Dear Diary

[Tannie]

Ok It's Me Again:D This Is Funnily Enough About Connie. Dunno If I Like it but told leanne i would post it so here it is:p

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I lie down on my bed on my stomach. Reach under it and pull out a pillow case and in it is my diary. The one thing I tell my secrets to. I grab my pen and think slowly of what to write I guess I should start from the start shouldn’t I?

Well when I was younger my mother was apparently in a mental hospital. She was that badly depressed and to tell you the truth I don’t know how. My father went to the bookies, pub and so on! Basically he tried to spend as much time away from home as he could. I would get sent off to my grandmas without a word of it. I just thought my dad was having an affair and that my mum couldn’t be bothered getting out of bed as she was so distraught. I haven’t or I didn’t speak to my father for 12 years. After the funeral of my mother. That was intill today. I was up as usual eight o’clock…ok make that half 5 then. The usual time Grace wakes up for her feed. So I fed her and as I couldn’t get back to sleep I went for a shower. And got ready for work well I wouldn’t really have been in the hospital as today was Diane’s funeral but to tell you the truth I didn’t get to see it. I then got Grace ready and carried her downstairs and placed her in her high chair while I made myself a quick cup of coffee. Just as the phone rang. I grimace as I make a face having just burnt myself. I walk into the hall my heels clacking on the laminated flooring and pick up the phone.

I hear Grace gurgle and I smile. I love her soooo much it’s unbelievable. I bring my concentration back to my diary.

I try and listen to what’s being said. My dad in hospital? What’s he done now? Does he even know they’re calling me? Bet you they don’t! He won’t want me to know. I Sigh as I place the phone down and try to think of who could possibly take Grace. I don’t want to drag her all the way down to Peckham just for my dad to act like he did at my mother’s funeral which if you ask me was not very well at all!

[Bree]

Wow love it tan bless connie cant wait for more so put your bum in gear and write some more :p

[CrazyLea]

Awww I love it :) Can't wait for the next part!!!

[Xx-Vicky-xX]

Ohhh very good do continue :p:D

[Tannie]

I parked my car and took the key from the ignition. I didn’t get out like I had intended to do. I just wanted to run away. What if he hadn’t changed, was the same way he was those many years back at her funeral. I sigh and step out. Locking the car behind me and straightening my suit out and walking into reception. To tell you the truth I looked the anyone vaguely dressed over the top. But from where I came from I wouldn’t call it over the top. Everyone well nearly everyone wore a suit to work. Only changed it when they were in theatre. I walked up the reception and asked where he was. It felt weird using my maiden name; I hadn’t used it since I had became a Beauchamp. I hadn’t really thought about changing it really. I liked it better this way it seems to have a sense of authority with it; a sense of power. Anyway got sidetracked there oops. So I walked up on to the ward and looked for him. There he was, hadn’t even bothered taking his jacket off it was just like he decided to come in for a check out. Such an Ungrateful git. So I walked over to him and he looked at me; he just looked at me without saying hello or anything. At that point the nurse walked over to give him a check – over and she asked who I was. He didn’t say anything so I replied with his daughter. And he looked at me with that look in his eyes. I ignored him and tried to get to the bottom of what was wrong with him. Is it really to much to ask to want a decent treatment for your father? Ok so I hadn’t spoken to him for a while but to tell you the truth I think somewhere deep down inside of me I still cared for him. He was still my father although a no good one at that. So it played like this for a while me trying to get better treatment and the nurse (rather a pain in the backside) tried to tell me she couldn’t do anything. Well to be precise I told her he was going to die so they better get themselves in gear. I walked back over to him at that point and asked him for the house keys

[CrazyLea]

Loved it :D Don't wait too long this time before the next part :D :p Can't wait for more. xx

[Tannie]

