Advice please

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

Right so my friend has a little girl (she will be 3 on sunday) she does so much with her little girl i just think well surely you can't think she should be doing that, for example


We took the girl on a train last week and my friend is letting her girl run close to the edge of the platform, then leaves me with the child while she goes to look for a shop to buy some fags, i had to pick the girl up i just couldn't sit there while the child is being watched by me playing that close to the edge of the platform so the girl is kicking me because mummy would be fine with her running around like that
She has let the child drink alcohol (2 whole bottles of 4% alco pop things) when i said something she said it is the child's fault if she gets a hang over
The child is still in nappies
The child's 2nd word was the F word


I don't know if i should say something to my friend about this, if i don't then she will carry on letting her daughter do things that are not right (i can just see the child turning up at school in a few years with a hang over) but if i do she might think i am trying to tell her what to do but i think if i don't something bad will happen because no one else has ever said to her whats right and wrong, infact my friend's mum was the exact same with her which is why she thinks this behavour is ok

[Debs]

She has let the child drink alcohol (2 whole bottles of 4% alco pop things) when i said something she said it is the child's fault if she gets a hang over

:eek: i cant drink 2 bottles without feeeling drunk now!!! :eek: Thats awful!

id have to say something if she was my friend although if her mum bought her up like that i doubt you saying something will actually stop her doing it!

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

No it probably wont help at all but it's horrible watching her letting her do stuff like that, i said to my mum the other day the child will have done everything before her 18th birthday so will have no reason to look foward to it

[Trinity]

In todays climate this child will be pregnant at 11 and an alcoholic before then. If she is lucky.

If she isn't on an at risk register already then she surely will be once she starts at nursery or school.

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

If she isn't on an at risk register already then she surely will be once she starts at nursery or school.

She is aready attending a little play scheme thing as my friend does 1 day a week at college and they pay for child care at a little play school type place, i am suprised they haven't picked stuff up

[Abbie]

You need to say something, it will be difficult and you'll have to put it carefully, but she really shouldnt let her child drink

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

How do you tell someone this without upsetting them though

[Abbie]

How do you tell someone this without upsetting them though

Thats the problem, I think no matter how you put it your gonna upset them in some way

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

How do you tell someone this without upsetting them though

Thats the problem, I think no matter how you put it your gonna upset them in some way

No i don't think there is a good way of doing it, and it isn't something that can be dropped into a conversation either so that is another issue how do i approach the situation, it is a difficult situation

[moonstorm]

This is a very tricky one.

But ask yourself one question, what if something serious happens to that little girl, would you be able to live with yourself if you could have done something/anything to put a stop to it?

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

This is a very tricky one.

But ask yourself one question, what if something serious happens to that little girl, would you be able to live with yourself if you could have done something/anything to put a stop to it?

No i probably couldn't, when i am looking after her there is no way she will get away with something like that, and i have said to my friend before about the drinking (and other things) but she has the attitude that it is the childs fault if anything happens

[moonstorm]

This is a very tricky one.

But ask yourself one question, what if something serious happens to that little girl, would you be able to live with yourself if you could have done something/anything to put a stop to it?

No i probably couldn't, when i am looking after her there is no way she will get away with something like that, and i have said to my friend before about the drinking (and other things) but she has the attitude that it is the childs fault if anything happens

How on earth could it be the child's fault, she is only 3. It is up to the mother to lay down the boundaries to show the child how to behave. Are there any helps lines or something similar in your area that you could contact for advice?

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

This is a very tricky one.

But ask yourself one question, what if something serious happens to that little girl, would you be able to live with yourself if you could have done something/anything to put a stop to it?

No i probably couldn't, when i am looking after her there is no way she will get away with something like that, and i have said to my friend before about the drinking (and other things) but she has the attitude that it is the childs fault if anything happens

How on earth could it be the child's fault, she is only 3. It is up to the mother to lay down the boundaries to show the child how to behave. Are there any helps lines or something similar in your area that you could contact for advice?

