Oh well, more Mystic Meg predictions bite the dust!
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Oh well, more Mystic Meg predictions bite the dust!
Back on the cobbles it was just another Christmas Day. Dev Alahans 24hr Emporium had re-opened operating out of the back of a lorry. Norris Noseyperson and the voluptuous Mary were finishing off the conversion of Marys passionwagon into Coles travelling post office and mobile stationery supplies. This damned tram crash has cost me a pretty packet moaned Nozza. I blame that Owen Strongarm and his shoddy workmanship. Oh Norris I love it when you are masterful said Mary. Over at chez Bazrlow there was the usual merriment with Ken and Dreary. Christmas is an over commercialised greedfest perpetrated by big business to make money from the working classes. So thats why you didnt even by me a pressie moaned Dreary. Bet if you had been shacked up with your floosie on a barge down the Grand Union Canal you would have bought her a pressie. Kens mind drifted off to a summers day reading poetry to Martha Beacham. Now there was a real woman and so much more intelligent than Dreary. Ken was disturbed from his fantasy as Peter Ironside and his new wife Leeanne Plattersby-Barlow called in to brighten up proceedings with a bottle of Buckfast Non Alcoholic Cocktail Wine. Dreary nipped out to the Ginnel where she smoked a crafty fag. Her mind drifted off the a past Christmas dalliance she had. How did she ever end up with Ken. A swarthy skinned stranger approached. DEEEEDREEEE is that you. Surely it couldnt be Samir Rachid her ex husband. He was brutally murdered by a gang of thugs. DEEERDREEEE I am Samirs brother Srimas and Ive come for his kidney. He lent it to Traceyluv and now we need it back for our long lost cousins the Ferrerro Rochers. KEN!!!! screamed Dreary her eyes bulging from their sockets and the veins on her neck exploding.
Over at T'Rovers Steve Wee Mac was sitting staring into an empty pint glass contemplating the future. Where had it all gone wrong. He and Becky were a match made in heaven. Of course so were he and Tracyluv, Karen, and Vicky. He spoke to his Dad Big Mac Macdonald so he did and asked for his advice as he and Elizabeth were the happiest couple in Weatherfield so they were. You know Steve Im planning to remarry your mother so I am. Big Mac was unaware that his conversation with Our Steven was being overheard by Owen Strongarm and he was determined that no-one was going to replace him in Elizabeths boudoir. He picked up his mobile phone and dialled a Walford number............
Over in their temporary luxury flat Teenie Sparetyre and Graeme Proctologist were discussing Graemes latest venture, Manchesters first vegetarian butchers
It was a new beginning for the Stranger family as they moved into their new house on Albert Square on January 1st. Phil and Jane and their two children, Peter (aged 9) and Lauren (aged 7) had moved from Romford, hoping to find some peace and quiet in the tranquil streets of Walford. Of course, there were all the rumours flying about the Square about the new family but as far as anyone could see they seemed perfectly normal…only there was something not quite right about them that no-one could exactly put their finger on.
After about six months, a number of the older residents met in the Queen Vic and decided to invite Phil and Jane to an evening in the pub so they could put their concerns to them. And so, a week later, Phil and Jane found themselves sitting at one of the tables in the bar surrounded by several inhabitants of the Square.
Phil broke the ice by saying, “It’s good of you to invite us to a drink.” “Yes,” put in Dot hurriedly, “that’s all very well, but we’d like to ask you a few questions.” “Ok,” said Phil with a pleasant smile, “fire away.”
“Now then,” continued Dot, “why don’t you ever come in to the Launderette?” “Because we’ve got a washing machine,” replied Jane. The regulars looked at each other with puzzled frowns. “A washing machine?” echoed Pat, “No-one has a washing machine in Albert Square.” “And why do you never come into the café?” put in Ian. “Well,” said Phil,” we don’t really see the point. We live on the Square, so we can always nip home for a cup of tea if we need to and we always make sure we make our own breakfast in the morning before we go to work.” Again there was a round of puzzled stares.
“Talking of work,” added Jack, “I take it you’re both out of work.” “Out of work?” cried Jane, “No, we’re not out of work, whatever made you think that?” “Well, you don’t seem to have a job on the Square.” “No, we don’t work on the Square,” said Jane, “Phil commutes up to his job in the West End and I’ve got a part time secretarial job in Ilford.” “Not work on the Square?” put in Heather “How can that be?”
“And another thing,” said Patrick, “I never see either of you in the Minute Mart. Why’s that?” “Oh we get our weekly shopping from the Supermarket, either Tesco’s or Sainsbury’s. We find it easier and cheaper to do our weekly shop there. Sorry Patrick.”
“This is all very curious,” said Max, “because also we never see you in here of an evening.” “No,” replied Phil, “we don’t drink very much. And besides we’ve got the two children to look after in the evening.” “Look after the children” exclaimed an astonished Shirley, “No-one looks after their children in Albert Square. They go missing for weeks, months, on end and no-one notices. Children have never stopped anyone here having a night out.”
“Yes, and we hardly ever see you around during the day, except at weekends,” said Bianca, “why’s that?” “Well, like I said,” replied Jane, “we have jobs to go to.” “But people round here are always taking sickies or taking the day off for no apparent reason when they feel like it,” put in Billy.
“And finally,” asked the other Phil in a threatening tone, “how come your names are Phil, Jane, Peter and Lauren, names already used by residents of the Square. You must know that’s just not allowed. We nearly had a problem with two Billies a little while ago but fortunately they spelt their names differently.” “I can’t answer that,” said the other Phil.
The older inhabitants of Albert Square couldn’t believe what they had just heard. They had seemed such a nice quiet and pleasant family when they moved in, but now no-one was very sure. They did seem very strange.
I cant take the credit for this but it just goes to show that Parkerman and I are not the only fantasists out there,
Downloaded from Wikileaks allegedly
January:
A van pulls up at the factory as Carla is closing up for the day. Her five long-lost Connor brothers climb out and take over the business. They set about building another extension to the factory and in doing so discover just what that smell is in the ladies loo. It’s Colin Fishwick. Fiz identifies the rug he’s wrapped in as hers and she is arrested for Colin’s murder and crimes against interior design. John conveniently heads off on a teacher’s training course in Benidorm. Sian and Sophie decide to adopt a child and book a trip to Tibet to find one.
February:
Gail enjoys a weekend away from it all at a retreat. Whilst there she meets handsome monk, Daniel, who asks to keep in touch. After exchanging a few postcards Daniel turns up on Gail’s doorstep having turned his back on celibacy and he moves in with her. Fiz is given a life sentence at her trial and uses her time in prison well – she makes another rug. Sian and Sophie jet off to Tibet.
March:
Gail and Daniel announce their engagement, much to Audrey’s discomfort. She knows there’s something not right about him and is determined to discover his dark secret. Ken decides to commission a portrait of Deidre but when he goes to see the painter (Trixie) he falls into her arms and decides he would have preferred to have lived her bohemian life. They embark on a steamy affair. Sian and Sophie return with a little Tibetan baby they call Baby GaGa.
April:
The Connors decide to make the factory smaller again and they remove the new extension over the course of a weekend. Two of the brothers die in the process, another goes back to Ireland and two more vanish. Carla is on her own again. Tracy Barlow offers to spring Fiz from prison if she’ll give her baby Hope. Fiz agrees. Tracy then offers the child to Becky and Steve for a couple of hundred in notes. A deal is struck. Baby GaGa isn’t settling in to Weatherfield life so Sian and Sophie post him back and agree to adopt Chesney instead.
May:
Tracy visits Fiz in prison carrying a very large bag and smuggles Fiz out in it. Fiz gives her baby Hope, which Tracy accidentally leaves on a bus and Becky is furious that she’s lost the chance for another child. Ken presents Deirdre with the portrait but she isn’t struck with it and throws it back at him. Trixie arrives in her old VW Beetle and begs him to leave with her. Emily reminds Ken that Uncle Albert would be turning in his grave if he thought Ken would get into a German car. He is brought back to earth by this reminder of his past. Trixie leaves without him and Deirdre burns the painting on the Red Rec. She is arrested because Weatherfield is now a smokeless zone.
June:
Deirdre is released from prison following the intervention of the Prime Minister. There’s a flood in the Rovers cellar and during the building works an old beehive wig of Bet’s is discovered with rats nesting in it. Norris gets very excited and Rita notices he changes just a little. His secret is out – he’s been Alec Gilroy in disguise all these years. Rita curses herself for not noticing the haircut and tank-tops were the same. He just wanted to be near Rita – he proposes to her, and she now finds herself owner of the Kabin once more .. and landlady of the Rovers, which Alec buys from Steve.
