Brilliant :D
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Brilliant :D
*For a couple of months, Kat and Alfie are happy as happy can be*
KAT: There's no customers, fancy a break?
ALFIE: There's loads of customers-
KAT: I said: Fancy. A. Break?
ALFIE: .... *to customers* Gotta go! *they race upstairs*
THE CUSTOMERS WAITING TO BE SERVED: Hello? Hello? What's with all the random sexing with these two? Do they never stop? Oy.
*But then, Something Happens.*
LITTLE MO: I was raped...
KAT: Again?
CHARLIE: ME HULK!
LITTLE MO: No, Dad, that's a really bad idea-
CHARLIE: HULK SMASH!
*Later*
GRAHAM: ...Okay, I'm totally gonna sue the a$s off you now.
KAT: GAAAAAH!
GRAHAM: Or else your dad will be in prison for longer, and you wouldn't want that, not with his weak heart, would you? Eh?
KAT: I am going to kill you.
GRAHAM: Say what?
KAT: ...Ten grand, coming right up.
*They manage to raise 2 grand, but not enough, woe*
KAT: Alfie, why is there an extra grand in here?
ALFIE: Um... I put it there.
KAT: Awwwwww! *Random sexing ensues*
ALFIE: Yay!
*So now they have 3 grand, but still not enough. Poo.*
KAT: Andy, since you're such a nice gangster dude and all, will you help us?
ANDY: No problemo.
KAT: ....Really?
ANDY: Yeah, sure, just as long as you sleep with me.
KAT: Okay, fine- WAIT A MINUTE! *slappity slaps him, whoooo*
ANDY: You're such a slapper, man.
KAT: QUIET OR I STAB YOU.
ANDY: But it's quite a good deal, really. You should be amazed that I actually think you're worth £7000.
KAT: STABNATION!
ANDY: Okay okay I'll shut up.
KAT: *gives him the hand, leaves*
ANDY: ...
KAT: *comes back* Oh, wait, this is my house.
lol, fab more soon please :cheer:
*Alfie mysteriously manages to get £7000 from somewhere...*
KAT: OMG I love you! *snogs dramatically*
ANDY: *rubs hands together gleefully* Little does she know that I will soon get my revenge... I could squash him like an ant, but that's too easy... no, I'll bide my time until - oh, hell, I'll just squash him like an ant.
ANDY: And the ant-squashery begins.... now. Alfie, your next payment's due in tomorrow, plzkthanx.
ALFIE: But I can't get that kind of money in-
ANDY: Buh-buh. Shhhh.
ALFIE: Bu-
ANDY: Shhh.
ALFIE: You-
ANDY: Shhh!
ALFIE: I can't-
ANDY: Shhh!
ALFIE: *cries*
ANDY: Hee hee. Alfie n'aime pas!
ANDY: Sooooo, Kat. How the tables have turned. Now I'm gonna keel your husband, and the only way you can stop it is to sleep with me! Mwahahahahaaa!
KAT: ...Yeah, I got it the first time.
ANDY: Hmm, yeah. So, will you do it?
KAT: *slappity slaps him*
ANDY: .... I really wish she'd stop doing that.
ANDY: *has a Baseball Bat Of Doom And Pain And Hurty, oh noes* Tee hee.
KAT: You really need to work on that evil gangster laugh, man.
ANDY: Whatever. Anyway, with this bat, I thee wed - I mean, we'll start on the more... vulnerable areas first. *sinisterly*
ALFIE: *crosses his legs, which is a remarkable achievement, considering he's standing up*
KAT: YOU NO HURT ALFIE. ALFIE MIIIIIINE.
ANDY: Well, you can have until 5pm tomorrow. Hear that, Kat? 5pm. be there. *blows her a kiss*
ALFIE: *moaning* Nooo, not the vulnerable areas...
KAT: Don't worry... he won't touch your - *pauses* Oh, man, mental image.
---------
I'm sorry for resorting to borrowing from the Simpsons and Austin Powers :( I'm all funnied out:rolleyes:
:rotfl: it's fab - more soon pwease! :cheer:
*Kat wakes up the next day*
KAT: Alfie?
*Note the mysterious lack of Alfie about the place.*
KAT: Bah. I fancied a morning go at it, too... OMG Andy! I forgot!
*She finds a note from Alfie saying 'Trust me'.*
KAT: That's it? He had enough time to write an enigmatic message, but not enough to say where he'd gone?
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: *look away, whistling*
KAT: Who keeps making that noise? Nana?