If there are i don't know about them or how to find out about them

[Trinity]

http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/pub/category/9416.html

This makes an interesting read.

I agree that it is an almost impossible situation to discuss as you would like with your friend, but perhaps you could drop into the conversation that you had read recently that alcohol has lasting effects on the brains of under 16s.

It does sound that you friend had a tough childhood and was neglected herself, she is behaving in a fashion that is 'normal' to her. It will be very hard to really tackle this subject with her without really upsetting her/and you.

If you are really worried about the child then an anonymous call to social services might be necessary

[JustJodi]

Vicky try some of these,, don't know if it will help but at least maybe u can call one of the toll free numbers and ask for help.That child needs structured discpline from her mom,, she is not getting proper care,, giving an alcoholic pop to a 2 yr old is NOT on.. and letting her run around on a plat form shes asking for a tragedy,, I do hope u contact some one for advice.
JJ





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[Debs]

This is a very tricky one.

But ask yourself one question, what if something serious happens to that little girl, would you be able to live with yourself if you could have done something/anything to put a stop to it?

Thats a good point vick!

i had a friend a few years back and i was very close to her 9 year old daughter, she called me her surrogate mummy! Her mum was lovely and then fell in with a bad crowd when she moved, started brigning all sorts home, smoking drugs and then moving onto harder drugs! i caught her daughter and her brother ( who was 13) with a joint ( well what was left of one) on the stairs one day when i told her mum she just shrugged, i had to take it off her! So many things were said to me by this litle girl which i knew a 9 year old shouldnt see and shouldnt know, she knew things about sex, drugs etc that i didnt know at 14! Even told me the name of mummys man that brings her drugs!!!

I was close so many times to ringing social services, but dave, my mum and others talked me out of it! i regret that to this day, i wish i had reported her mum, i wish i had said something but instead i just walked away from it, hoping nothing would happen to her

Can you just say to her that you dont think its right, say that kids at that age always speak the truth and that eventually shell say something and then she ( the mum) will be in big trouble. Does she want to be a mum who has people checking up on her constantly?

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

This is a very tricky one.

But ask yourself one question, what if something serious happens to that little girl, would you be able to live with yourself if you could have done something/anything to put a stop to it?

Thats a good point vick!

i had a friend a few years back and i was very close to her 9 year old daughter, she called me her surrogate mummy! Her mum was lovely and then fell in with a bad crowd when she moved, started brigning all sorts home, smoking drugs and then moving onto harder drugs! i caught her daughter and her brother ( who was 13) with a joint ( well what was left of one) on the stairs one day when i told her mum she just shrugged, i had to take it off her! So many things were said to me by this litle girl which i knew a 9 year old shouldnt see and shouldnt know, she knew things about sex, drugs etc that i didnt know at 14! Even told me the name of mummys man that brings her drugs!!!

I was close so many times to ringing social services, but dave, my mum and others talked me out of it! i regret that to this day, i wish i had reported her mum, i wish i had said something but instead i just walked away from it, hoping nothing would happen to her

Can you just say to her that you dont think its right, say that kids at that age always speak the truth and that eventually shell say something and then she ( the mum) will be in big trouble. Does she want to be a mum who has people checking up on her constantly?

People have reported my friend before, people have been round (police/social services) but nothing happens, and my friend dont care either, we are talking about a girl who is driving without a licence, without tax and without insurance

[Debs]

This is a very tricky one.

But ask yourself one question, what if something serious happens to that little girl, would you be able to live with yourself if you could have done something/anything to put a stop to it?

