That's exactly what I said when I heard about this new turn of events with Kat and Alfie.
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Monday
Kat can sense that there is something wrong with Alfie, but she wrongly assumes that it's down to the anniversary of Nana Moon's death. The troubled couple vow to make this Christmas the best ever for Tommy, so Alfie continues with his efforts to turn The Vic and Albert Square into a beautiful festive extravaganza - complete with a German Christmas market.
Later, Roxy comes across a door key which has been left behind at The Vic. After failing to find out who it belongs to, Roxy places it into a glass behind the bar for someone to claim. As the day continues, the key disappears and Kat assures Alfie that a man came to collect it earlier. That evening, however, Alfie hides a gift for Kat in her jewellery box and is stunned to find the key placed inside - it's clear that Kat has lied to him yet again...
Meanwhile, Derek drives out of Walford to make some arrangements for Max's stag party. However, when he stops at some traffic lights, he is terrified when he spots some familiar men staring at him from the next car. Derek attempts to speed off, but finds himself followed into a dead end. When Derek resorts to running away on foot, the men catch up with him and demand to know where Max is. Derek refuses to co-operate, so they leave him in a bloodied state as punishment. Back on the Square later, Derek warns Max that 'they' want their money within 24 hours...
Elsewhere, Zainab rebukes a queue-jumper at the café for her lack of manners. However, she soon regrets her remarks when she discovers that the girl is Ayesha, the family friend who will be staying with the Masoods while meeting her suitor in London. Zainab quickly changes her attitude by frantically trying to make Ayesha feel welcome. Later, an interfering Zainab tells Tamwar that he is a much better guy than the one that Ayesha is set to marry.
Also today, Joey tends to Lauren when she cuts her hand and the chemistry between them is obvious, while Bianca shows her softer side by selflessly putting her tips into Lola's jar at the salon.
Tuesday
Alfie is in turmoil following last night's discovery. Unable to take any more, Alfie packs an overnight bag and tells Kat that he is going away for the night to buy some cheap alcohol from a ferry in Portsmouth. Not keen to be left alone at the moment, Kat complains that she can't take care of the bar on her own, especially as Max's stag party is tonight. However, Alfie assures Kat that he has arranged for Roxy, Jean and Tracey to take care of things, which will allow her to have a night off.
Later, once Alfie has gone, Kat heads upstairs and away from the stag party. However, when she receives a phone call, she changes into her heels and heads out, telling Roxy that she is going to Tanya's hen do. Kat heads towards R&R but soon changes direction - completely unaware that Alfie is still in Walford and is following her…
Meanwhile, Alice is still eager to have a happy family, so Derek offers to pay Joey to have Christmas lunch with them. However, Joey infuriates Derek by turning him down. Soon afterwards, Derek interrupts the preparations for Tanya's hen party, wanting to speak to the bride-to-be. In private, Derek orders Tanya to persuade Joey to leave Walford, warning that he will go to the police about Lauren's drink-driving if she doesn't agree. When Tanya refuses to comply with Derek's latest demand, he warns that she'll regret it.
At the same time, Max is anxious about the financial 'problem' he is facing. He considers telling Tanya the truth, but Derek warns that it's a bad idea. When Max decides to give up the money that is meant for his honeymoon, Derek offers to take the cash to 'them' - declaring that he wants to look out for his younger brother. However, unbeknown to Max, a deceitful Derek secretly pockets the money and begins spending it on drinks for the stag do.
Later, Tanya's hen party at R&R is a raucous affair with strippers present, and Cora even turns up to make amends with her daughter. However, events take a more serious turn when Tanya speaks to Joey in private, revealing that Derek will report Lauren to the police unless he leaves Walford. Knowing what he has to do, Joey approaches Lauren and lets her know that he is leaving.
Thursday
Alfie continues to follow Kat and watches her disappear through a door on George Street. After being buzzed into the building, Alfie kicks down the door to the bedsit and finds Kat waiting for her lover, surrounded by rose petals and candles.
Kat struggles to provide an explanation as Alfie accuses her of continuing with her secret affair. She insists that she has been harassed by her lover ever since finishing their fling, so has now come to the bedsit to end things once and for all.
A furious Alfie goes on to reveal how much he knows, producing the bedsit key and the pawned engagement ring. He argues that the mystery man must be someone he knows and demands a name, but Kat refuses to tell him. Instead, she continues to protest her innocence - insisting that she hasn't been unfaithful since Alfie found out about the affair in September.
With Kat refusing to provide any answers, Alfie decides to wait until the guy in question arrives. However, Alfie then notices the tenancy contract on the bedside table and makes a grab for it. Desperate to keep the truth under wraps, Kat sets the piece of paper alight. However, as the flames take hold, Alfie sees that the agreement is addressed to 'Mr Branning'.
In the confrontation that follows, Kat's mystery lover is finally revealed…
Friday
After finally discovering the truth, Alfie's world crashes down around him.
Meanwhile, Max and Tanya's stag and hen parties have now merged as the night is drawing to a close. A drunken Lauren tells Max that she was driving the car in the crash a few weeks ago, but Derek persuaded Joey to take the blame. Lauren also reveals that she and Joey were an item at the time, adding that Tanya has known the full story all along.
With the truth now out, Tanya and Lauren exchange nasty comments, until Tanya slaps her daughter when she refuses to hand over the bottle of vodka that she is still drinking. Tanya then has some revelations of her own to deliver as she confesses that Joey still loves Lauren and is only leaving Walford due to Derek's blackmail.
Furious that her mum has known this all along, Lauren rips Tanya's wedding dress and smashes the cake. But is that the only thing that has ruined Tanya's hopes of a perfect wedding?