He looked at me like i was out of my mind; why would i want the house keys? I told him i was going to collect and over night bad for him. He said he didnt want an overnight bag. What so you're going to not shave or wash yourself while you're in here? i asked him coldly. He sighed and handed the keys; while issuing me a warnig, i wasn't to touch anything in the house oh and his bag was in under his bed and shaving kit was in the bathroom by the sink. I rolled my eye's he hadn't changed at all he was still the heatless selfish git he had been 12 years ago. I took the keys off him and grabbed my bag rom the table and walked out the hospital. Rummaged in my bag for my car keys and walked over to where i had parked the car. I opened the car and slipped into the drivers seat. Starting the engine up i reversed out and as soon as i could sped away from the hospital around the familiar streets of peckham. 5 Minuets later i was there parked outside the house. The house i had spent so many years in with my mother in her bedroom. Not cracking a smile but spending more time in bed, then with me. So i got shoved off to my grandma's. I shoved the thoughts out my head and turned the engine off. Stepping out the car, locking it behind me. I walked up to the front door and inserted the key in it. I turned it and opened it. Stepping over the threshold.

:angel:

[CrazyLea]

REally love this :D. Love how you seem to have got Connie down to a tee in that episode. You seem to see what she went through. Nice one. x

[Tannie]

This Part Is Dedicated To My Only Loyal Reader Lea.

I looked around nothing had really changed much. The hall was in the same mess it was when i was 17. I remember packing up my bags. Ready to get as far away from this place as i possibly could. And be my own person. I Snapped out my thoughts and walked through to the living - room and sitting in it's usual place ontop of the fire place. She look's like me, just with longer hair and it was more curly. I sigh and head up the stairs, walked into his room, grabbed the over night bag from under the bed and started shoving things in that i knew he would need. I then headed into the bathroom joined onto the room and grabbed his shaving kit and was about to make my way downstairs when something caught my eye. I turned around and was faced with a white door and about three quater's of the way up a plaque which had my name on it. He hadn't taken it down. I slowly walked towards the door and placed my hand on the door knob and slowly turned it and walked slowly into my room. Correction my old room. My heels clack on the floor as i walk in, i look around and see some scrap books on my dressing table seat, and scrap pieces of old paper news articles around my mirror. I reach for one of the scrap books and open it while i sit on my bed. I flick through it but all i can see are articles of me. Why does he have these?

[CrazyLea]

Awwwww I like it again. I love how Connie is discovering her dad really does love her :). Can't wait for more.

[Bree]

Just caught up aww i love it hun post more soon :) x

[Tannie]

Next Part - Yes It Is Rather Late But I've Had Writer's Block:p :angel:


I place my pen down, making sure it doesn't roll of the diary onto the cream duvet cover, I had just recently put on. I walk to the cot to check that Grace is sleeping properly and that she isn't caught up in her blanket or anything. I smile as I walk up to her and see her smiling in her sleep. Sam's smile, althrough it's not that cheeky but it can't be my smile. I take one last look at her before heading towards my bedroom door. Opening the door quietly as not to walk her. I head towards the start of the stiarcase and make my way down. I head into the Kitchen just as the phone rings. I let it ring, to busy looking for wine. I hear the answer phone pick up and Elliot's voice "Connie it's me Elliot. Just wondering if you're ok after everything. You're father's stable and i think that's it really. Well i'll see you tomorrow.
I smile as i hear what he says. Someone that actual care's about how i am. It's good to have a friend in Elliot. I continue my search for the bottle of wine when the phone goes again. I sigh wondering how an earth i could be so popular. I don't remeber handing my number out to load's of people. It then again went to Answer Machine. "Connie It's James Here... I Stop what the hell does he want! "Michael would like to know if you have signed the divorce papers yet....Oh dear i forgot. They were still on my desk at work. I hear him die of and finally found that bottle of wine i spent at least a good ten minuets looking for!

[samantha nixon]

This is really good, I love it and its about Connie
Cant wait for more

[CrazyLea]

Wow I love that. I love the Elliot bit. Got that right. :).

And Grace's smile :).

[Bree]

Aww great part hunni cant wait for more. :D

[Tannie]

I poured myself half a glass and walked through to the hallway again. Looking around it and noticing how big the house was. Far to big for the both of us. Then somehow my thoughts switch over to sam. I shake my head again as i turn the light's off and head back up the stairs holding my glass of wine. I walk into my room carefull not to make a noise. I lay my glass of wine down on the bedside table and quickly but quietly get changed into my nightie. I put my clothes in the washing up pile that has amounted quite a bit since last week. i then take another sip of wine and get back to writing my diary.

