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Awww you can't say that! :D True though... we were laughing our heads off at serious bits and everything - when Aslan was breathing on the dead guys, I said to Becky "Pickled onion breath!" and we cracked up :rolleyes: Rovers lost btw :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Elect-Death_13
I know.
Merry Christmas everyone - it's nearly Santa time! :cheer:
yay merry christmas!! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
Little Mo seems to turn into Obi Wan Kenobi or someone with her random pieces of wisdom for Kat.
ALFIE: Half an hour, yeah?
KAT: Yay!
MO: Happy endings...
KAT: I get the message!
SHARON: I'm... pregnant...?
DENNIS: Whaaaat?
SHARON: Yay!
DENNIS: Yay!
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: *look away, whistling* Such a shame, really...
KAT: *walks towards Alfie in bare feet*
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: Everybody loves a nice bit of symbolism.
MO: Happy endings!
KAT: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, STOP SAYING THAT!
ALFIE: So, do you fancy it?
KAT: Yes please! *sounding eerily like a four-year-old*
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I might add some more later, I'm not feeling too well :thumbsdow
lol, aww that's funny and sweet :wub: and poor you, and at this time of year :(Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
Oh no, heaven forbid any one be poorly at THIS TIME OF YEAR
Poor you. Hope you feel better soon.
JOE: Martin!
MARTIN: *does a brilliant impression of Kevin the Teenager, or whatever that guy was called*
JOE: YOU SUCK!
MARTIN: ...
JOE: Straighten up and fly right, kiddo, or you're getting a kick up the backside!
MARTIN: *cries*
ME: YAY!
KAT: *dances her trademark I'm So Drunk Hee Hee! dance, and flirts terribly with the extras.*
LITTLE MO: *sighs, laughs*
STACEY: She's fantastic, isn't she?
KAT: I need heeeelp! Look at me! I'm down to flirting with the extras! Extras, I tell you!
LITTLE MO and STACEY: She's having loads of fun, obviously not embarrassing herself or anything! Let's just leave her over there where she could get her drink spiked at any moment, like the loving family members that we are.
*Finally..*
LITTLE MO: Kat, don't you think it's time to stop?
KAT: No! Here, why don't you tell me a fairytale, eh?
LITTLE MO: ...What?
KAT: A lovely festive, jolly, Christmassy tale, about a brokenhearted woman who just wanted to crawl away somewhere and DIE.
STACEY: Once upon a time-
KAT: The happy ending... where she'd be all clean, and she wouldn't be alone anymore, and she'd have the man in the moon, and -
LITTLE MO: P.s. - wait about five minutes.
KAT: I won't! *runs to.... the Vic loos? Seriously? Wow, they've really done the place up.*
STACEY: Shall we go with her?
LITTLE MO: And stop her from having a breakdown, or possibly trying to kill herself again?
STACEY: Yeah.
LITTLE MO: ...Nah.
*In the amazingly refurbished toilets, Kat wipes off all her makeup. ENOUGH WITH THE SYMBOLISM ALREADY. She then walks out of the Vic barefoot into the snow, and sees...*
ALFIE: Look at you! *posing against the car*
KAT: *can't say anything except squeak, and think YAY!*
ALFIE: *starts walking towards her through the snow like in an advert or something. I'm prepared to bet that scene was airbrushed too.*
KAT: Why did you come back?
ALFIE: For you, you muppet.
KAT: Yippeee! Because you love me so much and you can't live without me?
ALFIE: No. You made my nan a promise, and I'm holding you to it.
KAT: Oh, well that's nice. So very romantic.
ALFIE: Do you fancy it?
KAT: Squeee! *Kalfie snog*
LITTLE MO: Happy endings!
KAT: I KNOW! Go water your hair or something!
*They get in the car and drive off, although Kat doesn't have any shoes or her suitcase. Oh dear.*
:rotfl: love it more soon pleas!! :cheer:
That's Fab:D. Glad to see I wasn't the only one who noticed she didn't have any shoes or her suitcase.Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
Thoughts on 2005...
Run like the wind, Bullseye! ... I mean, Dennis!
I'm still not entirely sure that Sharon and Dennis's marriage was even legal, but hey, it's EastEnders. At least Den only had one wedding to pay for :D
...If he had been alive, that is. Chrissie going down = boo! All three (Sam, Chrissie, Zoe) should have been put in prison and we could have had a Porridge-type spinoff :p
I'm convinced that Honey is a mirror version of Little Mo. But Honey is more annoying. Two Little Mos - :eek: And to top it all, the more pathetic one is stealing Billy! Hmph! Normally I wouldn't care, but... I think Mo has taken Honey under her wing to teach her how to have weird expressions and be mousey.
I like Joe, he's funny. And this year he actually made Pauline smile. Wonders never cease!
