View Full Version : Biting.. I really really need help
Ben has a big issue with biting. He uses to bite everyone but now it is just one child in the creche he attends. The creche have been great in the past (as he use to bite 3 or 4 kids a day) but now it is just one child and both myself and the creche have tried everything we can think.
We have tried naughty step, giving him something to chew on (incase he was teething), we have taken him out of the group. We have explain and showed him how biting hurt the other kid. Charley tells him very sternly "no, I don't like it" when he use to bite her in the past.
I dont' know why it is just this child. Is he a bully? Is he expressing himself or is it more serious?? Please please help
Xx-Vicky-xX
17-05-2007, 15:59
Has this kid done anything to Ben to make him feel the need to bite them?
Has this kid done anything to Ben to make him feel the need to bite them?
According to creche, nothing.. the other kid is the quietest one there.. He uses to bite 3 or 4 of them A DAY but now just him and it seems for no reason. The creche has taken his fav teddy away from him for 2 mins as punishment, put him in another room, left him sitting in a corner by himself and still he bites this one child
Xx-Vicky-xX
17-05-2007, 18:39
It sounds like everything is being done to try and get him to stop. I know when my brother used to bite everyone when he was little mum would bite him back but thats a bit hard cos i dont suppose the people at the creche can do it to them and he isnt biting at home so you cant do it to him either. Does he understand any words yet? when my friends little girl does something shell just yell "no" at her and she knows then that something is wrong with what ever she has done
Maybe try and see if it is now just this one kid that he keeps biting? Maybe the creche could try and distract the other kid, and see how Ben acts when he isn't around. If it was just this one kid right now, then it must be some kind of individual thing with him. If he still does it to other kids, then it might be some kind of attention thing?
What is happening exactly prior to the biting occuring according to the creche Shiv? I'm with Abi on this - it could well be an attention thing, even if its a case that the other child has a toy Ben wants, or something similar to that. Could even be something very small, which normally you wouldn't think that it would provoke a reaction.
Chloe O'brien
17-05-2007, 21:58
My nephew was terrible for biting when he was young and like Vicky says my sister used to bite him back not hard but just as a warning that it was wrong to do. I agree with Abi and Ems if its just this one child he is biting, then maybe the creche should be trying to keep them apart whenever possible. It may be this other child is provoking him in some way but is managing to provoke Charlie without the creche workers noticing.
I know at the judo club Marley attends there is a group of four boys aged 11 who go to the same school, one of the boys has a form of Autism (Andrew) and there were incidents where each of the parents were called to the school because the lad with Autisim was involved in different issues with each of the other four boys and it was escalading at the judo club, where it got to the point that the judo coach had to make two of the boys sit of the mat. One of the boys(Michael) is known for provoking (Andrew) sometimes and has been caught giving him a whack, so the parents thought that this had been happening again. It turned out that it was Andrew who was causing all the friction and provoking the other boys.
What is happening exactly prior to the biting occuring according to the creche Shiv? I'm with Abi on this - it could well be an attention thing, even if its a case that the other child has a toy Ben wants, or something similar to that. Could even be something very small, which normally you wouldn't think that it would provoke a reaction.
I asked them this and they said there is nothing to provoke it.. they are in the same room, all playing away and ben will go over and just bite him for no reason. When that boy is not in, ben doesn't bite anyone.
I had similar problem with Charley and when she bite at home, I bit her back and it stopped but as this is creche, I can't ask them to bite ben... beside they said (professional in general) biting back gives wrong message. it tells kids it is ok to bit when they are older.
Yesterday Ben did have a tantrum but the woman in creche said she asked him to stop and listen and he did so some breakthrough. My personal theory and they haven't said otherwise, Ben loves this one woman in creche.. he totally adores her and he only bites this kid when She is around. I was thinking it was jealousy, if she pays attention to the other kid, he bites him to get her to focus on him
Xx-Vicky-xX
18-05-2007, 10:44
It could be something like that and i would imagine it works to maybe if when he bites this other kid this woman you think he likes could ignore him and someone else at the creche sort it out, maybe then he will give it up as he can see that he isnt going to get what he wants by doing something bad
Yesterday Ben did have a tantrum but the woman in creche said she asked him to stop and listen and he did so some breakthrough. My personal theory and they haven't said otherwise, Ben loves this one woman in creche.. he totally adores her and he only bites this kid when She is around. I was thinking it was jealousy, if she pays attention to the other kid, he bites him to get her to focus on him
This is exactly what I was thinking hun - that its about attention from this person, whether received in a good or bad way. Obviously they can't ignore it, but Ben knows that when he does this he will get some attention, no matter what shape or form.
