Victims

[leanne27]

I dont know if this thread will be used but i thought i would ste it up incase it might. Recently on one thread i stressed my annoyance at women or people who claim to have been date raped when they havn't (big brothers lesley) as i was assaulted, and to know some people actually lie about it is not something i like to here, i was just wondering if anyone on the boards have/are or know of people in the same situation as me who, in the past has been sexually assaulted and how they have coped with it,

i have been struggling loads recently with what happened and considered councelling a lot however have decided to wait a little longer before i do. I understand its hard to talk about and confide in people with however i find it even more difficult to talk to people i know about it, so if anyone would like to talk or ask anything (maybe you know a friend in a similar situation and would like to know how to handle it) I'm here and im sure the rest of you would like to offer any support and advice to others.

Assault is still a untalked about subject that does STILL go unnoticed but we all need to be aware and this thread can be used by any victims of any assault be physical, mental or sexual, I'm proud of myslef for making this thread for me and all of you even if its not chose to be used.

[Siobhan]

leanne, a close friend of mine has been abused from an early age and she has tried councelling. She didn't find it good at the time it happen or the few years after and she went of the rails as in she drank a lot and associated sex with love so slept with lots of guys. Now 10 years later she has a really good counceller, she said herself that the day she punches the guy in the face who did this to her, then she will be better but she is slowly getting there.

Like you, I get angry at people who cry rape and it is not really cause it make it harder for women/men who are raped to get there case to court and the abuser punished properly.

[leanne27]

it is something that does screw up your life to an extent- but it also can make you a better person, or a stronger person at least- call me big headed but i like to think that i can cope with anything now as I've got through something as serious as that, Im glad your friend has got some one to talk to, some think talking about it dredges up the past but it think overall it helps you come to terms.

[xStephaniex]

i really really hate people who lie about this subject too !! i think you'd have to be really sick to make summink like that up ! iv been attacked twice in the last year and i found it soo hard to cope with n i stilll do. , when my friend saw how upset i was bout it at skewl she stoped talkin to me and came up with she'd also been attacked. and then we had a huge fall out and she said a lot of hurtfull things to me like - i deserved it, i probably asked for it and then spread it round the school i was a slut. and then admittted to me she lyedd about it just to see my reaction. i felt so sick after it. - how can someone make a fake joke outta what others have really been through. i havn't been friends with her since.
i thinkk you should consider talking to someone. but when your ready. goodluck hun and if you ever want to talk im here for u . x x x

[Chloe O'brien]

i personally haven't been in that situation but i do have family members who have suffered (my nephew and neices) my nephew was nine one neice was six and another six weeks old when they were taken into care as the nine year old and six year old were showing signs of abuse by my nephew step-father. Although it was not taken to court my nephew was placed in care until he was sixteen and my sister only had access to him at weekends. Thankfully he is now twenty six years old and a father himself. he is a successful businessman with a thriving business and a heart of gold. All I can say to people who cry wolf is that stop and think of what you are doing and think of the thousands of real victims in all of this my family especally my sister were robbed of seven years of my nephews up bringing were we were only aloud to see him at weekends and all male family relatives such as uncles and grandads were treated by police as if they were peodophiles

[Chris_2k11]

i realllllly reallllly hwte people whoo lieee waabout thiss subject too !!> i thnk you'd hve to bee really sickk to mke summink likt that up !!!!> iav been attackedd trwice in the last yeard and i found itt soo hard to copee with n i stillld o.!! , hwne my frined saasw how upset i wass bout it at skewl shee stoped tlkin to me andd came upp withh she'd also been atcaked. andd then ewe hadd a huge fall out n shee said a lot of hurtfull thingss like - i deserveddit, i probablyy hasked for it andd then spread itt round the school i wsa a sluyt. andd thenn admitttedd to mee she lyedd about ti andd jus wanted to see my reaction. i feltt soo sick after it. - horw can someeone meake a fake joke aioutta whatt others have really been through. i havn't been friendss with her sincee.
i thinkk yu should consider talkingg to someeoione. butt when your ready. goodluck hun andd if you evere wantt to talk im here for ux x xsteff, what's with all the double letters? :confused: lol

[leanne27]

yeah i should talk to someone really steff, its just that once i do there's no going back if you get what i mean, I'm sorry about your friend lying to you, but if she knew what you had been through and STILL lied then in my opinion she was no good friend. When it happened to me my friends were there for me to an extent, but they could still not relate to me at all. Do you feel "differnt" to other people after it happend, like somethig changed and it can never go back? that's the main feeling i experience everyday, damaged in a way and totally different and unconfidant comapred to other people.

[xStephaniex]

steff, what's with all the double letters? :confused: lol

sorry lol im just editing it now !! i wasn't exactly typing too well last night shall i say *pulls staright face*.

[xStephaniex]

yeah i should talk to someone really steff, its just that once i do there's no going back if you get what i mean, I'm sorry about your friend lying to you, but if she knew what you had been through and STILL lied then in my opinion she was no good friend. When it happened to me my friends were there for me to an extent, but they could still not relate to me at all. Do you feel "differnt" to other people after it happend, like somethig changed and it can never go back? that's the main feeling i experience everyday, damaged in a way and totally different and unconfidant comapred to other people.

i talked to a consellor and for me it didn't help. but i talked to one about getting nightmares that it would happen again. and it prooved to me that you really cant trust your friends or most of them. i have a small group of friends who i worship for being there for me all the time, and i dont think they'll ever know how gratefull you are for them to be there, i have really changed since its happened. its like a part has gone in side you but refilled with something stronger. sometimes i cant cope atall and i get so drunk i pass out or like last night i talk to much and come out with it. but i feel better for saying it after because its like you've let everythink out and you know you can relate to people in the same posistion. and you want to help each other.
if you didn't want to see a councellor, could you talk to your mum ? . or a friend that you really have to trust with all your soul !.

[leanne27]

It first happened to me when i was 5 by a girl who i used to trust, and then again when i was 14 and 15 by two boys the same age as me who went to my school- they sexuall harrassed me as wel as assault for nearly 2 years, my mum never really saw the seriousness of the situation and tries to forget about it all, she wants me to do the same, but i just can't, she find me talking to her about the assaults uncomfortable and hates me to talk about it.

[xStephaniex]

its like that with my mum, i cant talk to her about anythink anymore. i was attacked last may time shortly after my birthday. and again in october at my friends party when i was left by all my mates, i didn't really know anyone there but it was my fault because this guy was being nice to me all night and offered me a drink and from there i dont remember a thing, just waking up very sore and i was confused. i did talk to my friend about leaving me and she took me to hospital that day coz i was bleeding and they confirmed that i must of had sex that night and i told her i didn't, i didn't remeber anythink after the drink!! and she toldme it sounded like i'd been drugged. it does become very hard for you to cope with at such young ages, and i think its harder to talk to your parents about it. when i told my mum i felt really cheep afterwards because she told me she didn't want it discussed again that its in the past forget about it. and i just think its hard for mums to cope with aswell as us, because no mother dreams of their child being abused in any form do they! . but when it happens by someone you trust its just horrible. after the first attack i got an alarm on my keys so if i get scared or think anyone is following me all i have to do is pull out a lil part at the end and a really loud alarm goes off! i dont know whether its spose to scare the person off or what!. have you reported any of the assults to the police?

[leanne27]

no, sometimes i want to othes i don't i know my mum wouldn't support me if i did, hardly anybody knows at all and even though i live with it every single day i guess im scared they won't be taken seriously, I only realised i was actually assaulted when i was 15, i stopped and realised that what happened to me when i was 5 is actual sexual abuse and so was what the two guys from ym school did- since then im not comfortable around men at all, im paranoid that they are always lookign at me even when i know they probably arn't this sounds stupid but sometimes convince myself i imagined it as i really feel so alone by it, I'm sick of thinking about both incidents though it ruined my childhood and my teen years i don't want it to ruin my adult life aswell,

[leanne27]

Did you report the attack to the police aswell?

[xStephaniex]

i completely feel in the same boat with you there about not feeling safe around boys!. scott was my first proper boyfriend i had since the attacks and i really didn't feel comftable. i had to be questioned about one in an alley after the fight with my friend and she blurted it out in a horrible way, my head of year was informed of it and called police !! and i was taken out of class to talk to them about it although i didn't say much and a friend told them of my injuries i had after which weren't bad i had a ripped top and bruises on my wrists and a scratch down my shoulder and some grazing and cuts on my back, and my friend told police about that, but i told them they couldn't do anythink as 1. i didn't know the guys and i couldn't identify him well so why go through the stress of trying to identify a man you cant remember who looks like and making a statement if they would never of found him!. thats when i got the alarm and i do regret not telling police the whole story and atleast trying to identify him, coz now he may go on and do it to others around this area !! and i feel a coward for not coming forward but i was scared. and the other guy i found out has moved abroad. i still belive it was my fault for both attacks because i have a "friend" constantly reminding me im a slag. i hate school and i feel uncomftable with guys aswell. and i do feel its ruined my teen years already. but i find it alot easier talking to someone who can relate to what your going through. if you ever want to chat about things and want help / advice my email address is in my profile part. im always here x

[leanne27]

thanks really appreciate all th advice steff
xx

[xStephaniex]

well done for making this thread ! becuase this way everyone in the same position as others here can help each other and share their advice and their experiences may help others overcome theres in the long run. so thank you to you too for your advice hun and for making this thread. x x x x *hugs*

[feelingyellow]

Well done for making this thread, Leanne :)
It's really good to get things off your chest and share it with people who have been through something similar and know that there always be there for you, whereas in real life you don't have mates that will do the same, I certainly don't and haven't talked to anyone about what happened to me. I suppose it wasn't that bad compared to what happened to you guys, but it just made me feel so scared at the time knowing that these boys could do a lot worst to me and might. Don't worry, there not in any of my classes now and I don't get any hassle. I'm not really very strong, and I didn't tell anyone either because I couldn't ... I had tried when it wasn't so bad but because I did hit them back sometimes ... they would just say I did that to them and no one could really see what I was going through because I looked just as guilty as them.

[leanne27]

don't worry, the two guys, one guy in particular said things to me that affected me loads, the assualts did aswell but the violating things he often said to try to scare me still stay with me now i can remember everything the worse thing he ever said was "i want to rip out your ovaries and shove them in your eye sockets" he was a total pervert and untill we left senior school loved the power he had over me that's how i saw it anyway, its amazing the amount of hate you can hold for one person after months and months of abuse verbal and sexual from them, him and the other girl i mentioned earlier in the thread i hate more than anyone, even if i went to the police they have still gotten away with it for actually managing to have that amount of power and controll over me its something i will unfortunately never forget

[feelingyellow]

don't worry, the two guys, one guy in particular said things to me that affected me loads, the assualts did aswell but the violating things he often said to try to scare me still stay with me now i can remember everything the worse thing he ever said was "i want to rip out your ovaries and shove them in your eye sockets" he was a total pervert and untill we left senior school loved the power he had over me that's how i saw it anyway, its amazing the amount of hate you can hold for one person after months and months of abuse verbal and sexual from them, him and the other girl i mentioned earlier in the thread i hate more than anyone, even if i went to the police they have still gotten away with it for actually managing to have that amount of power and controll over me its something i will unfortunately never forget

It's so unfair what they did to you, and so horrible how he just thought he could have this power over you and got away with it. You're your own person yet you feel like your being owned by this guy and paying him back for something ... it's just unfair and I hate it!
I know exactly what you mean, I will never forget what people have done to me, you just can't help but to remember the bad things, and even when you try - there's someone reminding you. Like today, I was just talking to my mates and this boy who was in my set last year sees me and starts going on about what happened last year, my mate was laughing which didn't help - but she doesn't know what I've been through because she wasn't there and I suppose she's just been lucky enough not to go through something similiar.
I hate the boys who did it to me, and I hate the people who joined in. I suppose all they did was laugh really, but they never thought to help me or tell someone. I wasn't even friends with any of the girls, because half of them were just chavs, some were snobs and the rest just didn't seem to like me much - though a couple did sort of try to help once they realised how bad it was getting. But by that time I couldn't really tell or do anything, I just had to wait til the end of the year which was really hard at times... I just used to be late a bit for lessons because I didn't want to get hassle as teachers always take ages to get there and they took that chance to annoy me. I worked really hard in the end though, because I wasn't going to take another year of it, our half of years have been mixed now so I don't see them anymore but I hate how they just got away with what they did to me and how maybe they could be doing it to someone else now.
I always try my best to help someone if they're having a hard time, because I know what it's like and even if I don't particulary like them I'd rather help them then watch them go through the pain like I did.

[leanne27]

well that's a really kind and noble thing to do :) not enough people care about others anymore

[xStephaniex]

awwww emmie *hugs* i would do the same to be honest - i'd rather help someone i hated then watch them go through the same pain - because no matter how much you hate or love someone you dont wish it on anyone, because it really does affect you. after my experiences i have become so so protected over my sister. as she is my only sister and its just instinct you'd hate them going through the same pain and feelings you have been through i used to get nightmares of it happening again and it happening to my sister and i haven't slept properly since, im still on sleeping pills atm to improve my sleeping patterns. I think your a fab person emmie and your really caring, anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.

[leanne27]

what happens with me is i always convince myself that something will happen to my kids, im pregnant with my first baby at the moment an im terrified of having to leave it alone with people incase they do something to it, even though i know that wont happen, all ym trust in men has simply gone, i dont feel safe near them anymore and it doesn't help seeing the girl who abused me when i was 5 shopping a few months back it brought it all back seeing her again, she looks so different, it was a real shock seeing her as ive not seen her in years

[feelingyellow]

Aww Leanne, it's true not enough people do ... you see people who just leave people just because they don't like/know them ... and I can't do that, I'd be a hypocrit.

Aww Steffy *hugs back* well done :) Your poor sister though, it's good how you can help her as you've been through a similar thing. I could never tell my sisters or brother this sort of thing because we're just not close enough I suppose... same with my Mum same with my Dad... I do have mates I can rely on, thought only ones off the net to be honest.
I got one nightmare a while back, it was really scary and involved my sister. One of the boys who did it to me and one boy who was in my form but is now expelled, came into my house and wanted to watch tv and me and my sister were really scared. They dug their nails into our skin and we were bleeding, and then we just in the hall and called the police, and then they went. It was just a nightmare, but it really scared me. At the time was afraid I was sort of afraid it would happen, it hasn't luckily but I'm just afraid I'll get another nightmare, the thing that really scared me was that it involved my sister... what if they went after her or something? I know she's three years older then them and it's not likely, but I just couldn't stand if it happened to my sister because of me.
It's too bad you can't even get proper sleep after this Steff, those guys have hurt you and are still hurting you now :( I suppose it will get better in time, I just wish they hadn't done what they had because it can scar you for life :(
Thanks Steff, you're really caring too :) I love you to bits as my mate, and it's so good how we can finally get this out in the open and share our views and find someone we know will understand, same with you Leanne :) Us victims got to stick together and try help others :)

[feelingyellow]

what happens with me is i always convince myself that something will happen to my kids, im pregnant with my first baby at the moment an im terrified of having to leave it alone with people incase they do something to it, even though i know that wont happen, all ym trust in men has simply gone, i dont feel safe near them anymore and it doesn't help seeing the girl who abused me when i was 5 shopping a few months back it brought it all back seeing her again, she looks so different, it was a real shock seeing her as ive not seen her in years

It's just unfair, you can't even live your life properly because of what happened. It's good that you've moved on, but I guess it will always be there.
I see the guys who do it every so often around school, they still annoy me a bit but nothing serious luckily, I don't know what they will be like in so many years, they might have changed they might have not.
Maybe that girl has, she could be a totally different person now who regrets what she did, then again she could not. But I just hope she feels some sort of regret at least and knows how much she hurt you. It's not fair how we're the ones who have to live with that pain, whereas they don't even care what they did.
I'm sure your baby will be fine, you've just got to know who you can trust, there are true friends out there. And men you can trust aswell.

[xStephaniex]

i hate seeing myself as a "victim" although yes its what we are - it makes them sound like they've won, do you get what i mean ?? ... im scared to go to sleep at night and sometime i dont take my pills becasue im too scared to sleep and other nights i will take them because im slimply too tired for school the next morning but still made to go to school !! . Emmie your nightmares seem really horrible hun :( . my mum only found out a couple of months ago about my first attack as i was sent home from school, i had a panick attack and was sick and very shaky coz i couldn't get one particular nightmare out my head and they happen every night, i hate them !! but i was sent home from school and i had to tell my mum why i was so shaky, it was soooo hard to tell her and she just looked at me to say like how could i not have told her and she made me feel well cheap. but she was supportive a few days after, i think she was just in shock herself. i dont like talking to my parents about things tho, they tell my auntie and she gave me a massive lecture on how ive changed and i just wanted to scream she knows nothing !! she said i used to be so sweet and innocent and something has happened to make me turn nasty inside. and i was like omg how can you say that, but not actually realiseing myself something has changed in me bg time! i used to be so happy and get on really good with my parents and siblings, since all this has happened im scared, upset, confused, and feel frightened of sleeping all the time.

Good luck with you new baby on the way leanne and congrats hun !! i think you'll be a great mum and dont worry hopefully nothing bad will ever happen to your child im sure it wont. keep us posted on how your pregnancy goes too. x x x x x

[feelingyellow]

Yeah, but in the end I suppose we are... though we don't want to be. I denied what happened so many times, and when someone did try to talk to me about it I just murmured 'yeah' and stuff because I just couldn't admit it to myself. I have now though, I guess once it was all over it suddenly became clear what had happened.
Once I stayed up all night crying about it, I tried to sleep and sleep but they were in my head and I couldn't get them out. You should take your sleeping pills hunni, because you'll only think about them more if you don't, hopefully your nightmares will go in time ... just got to try and keep happy and then you won't think about them :)
It was only the one nightmare, but I know I'll never forget it... I love my sister though we do agrue and I couldn't stand if anything happened to her.
It's good that you did tell your Mum in the end, at least this way she can find a way to support you, my parents just wouldn't do that. I don't think they'd even believe me. Your aunt was a but out of order, she should have been comforting you not screaming at you.
I wouldn't say I was very happy before it, but I think I was a bit happier because I could have fun and not think of them everytime I saw something which reminded me of them or feel a light punch from a mate as a joke and not think ... are they going to do the same thing those boys did?
I hate those boys who did it to you to, it just isn't fair that you're suffering... try forget about it hun, try move on, try and realise the good things in life because you can't let yourself suffer :)

[leanne27]

i will kepp you updated and thankyou sooooo much for everything, both of you, you two are actually the first people i have ever spoke to who have been in the same situation as me, i sometimes convince myself that I'm the only one who its happened to and that im the only one to feel how i do, buti now know different. I too have had had bad dreams, one was where i was being chased by the lad down some stairs by him and i couldn't move, another was where i was dragged down some stairs and was about to be raped and nooen could here my screams and the worst one yet was where i was doing what had been done to me, it was horrible, the only slightly good thing to come out from all of this is that we MUST be somewhat stronger somewhow, my friend said the other day she really respects me after all I've been through and that really means a lot, has anyone ever told a boyfriend about what was done to them and how did they react?

[Katy]

aww you lot have really been through alot. I read an article in the local paper about a girl who went to the police saying a gang of asians had put her in a car boot then raped her. The police have found out she made up the whole lot. I thought that it was so sick to do that. Its disgusting.

Im always really scared walking home alone and am forever looking over my shoulder, as a man tried to get me in his car it really scared me. I dont trust walking past anyone in the street its really pathetic but im scared they might hurt me.

Do you think Councellors work, or sessions with people or am i the only one who finds them a waste of time.

[leanne27]

I am not sure whether to go see one, im debating on it, i personally think councelling will help some people but not others it totally depends on you as a person whether you are the type to feel better after talking about your feelings or just moving on past it, i feel better after a good talk that's why im considering it.

[xStephaniex]

no cornetgirl i hate them too !!! all 3 of my councillors i had were all horrible i hated them and found they didn't work atall!! but the hopsital and my parents both said if i didn't stay on at councilling i would have to stay on in hospital untill i was better ( this was after my overdose).
i also read that artical in the paper !! i think it is so wrong for a person to make up lies as serious as this topic, its not only sick but its as if there making a joke out of victims. its how i see it anyway!!! im only 15 myself, 16 in may and i feel i dont want a boyfriend anymore and i wonder if i will move on. most people at school think im an attension seeker and my parents did aswell untill they realised why i was so upset. i've never told any of my boyfriends but then i haven't had many since it all happened !!. i cant bring myself to tell my boyfriends about it in case they think im a coward or a slapper like my "friend" did. i know that sounds stupid but its my mind set. - i have to see my doctor tomorow about not taking my pills at night and a couple other things so ill start taking them again.
Leanne i think you should give councilling a go, if you want to, dont let anyone pressure you into it because then it wont work, because you'll rebel against saying anythink and then it is a waste of time. i personally think they didn't help - it was like sitting down with a trusted persona and chatting about it, and them asking you questions. i didn't see the point !

[feelingyellow]

i will kepp you updated and thankyou sooooo much for everything, both of you, you two are actually the first people i have ever spoke to who have been in the same situation as me, i sometimes convince myself that I'm the only one who its happened to and that im the only one to feel how i do, buti now know different. I too have had had bad dreams, one was where i was being chased by the lad down some stairs by him and i couldn't move, another was where i was dragged down some stairs and was about to be raped and nooen could here my screams and the worst one yet was where i was doing what had been done to me, it was horrible, the only slightly good thing to come out from all of this is that we MUST be somewhat stronger somewhow, my friend said the other day she really respects me after all I've been through and that really means a lot, has anyone ever told a boyfriend about what was done to them and how did they react?

It's ok Leanne hun, we're here to help :)
I know what you mean, like you feel like it's only you and self-pity yourself because you're so upset... but then your sort of realise there are people worst off that you and feel guilty. Don't feel guilty, it's not your fault it happens to them or to yourself, it's the people who do it who's fault it is.
Your dreams sound so awful :( Do you still get them?
I think we are stronger in someway, because we've come out of this and we're trying to move on and live our lives normally :)
My friends don't respect me, I haven't gone into many details with them ... some of them sort of know because the boys used to follow me around a bit. Even now I wouldn't really tell them, I guess they just wouldn't understand. Maybe when I'm older I'll tell my friends (whoever they may be) because at the moment I can't really as I can't expect them to support me or anything because they're just teenagers, I know I am aswell, but I suppose you get a bit of maturity when things happen to you.
I haven't had a boyfriend, I had a thing with this boy last summer and part of me wanted to just tell him everything because I'd think he'd be able to understand, but I didn't really want to ruin things.

[feelingyellow]

aww you lot have really been through alot. I read an article in the local paper about a girl who went to the police saying a gang of asians had put her in a car boot then raped her. The police have found out she made up the whole lot. I thought that it was so sick to do that. Its disgusting.

Im always really scared walking home alone and am forever looking over my shoulder, as a man tried to get me in his car it really scared me. I dont trust walking past anyone in the street its really pathetic but im scared they might hurt me.

Do you think Councellors work, or sessions with people or am i the only one who finds them a waste of time.

It's sick when people make things up, really sick! They don't understand that it happens to real people, and they can't ever feel the pain like we have.
It's not fair how we live in a world which at times you think is the best place ever, but then it destroyed by criminals and we can't even feel safe. I walked home in the dark once, I just ran home because I was so scared. That may sound stupid, but the world has gotten a lot worst recently with all the 'chavs' and people hanging about... I just don't feel safe like I did when I was a little kid. Luckily, the boys don't walk home the same way I do, but if they did... I'd probably join after-school clubs or something just so I could get away from them, because at school you at least have the chance of someone protecting you, when you're walking home there's not as much chance and people can just drag you off somewhere.
I wouldn't go to a councellor I suppose, I wouldn't really feel comfortable telling them everything but they probably do help. I perfer to talk to people like you guys who have been through similar things or just a mate I know I can trust and will always look out for me.

[feelingyellow]

I am not sure whether to go see one, im debating on it, i personally think councelling will help some people but not others it totally depends on you as a person whether you are the type to feel better after talking about your feelings or just moving on past it, i feel better after a good talk that's why im considering it.

You should go then hunni, if you feel like it would do you good then you should. The councillor you get might have actually been through the same thing, some do start concelling people because they've been through something themselves. I hadn't thought of doing Physcology or something before now, but now I'm quite keen ... it'd be good to help people.
Sometimes I suppose it can help even if they haven't been through it, because they'll listen and not say anything, and you just feel good after letting it out.
It's your decision hun, maybe you should have a bit of a talk over the phone before to see what type of counciller they are.

[feelingyellow]

no cornetgirl i hate them too !!! all 3 of my councillors i had were all horrible i hated them and found they didn't work atall!! but the hopsital and my parents both said if i didn't stay on at councilling i would have to stay on in hospital untill i was better ( this was after my overdose).
i also read that artical in the paper !! i think it is so wrong for a person to make up lies as serious as this topic, its not only sick but its as if there making a joke out of victims. its how i see it anyway!!! im only 15 myself, 16 in may and i feel i dont want a boyfriend anymore and i wonder if i will move on. most people at school think im an attension seeker and my parents did aswell untill they realised why i was so upset. i've never told any of my boyfriends but then i haven't had many since it all happened !!. i cant bring myself to tell my boyfriends about it in case they think im a coward or a slapper like my "friend" did. i know that sounds stupid but its my mind set. - i have to see my doctor tomorow about not taking my pills at night and a couple other things so ill start taking them again.
Leanne i think you should give councilling a go, if you want to, dont let anyone pressure you into it because then it wont work, because you'll rebel against saying anythink and then it is a waste of time. i personally think they didn't help - it was like sitting down with a trusted persona and chatting about it, and them asking you questions. i didn't see the point !

