Skipping School

[Rain_]

Hi guys
My 11 year old has been off sick monday and tuesday and this morning was fine. I leave the house 5 minutes before he does so i can get to work on time. (not an ideal setup i know but the mortgage needs paying)

Today when i got home from work things just didn't add up. The mail was still behind the door and he was still in his uniform (which is unheard of). I was very sneaky and called his bluff saying that school had called me to ask why he wasn't there. The floodgates opened and he admitted he hadn't been to school today.

We've been through every reason, bullying etc, to find a reason for it and it all boils down to "I just didn't feel like going"

What i'm struggling with is how to punish him. I've done the obvious (i'm on his laptop in my living room right now...thats killing him) and of course he's grounded, but he seems to be taking it all in his stride as it's the normal thing when he's done something wrong.

I was thinking of showing him the articles about parents being prosecuted for their children not going to school but i'm wondering if this is a bit harsh?

Any opinions here?

[.:SpIcYsPy:.]

Yeah, just explain how you can get in trouble with the law and he might understand.

Some kids just bunk because they think it's 'cool' too.. stupid things which happen :rolleyes: He may deny it but it may well be the answer.. to get a repuation and stuff..

[Abi]

I dont think its that harsh to do that. Just sit him down, and show him what happens, in a quite gentle way. After all, something is probably going on at school, and he just doesn't want to say anything about it to you. Show him what could happen, and keep him grounded for a while. Give him loads of time to open up to you as well, and if he looks like he's got even the smallest thing to say to you, then let him- even if you're busy :)

[Rain_]

I always do that anyway abi...he has long hair and is a bit of a loner so i try and listen to any concerns he may have...i'm just worried he's taking advantage and feels he can skip if he comes up with a good enough excuse about his appearance

[Abi]

You just need to take about it to him i guess. I think showing him some articles is a great idea, because then it gives you time together to talk about it, and it might make him understand your point of view more. Maybe you could take him to a club or something in the evening, to get him mixing with people more? Even if it was just for a few weeks- it might help boost his confidence, and stop him using his appearance as an excuse for not going to school. I guess its just a case of time. Its not something he'll stop straight away, but try and make him understand why you dont want him to not go, and help him mix more, and he'll gradually stop :)

[lollymay]

i actually know what its like to skip school cos i did skip school for a bit.

[Rain_]

i actually know what its like to skip school cos i did skip school for a bit.

care to elaborate on your reasoning there?

[lollymay]

well it started for me when we walkd to see our friends grave and missed french in the process, one thing led to another and we just kept missing french. it got really bad and the school got the attendance officer onto us and that stopped us

[leanne27]

im sure he will grow bored of staying off at home and not seeign his friends he may even want to go to school to just see them specially if he's grounded.

[Jojo]

I would show him the articles about parents being prosecuted rain - if he realises that you will get into trouble for it, be fined and possibly sent to jail if he keeps repeating not going to school, it might scare him into going - just a thought....

[chance]

Are you sure he's not getting bullied,he is not likely to tell you because of the embaresment,not that theres anything to be embaressed about,but thats how i think id feel.
If he is a loner then that prob is your answer right there,if he hasnt many friends it cant be that fun goin to school and perhaps not having anyone to talk to or sit and eat your dinner with every day.
Hope things improve honey :)

[Meh]

I agree with Chance. If he's a loner then there's not much incentive for him to go to school. Its not just about education, but social skills as well.

I was a prolific skiver at both junior school and high school. On both occasions the school inspector came to my house. My problem was bad company and I found school totally boring.

Of course you have to chastice him, but I would be looking at getting him involved in school activities, getting him to invite his friends around to play etc. There's no harm in being a loner, but if its affecting his schooling its a problem. Maybe a word with his school teacher?

[Trinity]

I would want to know if this is a one off, or if he has done it before.

Once you have missed some lessons is can be scary to get back into them, you fall behind and feel thick.

Was there a test or anything on that day?

Was he genuinely ill on Monday & Tuesday? Sometimes kids will fake illness to get out of something that is worrying them.

I would definitely contact the school to find out his recent attendance record and how he is getting on in class.

There are safety issues if he is dogging off school - he needs to be aware of these. There are loads of weirdos around and if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time.... Think about Rory Blackhall in Livingston - also 11, now dead.

Scaring him about procecution is a GOOD THING, scare him about some other things too.

You sound like a wonderful mum who really communicates well with you child, but sometimes they just won't tell you everything for fear of disappointing you.

[dddMac1]

you need to try to get to the botton of why he is skiving school even show him the articles if you need to because it's not fair on you and make him realise that education is important

[Siobhan]

care to elaborate on your reasoning there?

Rain if it helps, I use to skip school alot cause a) I hated one of my teachers, even though I was good at the subject she was just a horrid person and i hated been in her class. b) i felt a bit left out, my friends had more money and freedom than me so I never got to go anywhere and also felt a bit of an outsider so by skipping I was put in the "rebel" group so I was more popular and finally c) I loved learning and was really good in school but then I got labelled SWOT so I cut classes so I won't know stuff for the next time I went. Stupid I know but I never told my mother any of this and she thought I was going to school everyday. I couldn't tell her why as I felt she had her own things to worry about and I didn't want to upset her or make her worry anymore.

I think you are doing a good job Rain, keep talking to him and he will open up to you.

[Rain_]

Well we've had it out and he was genuinely ill at the beginning of the week but found it too easy to stay in bed watching sponge bob for the next day too. I've spoken to teachers etc and the only reason they could come up with was " maybe he fancied another day in his bed"

Wish i could use that excuse for work sometimes and if it was as easy as waiting for someone to leave the house and go back to bed i probably would have done it on many occasions before now

I showed him a couple of articles and he did turn a funny shade of green and appologised. We are best friends and i think now he realises that he can tell me anything

Thanks for your support

[LUSHLOOKE69]

Hey rain glad you've got it sorted just to put things in perspective most people on here have probably skipped school. I know i bunked off quite a bit in year 10 not that im condoneing it and I'm in university now no harm done. Most people have taken sick days off work when they are not really sick as long as it is not a regular occurance and you keep an eye on him I'm sure theres nothing to worry about.

[Jojo]

Well we've had it out and he was genuinely ill at the beginning of the week but found it too easy to stay in bed watching sponge bob for the next day too. I've spoken to teachers etc and the only reason they could come up with was " maybe he fancied another day in his bed"

Wish i could use that excuse for work sometimes and if it was as easy as waiting for someone to leave the house and go back to bed i probably would have done it on many occasions before now

I showed him a couple of articles and he did turn a funny shade of green and appologised. We are best friends and i think now he realises that he can tell me anything

Thanks for your supportThats great to hear Rain - sounds like you have a great relationship with your son which is brilliant. Even better to know that it was "just" a case of couldn't be bothered rather than anything more serious behind it....

[nicole28]

Tell him about how important his education is and show him the articles about how you could get prosecuted. He has to know how important it is for him to go to school!