Have to say though - professionals down here also say that you should raise your voice to your child or say negative things to them like "that is naughty" etc because its hurtful - come on! :rolleyes: No wonder respecting people seems to have disappeared these days.
That would be my thing though - that it is about attention. Is there any way of separating them at all? Have the creche come up with any suggestions?
Unfortunately, the mother of the child is removing him from the creche (or considering it) as on 2 occasions in the past month, ben has broken the skin and he need treatment. The mother is clearly upset and the child doesn't like coming there anymore..
Creche is not taking him out of the room, taking his fav teddy away and showing him the damage he has done to the little boy.. What we are doing is shown how upset we are with ben when we are told he was biting and praising him on the days he doesn't bite..
It is all we can do for now and hope he understands. He knows when we say "were you biting today".. he will answer yes so hopefully we are making progress
The other way, maybe, would be say a reward chart or something :searchme: If Ben doesn't bite on that day, he gets a sticker to go on a chart or something - and then once he reaches a certain level, you could get him a treat to reward him for not biting this child.
Or you could do this at home yourselves without the creches involvement apart from them of course telling you if he has bitten the other child.
If he is recognising when you ask him if he has bitten, and he is answering truthfully, it definitely sounds like you are making progress - its just that last bit for him to be able to say no he hasn't that day.
Oh he replies No if he hasn't bitten.. regardless of wether the creche says he has or hasn't, we ask anyway just to see if he understands or if he is just randomly saying yes or no
We had a reward chart for charley and it worked well... Ben will only eat the stickers or rip the page as he is still very young but I have noticed he does respond well to praise, like when he draws a picture and I tell him it is fantastic, he has the biggest grin on his face
Ben is the extreme child. when he is good he is fantastic, absolute angel but when he is bad he is a monster... thankfully I have had more good than bad days with him
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone.. I took advise for all this and ben has gone 4 days in Creche without biting. I was told by the playgroup teachers that he was provoked twice on friday and he just walked away. we are very proud of his progress and if can go this week without biting I think we might have cracked it
That is fantastic news Shiv - especially him not reacting when provoked aswell! I'm really pleased - tell him he's a good boy from me too :)
Chloe O'brien
07-06-2007, 00:06
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone.. I took advise for all this and ben has gone 4 days in Creche without biting. I was told by the playgroup teachers that he was provoked twice on friday and he just walked away. we are very proud of his progress and if can go this week without biting I think we might have cracked it
Well done Ben You're a Star. fabulous news Shiv so glad that this little problem seems to be resolved. Give him a few lucky starts on his chart from me.
Xx-Vicky-xX
07-06-2007, 10:50
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone.. I took advise for all this and ben has gone 4 days in Creche without biting. I was told by the playgroup teachers that he was provoked twice on friday and he just walked away. we are very proud of his progress and if can go this week without biting I think we might have cracked it
Thats super news Shiv, hopefully he has stopped forever now :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Sorry to say he bit yesterday.. he was fighting with another kid over a ball and he bit him. He was punished so I just see how it goes today.
My take is though Shiv - if they were both fighting, and/or Ben was provoked, in some ways he can hardly be blamed - yes its wrong, and Ben knows its wrong, but if they are fighting, he has learnt the quickest way to cause hurt if that makes sense.
Hopefully it won't happen again, he has been punished so like you say, just see how it goes. The main thing is that people don't make assumptions about him, or immediately have the thought that because Ben has bitten someone, means he is the bad party - who is to say that someone else didn't hit him first, and hurt him, therefore he has "got them back" so to speak. (I hope that makes sense - it did to me whilst typing it anyway lol)
You said before that he was provoked by another child the other day and didn't retaliate with biting, whereas today he has - if provocation has happened, whilst its still not condoned, he will retaliate how he feels he can.