Aww hun, it's a real shame you councillors didn't work... I guess they just weren't the type for you.
I don't blame you for not wanting a boyfriend, I don't know if I would really want one ... I mean what if he turned out just like these others guys I really couldn't stand that, I don't ever want a repeat of what happened, I used to think maybe it just be better if I wasn't here. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't let them win, I really wanted to defeat them. I never did, I suppose I escaped them ... but I would just love a little bit of revenge. Just for them to feel what I have for one second, so they could what they did was unforgivable.
People actually started to think of me as an 'attention seeker' because I tried to pretend it wasn't happening and would pretend to laugh along, I really wish I hadn't now. I wished I had admitted it to myself, but I just couldn't.
Hope everything goes well at the doctor's, maybe it will somehow help you to get back to normal.

[leanne27]

i havn't had any dreams in about a month which is good :) just finding it hard to get to sleep at the mo, i often get this, things play on my mind, sometimes i have so many thoughts in my head at once i feel like ill explode, i used to scratch myself to get past time when i felt really low i havnt done that in 3 months i was really tempted to last night though, i never but i dont want to slip down that road again i guess i just have to wait for the "down phase" to pass i get it all the time when i think about whats happened hopefully it will go soon

[feelingyellow]

i havn't had any dreams in about a month which is good :) just finding it hard to get to sleep at the mo, i often get this, things play on my mind, sometimes i have so many thoughts in my head at once i feel like ill explode, i used to scratch myself to get past time when i felt really low i havnt done that in 3 months i was really tempted to last night though, i never but i dont want to slip down that road again i guess i just have to wait for the "down phase" to pass i get it all the time when i think about whats happened hopefully it will go soon

Yay, the dreams are probably starting to go :)
I know what you mean... it's like you just can't stop thinking! You desperately want to but you can't...
Aww don't stratch yourself hun, I read about someone who started that and ended up cutting themselves :( I used to past time at night by picking at my toes and peeling skin off them, I have pretty bad feet now :( It's good that you've been able to stop doing it ... if you can't get to sleep at night try listening to some music. I find sad slow music helps because I can let everything out and then slowly fall asleep. Sometimes even reading can help ... something that keeps you hooked helps me :)
I've found this talking about it really helpful ... yet sometimes I just want to bury the past... but I think I perfer sharing it because it is always going to come back at one time when something reminds you of it and trying to get over it is the best thing to do :)

[Katy]

the councellors didnt work for me either. Neither did Anger management. I just found that being stuck in a room with a stranger didnt help. It made me more and more depressed and angry which is a bit stupid. As for walking in the dark that is a complete no no. I cant bear it. I did it once and was crying my eyes out when i got home.
People thought that i was an attention seeker as well when i was at school. I remember one of my teachers trying to get me to talk and she was like im giving you attention thats what you want isnt it.
I used to get really low when i was younger as i didnt have that many friends so i was an easy target for bullys, so then i did the worst possible thing and thought the only way to get a way from them was to join them.
I have made new friends now who i canfide in so that really helps. I was really lucky, to find them otherwise i dont know what id be like now.

[feelingyellow]

the councellors didnt work for me either. Neither did Anger management. I just found that being stuck in a room with a stranger didnt help. It made me more and more depressed and angry which is a bit stupid. As for walking in the dark that is a complete no no. I cant bear it. I did it once and was crying my eyes out when i got home.
People thought that i was an attention seeker as well when i was at school. I remember one of my teachers trying to get me to talk and she was like im giving you attention thats what you want isnt it.
I used to get really low when i was younger as i didnt have that many friends so i was an easy target for bullys, so then i did the worst possible thing and thought the only way to get a way from them was to join them.
I have made new friends now who i canfide in so that really helps. I was really lucky, to find them otherwise i dont know what id be like now.

Aww hun, I suppose at least you tried it which is good :)
Aww the dark's so scary... I was never afraid of it when I was younger yet my sis was so we always had to keep the light on ... but now I'm older I see how scary it is.
Teachers don't help either, I know they try there best to help ... but all they really want is there lessons to go smoothy - your one doesn't sound very much like the caring type.
I wouldn't say that I've always had friends, I do now but at times I didn't and I felt like the loniliest person in the world.
Don't be mad at yourself for joining them hun, sometimes they leave you with no choice, as long as you know what the right thing is now hun :)
It's good that you have mates that support you, you're really lucky :)

[leanne27]

I have just told one of my male friends what happened when i was 14 and 15 i have never actually told a man before, i feel so much better for it though if you get me? knowing that they don't all not take it seriously and that they are not all ba**ards, funny how one small thing can make you feel so much better

[feelingyellow]

I have just told one of my male friends what happened when i was 14 and 15 i have never actually told a man before, i feel so much better for it though if you get me? knowing that they don't all not take it seriously and that they are not all ba**ards, funny how one small thing can make you feel so much better

Aww, well done hun! :D He seems like a good friend, your so lucky how you can confide in him :) I suppose they're not all bad, I was thinking of telling a boy I liked a while back... but I suppose I got a bit scared of telling him, I might now - thanks Leanne - your an inspiration! :thumbsup:

[Katy]

thats really good Leanne. Thats a good step forward.

[leanne27]

wow ive never been called an inspiration before! thanks emmie and katy, i guess we all just deal with things as best as we can and that's all ive done or tried to do at least xx

[xStephaniex]

well done leanne !!!! :D - it must of taken alot of guts to tell your male friend but im so glad it has helped you !!!! . and emmie and katy are right in what they say your an inspiration to other younger girls. your new baby will have one fab mum !!! :) ...

[nicole28]

Yes, I agree! Well done! I probably wouldn't have had the guts!

[leanne27]

aw thankyou so much everyone :D

[xStephaniex]

leanne how and when did your nightmares stop ? - mine are getting worst !. i didn't take my tablet last night and i had an hour sleep !!. and i was well edgy and grumpy at school today and i fell out with 3 of my friends because of being so moody!. and my day got worse my friend who was also raped but her brother gave me a website to look at and my teacher let me and her go down to the computer room at tutorial time, and when i got onto the site 3 boys from my form came in and i couldn't clip off the website in time and they saw the head title "rape crisis" and were mocking it and laughin. but im well scared they will say something to the other girls there friends with and im not!! they bully me at school and theres too many invilved for me to stick up for myself and everyone else is too scared to ! i really dont know what to do - pray they dont say anythink further but i no its my own fault :crying:. im sooo stupid.

