Maybe next time (danny, eastenders)
It just had to be one of his brother’s looks, or tone of voice, that brought back the same memory from childhood, when he first really remembered Jake getting mad at him.
It had been over Christmas, when Danny decided he wanted to set up the tabletop football game he had been very lucky to receive. The box had said ‘Adult assembly required’, but their parents were out, so he asked his older brother to do it.
Danny sat on the floor next to his older brother, smiling to himself as he watched his brother set up the game. He guessed secretly Jake was quite proud of himself that HE had been asked to set it up, and was doing a good job at it.
But Danny wasn’t the type to sit back quietly and be patient. He wanted to help out, and he wanted his brother to say well done, good job Danny. So when his brother had his back turned to look at the instructions for the next part, Danny decided to put the stickers on, starting with the scoreboard. He knew his numbers by now, and surely this would earn a smile from Jake.
He wasn’t expecting a different reaction. Danny had put the stickers that were supposed to go on the players’ uniforms on the scoreboard, and some were messily done and crinkled. “Danny, you’re wrecking the whole thing!” Jake cried out.
The younger brother bit his lip as he looked down at the sheet of stickers and hid the rest behind his back, and then he started to cry. It was only their dad who was supposed to get mad, not Jake. He was supposed to be the nice one, who didn’t yell.
“Come on, quit crying” Jake pleaded as he walked towards his younger brother.
Danny stood up, as a childish bitter scowl crossed his face that was marred with tears. “I don’t even want to play with it, or YOU anyway!” he yelled as he kicked at the nearly finished game.
Jake’s eyes widened, “Danny! I almost finished it! Look what you’ve done now; what do you think dad will do when he finds out?”
This only seemed to make things worse as the boy turned around and shook with each sob.
“Who’s crying?” a loud bark made them jump. Jake turned and swallowed, paling slightly when his father appeared in the doorway – he’d returned. “What the – is that the game I bought you kids for Christmas? Is it?!... Danny!”
Jake hesitated when his brother cowered behind him. “He, he’s crying because, I kicked his game”
His dad grabbed him by the arm and dragged him forward. Danny whimpered and Jake flinched. “Do you have any idea how much we spent on that?!” he yelled near the child’s face, “I don’t know why I bother, when a little brat like you wrecks everything! I’ll teach you about kicking things” their father growled as he tugged the boy out of the room.
Later that night, when the lights had been turned off and the boy’s were in their beds, Danny rolled over to face his brother’s back. “Jake?” he whispered. Silence. “Jake?” he said a bit louder.
“Sshh, do you want dad to come and find us still awake?” Jake whispered back warningly.
Danny bit his lip as he fingered the corner of his quilt. “I’m sorry” he said quietly. His brother continued facing the wall silently. “I didn’t want to make you or dad mad” he tugged the quilt higher up as he remembered the cries of his brother when he’d stayed sat in the lounge crying like a baby. It should have been him who was punished. “I’ll tell him it was me”
“Don’t” Jake finally replied and rolled over to lie on his back. “Let’s just forget about everything, okay?” he sighed.
No, it wasn’t okay, and he wouldn’t forget it. Danny sat up; “Do you hate me now, like dad does?” he chewed on his lip.
“You’re my brother Danny, how can I hate you?”
“…I wreck everything” the younger replied with watery warmth stinging his eyes.
Jake sighed “No you don’t. I shouldn’t have gotten mad. It wasn’t your fault”
Danny pulled his knees up to his chest, “He hurt you” he stated.
Jake swallowed; “it was nothing” he stared up at the ceiling.
“I don’t like it when dad does ‘nothing’”
There was a small silence before Jake had realized his brother was upset and crying again quietly. He sat up and glanced to the door, hoping his brother wouldn’t cry loud enough to wake their dad.
“Danny...” he glanced over in the darkness towards his brother. It wasn’t unusual for his brother to get upset at night. He particularly disliked the dark when all he could see was the thin beam of light under the door, where occasionally their fathers shadow threatened. “Quick, come over here”
Danny without hesitation pulled back his quilt and clambered down from the bed, quietly crossing the short space of floor to the other bed. Jake shifted, giving him room to climb onto and lie down.
“I’m sorry” Danny sniffled, “I always get you into trouble”
“No you don’t” Jake slung an arm around him, “I’m you’re older brother, I’m meant to protect you. Things will be fine, okay?”
It was then Danny made the childish decision that he’d make it up to his brother, and try and protect him sometimes, and make him proud. But now years later, he was beginning to feel that all the attempts were useless, he’d always mess it up, and Jake would no longer put an arm around him and tell him things would be okay, and it wasn’t his fault. Now he was used to the glares and yells from his brother, and from everyone else like Alfie, but still thought hopelessly – maybe next time it’ll be different.
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