How To Lose Your Job:

HOW TO LOSE YOUR JOB:
> 1. Tell your boss the reason you were late was because you
> fancied a shag before work.
> 2. Stumble back from lunch, two hours late, pissed as a
fart
> chanting 'The Venga Bus is coming........"
> 3. Ask the chief executive for some Rizlas.
> 4. Grow a cannabis plant on your desk.
> 5. Tell the boss you'll "Send the boys round" - if they
> don't authorise your pay rise.
> 6. Admit you traded in your company car for a two week
> shag-fest in Ibiza.
> 7. Set up your own S&M dungeon in the stationery cupboard.
> 8. Bring a sleeping bag to work for those little afternoon
> naps!
> 9. Pawn your computer because you're skint till pay day.
> 10. Ask the boss's wife "Have you noticed that one of your
> husbands balls hangs lower than the other".
> 11. Call the boss to your desk, call him "Sonny" and tell
> him his work isn't up to scratch.
> 12. Start a one-man/woman Mexican wave every time someone
leaves
>
> their desk.
>
>
> HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE
INSANE:
> 1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair
> dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
> 2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your
> voice.)
> 3) Insist that your e-mail address be:
> '[email protected]'
> '[email protected]'
> 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they
want
>
> fries with that.
> 5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little
> synchronised chair dancing.
> 6) Put your waste bin on your desk and label it 'IN.'
(This
> is a must do')
> 7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
> 8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has
> gotten over
>
> their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
> 9) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you
> think."
> 10) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the
> prophecy."
> 11) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness
> level
> lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that
> you like it that way.
>
> 12) Don't use any punctuation
> 13) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
> 14) Ask people what sex they are.
> 15) Specify that your drive through order is to go."
> 16) Sing along at the opera.
> 17) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't
> rhyme.
> 18) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same
> outfits. Wear
>
> them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
> effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
>
> 19) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what
> you're doing.
>
> For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
> 20) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
> 21) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't
> attend their party 'cause you're not in the mood.