[feelingyellow]

leanne how and when did your nightmares stop ? - mine are getting worst !. i didn't take my tablet last night and i had an hour sleep !!. and i was well edgy and grumpy at school today and i fell out with 3 of my friends because of being so moody!. and my day got worse my friend who was also raped but her brother gave me a website to look at and my teacher let me and her go down to the computer room at tutorial time, and when i got onto the site 3 boys from my form came in and i couldn't clip off the website in time and they saw the head title "rape crisis" and were mocking it and laughin. but im well scared they will say something to the other girls there friends with and im not!! they bully me at school and theres too many invilved for me to stick up for myself and everyone else is too scared to ! i really dont know what to do - pray they dont say anythink further but i no its my own fault :crying:. im sooo stupid.

Aww! You're not stupid hun! Those boys sound well mean, but I'm sure it will be ok... just keep strong, avoid them, and if they say anything just ignore them or tell someone! They'll stop if they realise it's not working on you or if they get in trouble. Hope this helps hunni.

[leanne27]

I have good days and bad days steff, for the past 5 nights i have had touble getting to sleep just mulling over what happened sometimes i have so many emotions going on in my head i feel like i will explode, then i try to put things into perspective- what happened happened i HAVE to accept that or it will totally ruin my life and i dont want that as that way they have won, i have a good career, baby on the way, loving homelife am healthy and i even try to think of myself as lucky, i was sexually assaulted but i must accept that, learn from it and try to move on.

However other days i just cry because of it, because of a sad song, basically anything can set it off, it will be a long process and i know that I've just got to face the bad days and enjoy the good as best as i can, in soaps or tv women who have been raped or assaulted seem to be over it in a matter of weeks but unfortunately in real life its a lot different and is the worst thing anyone should have to go through but i can still laugh and enjoy myself and Im proud to say I've come through it and you should try to be too :)

[feelingyellow]

I have good days and bad days steff, for the past 5 nights i have had touble getting to sleep just mulling over what happened sometimes i have so many emotions going on in my head i feel like i will explode, then i try to put things into perspective- what happened happened i HAVE to accept that or it will totally ruin my life and i dont want that as that way they have won, i have a good career, baby on the way, loving homelife am healthy and i even try to think of myself as lucky, i was sexually assaulted but i must accept that, learn from it and try to move on.

However other days i just cry because of it, because of a sad song, basically anything can set it off, it will be a long process and i know that I've just got to face the bad days and enjoy the good as best as i can, in soaps or tv women who have been raped or assaulted seem to be over it in a matter of weeks but unfortunately in real life its a lot different and is the worst thing anyone should have to go through but i can still laugh and enjoy myself and Im proud to say I've come through it and you should try to be too :)

Wow, Leanne you are such an inspiration to all of us! :) I can't keep very strong... but you can! I'm going to try and be like you from now on :) Well done Leanne, you've done so well :)

[xStephaniex]

yeh !! your right emmie Leanne your so brave ! i dont know why i cant be !. ive had constant nightmares for the past month and i was put on sleeping pills but when im on them they seem to make my nightmares worst ! and there spose to make you conk out for 8 hours! but half the time i dont like taking them, and i sleep for lil hours. last night i went to bed at 6am and woke up agen at 7 for school but i close my eyes and its all i see is the images :(. i hate it !. i wish i could just move on completely but after it happening again by some one i felt comftable with for the evening it just took away all the trust. i really hope i can move on and soon !. i think i need to wake up and get rid of the past once and for all but its not as easy as that is it :(

[feelingyellow]

Aww Steff, I think maybe you should try concentrating on something else... hard... like your GCSE's, I'm so worried about my SATs and stuff I don't always think of the bad things... maybe it will work for you.

[leanne27]

I trusted all people who assaulted me too, one i thought was my friend when i was only 5 years old, who thinks anything bad will happen to you then? and when i was 14, the two guys who did i was quite friendly with before it happened, i even used to flirt with one slightly and the other i would of classed as a friend

[feelingyellow]

I trusted all people who assaulted me too, one i thought was my friend when i was only 5 years old, who thinks anything bad will happen to you then? and when i was 14, the two guys who did i was quite friendly with before it happened, i even used to flirt with one slightly and the other i would of classed as a friend

Omg people you liked and trusted... that is just horrible :( I really can't believe that, it just comes to show that you can't trust anyone.. :( I never trusted any of mine luckily, just knew them as some guys in some of my classes until it started.

[leanne27]

i know :( but they say that its usually the people you know

[Siobhan]

i know :( but they say that its usually the people you know

it is very sad to say but very very true. 90% of all abuse cases is someone you know and trust and most likely a family member. that is the worst part for the victim that they trusted the person who abused them

[feelingyellow]

That's just horrible... I hate it when you feel like you can't trust anyone. :(

[xStephaniex]

that is horrible ! and its sick when you trust a person and they abuse that trust and turn your life around !!!.
i had a huge fight with my parents today and i shouldn't tell this but my dad hit me this morning and i have a bruise on my cheek and now im scared of my dad more! i really hate him and he knows i hate him, he is ignoring me now and blames me for all the problems in the family and my mum said i deserved everythink i got this morning i was just like arg bitch lol. she aint even cooked me dinner! haha. but oh well its life aint it...take it as it comes.:( - leanne whens your baby due ?

[feelingyellow]

Aww hun, your dad doesn't sound too nice... maybe you should talk to him and explain that your not the one always at fault ... sometimes I feel just because I'm the youngest I'm the one who has to get blamed :(

[leanne27]

sorry to hear about your dad steff, i hate my dad too last year he was arrested for physically assaulting his girlfriend, he had to go to court and it broke my heart knowing he might go to prison, he is the most selfish man i have ever met and am so glad i hardly see him anymore, sometimes parents dont always know what's right for you, my mum never did but it doesn't mean she didnt care however your dad was very wrong to hit you if it happens again i suggest you tell someone- but its totally up to you. My baby is due at the end of august, I'm nearly 3 and 1/2 months pregnant now :D

[leanne27]

so steff you feeling any better? how have things been with your dad, orite i hopexx

[xStephaniex]

aw so this year you'll have your first baby at christmas !!!!.
My dad is well alright most times but equal times he's always shouting and stressed and blames me, most people say its problably because my brother is the eldest and my sister is the youngest so im stuck in the middle...but i dpnt see how that works !. my dad is helping me with my violin pieces and scales for my exam soon so were getting on ok then my dad was painting all the hall today and i stood on a load of nails and he shouted at me saying watch the paint !! so made it equal lol. but never mind i know my dad loves me and only wants whats best for me but sometimes he just looses it.
thanks for asking how it was going leanne x everythink ok with you hun ??? its not nice when someone you love gets in trouble aye :( how did you cope ??

