-
NANA: You'll tell Kat, won't you?
ALFIE: Yeah, of course.
ALFIE: *doesn't tell KAT*
KAT: Why are you looking at me funny?
ALFIE: *panics* I'm not looking at any part of your body!
KAT: ...
ALFIE: *coughs* Er... sorry. Misheard you. I'm not looking at you funny.
KAT: *shrug* Okay. *snogs DENNIS*
ALFIE: GAH! *totally ogles her*
KAT: *notices this* You perv.
ALFIE: *hangs his head in shame* I know...
*Things like this go on for many weeks, until...*
KAT: OMG I fancy Alfie!
LITTLE MO: You should tell him - you can't just jump on him though.
KAT: Why not?
LITTLE MO: Because I'm an evil b*tch and I want him for myself Because it's not ladylike.
KAT: Pffft.
*KAT gets v. v. drunk, goes to the Vic and confesses to ALFIE*
ALFIE: OMG!
LITTLE PEOPLE IN HIS BRAIN: *mini cheer* Yay!
KAT: Well? *swaying on the spot*
ALFIE: I'll have to think about it.
KAT: Okay.
ALFIE: I've thought about it.
*They jump on each other like whoa.*
THE AUDIENCE: WTF?
TPTB: Oh, purlease. You ain't seen nothing yet.
*They get upstairs eventually, despite falling over on the way and we think they're actually going to go at iton the stairs right there and then so we're like 'OMG! Look awaaay!' but they don't, thankfully.*
-
-
:rotfl: this is fab, please do more soon!
-
*In ALFIE's bedroom*
KAT: Wait!
ALFIE: Yeah, I love you - *snogs*
KAT: No, not that -
ALFIE: What? Okay, I really respect you and stuff - *tries to feel her up*
KAT: No, I meant have you got one?
ALFIE: *is very, very confused* Of course I've bloody well got one!
KAT: *sigh* I meant a con-
ALFIE: Oh! Yeah, right... I knew that.
*He doesn't have any. Sigh.*
ALFIE: Can't we just risk it?
KAT: *stares at him*
ALFIE: What, don't you like gambling?
KAT: ....
ALFIE: Don't worry, I'll be back! *leaves*
*KAT gets bored while he's gone and even more drunk, and reads ALFIE's magazines.*
KAT: Ew...
*Meanwhile, ALFIE is searching round London for protection. He manages to get mugged, arrested, and falls in a canal. All conveniently in half an hour. He eventually is given one by an old man (ew?)*
ALFIE: This is the worst night ever. But at least I've got Kat waiting for me in my bed, hopefully naked. Mmm, Kat...
*By the time he gets back, KAT is fast asleep*
ALFIE: DAMN IT!
*The next day*
*KAT wakes up and is embarrassed, understandably. She does a runner, which is kind of pointless when she only lives across the street from him, so he can easily follow her. Bleh.*
ALFIE: ... I'm never gonna get any, am I?
KAT: Now he'll just think I'm a slapper... *cries*
LITTLE Mo: *kindly voice* Aw, darling... we all think you're a slapper.
KAT: *cries*
-
:rotfl: that was fab! next part soon please!! :cheer:
-
haha funny stuff. More soon please.
-
*Later, ALFIE goes round to the Slaters' house, but KAT won't open the door.*
ALFIE: Let me in...
KAT: No!
ALFIE: *muffled voice* Are you hugging the door?
KAT: ...No, why would I?
ALFIE: *normal voice* Neither was I.
KAT: Go away! I'm never going to open this door!
ALFIE: What, not ever? Come on, I'm freezing my bits off out here...
KAT: *gives in and opens the door, possibly because she can't bear the thought* Nooo! We need those to make mini Kalfies!
ALFIE: ...
KAT: Last night was totally a mistake.
ALFIE: I agree. *uncomfortable*
KAT: So, we're, um... just mates?
ALFIE: *stifles a sob* I suppose so.
KAT: Good.
*ALFIE turns to leave, but then-*
ALFIE: Ah, screw it. Kat, last night wasn't a mistake! Even though you were so drunk you couldn't stand up! I fancy your pants off!
KAT: Buh...
ALFIE: Seriously! I would have done it ON THE STAIRS!
KAT: Gasp!
ALFIE: *turns red* Did I just say that out loud?
KAT: Yes, but I don't care cos I fancy you too!
THE AUDIENCE: Yeah, like you didn't make that clear last episode.
ALFIE: YAY!
*They snog. A lot. Oh dear. I hope they stay away from the stairs.*
THE FUTURE AUDIENCE OF 2005, WHO WEREN'T THERE THEN, SO THIS MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE, BUT ARE READING THIS SCRIPT, SO HA! : Man, what is it with those two and items of furniture?
KAT and ALFIE: *are together, yay*
-
:rotfl: keep it up, it's so faab!
-
*KAT and ALFIE go on a date*
ALFIE: So Kat, how did you feel when you found out you were having your uncle's baby?
KAT: Er... I dunno...
ALFIE: Weren't you angry? Didn't you want to throw bricks at him? *He totally did actually ask her this in the show...*
KAT: Actually I just wanted to die.
ALFIE: Oh. Hey, this isn't bothering you, is it?
KAT: Of course not. I always talk about my childhood sex abuse on dates. It adds such a lovely air to the occasion, don't you think?
ALFIE: Whew, heavy on the sarcasm there. But no need to worry any more!
KAT: I wasn't.
ALFIE: Because I'm gonna look after you! *plays with her hair*
KAT: Man, I just washed this. You'll get it all greasy.
ALFIE: Sorry.
*Well, the hair bit never happened, but I always think it whenever his hand goes near her hair. Like "No! Hand grease!" Or is that just me?*
*A few days later*
KAT: *saucily* Morning, sexy.
ALFIE: OMG she's come to visit me in the morning wheee! Hi!
KAT: Just thought I'd come to say good morning... *snogs*
ALFIE: Ohhhh.
*Later that day*
ALFIE: *to SPENCER* I think tonight's the night! Whooo!
SPENCER: Dude, ew.
*ALFIE puts candles and romantic music on upstairs, awww.*
KAT: Oh Alfie BTW, I'm off out clubbing tonight. Just thought I'd let you know. *disappears*
ALFIE: *cries*
SPENCER: OMG Alfie the living room is on fire! One of those candles fell over!
ALFIE: *weeps* Do you think it's actually possible to die from lack of sex?
SPENCER: You're not listening to me!
ALFIE: You've got it good, Spence... you're young...
SPENCER: I'm also on fire!
ALFIE: Ah, the flames of love - oh, wait... *is on fire*
-
:rotfl: more soon please!
