Didn't think they delivered them on Sunday though?
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Didn't think they delivered them on Sunday though?
I had Sunday papers delivered on a Sunday when I lived in UK, but that was a few years agoQuote:
Originally Posted by Kim
Message on Grandparents Answering Machine:
Hello - we're not home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep. Beeeeepp...
If you are one of our children, press 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.
If you need us to stay with the grandkids, press 2
If you want to borrow the car, press 3
If you want us to wash your clothes, press 4
If you want the grandkids to sleep here tonight, press 5
If you want us to pick up the grandkids at school, press 6
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
If you want to come here to eat, press 8
If you need money, press 9
If you are inviting us to dinner, or want to take us out, we are listening so start talking!
This is rather long and I apologise for that but it is brilliant (as well as a few years old)
Dear Americans
(I hope nobody really gets offended by this, it's all just for fun)
To the citizens of the United States of America...
In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.) Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee'). You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "****". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager".
The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
LFC FOR LIFE
WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK....
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
'You must be single.' I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr.
Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my
marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are
correct. But how on earth did you know that?'
The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'
Talk about bizzarre, wait until you read this one!!!
You couldn't dream up stuff like this!
For those who have served on a jury...this one is something to think
about. Just when you think you have heard everything!!
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, (AAFS)
President, Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal
complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
On March 23,1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.
When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.'
When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist....
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus..
He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window.
The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself. So the medical
examiner closed the case as a suicide.
A true story from Associated Press..
try explaining that on CSI
I am sure they will solve the problem in 24 minutes...LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by Chloe O'brien
My name is sally scott and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, i remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my secondary school class some 40-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, i quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, i asked him if he had attended rangeworthy court school .
'yes, yes i did. I'm a ranger! ' he beamed with pride.
'when did you leave to go to college?' i asked
he answered, in 1966. Why do you ask?
'you were in my class!' i exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then that ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled,
fat arsed,
grey haired,
decrepit,
b*st*rd asked.....
'what did you teach?'
Drafting men over 60 ----
This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier-
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling..
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way..
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
How about recruiting Women over 50 ....in menopause! You think Men have attitudes! Ohhhhhh my God!
If nothing else, put them on border patrol.... They'll have it secured the first night!.
Teacher:
Little Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have
brought happiness and peace into people's lives ?
Little Johnny answered:
Drin-king, Smo-king, and Bon-king.
bawahahahahahhahahaahaQuote:
Originally Posted by Perdita
5 OLD LADIES
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH.Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies,
two in the front seat and three in the back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!
What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" ..the old woman says a bit proudly.
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189.."
Little Johnny: "May I go to the toilet Miss"
Teacher: "Alright but first can you say the alphabet for me"
so little Johnny goes
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
Teacher: "Very good Johnny but where wasd the p"
Little Johnny "Running down my legs Miss"
LFC FOR LIFE YNWA JFT96
two men were in a cemetry admiring some of the graves. One was suddenly shocked, ah pal you will never believe this, a man here died when i was a 156!
Really said his mate, what was his name?
Miles from London
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbors feared him and believed he practiced magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside down.' And you know men won't ask for directions...
After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day andsaid ..... "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bedand watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night witha hot 23-year-old girl. Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and alarge screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of the deal." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make surethat I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleepingon a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Aren't older women great?They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.
Husband Throwing Darts At His Wife’s Photo And Not Even A Single One Hitting The Target..
From Another Room Wife Called The Husband : “Honey What Are You Doing..
Husband: “MISSING YOU”..
Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was
nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves..
'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
'No, I don't,' she replied.
'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'
She didn't crack a smile.
'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
'What's so funny?' he asked.
'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'
nice one
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.
http://www.soapboards.co.uk/forums/i...ons/icon10.gif
Please do not post links to commercial sites without permission from the Admin
rQuote:
Originally Posted by alan45
Alan, it is not a personal link.. it is url for a smilie that didn't work... it has the soapboard URL in it
Have you tried itQuote:
Originally Posted by Siobhan
HAHA really very hot:cheer:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jojo
http://www.centplay.com/affiliate/games_4320/
Deep in the back woods of Letcher County Kentucky, a hill billy's wife went into labour in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, 'Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing!'
Soon a baby boy was brought into the world. 'Whoa there', said the doctor, 'Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down, I think there's another one coming.'
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. 'Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!' said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. 'No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!' cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, . .. . . ....
'You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?'
.http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/a/3d...eys-177509.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Perdita
No offence to the Scottish intended :)
Donating blood in Scotland
A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, in appreciation for giving his blood, the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ...
but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins."
:D
Dear people who type all in lower case,
We are the differece between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.. Sincerely, Capital Letters
Could not copy this from the original for some reason but think this is a clever way to explain the difference :D
With apologies to the Irish. No offence intended!
During a recent Password Audit at the Bank of Ireland, it was found that Paddy O'Toole was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin
When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password, he replied "Bejazus! Are yez stupid? Oi was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital!"
Very funny jokes Perdita and Pantherboy! :lol:
A joke, or should I say a 'groan' to end the week!
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride & groom.
It was their time to stand up & speak, or forever hold their peace.
The moment of utter silence was broken by a beautiful young woman carrying an infant child. She stood up slowly, then started walking slowly toward the pastor.
Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks & wondering how best to help save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The reply, "We can't hear you up the back!"
:lol:
Topical joke:
The Pope & Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a large crowd. The Pope leans towards Trump & says "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts & they'll forever speak of this day & rejoice!" Trump replies, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!" So the Pope backhanded him & knocked him off the stage! AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY & there was happiness throughout the land!
Sister Mary entered the Monastery of Silence:
The Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are
welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed
to do so.'
Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said
to her, 'Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak
two words.'
Sister Mary said 'Hard bed.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said, 'We will get you a better bed.'
After another 5 years, Sister Mary was summoned by the Priest. 'You
may say another two words, Sister Mary.'
'Cold food,' said Sister Mary, and the Priest assured her that the
food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called
Sister Mary in to his office. 'You may say two words today.'
'I quit,' said Sister Mary.
'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but bitch
since you got here.'
Getting in early!
A little Christmas story (its only 19 weeks away) Joke:
A little story to start your Christmas season in the right spirit.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a glass of cider and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the rum.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this!
:thumbsup: :lol:
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies" he responded.
"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females" he replied.
Intrigued, she asked "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject"
I laughed :o:D
Apologies in advance for this one! Haha!
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed...?" asked one detective....
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied....
"A golf gun...! What is a golf gun...?"
"I don't know....But it sure made a hole in Juan...."
if minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?
the trump card