I walk out the house and back into my car i head towards the Peckham General. I walk in just to find the fool had discharged himself! i honestly couldnt of taken my smart genes from him! I get back in the car dump my bag in the front seat and head back towards the house but before turning into the street i park in the pub carpark. I head into the pub and through the smokey haze i search for him. Sure enough there he is by the fruit machine. i walk over to him and we as per normal argue about him going into hospital and then Polly walks over. I should maybe explain to you who Polly is. When i was younger and he went to the pub it was Polly serving him. Even when he brought me in it was always her serving him. I always thought he was having an affair with him. So then she suddenly remembers who i am and there we go and i told her what i thought. And i walk out just as Maria walks along. i tell her to go for another walk and that i had found him. so off she goes and i head back in. I tell him that he should be back in hospital and that i was shocked that my mother had ever taken him back. Because i thought he had been cheating. But then as soon as he sees Grace he decides to have that operation. After a few minuets arguing i tell him thathe should come to Holby i mean Elliot could do the operation even through i couldn't seeing as there's a policy about not being able to operate on your reletives. So we get in the Ambulance him with his air. And we start talking about Grace i tell him that her father didn't know that i had used him to have her. And he goes on about me being excatly like the celebritys swanning off to africa to adopt orphans. i mean hardley i did my fair share in making grace!. We then talk about the usual or i try to find out about my mum. Thats when he drops the bomb. My mother was depressed! I can't believe it why would she be depressed! i don't ask much but that was apparently the reason why she had died. A few hours later we soon arrive in Holby city and i take him up to Darwin. Elliot takes him into theatre as i watch. I watch terrified.. yes i admit it terrified about losing my father after just getting to know him. i want him to see Grace grow up. Luckily the operation went perfectly or so i hope but then again it's not like it was a crummy Doctor doing it. It was Elliot Hope one of the best Ct Consultants i know well apart from me that is. I go out and find Maria has handed Grace over to sam. I take her off him and just as she's been passed to me. I look up at him and there's this flicker of admire for him. I admit i don't normally do that when i'm near him. He then asks if he can see Grace more. And surprisingly for me i then tell him i'll think about it.

I read it through and then lay my pen with the lid on back on the bed side table and put my diary back where it came from. Downed the last of my wine. Left the glass on the bedside table took one last look at grace. Turned the light off and lay down and tried to fall asleep

[Bree]

Awww fab hun i love this script more soon.:wub:

[Tannie]

Next Part Before I Head Off For London:D

I wake up and sigh. I Seriously cvan not be bothered putting on the bitch act today. I hear Grace gurgle and pick her up. I carry her downstairs and place herin her high chair. I Put toast on for myself and while i am waiting for that, I pour myself a cup of coffee. While i wait patiently for my cup of coffee and toast to be safe enough to eat and drink i feed Grace. I place her back down leaving her to happily gurgle to herself and i eat and drink my breakfast. I then carry her up the stairs and sort her out first. She's always the easiest of both of us to get ready as she doesn't really have an opnion on what she want's to wear for the day as she can only at this moment in time gurgle. But me on the other hand - I'm a whole completely different matter. I first have to rummage through my wardrope to see what still fit's me althrough half my clothes do. Some of my favourites don't. So once i've found a top/Blouse, Pair of trousers or a skirt that actually fits me. I put it all on look in my mirror and see what shoes would go perfectly with the outfit i have chose to wear today. After choosing the shoes i sit down at my dressing table and sort my hair and face out. This procedure i do every single day and take up to a good 40 Minuets it might even be extended to a good 45 minuets depending if i have to go rooting for my foundation. I then pick her up and my bag and head back downstairs check the windows and the back door's closed. Grab my keys from the table by the door. lock the house then drive off to work. Now that is in my opinon the only decent part of my day apart from lunch and most proabley the evening when i get time to myself and Grace. I take her to creche and then i myself head up to darwin. I walk into my office where more often then not Elliot has not yet arrived in yet. I once found him asleep on the sofa through. But that was after the though of his son being dead so really he didn't want to go home to a empty house. Anyway i drop my bag off and i head back into the ward where i more or less like to find Matron Williams so i can know who i have in my care or at least on my ward. I do my rounds and head back into my office where Elliot normally is at this time.