Take each day as it comes hun - he's doing great and you are doing well too x
Yeah it makes sense.. I was really just hoping that this was the end of it.. I feel some of the assistant at the creche look at me like I am the one bringing the monster into creche... The owner has been great through all this and she has taken so much from the parents who had their child bitten by Ben. I am just looking at this as 1) a minor setback and 2) a step forward consider he was biting 3-4 kids a day.. he is now down to one a week (sorry sounds like he is quitting smoking or something :rotfl::rotfl: )
sOunds like alcoholucs anonymous.
Hes being a boy, sounds like your doing a good job. Your doing pretty much what my advice would be as my mum takes everyday as it comes as she had a student who used to hit and bite. Took a chunk out of her leg once it was brilliant.
Yeah it makes sense.. I was really just hoping that this was the end of it.. I feel some of the assistant at the creche look at me like I am the one bringing the monster into creche... The owner has been great through all this and she has taken so much from the parents who had their child bitten by Ben. I am just looking at this as 1) a minor setback and 2) a step forward consider he was biting 3-4 kids a day.. he is now down to one a week (sorry sounds like he is quitting smoking or something :rotfl::rotfl: )
I totally agree with the way you are looking at it and the assistants need to get a new job if thats they way look at parents of biters - Ben has learnt very quickly that this is the easiest way of defending himself - ok maybe took it too far, but has learnt from it and is starting to stop, which is a great reflection on you and the people who are working with you.
.:SpIcYsPy:.
22-07-2007, 23:19
What's the news now Siobhan? Everything alright? x
What's the news now Siobhan? Everything alright? x
Everything was going great and then we went on holiday.. when we got back Ben started all over again and we are now back to punishing him.. I have tried all I can, I just need to make him understand that he can't keep biting others.. it is so hard to come home and have this bad atomsphere in the house cause ben can't stop biting.. I feel for the other parents too.. I don't think I would like my child to come home with bit marks everyday
Sorry to report but the creche called me a work twice last week and once today to say that ben is biting again.. he bit some new kid on the belly and left really deep bit marks. Today he was playing and laughing with a child and he just took a chunk out of him..
I read that kids often bit to get to know someone but I think this is going a bit to far.. HOw long do a biting phase last? should I take him to a doctor or will it do any good??
I am at my wits end with Ben and it looking more like me giving up work cause he can't socalise with kids.. I don't know what to do anymore
What an awful situation. Really, giving up work seems a bit extreme though.
Does Ben enjoy nursey? If so perhaps you could try taking a couple of weeks off, take him to nursery as normal and get them to phone you at the first sign of trouble. You could then go an get him, give him a row and do boring stuff all day so that it isn't rewarding him for bad behaviour.
Watching you ironing should do it...
Explain to him that if the bitting continues it will be like this all the time as the nursery cannot have little boys bitting the other children.
If Ben doen't enjoy the nursery - is this part of the problem?
Good luck!
he loves it and I can't find any reason for the biting.. the creche do ring but sometimes it is difficult to leave work especially if it is happening everyday I can't keep getting time off
Do you think that you could een take a week off? If you are on annual leave then you will not be a stressed dealing with it, and you would be able to show Ben exactly what the consequences of biting will be in the long run - i.e. no nursery.
Do you think that you could een take a week off? If you are on annual leave then you will not be a stressed dealing with it, and you would be able to show Ben exactly what the consequences of biting will be in the long run - i.e. no nursery.
I have just taking 2 weeks off work and the run up to my holidays ben wasn't biting.. I need time off at christmas and I don't get that much annual leave. plus I have only come off my contract.. I wish I could take the time off but I can't. I have my partner picking him up much earlier than usual so Ben will know why that is..
Ben works better with 1:1.. he was a good as gold yesterday when we were on our own.. but he has to learn to interact with others
I know what it is like, not the biting - but the worrying about your kids, wanting them to do well/be liked/behave. And the constant compromises needed when you work - feeling that you are not doing your best at either work or home because sometimes it is just all too much.
