poop on the toilet help please

My son will be 4 end of feb,he has been out of nappys for a while now and weeing on the toilet,he just wont poo on the toilet!! Ive tried all the norm,reward charts etc bribary etc!! But no go he still wont go,he doesnt seem scared at all of sitting on the toilet ive sat with him for ages and waited but .. nothing.When he is desperate to go and ive given up waiting i do put a pull up on him and he goes in there.
Ive refused to put it on and he holds it and holds it until he has belly ache the next day,back on the toilet but no go,so i obviously dont want him to have gut ache so i put on a pull up,vicious circle.
He has never pooed his pants in public etc or at playgroup.He starts rising 4's at big school in sept (week and half) just morning but i dont like the thought of him at the bigger part of the school and maybe in need of a poo etc bu wont.
Help please,some useful advice appriciated.

My friend has this problem with her little girl - she took her to the docs and the doc put her on some meds to make her looser as she was doing it no probs in her pants but refusing and actually screaming (not like yours I know but..) when she was to do a poo in the toilet. Sometimes she won't go for a week (even on the meds!!)

Not sure what to recommend, apart from doing what you are doing or maybe for you to have a word with your GP like my friend did and see if they recommend anything - sorry not more help.

My Marley has been on meds since last november because she can't poo everyday, If she doesn't have the meds she is in agony. The doctor says she has a slow transition. My friend's son is now 12 and since he went to nursery he would not poo in the toilet, even when he went to school and new he won't poo at school he holds it in until he comes home. Maybe is a hygenic thing that they may think the toilet is not clean like the one at home. I would have a word with your doctor as you don't want him to suffer any pains. Also I'm not sure about the nurseries down in England but up in Scotland a nursery won't accept a child if they are still in nappies.

Have you tried a clip on toilet seat?

My friend son was pertified that he would fall in the loo, once they go a clip on and a step he was fine.

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Originally Posted by Chloe O'Brien

My Marley has been on meds since last november because she can't poo everyday, If she doesn't have the meds she is in agony. The doctor says she has a slow transition. My friend's son is now 12 and since he went to nursery he would not poo in the toilet, even when he went to school and new he won't poo at school he holds it in until he comes home. Maybe is a hygenic thing that they may think the toilet is not clean like the one at home. I would have a word with your doctor as you don't want him to suffer any pains. Also I'm not sure about the nurseries down in England but up in Scotland a nursery won't accept a child if they are still in nappies.

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He doesnt seem to have any problems getting it out,he's fine with pull ups but just wont go on toilet,so i dont think he has a problem with pushing it out as such.He's already at playgroup and going to rising 4's sept,he doesnt wear nappies or pull ups to school as he is fine goin for a weeetc and he has never done a poo at school or had any accidents,he holds it in until he gets home.

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Originally Posted by Trinity

Have you tried a clip on toilet seat?

My friend son was pertified that he would fall in the loo, once they go a clip on and a step he was fine.

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Yes have had the toilet seat and steps since i began training him but still wont go for a poop

I think a trip to the doctors would be the best solution as it can be dangerous if he is holding it in for ages. As I said my friend had the same problem with her son he is now 12 and he still won't go for a poo at school. He is alright at home. My friend thinks its an issue to do with hygiene and the fear of catching germs as when he was at nursery they have to wash their hands a lot and I think the thought of him having to share the loo with lots of kids he was scared incase he caught anything, and he is still the same now. But you don't want him to suffer any bowel problems.

Will he do it in a potty, if so, maybe you could make a big deal of him emptying it into the loo and flushing, I did that with my little girl, she wasn't as bad but didn't like the toilet to poo, after a while she was ok, I also had books that we read while she was sitting on the big loo.

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Originally Posted by no1abbafan

Will he do it in a potty, if so, maybe you could make a big deal of him emptying it into the loo and flushing, I did that with my little girl, she wasn't as bad but didn't like the toilet to poo, after a while she was ok, I also had books that we read while she was sitting on the big loo.

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Nope he wont go on pot either,will have wee on it like on toilet but wont poo.

Maybe try getting him into the habit of using a pull up, but sitting on the toilet at the same time? Just so he gets used to needing a poo, and going to the toilet. Then after a few weeks, take the pull up away?

Has something happened when you were toilet training him chance. the reason I'm asking. I had a terrible time with Marley when she was 3. Marley started going to a childminder when she was 4 months old. there were around 10 kids between the two childminders under the age of 3 and Marley settled in fine. She was off nappies at 15 months old. When she was three the childminder was on holiday for a week, I was at college and had arrange for the nursery that the college used to look after Marley for the week. On the monday I dropped her off at 9am. when I went to collect her in the afternoon she was sitting on a bean bag alone playing with a doll. The nursery assistant told me she didn't eat lunch as it was lentil soup so all she had was a roll and some fruit.

