Printable View
Great to see this thread back Parkerman! :)
I laughed at just about all of it, but the following is my absolute favourite part:-
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:Quote:
Originally Posted by parkerman
Love the idea of Winston and Tracey getting speaking parts at last!
Back to the present day…..
Over on the square something was stirring…..The voluptuous porcine beauty known as Sharon Wattsherface watched as the signs went up above the door of the Gerrouttamah Pub, formerly known as The Queen Vic. Shall had recently been contacted by her celebrity lawyer Marcus Christie who when going through the estate of the late Den Watts discovered that Ms Wattsherface was in fact the owner of the Pab and that it should never have been sold to the family of the Toxic Midget thus making all previous sales null and void. ''Oh if only Dennis Plank was ere to see me back in charge of my old dad’s pub” she said to her latest boyfriend Kermit Grenouille. ‘’We will show those Mitchells” The Watts are back in town.
In a dingy flat a semi naked male stopped performing for his worldwide webcam audience of 2. His master plan was coming to fruition. He would show all this who dissed him that he was still the master. No lucky bingo balls for him.
Over at the Car Lot there were changes in the air and more new signs going up. That well known piebald ace mechanic from The Dales had moved in and opened up a new branch of Dingle Motors in the square. With her Criminal background and her penchant for handling stolen motors she would fit in well with the citizens of Walford. Yes DEBBEHH felt good about the future and was not afraid of the Mitchells either. She knew she would be more than a match for Beetroot man and his crone of a muvva
Not even the Minute Mart was safe. After telling all on t’cobbles he was away to do humanitarian work in India Devendra Allinthehands was satisfied with the latest acquisition to his empire. Hopefully Mad Maya the Arseonist would not realise. E17 should be much more peaceful than Weatherfield. He could just see it now. Hundreds of corner shops all across the metropolis
How long would this peaceful scene last?
Does anyone actually care?
Would anyone notice?
Meanwhile 3000 miles away deep in the jungle a wannabe SAS trooper picked up a call on his satellite phone. “GWANT Gwant get back ome them bloomin Watts is back. They are in MAH PAB………………………………...
Christmas Day 2015 in Albert Square
As the snow begins to fall gently outside their window, Ian and Jane get busy preparing Christmas Dinner. "Well, it's been a tough year, love, but thankfully we've come through it without too much problem. Just think in a moment, Bobby will wake up and open up his presents and it will all have been worth it."
"Yes," replies Jane," but all the same I can't help feeling sorry for some of the other residents on the Square."
"What, like Max you mean?" says Ian, "Even if he didn't actually murder Lucy, he still deserved the life sentence with no parole he got from the judge."
"Well, not just Max..."
"Oh, Abi? Well, her and Ben were never going to last anyway. That nervous breakdown she had after she told lies about her old man and then saw Ben walk off with Paul was no more than she deserved. That spell in the mental hospital will do her good."
"And there was Liam."
"Don't talk to me about Liam. He had it coming to him. He was threatening to tell the police remember and Bobby really didn't hit him that hard."
"And what about Ben, Carol, Phil, Sharon, your mum, Cindy, Sonia, Mick, Shirley and all the others. All either in prison, hospital or dead."
"But at least Bobby is safe, that's all that matters."
Just then Bobby comes down stairs and enters the kitchen.
"Hello son," Ian waves to him cheerily, "Did you like your presents?"
"I like this one, dad," says Bobby as he waves a gun around his head.
"Where did you get that from," says Jane, alarmed.
"It was a present from that nice Vincent and Ronnie couple. Well, not exactly a present, I found it in their house after I'd broken in."
Jane gives Bobby a funny look, "I thought I hadn't seen Vincent and Ronnie around for a while. What have you done to them?"
"Well I had to try the gun out to see if it worked."
"Right, ok, here's what we do," puts in Ian hurriedly, "I'll get rid of the gun and say you were with us all the time."
Jane gives him a withering look. "We must protect Bobby at all costs," Ian reminds her.
But it's too late as Bobby hurls the gun at Jane and knocks her to the ground. Ian hurries over and feels her pulse.
"OK, son, here's what we'll do...."
And there was me hoping the Bobby story would run for some years! :D
Will Eastenders even exist by 2016 after Bobby's knocked off everyone but Ian? Maybe due to BBC cutbacks, the soap will finish completely on New Year's Eve with Bobby giving Ian's bloody, lifeless corpse one last look over his shoulder, shrugging nonchalantly, and walking off into the sunset with an evil glint in his eye...
We can but hopeQuote:
Originally Posted by Dazzle
We can but hopeQuote:
Originally Posted by Dazzle
It still could. Think of all the characters they could bring back from the dead. Why stop at Den and Kathy? Then there's Winston and Tracey. Bobby still has to deal with them. And I think you will find he'll meet his match in Winston.....I'm saying no more as I have been sworn to secrecy by DTC.....Quote:
Originally Posted by Dazzle
Ah! Ive been wondering why you haven'tQuote:
Originally Posted by parkerman
commented on the new extended EE set
that was detailed on here recently.
