Dr Who - One thing one minute another the next

[big bro fan]

Hey guys this is my first ever Dr Who Script. I have actually wrote the first part (a first as i never plan anything go me eh). Will post the first part tonight.

[Bree]

wowo sounds fab i cant wiat to read it :) x

[big bro fan]

Characters
The Doctor
Rose
Mickey
Sarah-Jayne
K9
Mayor of London
Shape Shifters
The Queen

1 Tardis Intern Morning

(Both Rose and the Doctor are reading. Rose the newspaper the Doctor a book.)

Rose: Look at this Doctor

Doctor: what's that Rose?

Rose: the London eye's giving out free rides today

Doctor: so?

Rose: we should go

Doctor: why?

Rose: because what else are we going to do today?

Doctor: well i have the um thing to fix

Rose: precisely you have nothing to do so lets go

Doctor: your not going to let this go are you?

Rose: your learning...now lets go

Next part tommorow.:)

[Abi]

Thats, erm... interesting. I dont really see what its got to do with Doctor Who yet, but i guess as the story develops, we'll find out what the London Eye has to do with it, and everything. In my opinion, you need to look more at how Rose and the Doctor actually speak, and mould what they say around that. For example, Rose would never say "presisely", because she's a 19 year old chav from a council estate, at the end of the day.

I dont want that to sound nasty or anything, but i just want to give you some advice as to how you can make it more Doctor Who-ish, if that makes any sense at all.

I'll be interested to see where you take this story. It has some potential, so i hope you turn out some great stuff :)

[Bryan]

As Abi said watch Dr Who a bit more to capture how the characters speak, you really havent captured the eesence of the show in that writing, it felt as the doctor was saying rose's lines and vice versa...

This script isnt up to you usual standards, which is a shame as I had high hopes of reading a good Dr Who script, the first episode has failed to draw my attention further, yet i will read it as you are a good friend and a good writer so im prepared to give your Dr Who script another chance.

[big bro fan]

Um yeah well i suppose i was trying to do something i dont know anything about. I think i might just stick to Haven Holidays. Its what im good at.

[Bryan]

ive just seen a red thumbs down icon next to your thread, ive deleted it...

im not sure how they are getting there...it might be related to when you get a 1 star (bad) rating from members, either way, i've got rid of it for you, let me know if you get anymore of these icons :)

[bakedbean]

It was ok BBF but it was not Doctor Who if you get what i mean, The Doctor and Rose dont really talk like that they bounce off each other but looking forward to what happens next.

[big bro fan]

Can a mod please close this thread for me please would be gratefull.