Dawn and Mike annoy the hell out of me. Leave Keith alone.
I miss Kalfie already. :crying: They got together, they split up, they got together, they split up, they got together, they split up... and finally they - you'll never guess! - got back together! Yay!
Who remembers Pathetic Gangster Andy? He had brilliant one liners... "What's your favourite animal?" - "Leg of lamb." Quite :love: too.... But he did pay Kat £7000 to sleep with him, so he can't have been all there exactly.
And Johnny's Handshake of Doom! Falling.. falling... falling... "ah!"
JOHNNY: That's it? 'Ah'?
SOUND EFFECTS: Car horns beeping, train going over tracks, lightning... what? Make your minds up.
They've arrested Betty?!
Hehe. That was good!Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
i like that :DQuote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
just to let everyone know - im not sure we can expect many more scripts from this writer due to the permenent absence of Kalfie :crying:
lol :D
i haven't read these in ages and they're still great! dont let the permenent absence of Kalfie :crying:put you off doing any more ^_^
I'm getting through it, one day at a time... :crying: *wipes tiny tear from eye* :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jada-GDR
JOHNNY: Care for a drink? You know, I prefer talking to you rather than Phil. With you we just banter, but with Phil it's -
*Dennis creeps up behind him and smashes his head into a tableful of broken glass. Oooh. ...That's Johnny's head, not his own. The other way would have been cool, but stupid.*
JOHNNY: - something like this.
DENNIS: Somebody ordered an a$s-kicking?
JOHNNY: No!
DENNIS: Are you sure?
JOHNNY: I definitely didn't order-
DENNIS: Well, you're getting one anyway! Raaaa!
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: Three cheers for pre-watershed violence!
ME: Hooray!
JOHNNY: Please... I'm dying...
DENNIS: Such. A. Wuss.
JOHNNY: I don't wanna dieeeee...
DENNIS: *eyeroll* Fine. If it'll stop you being such a whiny girl. *gives him his phone*
ME: DO NOT GIVE HIM HIS PHO- Oh, you gave him it. Well. You jacka$s.
*Dennis is cleaning the blood off his hands when Sonia and Rebecca come in. Rebecca hugs him. Awww. Somebody please tell me I wasn't the only one who was expecting a kind of Maggie thing from the Who Shot Mr Burns episode of the Simpsons? That would have been so much more disturbing. And fun.*
*Sharon and the rest pile out of the Vic to watch a drunk man setting fireworks off. Er... BBC? Hello....? Never mind. Sharon and Dennis's eyes meet from a distance*
DENNIS: I'll be there in a minute - hey! *someone bumps into him*
*The viewers are left indignant by the stranger's frankly impolite treatment of our hero, while the camera pans off to watch the pretty, pretty fireworks.*
SOME KID IN THE BACK: So it's New Year's Eve tonight?
SOME OTHER KID: Shut up.
DENNIS: *looks confused* He didn't even apologize...
SHARON: *stares into his eyes*
DENNIS: *stares into her eyes*
THE DIRECTOR: Er... aren't you forgetting something?
DENNIS: Oh yeah... *reveals a stab/bullet wound? The jury's still out on which. *
THE AUDIENCE: OMG NO!!!!
DENNIS: *is still confused, and still dying, but manages to wander over to Sharon*
SHARON: Oh dear.
DENNIS: We did it! *dies*
SHARON: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*See, Johnny Allen? That is how to die like a man. You big girl.*
Let's all take a moment to say: NOOOO NOT DENNIS!!!! DEEEEEENNIIIIIISSSS! HE WAS SO STUDLY! NOOOOOOOO! ...Okay, I'm done.
:rotfl: . That's good.
I missed the last five minutes :(
:rotfl: that's fab hun!!! :cheer:
Good comedy! :cheer:
Yay I finally got to see it :cheer: and Meadowhell is not so evil as I thought before, there's a mini Pizza Hut in the oasis *drools*
*It's pretty boring until they see THE WALL. Except OMG GOLLUM SQUEEE! Shut up.*
JIMMY: There's a wall!
CARL: OMG!
JACK: OMG!
ANNE: That's... a pretty crappy wall.
CAPTAIN: We're gonna hit!
SOME GUY WHOSE REAL NAME IS LUMPY, BUT WE SHALL CALL HIM GOLLUM: Stop the damn boat then!
CAPTAIN: ... Full steam ahead!
GOLLUM: *facepalm*
ANNE: It's just bits of rock.
*They run aground on the... wall-thing.*
ANNE: ... I still say it's crappy.
*JIMMY is reading a book, Heart of Darkness, and this scares me slightly because it's totally the book that Australian Guy, who is coming to visit us, gave me 2 years ago, and that I just read for the 1st time in the last few days. Coincidences are freaky, yo.*
JIMMY: Hey, why does Marlow carry on up the river when it's all scary and stuff?