My first thought At last- a fitting setting for
Winston.!!
Now I undserstand your reticence.Omerta
Je Comprenez or similar !!
Dupl
DTC isn't big on realism, so is it possible the unassuming Winston has been leading a double life as a super hero (with Tracy as his glamorous sidekick)? I think it'd take someone supernaturally strong to take down the killing machine that is Bobby Beale...Quote:
Originally Posted by parkerman
How did you find out? Who told you? It was supposed to be a secret!Quote:
Originally Posted by Dazzle
Didn't you know? DTC and I are like that http://www.stingtalk.com/forums/imag...s/fingersx.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by parkerman
How have I only just seen this thread? :lol:
I just hope that, if you've read it all through from the beginning you can work out and remember who all these people are!
It is the first day of Max Branning's trial. Sitting watching from the gallery are many of Albert Square's residents, all of whom know that Max is innocent but are all in agreement that Bobby Beale must be protected at all costs. The prosecution feel they have a strong case, though this was somewhat dented when Bobby hurled his Play Station at Abi Branning, killing her stone dead, after she built a bigger house than him when they were playing Minecraft together and attacked Bobby's house with a mob of Endermen who blew his house up with TNT.
Fortunately, only Ian was at home at the time and he hurriedly put Abi's body in the boot of his car and drove her to Epping Forest, burying her in a hastily dug hole, strangely enough near the same hole in which Tanya had once buried Max. He then forged a note from Abi saying she was going away for a couple of months. Although Ben thought it a bit strange she had said nothing to him, he accepted what Ian told him and ran off with Paul.
In his opening statement for the defence, Marcus says that not only is he going to prove Max's innocence but is going to prove conclusively that Phil Mitchell murdered Lucy with the connivance of Sharon. In another part of the court, Inspector Marsbar jumps up and down, barely able to contain her delight, shouting, "Yes! Yes!"
Sharon glances at Jane, who whispers to her, "Even if he does Sharon, remember it is far better that you go down as an accessory to murder than we do anything to upset Bobby." "Yes, you're right of course," replies Sharon. Ian looks across and adds, "We'll come and visit you, if you do go down."
To be continued...
Very good Parkerman! :D
This part made me choke on my coffee:
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:Quote:
Originally Posted by parkerman
Having heard all the evidence and counsels' closing remarks, the judge told the jury that he would now give his summing up, after which they had to reach their verdicts. He reminded the jury there were eleven defendants, which was most unusual in a case of perverting the course of justice. Nine, he said, were in the dock because they knew that Bobby had murdered Lucy and had sat back and allowed an innocent man to be banged up for 21 years; one because she was a little toe rag and had dobbed her father in it just because she didn't like him and one because he was a police sergeant who had refused to investigate when told Bobby was the murderer because Mr Branning had been his love rival.
He went on to say that he had never come across a case before where practically the whole population of a particular area had known the truth and yet the police didn't have a clue, though, given that it was the well-known Keystone Soap Police, he wasn't very surprised. He told the jury that it was an open and shut case and that personally, if he was on the jury, he'd find the whole lot of them guilty, lock them up and throw away the key. "However," he continued, "I do not wish to influence you as you must make your own minds up on the evidence presented." He then dismissed them and told them to come back with a unanimous verdict.
As the 11 prisoners were led back to their cells, Sharon began to cry. "Don't worry," said Phil, "I've bribed the foreman of the jury. We'll all be found not guilty except that weasel, Ian, as I've told the foreman to find him solely responsible. He thinks he's become my friend over the last few months, but I've been having him on. Give me half a chance and I'd have his head down the khazi again as quick as a flash."
After an hour, the jury filed back into court. The Foreman of the Jury stood to deliver his verdict. He said, by a unanimous decision, the jury had found the whole lot of them guilty and recommended locking them all up and throwing away the key. Phil was apoplectic. "Give me back my money," he shouted at the Foreman. But before anyone could say anything, he fell to the ground writhing in agony, "My liver, my liver," he cried. Sharon shouted at the Foreman, "Now look what you've done. This is all your fault." She looked round the courtroom and saw Grant in the public gallery. "Grant," she shouted, "Fix 'im." "Not likely sweet'eart," replied Grant, "I bribed the Foreman even more to make sure you and Phil went down!"
And so, they were all led away and everyone agreed that justice had at last been done. Just one man stayed behind in court, his head in his hands. "What has he done to me?" he muttered over and over again. "That b*****d, Treadwell-Collins has dropped me right in it. All my cast have been taken off to jail. How can I produce Eastenders with no cast?"
Suddenly he heard a loud cackling laugh from behind him, "I've fixed you O'Connor. I hated what you did to The Archers. Now I've got my revenge at last. Loose ends I told them, loose ends. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Sorry, forgot to Go Advanced!