July:
Gail and Daniel marry on the banks of Weatherfield Canal. While they are away on honeymoon in Blackpool Audrey rifles through Gail’s private papers and discovers a newspaper cutting from the trial of Brian’s murderer. It is Daniel. Audrey decides to keep quite until the Rovers has a big do. Peter Barlow is back on the bottle and he joins Eileen for a night on the town. They end up in bed together and when Eileen discovers she’s pregnant Ken forces Peter to propose to her. Eileen says yes. Baby Jack is taken ill and desperately needs a kidney transplant. Tyrone’s offer of a kidney is rejected but he pleads with Kevin to give the child one of his. He agrees.
August:
There’s a big do at the Rovers and Audrey produces the press cutting – Daniel is exposed as Brian’s murderer. Gail is having none of it and she forgives her new husband. However, later that night Daniel suggests a drive to their wedding location by the canal. As Gail gets into the car she questions his need to tie her up and Daniel admits he also set fire to the convent killing Ivy. He has a pathological desire to wipe out the Tilsleys. They set off towards the canal.
September:
Daniel is about to drive his car into the canal when he spots a figure climbing from the water. It is Joe, who faked his death a little too well. He has returned and shoots Daniel and snogs Gail. She berates him for all the money she wasted on the funeral but they are reunited. Steve wins a fortune in a Cumbrian gurning competition and he gets offered a modelling job in Hollywood. He and Becky decide to go and chase their dreams. Becky, on a hunch, visits the lost property office at the bus depot and finds baby Hope, whom she renames Rover. Steve, Becky, Amy, Max, Rover and all the other kids they’ve bought along the way head off to Hollywood. At the airport they realise the tickets say Hollinwood, a suburb of Manchester.
October:
Fiz notices that she hasn’t seen much of John since Colin Fishwick’s body turned up at the factory but then Sean spots a picture of him in the Weatherfield Gazette. It turns out he’s been leading a double life as the headmaster of Weatherfield County Academy so he’s not been able to see much of her. She confronts him at a parent’s evening and they fall into each others arms. He agrees to come home but only if Fiz will let him run a correspondence college from home. A bolt of lightening strikes the Websters causing Jason and Rosie to merge into one but Sally insists ‘Josie’ lives with her. Sally and Eileen have a fight in a vat of mud just for the sake of it – and the ratings. Eileen goes into labour and Sally helps deliver baby Blanche Barlow.
November:
Sophie and Sian split up when Sophie announces she was just going through a phase. Sian agrees that she was too and she proposes to adopted son Chesney. Peter and Eileen marry with Leanne and Nick as their witnesses (they discovered their first marriage was still legal due to a technicality). Baby Jack comes home from hospital – he is now 18 and Kevin gives him a job at the garage having sacked Tyrone. Baby Jack rejects Tyrone. He is later diagnosed with a cotton allergy meaning he has to work in the garage shirtless.
December:
Newton and Ridley announce that the Rovers is to get a new name and there’s a campaign to stop them involving Rita sitting atop the pub. It snows heavily and she’s stuck there for a fortnight with Alec too tight to pay the fire brigade to bring her down. Little does she know that while she’s up there he goes on a cruise with an exotic snake act from Crewe. As the Platt/McIntryre family sit down for Christmas lunch Tina begins to doubt that Joe is who he says he is. He is later seen sitting on Maxine’s bench caressing an crowbar. 2012 might not be Gail’s year. Again.
And they say I'm the maddest member on here?
How can we follow that?
I've missed a fair bit of the instalments out so I'm going to treat myself later when I've finished my essay and start from the beginning of this tall story.
How about that Tyrone could win the lottery, but the bit of land were the joinery was, open up a garage in competition with Kevin and get's a contract to fix F1 cars then we could have F1 drivers in the street. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe O'brien
It is the day of Joy Fishwick’s funeral. After a typically thorough investigation by the Weatherfield police nothing untoward was found and the body was released for burial. As the body was brought into the chapel only John and Fiz were present. “It’s very sad, isn’t it, John?” said Fiz. “I mean we’re the only two here. I wonder if Colin ever found out.” “No, I shouldn’t think so,” put in John hurriedly, “otherwise he would have been here.” Suddenly the door opened and another man walked in. “Who’s that,” asked Fiz. “No idea,” replied John.