ME: Pick me! I know! I know! Pick meee!
SOME GUY WHOSE NAME I DON'T REMEMBER: Because he's an idiot, son.
JIMMY: This isn't an adventure book, is it?
SOME GUY: No.
JIMMY: It's eeeeeevil!
ME: Yay!
*That scene which you might have seen in the trailer, where Jack is telling Anne to scream and then something calls eerily back from the jungle... has apparently been cut. Damn.*
*But the freaky natives rule so much. They should have got more time on screen, because of their sheer freakiness.*
JACK: Chocolate? Take the damn chocolate! *stuffs it in the Creepy Native Girl's hand*
CREEPY NATIVE GIRL: Aaaaaar! *bites him*
JACK: Hey!
*More creepy natives appear from... somewhere*
JACK: It's okay! I'm sure they're harmless! Just OAPs and kids, look!
*But then SOME EXTRA gets arrowed through the chest for his trouble.*
JACK: ... Oh dear.
*The next few minutes are creepy and involve someone getting his head smashed in on a rock, and we may or may not actually see this, I don't know, because I was hiding. We sure as hell hear it, though. Think eggs smashing.*
ME: *staring at floor* This is so much better than Narnia.
*Some more stuff happens. The highlights: more creepy natives with only the whites of their eyes showing offer Anne up to Kong on a stick. Yes, on a stick. Like a roast marshmallow or something. But Anne befriends Kong and - I WANT ONE OF THOSE NECKLACES. Meanwhile, Jack, Carl and the crew go after her. A cool scene involving DINO PILE-UP! and then we meet... THE RAPTORS. Incidentally, they have scared the hell out of me ever since Jurassic Park. THIS BROUGHT IT ALL BACK! Ahem.*
GOLLUM: There's only one thing that could have made a footprint that big.
EVERYONE: ...
GOLLUM: The Abominable Snowman.
*This actually happened.*
SOME GUY: Jimmy, if I tell you to run, what do you do?
JIMMY: ... Cry like a girl?
SOME GUY: Run.
JIMMY: What, now?
SOME GUY: No! If I shout 'run'!
JIMMY: Oh, okay.
SOME GUY: *looks into a cave, finds Kong, conveniently for the scene* ...Run!
JIMMY: ...
SOME GUY: Dammit, Jimmy! *shoots Kong, gets squished*
JIMMY: Noooo!
SOME GUY: *dying words* Jimmy, run! Run, Jimmy! Jimmy! Jim! Run, Jimmy... JIIIIIMMMMMYYYYY!!!!!
JIMMY: *cries like a girl*
*I really shouldn't have laughed at that scene.*
*Anne gets mixed up with a t-rex but escapes. That is, until-*
T-REX 2: *stares at her*
ANNE: *doesn't see it*
T-REX 2: *sniffs her hair*
ANNE: *doesn't see it*
*My mum burst out laughing at this, which proves I at least have an excuse. Crazy family.*
T-REX 2: Sigh. I could wait all day. *conveniently waits until she sees it, and has a chance of escaping, to try and eat her. Nice creature.*
*But Anne finally senses two tons of gristle about to make mincemeat of her.*
ANNE: *sees it* ....Oh sh*t.
*There follows a battle between Kong and 3 t-rexes, which... Kong wins? Dude. Anne has to trapeze about trying to avoid a t-rex's jaws, which made me laugh. There's something wrong with me, I swear. Kong tears the last t-rex's jaw off. Yay.*
IN THE CINEMA
Some guy two rows in front of me, his phone RANG and he actually ANSWERED IT. My GOD. If he had been sat directly in front of me, I think I would have strangled him. And he was recording the film near the end too on his mobile. I should have thrown my bag of melted Revels at him. They had turned into chocolate soup. Mmmm, chocolate soup...
*More stuff. The men who fell into the ravine thing get chewed on by giant insects, and GOLLUM DIES! NOOOO! That made me sad... Ahem. Then Jack - or was it Carl? I don't know. The one with the big nose. He rescues Anne, Kong gets chloroformed, and School of Rock Guy sets up a Broadway show with Kong. The idiot. Kong escapes, he and Anne play on a frozen lake - awwwwwwwwww! They climb up the Empire State Building, where Kong is shot down and dies... I DID NOT CRY. Oh, who am I kidding.*
SCHOOL OF ROCK GUY: It was Beauty that felled the Beast.
ME: No, it was you chloroforming him and chaining him up in a show in New York and subjecting him to screaming audiences! You a$s.
I think I've kind of stopped watching Eastenders. I haven't seen it since Dennis died, anyway. And I just can't be bothered anymore. Maybe now I'll actually do some useful things, like actually revise for exams for once.:rolleyes: Good idea, since it's GCSE finals in June time :eek: (pardon me while I go and cry "nooooooo" in my corner.) So... that's it. No more EE parodies. Meh.