*Kat eventually goes round to Andy's house anyway, possibly to slap him. Again. I hope so.*
ANDY: Kat. Sit yourself down. I was going to beat your husband to a bloody pulp, but hey. Maybe I won't.
KAT: Oh, you think you're such a kewl gangster, don't you?
ANDY: ... Why, yes.
KAT: Well, you're not! I've seen The Untouchables! Al Capone was at a dinner party, talking and laughing to his men while he walked round this table, and then out of nowhere he just whacked this guy over the head with a baseball bat! I mean, dude! At the dinner table!
ANDY: .... I'm glad to see you watch historically educational movies.
KAT: The guy was totally pwned! And no-one else even said a word! And then-
ANDY: Yeah, yeah. I'm cooler.
KAT: You totally aren't.
ANDY: Am too.
KAT: Am not.
ANDY: Am too. Now sexing, please.
KAT: *slappity sl-*
ANDY: *GRABS HER HAND, oh noes!* Yeah, I got bored of that quickly.
KAT: *glares*
-----------
more in a min, gotta go
*They do the deed, nooooooooo*
KAT: Okay, so this is over now, yeah? The debt's off?
ANDY: *smirking* Of course.
*THE GODS OF IRONY make a sudden comeback...*
*Alfie bursts in!*
ALFIE: I got your money just in time!
KAT: OMG! *hides behind door*
ANDY: Er... good. Yes.
ALFIE: I am in time, right?
ANDY: Um... sure. Kind of.
KAT: *is retching behind the door*
ANDY: Jeez, it wasn't that bad, was it...?
ALFIE: Yay Kat I paid him back! We're okay!
KAT: Oh. Good.
ALFIE: YAY!
KAT: *sniffle*
ALFIE: *snogs Kat's face off, conveniently in front of Andy's window*
ANDY: *seethes*
no more slappity-slaps :( but fab script, can't wait for the next part! :cheer:
Thursday 1st December EE episode
MO: Alfie's not on his stall again. He must be having it off with a new woman.
KAT: *bottom lip trembles*
MO: ... Oh, sorry, I forgot that might be a painful subject. Coffee?
SONIA and MARTIN: La di da, everything is fine, nothing could be better, whoopie doo.
NAOMI: SHUT UP.
KAT: *sees ALFIE in the Vic chatting to a woman* BAH!
*ALFIE leaves, and another man kisses the woman*
KAT: Bloody hell, it's like a conveyor belt.
*She marches up to the woman*
KAT: OMG you're such a sl*t and DON'T HURT ALFIE HE MINE!
DOCTOR: ... I didn't catch any of that.
KAT: He might just be a quickie to you, but to me - *sobs* - HE'S MY SQUISHY!
DOCTOR: ....
KAT: If I hear any word of tables becoming involved then I. Will. Kill. You. So badly.
DOCTOR: What?
KAT: Tables are kind of our thing, ya know?
DOCTOR: Er... I'm Nana Moon's doctor?
KAT'S EXPRESSION: *totally rules.*
MO: Dennis and Sharon must be deeeeead!
PAULINE: Yeah!
*So they burst into their flat, and catch DENNIS... er.... doing DIY. (Think about what the letters stand for... there you go.) Yes. Ewww.*
MO: Was he doing what I thought he was doing?!
DENNIS: *is a naughty boy. But oh so hawt.*
SHARON: *giggles madly*
DENNIS: *cries*
KAT: Why didn't you tell me?
ALFIE: I couldn't.
KAT: I thought you and her were doing it. And that made me sad.
ALFIE: No... there's no one else for me only you of course not. *he gets all upset*
KAT: *heart melts* Awww, c'mere.
*She lets him lean his head on her shoulder. It must be hard because he's taller than her. He'll end up with a bad back. Oh dear. Why am I typing this? It's complete nonsense. Yay, a Kalfie hug.*
ALFIE: *sniffle* She's gonna die...
KAT: Awww, baby, I'll be there for you... with or without clothes...
ALFIE: Thank you... *sadly*
*A few minutes later*
KAT: Alfie, I appreciate you're upset, but if you look down my top one more time, you're getting a kick in the nuts.
ALFIE: Sorry.
*That didn't happen. But it should have.*
MARTIN: *finally puts two and two together* OMG you're having an affair!
SONIA: Ummmm....
MARTIN: Don't deny it!
SONIA: It was just a kiss! .....Oops.
NAOMI: *facepalm*
:rotfl: that was fab! please do some more comedy soon :thumbsup: