody has paid off. This week he revealed the most amazing surprise!
It sounds ridiculously shallow - money can't buy you happiness but it CAN buy you a brand spanking new pink Silvercross pram!
I've been harping on about them for ages, so Ash couldn't resist telling me he'd ordered one for Gigi.

The news literally made me jump for joy.
It's pure decadence and I can't wait for it to arrive. Then Gigi and I will get all dressed up and go for a promenade!
It was just the boost I needed as I've been feeling a bit weary of late. If I have to tell one more person about having breast cancer I fear I will go crazy.
It's been happening a fair bit - I'll be out and about and an old friend will spot me. It sounds awful, but when I see them approaching it fills me with dread. If I'm wearing my head scarf I can actually see the penny drop. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that I'm in the midst of chemotherapy.
Reciting my tale of woe repeatedly brings on a wave of sadness. I don't want to go over it again and again. It's hard not to be rude, but I don't want to talk about it.
That's the really nice thing about meeting up with the girls from my antenatal class.
There's 18 of us with babies all of a similar age.
We meet and chat about our little darlings, work and life in general - but never the Big C.
At the moment time is just careering past, taken up with an endless stream of appointments - chemotherapy, oncology and acupuncture.
Cancer already takes up so much of my life that I don't want to allow it any more so, as much as I love catching up with old friends, I'm hoping it can wait a month or two.
I've continued to swim regularly which makes me feel fitter and mentally well.
Physically I feel strangely normal. After chemo your body excretes the drug very quickly and by the third week your energy has come back. But when you know the next dose is just around the corner the relief is short-lived. I'll be repeating the whole process over again tomorrow.
In preparation I've been trying to chill out. In the afternoons I've taken to turning my phone off and sitting in the back garden with Gigi. It's our little haven.
I sit there reading a book while Gigi stares at the wind chimes. It gives me a real sense of calm and I think it does Gigi too."

Rebekah's Journey: The end is in sight
This week in her exclusive diary Rebekah reveals how exhaustion after cancer treatment has got the better of her.
26/06/2008

I've just completed my third course of chemo which means I've reached the halfway point.
It's a real milestone as it means the end is in sight. It won't be like this forever.
My fiance Ash came with me to the hospital to keep me company. It's funny because the fear I originally felt has been replaced by quite a jovial atmosphere. Ash bought the nurses chocolate and we had a laugh with them.
But when it was done I was out the hospital like a shot and back home climbing into bed.
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I've given in. I need rest and I'm not going to fight it.
Predictably as the evening set in, the sickness crept up on me and I vomited three times before collapsing back to sleep.
I'm usually very independent but on Saturday I felt quite vulnerable and fragile, so agreed to Ash's suggestion that he and Gigi come with me to my acupuncture appointment.
Feeling needy used to be alien to me, but it was nice to have Ash driving me around and to be looked after.
The tiredness continued on and off all week - I've felt really achy and exhausted - so I've been trying to sleep whenever Gigi does.
Mum came up from Devon in the afternoon and immediately started fussing over the family.
By Sunday I felt so much better so we went on an outing to Burwash, Sussex. It was really breezy and it felt energising to get some fresh air into my lungs.
Back at home Ash cooked a pasta dinner and kept creeping up behind me to inspect my head.
"You're still losing it!" he grinned each time. I told him to get off, but it made me smile. We both know my bald head means the chemo is working.
On Monday Mum and I had a really lovely day pottering around town doing all those little chores that have been building up.
I was able to find frames for all my pictures of Gigi, and put some cash into the bank account we've set up for her. It's amazing to think she's five months' old now.
She's growing up fast. As well as blowing bubbles, she's rolling on her front and pointing her chubby fingers at everything while gabbling baby speak.
She also makes this funny yelping noise, a kind of jubilant cry complete with a lovely smile when she's trying to join in the conversation. It's just gorgeous.
I've started her on solids this week. When she tried some liquidised sweet potato, her little face was a picture. She sucked on the spoon, and gazed at me in utter shock, before opening her mouth for more. She loved it. I think she's going to be a real foodie.