Monday
Kat can sense that there is something wrong with Alfie, but she wrongly assumes that it's down to the anniversary of Nana Moon's death. The troubled couple vow to make this Christmas the best ever for Tommy, so Alfie continues with his efforts to turn The Vic and Albert Square into a beautiful festive extravaganza - complete with a German Christmas market.
Later, Roxy comes across a door key which has been left behind at The Vic. After failing to find out who it belongs to, Roxy places it into a glass behind the bar for someone to claim. As the day continues, the key disappears and Kat assures Alfie that a man came to collect it earlier. That evening, however, Alfie hides a gift for Kat in her jewellery box and is stunned to find the key placed inside - it's clear that Kat has lied to him yet again...
Meanwhile, Derek drives out of Walford to make some arrangements for Max's stag party. However, when he stops at some traffic lights, he is terrified when he spots some familiar men staring at him from the next car. Derek attempts to speed off, but finds himself followed into a dead end. When Derek resorts to running away on foot, the men catch up with him and demand to know where Max is. Derek refuses to co-operate, so they leave him in a bloodied state as punishment. Back on the Square later, Derek warns Max that 'they' want their money within 24 hours...
Elsewhere, Zainab rebukes a queue-jumper at the café for her lack of manners. However, she soon regrets her remarks when she discovers that the girl is Ayesha, the family friend who will be staying with the Masoods while meeting her suitor in London. Zainab quickly changes her attitude by frantically trying to make Ayesha feel welcome. Later, an interfering Zainab tells Tamwar that he is a much better guy than the one that Ayesha is set to marry.
Also today, Joey tends to Lauren when she cuts her hand and the chemistry between them is obvious, while Bianca shows her softer side by selflessly putting her tips into Lola's jar at the salon.
Tuesday
Alfie is in turmoil following last night's discovery. Unable to take any more, Alfie packs an overnight bag and tells Kat that he is going away for the night to buy some cheap alcohol from a ferry in Portsmouth. Not keen to be left alone at the moment, Kat complains that she can't take care of the bar on her own, especially as Max's stag party is tonight. However, Alfie assures Kat that he has arranged for Roxy, Jean and Tracey to take care of things, which will allow her to have a night off.
Later, once Alfie has gone, Kat heads upstairs and away from the stag party. However, when she receives a phone call, she changes into her heels and heads out, telling Roxy that she is going to Tanya's hen do. Kat heads towards R&R but soon changes direction - completely unaware that Alfie is still in Walford and is following her…
Meanwhile, Alice is still eager to have a happy family, so Derek offers to pay Joey to have Christmas lunch with them. However, Joey infuriates Derek by turning him down. Soon afterwards, Derek interrupts the preparations for Tanya's hen party, wanting to speak to the bride-to-be. In private, Derek orders Tanya to persuade Joey to leave Walford, warning that he will go to the police about Lauren's drink-driving if she doesn't agree. When Tanya refuses to comply with Derek's latest demand, he warns that she'll regret it.
At the same time, Max is anxious about the financial 'problem' he is facing. He considers telling Tanya the truth, but Derek warns that it's a bad idea. When Max decides to give up the money that is meant for his honeymoon, Derek offers to take the cash to 'them' - declaring that he wants to look out for his younger brother. However, unbeknown to Max, a deceitful Derek secretly pockets the money and begins spending it on drinks for the stag do.
Later, Tanya's hen party at R&R is a raucous affair with strippers present, and Cora even turns up to make amends with her daughter. However, events take a more serious turn when Tanya speaks to Joey in private, revealing that Derek will report Lauren to the police unless he leaves Walford. Knowing what he has to do, Joey approaches Lauren and lets her know that he is leaving.
Thursday
Alfie continues to follow Kat and watches her disappear through a door on George Street. After being buzzed into the building, Alfie kicks down the door to the bedsit and finds Kat waiting for her lover, surrounded by rose petals and candles.
Kat struggles to provide an explanation as Alfie accuses her of continuing with her secret affair. She insists that she has been harassed by her lover ever since finishing their fling, so has now come to the bedsit to end things once and for all.
A furious Alfie goes on to reveal how much he knows, producing the bedsit key and the pawned engagement ring. He argues that the mystery man must be someone he knows and demands a name, but Kat refuses to tell him. Instead, she continues to protest her innocence - insisting that she hasn't been unfaithful since Alfie found out about the affair in September.
With Kat refusing to provide any answers, Alfie decides to wait until the guy in question arrives. However, Alfie then notices the tenancy contract on the bedside table and makes a grab for it. Desperate to keep the truth under wraps, Kat sets the piece of paper alight. However, as the flames take hold, Alfie sees that the agreement is addressed to 'Mr Branning'.
In the confrontation that follows, Kat's mystery lover is finally revealed…
Friday
After finally discovering the truth, Alfie's world crashes down around him.
Meanwhile, Max and Tanya's stag and hen parties have now merged as the night is drawing to a close. A drunken Lauren tells Max that she was driving the car in the crash a few weeks ago, but Derek persuaded Joey to take the blame. Lauren also reveals that she and Joey were an item at the time, adding that Tanya has known the full story all along.
With the truth now out, Tanya and Lauren exchange nasty comments, until Tanya slaps her daughter when she refuses to hand over the bottle of vodka that she is still drinking. Tanya then has some revelations of her own to deliver as she confesses that Joey still loves Lauren and is only leaving Walford due to Derek's blackmail.
Furious that her mum has known this all along, Lauren rips Tanya's wedding dress and smashes the cake. But is that the only thing that has ruined Tanya's hopes of a perfect wedding?