[feelingyellow]

Your sister is the youngest Steff? :eek: I always thought she was older for some reason, lol.
I'm the youngest and I always feel like the blame gets put onto me, maybe it is a bit right about the middle child getting the blame because the oldest is having troubles with growing up, and the youngest is being a bit of a baby and the middle one just gets the blame.
There's 2 middle children in our house, so maybe it's different... plus I'm the sort of stupid one. Well not like stupid, but I'm not as smart as them, shout a lot, get into fights, not a perfect little angel that my parents want me to be :( I just wanna be me and they don't like that... so maybe they just shift the blame onto me sometimes cos I mess up things...

[leanne27]

I still don't really cope i try to see as little of my dad as possible but then i find myself feeling guilty and crying all over again it also doesn't help that me and my best friend hav had a kind of falling out, she doesn't ever seem to care about how im feeling its all about her, the other day i was on MSN chatting to her and revealed how low i was feeling and that sometimes dying seems like such an easy option no more memories or anything bad happening to you anymore and she didnt even reply

she just doesn't care, last night i told her that she has to change or ill walk and all she replied was "ok" and i havn't spoke to her since, im so confused at the moment ive started resenting my mum as she never stopped the assault when i was 5 i mean she was my mum she should have protected me, and when i was 14 she ignored it and told me to ignore it! and then with all the stuff with my dad she knew about the court case and never told me for months untill he did, he told me he just had depression before, she could have told me and saved me hearing about it from a distraught dad. I know its not really her fault but... my love life, family and friends are all so muddled at the moment. :(

[feelingyellow]

Your friend doesn't sound at all nice... give her one final warning and if she don't seem to care at all, don't have her as a friend if she can't be a true one.

Your mum did wrong by never protecting you, but I think you should try and make it up with both your parents because at the moment all you want to be is happy and you have to talk to them and try and understand their points of view even if they're wrong... if you don't make up soon it could keep going on and on, and family is really important because even though you may not like them, they'll still love you and you'll still love them no matter how you treat each other.

My family, my friend, my love life, my school life ... it's not very good at the moment either... but I still live everyday going through it, even though I feel depressed and sometimes like it'd all be easier if it all ended... but I know I can fix it, or it will go away one day and then I can be free to do whatever I want...

[leanne27]

that's really sweet, good advice emmie thanks, i believe everythign happens for a reason and we MUST be stronger than other people to cope and get through it all :)

[feelingyellow]

that's really sweet, good advice emmie thanks, i believe everythign happens for a reason and we MUST be stronger than other people to cope and get through it all :)

It ok Leanne :wub:

Hmm, I suppose I sort of believe everything happens for a reason... do you think maybe there is a God up there and we are paying for our sins? I sometimes wonder if there is... but then you were only 5, what sin could a 5 year old do - nothing. And even if there was one, why would he make people do these things in the first place? If he didn't like people who sin ... why create them? Which makes me think there isn't one, and that it's just life at the end of the day and there's just sick people in this world who do sick things for no reason.

Yeah, we have to be strong - be united so we can show they don't get to us anymore :)

[leanne27]

i dont believe in god, i was never sure but then aftre all that had happened i just thought "if there was why let this happen" the only positive thing to ever come out of any of this is (as I've said before) simply knowing that you have got through it and survived, i know this sounds SO big headed- but i dont mean it to but i sometimes find myself rating myself sometimes higher than others knowing that they have never experienced what i have and secretly knowing that i must be stronger and more capable than any of them, just because it happened but im still here and can sometimes enjoy life without the past ruining it all for me.

[feelingyellow]

i dont believe in god, i was never sure but then aftre all that had happened i just thought "if there was why let this happen" the only positive thing to ever come out of any of this is (as I've said before) simply knowing that you have got through it and survived, i know this sounds SO big headed- but i dont mean it to but i sometimes find myself rating myself sometimes higher than others knowing that they have never experienced what i have and secretly knowing that i must be stronger and more capable than any of them, just because it happened but im still here and can sometimes enjoy life without the past ruining it all for me.

I know what you mean, in the Summer when I had finally gotten away from them even though it was only 6 weeks I felt like it was forever and that I was lucky because I was free... and then when I found out I wasn't in any of their classes I was so happy... it's the best feeling when something like that ends even though it was like a year of pain and misery...

Too right, we should feel strong and better... because we got through it. Obviously we would have rather it never happened at all ... but it's nice to know you could could actually beat them at the end of the day by stopping it even if it is just moving to a different place to them...
Other people can feel strong because they won a wrestling fight or something ... we're living our lives even though we've been through terrible things ... and we can still smile at the end of the day ... that makes me feel quite strong and proud :)

[xStephaniex]

yeh emmie im older than my sister lol !!!...

my sister was stopped my a man in his car on friday whilst she was on work ex and although he didn't do anythink he said things to her and was blowing kisses at her and he opened his car door and told her she better watch her bag or else and he went to turn around and come back and my sister ran, she was such a state, because of the scare of it and i got home from school and she was sitting on the computer i was like your home early!. and she tried telling me what happened and she just burst into tears, her work ex place phoned the police and they were round at 7 - they said they were too busy to come at 1.30 when it happened !!!. but the look on her face i felt so bad for her, she asked me to stay awake till she fell asleep on the friday so i did and went out friday night after she was asleep i couldn't get her off my mind tho, all i could do was be there for her and cuddle her but it didn't seem enough, she got alot of support over the weekend tho and she is feeling much much better, just makes you wish you had told someone sooner what had happened when i finnally told my mum what had happened about 6 months after she was just like you should of told someone sooner just forget it and it will go away and she was really shocked when becky came home and told her what happened.

[leanne27]

aw sorry to hear about what happened to your sister, in a way she was lucky, it could have been much worse but still it was quite a scare maybe this will help your mum understand a bit more of how you felt?

[feelingyellow]

Aww, your poor sister! You did well by comforting her, it's a lot easier to help people when you've been through something similar.
Well at least you told your Mum in the end, that's what matters - keeping a secret like that for life just doesn't get you anywhere I suppose...