:eek: NOOOOOOO! COME ON PLEASE JUST ONCE A WEEK OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
*cries* one more for old times sake...
I will poke you til you do. Watch the omnibus and do a massive one on the whole thing. Or be poked.
as always, great stuff. you should keep on doing ee ones though cause i don watch lost so i have no idea whats goin on lol
^Same here..
wow ive just read them all the way through from the beginning and theyre great, so funny, i couldnt stop laughing! :D please please please write some more ee ones, they brightened up my dull boring day full of revision!
Please write more ee one's because i don't watch lost but you're brilliant at them please?
WRITE MORE. NOW. OR ELSE. :p
Oh, go on then.
--------
*SHARON sits and stares sadly at the sexjar, and i really shouldn't call it that, but hey.*
ME: I KNEW THAT WAS A PLOT POINT!
SHARON: Dennis is dead...
ME: Check page 18 and everything!
SHARON: *weeps*
ME: I CAN PREDICT EASTENDERS FUTURE!
SHARON: This is such a sad time...
ME: *dances*
PAULINE: What songs are we having at his funeral?
DOT: The Lord is my Shepherd.
ME: Shepherds, pffft. Why not Poets? *cheer*
PAULINE: Oh. Sounds nice.
ME: Actually, it's that one that goes "Yea, though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil".
PAULINE: That won't upset Sharon at all! Yay!
ME: *eyeroll*
*OMG no more Dot and Dennis moments! Awwwwww....*
DOT: *sniffle* I loved that boy.
ME: We all did *cry*
*We meet Deano, who has a silly name, and a pink shirt. Someone once gave me some advice: "Never trust a man in a pink shirt." There you go. Interesting randomness for you.*
*The entire Square mourns Dennis's death, as he takes with him all that is hunky.*
*This Wellard thing is annoying me no end. I shall get leaped on and probably burnt at the stake for saying this, but I actually agree with Ian. So sue me.*
that's brill hunnie thank you for doing an eastenders one:p
fab! :cheer:
yay more ee! thanks VERY much!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :mad:Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
Well if a huge dog bit me in the a*se like Wellard did Ian, I'd be a bit mad. Dog bites are not much fun, and I'm not sure but I think you have to have injections after severe ones. Plus you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. And what if a little kid was messing about with him and he went crazy?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jada-GDR
i wouldn't have him put down though :(Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
Gah. :moonie: That's what I say to you. :thumbsdowQuote:
Originally Posted by crazy_purple
*points* Ha ha.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elect-Death_13
OMG it's nearly the end of the series, after this there'll be no more Sawyer until series two! *cries*
Flashback: in the airport
SAYID: Excuse me, will you look after my bag?
SHANNON: Sure.
*Teh lovely SAYID wanders off*
*BOONE and SHANNON have a frankly odd conversation about how much of a b*tch SHANNON is.*
SHANNON: Look, I'll prove it. *finds a security guard* An Arab man just left his bag with me. And I totally didn't abandon it even more than he did.
GUARD: Do you have a description?
SHANNON: ...Um, Arab?
MANY, MANY PEOPLE: *have a sudden urge to throttle her*
SHANNON: Yay.
JACK: *is depressed, woe*
SOME RANDOM WOMAN: What's up?
JACK: ... I'm sorry, do I know you?
SOME RANDOM WOMAN: No, but you will. My name's Ana-Lucia.
THE FANS WHO CAN'T RESIST SPOILERS: Holy crap!
JACK: That's nice. Now shut up.
ANA-LUCIA: I'm in seat 23thingummy. *I can't remember*
JACK: I'm in 42alsothingummy.
THE OBSERVANT FANS: OMG!
Back on the island of pretty, pretty people
SAWYER: *is chopping trees WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON AND ALL SWEATY OMG.*
JACK: Lumberjack.
SAWYER: ... I'm sorry, what?
ME: *launches into song* I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day!
JACK: Nothing, it's just... never mind.
SAWYER: *picks up a tree or something and all his muscles clench and WHY ARE THEY TORTURING ME?!*
JACK: Um... bye. Anyway.
SAWYER: Oh, by the way... *takes pity on Jack* I met this guy in a bar, name of Christian, he and his son were both doctors, he wanted his son to know that he forgave him and all. Just a quick story. For no reason at all.
JACK: DADDY LOVED ME! *cries*
SAWYER: Yeah. Good luck, Jack.
*Later, Sawyer is sad because Kate isn't coming to say bye to him. That other fugitive-Kate. Not me. I wish.*
SAWYER: *sniffle*
ME: Don't worry, Sawyer, I love you... I didn't just say that.
*Sun and Jin get back together, yay! They're like the new Kalfie! But Korean!*