Calling all mums.. I need help!!

[Siobhan]

I don't know what to do anymore.. My lovely little boy Ben seems to be in trouble all the time..
He recently started a friendship with a girl across from us but she taught him so very colourful language so I had to put an end to it. Due to this my son now swears at people in his creche and mothers are complaining that their kids are repeating what he is saying.

I have tried everything.. the whole supernanny reward charts, naughty step etc... Nothing works... It seems he like he can't do two things in the one day... if he is naughty in creche, he is an angel at home and vice versa... if he goes to bed by himself then he will come into my bed in the middle of the night..

He is prone to bout of very strong agression including extreme voilence (he busted my lip with a tennis raquet and has left me bruised when he kicked me in a temper) I am at my wits end with him.. When he is good he is such a beautiful loving child but I am afraid that everyone will only see the bad him and he is not like that... I love my son and don't want anyone to treat him differently due to his temper.. People are afraid of Ben and it hurts me.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Has anyone experienced this and how did you handle it?

[Chris_2k11]

Does he eat a lot of sweets Siobhan, (like E numbers) things like that?

[Siobhan]

Does he eat a lot of sweets Siobhan, (like E numbers) things like that?

No.. he is not a sweet lover.. he barely eat chocolate and I have checked his diet but nothing out of the ordinary... It was one of the thing I looked at in the past with his biting phase...

[Perdita]

Have you thought about asking a doctor for advice or even the nursery staff? Iwould have thought that they might have come across something like it. All the best x

[Siobhan]

Have you thought about asking a doctor for advice or even the nursery staff? Iwould have thought that they might have come across something like it. All the best x

I have done all that.. they say it is normal and that kids go through phases... the creche is pushing for him to be seen by a child phychiatrist

[Pinkbanana]

Have you thought about asking a doctor for advice or even the nursery staff? Iwould have thought that they might have come across something like it. All the best x

I have done all that.. they say it is normal and that kids go through phases... the creche is pushing for him to be seen by a child phychiatrist

Could he have a form of ADHD? OFcourse it could just be a phase which you will have to weather out (easier said than done)... However, if he has a lot of aggressive going on there too, maybe asking your doctor to refer you to see someone who might able to talk to Ben and get to the root of the problem (if there is one) or help him to modify his behaviour, for when he does start feeling aggressive... as if he is being alienated by his peers due to his behaviour it might just be making him worse...

[di marco]

im not really sure what to suggest. it seems youve done all you can. you said youve tried the naughty step/reward charts etc, have you tried taking toys away from him everytime hes naughty? say take a fave toy away for a week everytime he does something wrong, once he realises he cant play with his fave toys he might calm down a bit?

[di marco]

as if he is being alienated by his peers due to his behaviour it might just be making him worse...

i agree with that. at the playschool me and my sis used to help at there was a boy who pinched/hit/kicked the other kids so none of them wanted to play with him, so then he got annoyed cos no one wanted to play with him so hit them cos they didnt want to play

[Siobhan]

Never thought of it like that.. Yeah I can understand his frustration if nobody wants to play with him due to his anger.. I am taking him to a doctor tomorrow to see if anything I can do for him.. poor little man is lost and doesn't understand why

[Chloe O'brien]

Shiv you have my sympathy you must be at your wits end. I don't think he needs to see a shrink as the creche are suggesting but can I ask is he having these bouts of tantrums at nursery because he is bored.

I don't mean to be cheeky but is he being kept active enough, I don't think he has ADHD but I do think he is more advanced than some of the kids at the creche and the toys and games they play he has got bored with and are not challenging enough for him. What age is Charlie now is there anyway you could take him out of this creche and put him in a pre-school nursery. My sister had a terrible time with my nephew and one of the things that set him of was pure orange juice so may be he has a food/drink allergy that you are not aware of.

My sister was the same with her son he is now 29 and he was forever bitting and kicking her. One of the main problems was he wouldn't sleep he would go to bed around mindnight and be up bright-eyed at 5am again. The doctor put him on valium syrup at 18months old even now he gets up at 4am and goes out to work or to take photographs.

[Hollie-x]

Shiv you have my sympathy you must be at your wits end. I don't think he needs to see a shrink as the creche are suggesting but can I ask is he having these bouts of tantrums at nursery because he is bored.

I don't mean to be cheeky but is he being kept active enough, I don't think he has ADHD but I do think he is more advanced than some of the kids at the creche and the toys and games they play he has got bored with and are not challenging enough for him. What age is Charlie now is there anyway you could take him out of this creche and put him in a pre-school nursery. My sister had a terrible time with my nephew and one of the things that set him of was pure orange juice so may be he has a food/drink allergy that you are not aware of.

My sister was the same with her son he is now 29 and he was forever bitting and kicking her. One of the main problems was he wouldn't sleep he would go to bed around mindnight and be up bright-eyed at 5am again. The doctor put him on valium syrup at 18months old even now he gets up at 4am and goes out to work or to take photographs.

I'm not a mum yet obv but my mum was a childminder for 13 years up until a few years ago and she looked after one little girl who's behaviour was a lot like the behaviour you're describing and in the end the doctor said it's because she's too advanced for her age. From being a baby she used to cry constantly because she wanted to be doing things. For example when she was about 9/10 months old it was near impossible to get her to sit anywhere because she wanted to be walking when she couldn't - it was as if she wanted to be independant and do things for herself and got really frustrated when she couldn't and would often lash out as she got older as a result because she wanted to find things more challenging - as Chloe said.

Now she's in school and going to year 1 after summer and already she is top of her class and they were thinking of moving her up into the next year because of how able she is for her age.

Hope you get sorted (: x

[Chloe O'brien]

As I said my sister had a terrible time with my nephew when he was a kid. He was not violent but was easily bored, at school he was always the first one in his class to finish any work and couldn't sit still he would end up rolling around the floor annoying the other kids. Even now he is an adult he can't sit still he constantly has to be doing something. All the teachers, health visitors said he was hyper-active but my Mum shot them down telling them that he was just a normal boy who was more clever than other kids and he needed to be simulated and supported more.

Shiv you have one very clever boy there. Who is going to make you proud, he is going to pass all his exams with flying colours and be a millionaire before he is 25 then you can turn around and stick two fingers up to the lot of them.

[Siobhan]

Thank you everyone... especially Kath.. it is nice to know I am not alone on this...

Went to Doctor on Saturday and she said he might need to see a behaviour therapist but not a shrink. He is a bright little boy and from an early age has been with kids a few years older than him. Doctor said that he will settle as he will have more to do and think about

I have asked Charley (who is nearly 8) to help him at creche but she says that the creche people won't let her.. Ben was brilliant this weekend so it could very well be complete boredom at creche... School starts in 3 weeks so hopefully we can see a change in him..

[Chloe O'brien]

Glad to hear you had a great weekend with the wee man. Hopefully once school starts you will see a big difference in him and that will bring new worries :) Kids.