Thoughts please

[chance]

One of my friends ive known for years told me a secret today that kind of discusted me and i couldnt quite believe it or take it in.
She has 4 children herself which ive only seen her lose her rag with a few times but nothing out of the ordinary for a stressed mum.
Any way she told me today that when she was younger,she thinks around 11- 12 she babysat for her brothers friend who had a 2 year old child.Whilst he was in her care she said he was crying a little but nothing major but she got him out of his bed and kinda chucked him around the room,swung him around by his arms and he was hitting things,doors etc as she was doing this!
It brought tears to my eyes hearing this and i was truly discusted by it.
I asked her why and she said she didnt know just she was angry and confused etc but didnt know why,That shes always felt something may of happened in her childhood to make her behave like that.
She said she has never harmed her child or done anything similar and i think i beleive her although i cant be sure but her children are happy children.
She said she feels awful for what she did and it has nver left her because she feels so bad and guilty but she just wanted me to know to see if i had any answers for her??
What was i meant to say? I told her it was wrong and i was discusted etc and i coulsnt really even look at her right now id need to think.ive never left my children in her care before and certainly wouldnt now.I just cant understand how i got someone so wrong,can this just be a one off incident ?

[Ruffed_lemur]

It must have been a shock for you. It's a difficult one too, and bound to affect your friendship. I tend to think if someone has done something like that, they could do it again, but at least she is remorseful.

[Trinity]

Noone should leave a 2 year old child with an 11 or 12 year old. That is far too young to be responsible for another child.

I know that this doesn't answer your question - I saw the comment earlier and just didn't know what to say.

I do know that I wouldn't like to be judged on what I did at 11 or 12.

That said - I wouldn't leave a child with your friend.

[Abigail]

I wouldn't trust her. If she was 11/12 she would be old enough to know exactly what she was doing. By the sounds of it there was little provocation from the child so what springs to my mind is, did she do this in cold blood for a laugh or to shut the child up? Whatever her reasons there is no excuse for it.

Just because something possibly happened in her childhood doesn't mean she can go swinging a child around the room.

I guess you have to go by your own judgement as to if this happened more than once or if she's a bad/violent mother.

[Chloe O'brien]

What she did when she was babysitting was wrong, but she was still a child herself so she can't really be held responsible. she clearly still has issues with it and maybe sometimes she feels like striking another child, whatever the reasons I wouldn't want to leave a child in her care.

[JustJodi]

Has she got issues with her own kids ?? I mean for some one who might have had a bad child hood should not have had 4 kids,, sorry but a woman obviously has some issues still about the incident that happened some years ago,, I am sorry I would have reported what she did to the social services and let them sort her out. Sound cruel,, maybe,, but as I said she still has some issues relating to that incident. You also said her own kids did not appear to be happy, do u think she is harming those kids as well ?? Gut feeling ??
I personally would not have my kids staying with her.
This is just my personal opinion

[Londoner]

Although i would not leave my child with her.

she was only 11/12 yrs old, i know i would not like to be judged now on what i was like as a child. People change, i know i have.............

[chance]

Has she got issues with her own kids ?? I mean for some one who might have had a bad child hood should not have had 4 kids,, sorry but a woman obviously has some issues still about the incident that happened some years ago,, I am sorry I would have reported what she did to the social services and let them sort her out. Sound cruel,, maybe,, but as I said she still has some issues relating to that incident. You also said her own kids did not appear to be happy, do u think she is harming those kids as well ?? Gut feeling ??
I personally would not have my kids staying with her.
This is just my personal opinion

I dont think she is harming her children although i cant be 100% sure but i said her children all appear to be happy.I have spoken to her since and told her i wouldnt feel comfortable leaving my children with her knowing what i know now and she totally understood and hopes i wont hold it against her,she said she just needed to tell someone as she feels so bad about it.


I cant really ever look at her in the same way again but as other people have said she was only a child herself.It will always be in the back of my mind but im not going to hold it against her.I think calling social services is perhaps a bit o.t.t as it was so long ago and i have no proof she is hurting her children and i dont think she is deep down as she dotes on them.

[.:SpIcYsPy:.]

I cant really ever look at her in the same way again but as other people have said she was only a child herself.It will always be in the back of my mind but im not going to hold it against her.I think calling social services is perhaps a bit o.t.t as it was so long ago and i have no proof she is hurting her children and i dont think she is deep down as she dotes on them.
I agree with everything you said here chance, I would feel the same way and I think you said all the right things you said and are thinking x

[Perdita]

Perhaps you could suggest that she gets herself some counselling, if she goes to see her doctor he will be able to refer her to someone, might help her deal with the issue which can only be good?

[chance]

Perhaps you could suggest that she gets herself some counselling, if she goes to see her doctor he will be able to refer her to someone, might help her deal with the issue which can only be good?

I suggested this but she does think that they may take her children away if she says anything.Her husband doesnt even know as she is so ashamed,she has only told me.