On the Tuesday I took her back to the nursery but it was different staff. Marley got upset but I promised her I would be back before dinner time. I went to collect her at half-past eleven and she was sitting in a toilet. The reason being she had need to go but her button on her trousers was stiff and one of the nursery staff tried to undo the button, well the poor lamb just freaked, and she refuse to come out until I came for her. I put in a letter of complaint and didn't go to college the rest of the week.

When I took Marley back to her usual childminder she was so clingy to me and her, which was so unusal and she would play with the other children she had known for three years. She would just sit alone crying and she also began wetting herself instead of asking for the toilet, which is something that Marley never did when she was first potty trained. It took almost 3 months for Marley to go back to using the toilet again.

The reason I'm asking Chance is that maybe he has had a fright, perhaps someone has walked in to the bathroom when he is using the toilet and frightened him without realising.

Has he got a friend that poo's on the toilet? normally toddlers never want to be the baby of the group

when were potty training my class of two - 3 year olds, at the nursery i work in we often find most of the parents have the same problem as this. my manger always tels them itll come in time but to help it she also tells the parents 2 let them run around home wiv no big boy/girl pants or nappy on so when they need 2 go they have nothin to catch it (sorry reads badly but im sure you get what i mean) but it does work even though u may find little surprises around your house. we found that for the first two weeks during nursery time wed work out the time they would usually go and then keep asking them for the toilet or we would watch them and gradually introduce them to doing it on the potty or toilet. i have one little boy in my class now who used to do it in the garden and try and bury it like a dog he now he takes him self to the bathroom nd does it on the pot. unless you have white carpets it has had some sucess.

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Originally Posted by xxloopylauraxx

when were potty training my class of two - 3 year olds, at the nursery i work in we often find most of the parents have the same problem as this. my manger always tels them itll come in time but to help it she also tells the parents 2 let them run around home wiv no big boy/girl pants or nappy on so when they need 2 go they have nothin to catch it (sorry reads badly but im sure you get what i mean) but it does work even though u may find little surprises around your house. we found that for the first two weeks during nursery time wed work out the time they would usually go and then keep asking them for the toilet or we would watch them and gradually introduce them to doing it on the potty or toilet. i have one little boy in my class now who used to do it in the garden and try and bury it like a dog he now he takes him self to the bathroom nd does it on the pot. unless you have white carpets it has had some sucess.

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Oh god that reminds me of a really funny story when my niece who's now 24 was being toilet trained, she would use the toilet in the house to do a wee no problem but she would not poo in it, she used to hide behind a curtain or the sofa and you would here her squeezing. Her big brother who was 5 at the time used to go and find them and yell Cherie's done a POO! We used to call him the poo hunter :D

On a serious note up in scotland if a child is three years and older they go to council run nurseries, which are free, and the rule is that every child must be fully toilet trained. If they still require a nappy or have any incontience issues they are not granted a place and they have to go to private run nurseries.

gosh scotland really are harsh. surely thats not to fair on thoses who are unable to afford private nursery educations.
back to the main problem though. the worse thing to do is not make a big deal with it by keeping him on the toilet because hel see it like a game all children see it as fun, but dont give up by putting pull ups on itll make it harder. i know it cruel because he gets a tummy ache but he will go when and if he really needs to. i hope this or any of the other sugguestions help for you and your son.

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Originally Posted by xxloopylauraxx

gosh scotland really are harsh. surely thats not to fair on those who are unable to afford private nursery educations.

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By the age of three every child should be toilet trained except in those cases where the child is disabled or has an illness so I don't think it's that harsh.

When my niece was in the 2-3 years stage at nursery the nursery insisted on putting her a nappy on after she went to the toilet even though she went in knickers in the morning and had spare trousers and knickers with her. Apparently, it's standard procedure because the staff don't have time to be changing clothes and cleaning kids up after an accident. Just laziness if you ask me and undermined all the work that was being done at home. She's moving up to the 3-4 section tomorrow and they don't allow children to wear nappies there unless in special circumstances.

Why don't you try a reward chart and he gets a reward at the end of the week if he has a poo on the toilet instead of his nappy?

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Originally Posted by jelly belly

By the age of three every child should be toilet trained except in those cases where the child is disabled or has an illness so I don't think it's that harsh.

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Why????

My number 2 son wasn't toilet trained at 3 when he started nursery and forcing a child before they are ready to be toilet trained isn't good for them or for the parents either!

He wasn't ready until he was 3 1/2 which might not seem a long time, but was the difference between being trained from the April when he started attending preschool, to being toilet trained by the September when he started going for 3 sessions instead of 2.

Down here, as far as I know, no child is forced to go to preschool toilet trained, and its not the policies for children to not be allowed to attend if they are still wearing pull ups or nappies.