DTC will surely win best villain at the British Soap Awards on Sunday after that disturbing performance! Who knew he had it in him? :eek: :clap: :pQuote:
Originally Posted by parkerman
Blowing into his hands and trying to keep warm, Martin was shivering outside Walford East Station. "Where is she?" he thought to himself, "eleven o' clock she said and it's nearly half past." Suddenly, he spotted her coming down the stairs. She ran up to him and threw her arms round him and gave him a big hug. "Sorry I'm late," she said, "have you been here long?" "Long enough," grumbled Martin, "I'm freezing." "Never mind, I'm here now."
"OK, 'Chelle, so what's it all about anyway?" "Nothing special really, Martin," Michelle replied, "I just thought I'd fly over from America so we could all meet up again. You, me, Ian, Sharon, Kathy. I haven't been back for such a long time. Even missed Mum, Dad and Mark's funerals and your two weddings as I was so busy, so I thought I'd finally find time when nothing much is happening, when there are no important family occasions, to get over and see everyone.
"Have you told anyone we're coming?" Martin inquired. "No, I thought we'd surprise them," Michelle replied. "OK, where to first then?" said Martin. "Well, we could go and see Ian I suppose." As they walked through the market, they saw Winston selling CDs on his stall. "Hi, Winston!" yelled Martin, "Still here. Are you allowed to talk yet?" Winston shook his head, but there was something about the way he looked at them that made both Martin and Michelle a bit uneasy. "It's a shame he can't speak," put in Michelle, because I think he had something to say to us. He looked at us a bit funny." "Yes," replied Martin, "I thought so too."
Suddenly they saw Tracey coming out of the Queen Vic and she gave them the same funny look. "What's up?" said Michelle. But Tracey just shook her head and ran off. "All a bit peculiar," observed Martin.
Shortly afterwards they arrived at Ian's house and knocked on the door. A good looking young girl answered the door. "Yes," she said. "Who are you?" said Martin. "What do you want to know for? Who are you?" "We're Ian's cousins," replied Martin. Lauren gave them the same funny look that Winston and Tracey had given them and said, "I didn't know he had any more cousins." "What do you mean, any more, er..er?" said Michelle.
"Lauren. My name is Lauren and..." But before she could say any more, Martin quickly put in, "Lauren Branning?" Lauren nodded. This time it was Martin's turn to give her a funny look. "You look different to how I remember you," he said. "How do you remember me?" said Lauren, "have we met before?"
Before Martin could answer, Ian came bounding down the stairs, "Who is it Lauren?" Suddenly he saw Martin and Michelle at the door. There was that look again.
Duff duff.
Tonight's cast:
Ian Beale: Adam Woodyat
Lauren Branning: Jacqueline Jossa
Winston: Ulric Browne
Tracey: Jane Slaughter
Martin: James Alexandrou
Michelle: Susan Tully
To be continued......
The year is 2025. The camera pans down Coronation Street to see that there are many For Sale boards outside the houses. In the middle of the street, Ken and Rita meet by chance. Rita says, "Oh hello, Ken. Good to see a familiar face for a change."
"I know what you mean, Rita," Ken replies, "So many people gone. Apart from you and me, there's only that nice Pat Phelan and Eileen left from the old days. Of course, a few newcomers have moved in, but they don't seem to last long. I've never known so many murders as we've had in the last few years. Even in the time of Richard Hillman we saw nothing like this."
"Yes," nods Rita in agreement, "and yet somehow the police can't seem to get to the bottom of it. It's all very mysterious. People won't move in out of fear."
Ken looks around. "Do you remember, Rita, when this was a thriving little community? Now the Rover's Return is closed. We have no corner shop or newsagent. Roy's Rolls closed up and even the kebab shop gone. No-one to work there and no customers. It's all very sad."
Suddenly Pat Phelan came out of his front door brandishing a gun, which he pointed at Rita and shot her dead. He then went back indoors where Eileen made him a nice cup of tea. Ken immediately phoned the police and told them what had happened. After a couple of hours a police car turned up and two policemen got out. Ken showed them Rita's body.
"Well well, yet another murder in Coronation Street," said the first policeman, "it's all very mysterious."
"No it isn't," said Ken, "I saw exactly what happened."
"Oh right," said the other policeman. "In that case, we'll be round to ask for a statement in due course."
When the police still hadn't been round in two weeks, Ken rang the station to ask when they were coming to take his statement. The voice at the other end said, "Oh, sorry, we won't be sending anyone round. We've decided there's no point. We've put the murder down to just one of those things. We won't be investigating any further. You look after yourself Mr Barlow."
Just as he put the phone down, Pat Phelan burst into his house and shot him dead."
Back home, Eileen made him another cup of tea and said, "So it's just you and me now, Pat. I'm so lucky to have you. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."
Pat shot her and Coronation Street finally came to an end.
I dont know whether I should attempt to revive it with a suitably ridiculous storyline or just let sleeping dogs lie when I realised that this even means they have killed Eccles. Maybe an investigation by the RSPCA will have more results than the soap peelers