need advise

[Siobhan]

I need some advice and as I am too close to this issue, i feel i might be bias.
As you all know Ben had a biting habit for weeks but so far so good 3 weeks with no biting and we are so proud of him. However, I don't think the daycare is.
On Thursday and Friday this week, when my partner went to pick him up he was in his buggy. The girls in the creche said it was for the safety of the other kids and that he was very disruptive. He woke the babies up (what he was doing in the cot room is beyond me) and he was saying "NO" to everything they asked him to do. His dummy, which the doctor said he should have with him, was nowhere around.
Now, my thoughts is this. They asked me to go to a doctor which I did. The doctor said to keep him with older kids for a while and to keep his dummy with him cause he is less likely to bite if he has it in his mouth.. why would they go against what was advise. Why is it only him placed in his buggy when there are other kids who have cause problems ( I know this for fact cause one of ben's friends was bitten last week when ben stopped biting so there are other kids misbehaving).. What do they want robots? The owners said that the girls can't be spending all their time with Ben,that there is other kids to think about.

What do you think I should do? should I be stubborn and leave him there until they give me a reason to remove him (ben is happy with his friends there so he is not upset going to creche) or should I just say "sod you" and move ben out of there? Please help?
Am I been paranoid thinking they want him out as they seem not to follow the advice we gave them. Ben doesn't bite at home and yes, like all 2 year olds, he throws tanturm but they are stopped within 2 mins.. is that too much time to ask from them?

[Abigail]

I think the crech are being unfair here. Do you know how long they left him in the buggy?

All two year olds have tantrums and phases of saying 'no' to everything. It's what kids of that age do. Putting him in a pushchair doesn't teach him anything, the nursery should have other forms of 'punishment' for disruptive behaviour.

I would find another nursery for him. They obviously don't care about the welfare/happiness of him otherwise they wouldn't have left him in a buggy two days running. If they aren't prepared to work with you and the doctor and follow what the doctor has told you then I would find somewhere else.

[Debs]

Hmm its difficult, will moving him make him worse but then it could make him better!

To me it sounds like they arent being very helpful and dont want to help either and that to me as a nursery nurse disgusts me. Why was he put in his buggy??? If i had ever put a child in their buggy for misbehaving or being disruptive i would have got a real good rollocking! surely he cant be THAT disruptive??? Why dont they have one member of staff that when something happens with Ben that member of staff can then take him off and entertain him with something??

No is a normal response from a child who dosent want to do something!! My nephew is 3 and no what he does and dosent want to do, NO is a regualar word we here all the time from him and connor is still the same at 5. As for waking up the babies, they obviosly werent watching him well enough otherwise he wouldnt have got anywear near them!

If you are having these sort of feelings and your not happy it might be better to move him elsewhere.

[Siobhan]

When we asked about why he was in his buggy, they said for the safety of the other children.. he is not a monster and I feel like their next step is to have a hannibal lectur mask or something
He was there for quiet a while from what I gather and this is not the first time this has happened. When he was biting I said they could put him in his buggy as a punishment but now the biting has stopped, they shouldn't continue. Sometimes he doesn't even start the fight but he is the one put away from the group.. Ben is obviously very bored. They won't let him stay with the older kids where he is happy and behaved

[Debs]

When we asked about why he was in his buggy, they said for the safety of the other children.. he is not a monster and I feel like their next step is to have a hannibal lectur mask or something
He was there for quiet a while from what I gather and this is not the first time this has happened. When he was biting I said they could put him in his buggy as a punishment but now the biting has stopped, they shouldn't continue. Sometimes he doesn't even start the fight but he is the one put away from the group.. Ben is obviously very bored. They won't let him stay with the older kids where he is happy and behaved


And if he is bored he will play up to get dsome attention. What i dont get is why he would be bored when at creche?? isnt there always something going on that he can do?

I would move him for sure. It could the answer to eveything

[Trinity]

I think Debs is right. The poor lad is bored. It is not normal for a childcare centre to control 2 year olds by leaving them in their buggy - are they short staffed or something? You have previously sounded very positive about this daycare centre and something has obviously changed.

I get the impression that you are no longer happy with them and no longer happy with the treatment Ben is getting.

I would start looking for an other option.

[Siobhan]

I was really happy with the daycare cause most other would have kicked him out but what really got to me is that I did everything they have asked and it seems like it is not enough. I feel they want ben to just sit there and do nothing all day. He is 2 years old.. they are all misbehaving, it is a part of grown up

[Chloe O'brien]

Perhaps you could ask for a meeting with the nursery staff and the owner to clarify what are the procedures for dealing with the children when they misbehave. I know when Marley was with her childminder and any of the kids missed behaved they either sat on a chair for a few minutes. If all children are put in their buggies then that's fine but if they are only doing it to Ben then you need to know why. It sounds to me that they are hoping that you remove him from the chreche.

Ask them what activites they do during the day to keep the children active, if it's true that Ben is bored then they are probably left to amuse themselves for most of the day, while they sit around drinking coffee, which is not what they are paid for. I would look around for another nursery but I wouldn't move him just to please them if they were doing more to have Ben interact more with the other kids then he wouldn't be biting.

[Jojo]

You have definitely got to sit them down and find out why, when you do as requested and take him to your docs, they ignore all advice given. Its almost as if they are trying to force your hand to remove him from there, which is wrong - his care is a partnership between you and them and you are doing everything they have asked so they should be doing the same in return.

He shouldn't have been in with the babies - of course he is going to get bored - if anyone can show me a 2 yr old who is happy to sit doing nothing all day, they are a far better person than I. Children all say no - no matter what their age. They learn how to say no far quicker than they learn how to say yes!!

You have definitely got to sit with them and discuss the entire situation as to why they aren't doing as your doc has suggested, especially when he is behaving now aswell. Like Kath said, I'd probably be on the lookout for another care provider, whilst keeping Ben where he is for the moment.

But most of all Shiv, know that you have been doing everything right! Everything you have done has been for Ben's benefit and has worked - he isn't biting anymore! You should be proud of yourself for that and these people need to start behaving more like the adults and care providers they are supposed to be, rather than one of the children they are looking after.

[Chloe O'brien]

I don't know what the teacher/child ratio for private nurseries is in Ireland or in England, but when Marley used to go to the childminder it was 1 adult to care for 5 kids. If the nursery is saying that it doesn't have the resources to care for Ben properly then ask them why because if they have too many kids then they are breaking the law.