Former Casualty star Rebekah Gibbs, 35, was diagnosed with breast cancer in April, just 10 weeks after giving birth to her daughter Gigi. This week in her exclusive diary, Rebekah reveals she's had some great news...
Another week, another challenge - a mammogram to see if there were more tumours in my breasts.
I first had a tumour removed in April, a week after learning the lump in my left breast was cancerous.
At the time, because I'd been breastfeeding Gigi, I couldn't have a test to check for more lumps. So, It's been hanging over me for a while.
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That's why last Friday I found myself in the X-ray department at the hospital. Click the player below to hear Rebekah's latest diary entry...

It was a quick and painless procedure, just 10 minutes in front of a machine, and, hey presto, I was on my way home trying desperately to keep my mind off the worst possible scenario - that I have more tumours.
All weekend I felt tense. What if there's another lump lurking?
But Monday afternoon brought me fantastic news. The mammogram detected no more tumours. I put the phone down smiling, with tears in my eyes. It's reinstated my belief that I'm winning this fight.
I need to think positively as I feel so drained from chronic fatigue. Family and friends tell me Gigi is a good baby, so it's clearly not motherhood tiring me out - it just gets worse with each chemo - every dose the exhaustion hits me harder. So I'm dreaming of August 22, the day of my final chemo session.
To distract myself I've started to think about Gigi's christening. I'm thinking it would be nice to have it on her first birthday next year as by then I'll hopefully be on the mend.
So this week I asked one of my best friends, Tracy, to be godmother.
She's big on the family thing and we once worked together in Copacabana. Gigi loves her already and cuddles up to her whenever she meets her.
If the unthinkable happened and I'm not around in years to come, I know Tracy would tell Gigi all about what her Mummy was like from a girlie perspective.
She'd paint a lovely picture of all the fun we had together singing and dancing. She's always inspired and encouraged me and I know she'll do the same for Gigi.
Meanwhile my little girl is a complete doll.
She loves being kissed and closes her eyes with pleasure when she gets affection from her daddy, Ash, and I. She smiles the cutest smile.
She's doing the perfect job of being my little angel through this time.

Video: Rebekah's Journey: I'm back to feeling sociable again..
Former Casualty star Rebekah Gibbs, 35, was diagnosed with grade three breast cancer in April-just 10 weeks after giving birth to her daughter Gigi.
10/07/2008

"Recently I wrote that I was finding it difficult to meet up with friends as it meant talking about the cancer. My sombre news felt like a heavy cloud hanging over my head.
If I bumped into an old pal I'd have to let it all rain down on me again, so as I ran out of energy to repeat my story of woe, I preferred to avoid people.
But that was then. I've turned a corner and now time with friends is the best therapy. So, for the past week Gigi and I have been real social butterflies.
My friend Polly invited us for lunch at her beautiful home and it turned into the most inspiring day.

The house she shares with her husband Jules is in the middle of a vineyard and we sat there in the sunshine eating good food and talking all day.
As we tucked into sea bass and salad, we touched on the cancer, but mainly we just talked about everything else.
Then we watched as the sun went down. The view went on for miles, only interrupted by a magnificent abbey cutting an impressive shape on the horizon.
Prior to the big C, I might have taken a view like this for granted. But now I sit and soak it up, taking in all the colours.
I had a teary moment when Polly revealed that my battle against cancer had inspired her and Jules to live for the day so they'd recently jetted off to the Caribbean to get married.
It made me realise that many positive things have come from me being poorly.
This week I also met up with an old college friend, Vanessa. We spent hours just talking and catching up. She has twins, so we talked babies and nappies and she gave me some great advice.
I feel normal this week, there's no sickness, and while I'm tired, it's easily fixed by taking catnaps. I'm back swimming and people tell me I look really well. I think it's also down to all the vegetable juices I drink.
I've also been cheered by all the amazing messages of support I've had recently from people reading this column. It's made me realise I'm not on my own.
Tomorrow it's chemo time again, but my oncologist says the remaining three courses are a different sort so I won't get the sickness side effect. But even if I do, my fiance Ash's mum is back from Spain and says she'll help. Meanwhile Gigi's collection of girly goodies is growing by the day. This week sparkly pink cowboy boots came from my cousin in Kansas. They're the campest thing I've ever seen - I can't wait till she's big enough to wear them."

my little sister ran the race for life for rebekah and you saw my sister on one of rebekahs video clips x

Really good for your sister, my daughter and I ran the race for life in Edinburgh a couple of years ago for her grandparents. Any news on how Rebekka is doing with her treatment.

shes over the worse, that i no of, so hopefully shes back on track, touch wood!