After the service was over and Joy Fishwick was laid to rest, the man came over to John and said, “You must be John Stape.” “Yes, yes, I am,” said John. “I thought you must be,” replied the man. “My mother told me all you’d done for her in her last few days.” “Your mother?” stammered John. “Yes I’m her son.” “You must be Colin’s brother then,” put in Fiz. “Yes I am,” answered the man, “my name’s Robert”. “Pleased to meet you,” said Fiz.
“Yes, I’m really pleased to have met you, John, and grateful for all you did for my mother in her last few days. I live in the Shetlands and I was unable to get down to see her, but she told me all about you,” said Robert. “Do you know if she was peaceful at the end?” “I’m sure she was,” said John, “but I don’t really know as I wasn’t there. But I’m sure she was.” “Not there?” enquired Robert with a puzzled tone in his voice, “but my mum texted me only minutes before she died to tell me you were there making her a cup of tea. She kept in constant touch with me.” Fiz looked at John suspiciously, “John,” she said, “you told me the last time you saw her was a few hours before her death.” “Yes, it was. I think you must have it wrong, Robert.” “No, I’m certain,” said Robert, “Mum texted me to say that you were just about to explain to her why you had Colin’s phone.” “Colin’s phone?” repeated an astonished Fiz.
“Er, yes, “said John, “come round here behind the church and I’ll explain it all to you.” As they went behind the church where nobody could see them, John picked up a huge stone from the ground and battered Robert over the head. He then did the same to Fiz before running off.
On arriving home, Chesney asked him where Fiz was. John immediately threw Chesney against the wall and picked up a hammer that was handily placed on the floor and beat Chesney over the head with it. Just at that moment, Kirk walked in through the front door. John flew at him with the hammer. He then opened the front door to find Maria on the doorstep. “What’s up John?” she asked as she walked into the room to see Chesney and Kirk lying on the floor. Silently from behind, John clocked her over the head too.
Later in the police station, John told the police that he was not a bad man and that things had just got out of hand. “All I want to do is be a teacher. Is that so bad? Can I go now?”
Meanwhile back over at Weatherfield General Tracyluv was starting to come out of her coma. ''Wheres my husband and my lovely daughter? ''she yelled. ''Oh Traceyluv you are awake'' said doting mum Dreary. ''We were so worried about you werent we Ken?''. Ken lifted his head from his book, a rather interesting volume all about the British Museum called Behind the Collonades, ''Sorry, what was that?''.
''I was just telling Traceyluv how worried we were about her'' said Dreary with a sigh, the muscles on her neck bulging to bursting point. ''Its a miracle'' said Dreary and immediatly went to the hospital chapel to speak to Revd. Sophie Webster and her curate and lover Sian Girlpowers.
''Tracey do you know who attacked you?'' asked Ken. ''Er yes of course I do it was that Galeforce Tilsley-Platt-Hillman Minx'' sneered Traceyluv. ''You must tell DS Useless and DC Stupid because they have arrested the whole of T'Rovers and are holding them under atrocious conditions at Morecombe Bay.'' pleaded Ken and ''besides which Gale has a cast iron alibi she was with her new husband Dick Vauxhall on honeymoon at the Red Rec''
''Maybe I was mistaken then'' said Traceyluv ''Wheres my husband and daughter why arent they here for me''
''You arent married Tracey'' said Ken '' but you do have a daughter Samey with an interchangeable head''
''Dont be daft Ken, how can I have a daughter if I'm not married, everyone knows you have to be married to have babies''
''And just who do you think is you husband then?'' said an exasperated Ken
''Oh Ken, Blanche was right you ARE stupid, even with all your fancy education and those degrees you still have no common sense'' laughed Traceyluv. ''I married Dev Alacarte in a Hindu ceremony on the beach at Blackpool'' It was after he shagged my trollope of a mother that Christmastime while you and Blanche were at home dozing off in front of the Queens speech''
Kens mind drifted to all the affairs that his slapper of a wife had had over the years. Almost as many as he had had but of course in his case it wasnt a sexual thing. He loved them because they were his intellectual equal, except Janice Battererbyles of course and Vera Duckegg. Oh yes and there was that brief fling with a pre-op Hayley Cropper but the less said about that the better.
Outside in the darkened corridor a mysterious figure stood in the shadows, whilst outside in the carpark another mystery figure stood hiding in a darkened corner.
There would be at least another death before the dawn broke