Thats a good point vick!

i had a friend a few years back and i was very close to her 9 year old daughter, she called me her surrogate mummy! Her mum was lovely and then fell in with a bad crowd when she moved, started brigning all sorts home, smoking drugs and then moving onto harder drugs! i caught her daughter and her brother ( who was 13) with a joint ( well what was left of one) on the stairs one day when i told her mum she just shrugged, i had to take it off her! So many things were said to me by this litle girl which i knew a 9 year old shouldnt see and shouldnt know, she knew things about sex, drugs etc that i didnt know at 14! Even told me the name of mummys man that brings her drugs!!!

I was close so many times to ringing social services, but dave, my mum and others talked me out of it! i regret that to this day, i wish i had reported her mum, i wish i had said something but instead i just walked away from it, hoping nothing would happen to her

Can you just say to her that you dont think its right, say that kids at that age always speak the truth and that eventually shell say something and then she ( the mum) will be in big trouble. Does she want to be a mum who has people checking up on her constantly?

People have reported my friend before, people have been round (police/social services) but nothing happens, and my friend dont care either, we are talking about a girl who is driving without a licence, without tax and without insurance


:eek: :eek: :eek: and with her kiddie in the car?? :eek:

and nothing happens?? id report her for that to start with, driving without licence! omg pass me her name ill do it for you :eek:

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

This is a very tricky one.

But ask yourself one question, what if something serious happens to that little girl, would you be able to live with yourself if you could have done something/anything to put a stop to it?

Thats a good point vick!

i had a friend a few years back and i was very close to her 9 year old daughter, she called me her surrogate mummy! Her mum was lovely and then fell in with a bad crowd when she moved, started brigning all sorts home, smoking drugs and then moving onto harder drugs! i caught her daughter and her brother ( who was 13) with a joint ( well what was left of one) on the stairs one day when i told her mum she just shrugged, i had to take it off her! So many things were said to me by this litle girl which i knew a 9 year old shouldnt see and shouldnt know, she knew things about sex, drugs etc that i didnt know at 14! Even told me the name of mummys man that brings her drugs!!!

I was close so many times to ringing social services, but dave, my mum and others talked me out of it! i regret that to this day, i wish i had reported her mum, i wish i had said something but instead i just walked away from it, hoping nothing would happen to her

Can you just say to her that you dont think its right, say that kids at that age always speak the truth and that eventually shell say something and then she ( the mum) will be in big trouble. Does she want to be a mum who has people checking up on her constantly?

People have reported my friend before, people have been round (police/social services) but nothing happens, and my friend dont care either, we are talking about a girl who is driving without a licence, without tax and without insurance


:eek: :eek: :eek: and with her kiddie in the car?? :eek:

and nothing happens?? id report her for that to start with, driving without licence! omg pass me her name ill do it for you :eek:

Yes with the girl in the car, not strapped in either (i have a whole list hun)

[Chris_2k11]

The alcopop thing is shocking, wtf is she thinking??

[Debs]

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: *speechless*

[Debs]

i now have a picture of a little 3 year old, wobbling round drunk, fag hanging out her mouth (why wont it surprise me if next post you confirm this* )

Poor little girl, some peopl dont deserve kids

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

She knows about fags, she used to play with them when she was smaller, her mum says "pass mummy her fags yeah darling" when she can't be bothered to get them herself

[Trinity]

Poor wee soul. What chance has she got in life with a start like this?

[JustJodi]

this poor wee soul can be helped if some one takes her hand and helps her out,,
Social Services seem to be a worthless organization from what I am reading,I just do not get it ..
Why do women like this mother even bother having kids if they do not want to take care of them properly, granted her own childhood is reflecting how she is bringing up this child, but some one CAN STOP her before a tragedy strikes. Is there not a BETTER child welfare group that will act quicker than Social Services ??:searchme:

[Chloe O'brien]

When I first read the post my instinct was to tell your friends mum how she is neglecting her daughter but if her own mother was exactly the same then your not going to get any help from her.

I think your only option is to report her to the police and social services anonnumisly if you prefer as this child needs to be taken into care for her own safety. As I have said before in a different posts up in Scotland nursery care for children is different, when a child reaches the age of three they normally attend a council run nursery part-time either mornings or afternoons, but if a child is not properly toilet trained they will not be granted a place.