Sometimes you just need to know that you are doing your best and that it isn't your fault.
Siobhan how old is ben??
we ahd a child at the nursery i worked in and she was a biter!! she bit the smaller kids constantly, really bad bites as well not just little nips, when she moved into the preschool romm it stopped, no idea why maybe she just knew she couldnt get away with it in that room, Is there another room they could put him for maybe a session just tp see if it carries on with a differnt set of chidren??
Siobhan how old is ben??
we ahd a child at the nursery i worked in and she was a biter!! she bit the smaller kids constantly, really bad bites as well not just little nips, when she moved into the preschool romm it stopped, no idea why maybe she just knew she couldnt get away with it in that room, Is there another room they could put him for maybe a session just tp see if it carries on with a differnt set of chidren??
Ben is two and he was moved from wobbler to toddler room and biting stopped but now it is back again... Some of the bits are not hard.. these are generally the ones for no reason.. i.e when he is play with some kids and having fun,he will bite.. The harder deeper ones are when he is fighting for a toy..
Ok.. this is the lastest update on Ben and his biting.. He has been placed in a room with 3 - 4 year olds and his didn't bite. Now they have asked me to go to the doctor to see if there is anything that can be done.. failing all else, he will be expelled
Oh gosh - you must be so worried.
Maybe it is work checking with the doc? There might be something that can be done?
It is interesting that he doesn't bite children in the rooms where he is new. You said before that when he moved to his current room he didn't bite for a while - and now again when he is with older kids.
Ok.1. this is the lastest update on Ben and his biting.. He has been placed in a room with 3 - 4 year olds and his didn't bite. Now they have asked me to go to the doctor to see if there is anything that can be done.. failing all else, he will be expelled
Omg expelled?? are thay sure they ahve tried everything? or are they just giving up, i havent read the whole of this thread but is it only at nursery he does this?? Ive never heard fo a nursery that will expel over biting!!!!! and ive worked in a fair few!!!
Debs, apparently it is pretty common in Ireland to expel a child who bites.. All the staff and parent are not uncomfortable having ben in the creche cause they have to explain to parent that their child was bit.
Far play to the owner, she said she didnt' want to expel just yet cause it is not a solution, she asked what if it is another child, do they keep expelling without finding out a way to stop it
Her biggest problem now is that if an inspector comes to creche, she could lose her licience by having a younger child in an older class which is what is happening with Ben at the moment..
Debs, apparently it is pretty common in Ireland to expel a child who bites.. All the staff and parent are not uncomfortable having ben in the creche cause they have to explain to parent that their child was bit.
Far play to the owner, she said she didnt' want to expel just yet cause it is not a solution, she asked what if it is another child, do they keep expelling without finding out a way to stop it
Her biggest problem now is that if an inspector comes to creche, she could lose her licience by having a younger child in an older class which is what is happening with Ben at the moment..
OH course i forgot your in irelans hun and things are differnt.
I can see her point abouer he licence
And maybe a different a nursery could be what he needs?? if the change from class to class helps then a complete move could be a good thing, if that makes sense.
CarerQuie
01-01-2008, 18:50
What is Ben's speech like?Can you encourage him to 'use words' when he is getting upset/stressed.Seems to me that biting is his standard response to stressful situations and people have all told him what not to do;have they tried telling him what to do instead?
The other possibility is that he might not understand that biting hurts the other child.Next time he bites,offer him his own arm to bite;he might soon realise!!xx
What is Ben's speech like?Can you encourage him to 'use words' when he is getting upset/stressed.Seems to me that biting is his standard response to stressful situations and people have all told him what not to do;have they tried telling him what to do instead?
The other possibility is that he might not understand that biting hurts the other child.Next time he bites,offer him his own arm to bite;he might soon realise!!xx
Thanks for the advice... Ben is actually much better now. He does tell when he is angry or sad. We used a techique that worked with him before but we stupidly stopped but it is back working great. All I have to do now is stop him calling things stupid when he gets annoyed with them
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