I know it may be hard for you report your friend as it probably result in the little girl being removed from her home, but in the childs best intrests this is the only solution to give the poor wee mite a chance at having a proper childhood.

There used to be a woman who lived up the stairs from me and she had six kids all-together and all of them have been taken into care, three of them are grown-up. When she lived up above me she had three young girls aged 5,3 & 2. The youngest two were taken off her after she moved from the area and she was left with a daughter the same aged as Marley. The girl moved near Marley school and one afternoon the mother turned up at the school pissed drunk as she had been in the pub all day. The headmaster called social services and the child was removed from the school and her mother's care, that was two years ago and they kids are still in care now.

[Pinkbanana]

I think I would be inclined to do one of the suggestions Kath makes in her post. To report the mother anonymously to social services.

If social services are already involved, like you mentioned earlier on, they will have a file on this girl already. They wont be heavy handed, ie taking the girl into care, unless they feel that the child is in real and immediate danger, but they might be able to give the mother some extra help and support, ie a parental mentor or social worker.

[StarsOfCCTV]

According to my friend, her cousin's mum apparently smokes weed and the house smells of it all the time, and all of her kids (6 I think) are out of control..(her cousin went to my school in my year... he was a total thug, - he attacked someone with a metal bar and he has an asbo etc) the youngest one is 9 I think and according to my friend she's really rude and naughty already! No-one's ever reported the mother to social services..I don't know if that would've made a difference though..

I agree with Chloe O' Brien and Pinkbanana, Social Services will be able to give her the help to look after her daughter she obviously needs..even if they take the girl into care, maybe it's best for her, for the time being.

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

If social services already know and didn't do anything would they now? I don't think she needs the child taken off of her but i do think she needs help, she had the girl when she was 15/16 no one has ever told her right and wrongs when bringing up a child, her mum was the same with her and that is all she knows

[Abigail]

If social services already know and didn't do anything would they now?

I suppose it depends how much Social Services actually do know. The most important issue that needs addressing is the alcohol one. Thats a form of neglect/abuse in my book.

Maybe you could keep a log of everything what you see and then take it to social services. That way you will have something to back your case up. Also, if there are any witnesses to what is happening ask them if they would be prepared to speak out.

If I were in your position I could ignore points 3 & 4 from your original post but I'd have to do something about 1 & 2. I couldn't stand by and watch a child's life being thrown away because of her neglectful mother.

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

If social services already know and didn't do anything would they now?

I suppose it depends how much Social Services actually do know. The most important issue that needs addressing is the alcohol one. Thats a form of neglect/abuse in my book.

Maybe you could keep a log of everything what you see and then take it to social services. That way you will have something to back your case up. Also, if there are any witnesses to what is happening ask them if they would be prepared to speak out.

If I were in your position I could ignore points 3 & 4 from your original post but I'd have to do something about 1 & 2. I couldn't stand by and watch a child's life being thrown away because of her neglectful mother.

Yeah i don't know what she was reported for she just told me she had been visited by Social Sevices because her neighbour reported her but they didn't find anything wrong so left

[Jojo]

Social Services don't just go in and take the child away though (although in some cases, they should)

The last two points you made about nappies and the f word I think are by the by. My second eldest was still in nappies at 3 so that shouldn't be a concern.

Definitely the drinking part would be a worry though and it has to be tackled. If someone is driving without tax or insurance then the police have a duty to everyone to take her off the road so she should be dealt with for that.

You have to report her again to Social - it sounds like she needs parenting lessons or something - some kind of support network around her rather than her being let to get on with it and basically poison the child slowly which is what she is doing.

[Katy]

DEfinitly Social Services Vicky, they don't just take the kid away which is what people think. They can help her as well. I hope you sort omething out.

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

I will have a chat with my friend first and if things dont improve i will ring social services