I don't really want to name people here, so Boy 1 Boy 2 and Boy 3 are the one's that did it Boy 4 and Boy 5 are just other boys.
I found out today that Boy 1 and Boy 4 beat up Boy 2, and Boy 2's dad went to the police, so Boy 1 and Boy 4 had to go down to the police station...
Boy 2 has changed school (I think his Dad probably made him) and Boy 1 has apparently gone 'good' according to my mate, as he can't get into any more trouble. This is good, because at least then when I see him he won't do anything... well I'm hoping he won't.
Boy 3 is still being annoying whenever he sees me, and now hangs out with Boy 5 who is not violent or anything... just the b****ness boy ever! All he does is b****, b**** and b**** all the time, he's a boy for god's sake!
I suppose them just saying stuff at the moment is ok, although it is annoying... just a bit afraid Boy 2 might go back to what he did and Boy 5 might join in... :(

[leanne27]

My situation in senior school was similar emmie, i never knew if i could trust lads again i ended up hating most of them just for being male but they are all not like that :) if anything else happens go to a trusted teacher and get it sorted no one should feel intimidated or scared at school,

I have had a pretty bad week this week two days ago i found out that some person i trusted had been talking about em behind my back with a group of other people this really hurt me not only that but at this time of year i get :( as this is the time when the sexual harrassment started aswell, it was making me remember and so i started to scratch myself again as i used to do only a few months ago, but then the worst thing imaginable happened... my mum noticed the scratches she was so upset and so was i she said i was pathetic and couldn't understand it however i have swore to myself not to do it again for her sake at least.

Sometimes i get scared that I'll never get over what happened. But i feel much better now, (well at the moment at least) it depends how im feeling i guess. Another thing that freaked me out was as i was walking home today i saw this really creepy man who was staring at me as i passed by him he kept looking at me untill i turned the corner, im sure i have seen him before aswell about 2 months ago i recognise him from hooting me as i was walking up the bank, its probably coincidence but it showed to me how paranoid i have become

[feelingyellow]

My situation in senior school was similar emmie, i never knew if i could trust lads again i ended up hating most of them just for being male but they are all not like that :) if anything else happens go to a trusted teacher and get it sorted no one should feel intimidated or scared at school,

I have had a pretty bad week this week two days ago i found out that some person i trusted had been talking about em behind my back with a group of other people this really hurt me not only that but at this time of year i get :( as this is the time when the sexual harrassment started aswell, it was making me remember and so i started to scratch myself again as i used to do only a few months ago, but then the worst thing imaginable happened... my mum noticed the scratches she was so upset and so was i she said i was pathetic and couldn't understand it however i have swore to myself not to do it again for her sake at least.

Sometimes i get scared that I'll never get over what happened. But i feel much better now, (well at the moment at least) it depends how im feeling i guess. Another thing that freaked me out was as i was walking home today i saw this really creepy man who was staring at me as i passed by him he kept looking at me untill i turned the corner, im sure i have seen him before aswell about 2 months ago i recognise him from hooting me as i was walking up the bank, its probably coincidence but it showed to me how paranoid i have become

I know males aren't all bad but they're teenage boys, I have a friend who's a teenage boy - how do I know he's not going to start doing it one day because both girls and boys go through changes in puberty... boys tend to act like total idiots and become more mature then ever, girls just mature easily.
I hate people like that, what happened to you wasn't nice and obviously you just want to forget it - it didn't happen to them, they can forget a lot easier - yet people still talk about it because it brings some sort of entertainment to them! :mad:
Aww, just concentrate on the good things hunni - like your baby, and the people who you can trust :)
Don't hurt yourself hun, please don't - they're are always people who care about you :) A couple of weeks ago I did think about it, because I know these girls who are emos and they don't even do it for a reason and I just thought well if they can do it why can't I? I sort of stratched myself with a pair of nail scissors, it was hardly anything though - as soon as I did it I realised I was just being stupid. Just at the time I felt like there was nothing good in life and that harming myself might make it a bit better...
I know I will remember what has happened for the rest of my life, you just can't forget at all it's impossible... but we have to try Leanne, if we think about it all the time, the harder it is going to be to ever get over it...
Awww, just keep well away from the man - he could be totally innocent but it's better to be safe than sorry :)
I know what you mean about paronoia... there's this guy in my set and sometimes (as a joke) he like comes up to me and hugs me, he does this to other people in the set to cos he's quite a funny, nice guy you know and I know I'm being stupid by thinking it could turn into a lot worst, but that happened at first before and it turned so ugly in the end... I know this guy wouldn't hurt me or do anything but it gets me a bit scared and people just think I'm a right idiot because I'm not laughing along with him or anything...

[leanne27]

just incase you dont look under my thread in pregnancy and family lol thought id let you know i found out im going to have a little girl today, just thought I'd let you know , im really pleased about it lol :)

[feelingyellow]

Ooo congratulations! :cheer: Girls rule! Boys... suck :p Name it Emmie... go on :lol:

[Rach33]

I was assualted when I was 11 that was nine years ago and sometimes I still feel I haven't dealt with it properly
I don't trust men at all, I won't commit myself to a relationship and I use drink and flirting to block out the pain

[leanne27]

Ooo congratulations! :cheer: Girls rule! Boys... suck :p Name it Emmie... go on :lol:

Sorry emmie I've allready chose i name lol im going to call the baby Caitlin :)

[leanne27]

I was assualted when I was 11 that was nine years ago and sometimes I still feel I haven't dealt with it properly
I don't trust men at all, I won't commit myself to a relationship and I use drink and flirting to block out the pain

Sorry to hear it happened to you too, its so easy to let the anger take over and i still find it very easy to become resentful and annoyed with men just for being men which seems to make no sense, it's so hard to find a person you trust especailly with Guys as they cant really relate to what we have been through, However i have recently fell for a new guy, he's sweet, caring and knows all about what happened to me and he never run a mile my fear was always been thought of as "damaged goods" in a way i will always feel different to other girls or women as i expect you will too, but try not to give up on men as their are some good one's out there, when you least expecet it you will meet the perfect someone im sure :)

[feelingyellow]

I was assualted when I was 11 that was nine years ago and sometimes I still feel I haven't dealt with it properly
I don't trust men at all, I won't commit myself to a relationship and I use drink and flirting to block out the pain

Aww, 11 years old just not fair. :(
I guess it doesn't matter how long ago it was, but what happened and what type of person you are... I know I'll never forget this but I think maybe a few years along the line I might not think about it everyday...
It's hard to know who to trust and who not to trust, I guess when you can tell a man what happened and he acts in the way you want him to then maybe he's the one to trust. I think my attitude towards boys has changed a bit, with ones I know it's ok ... but someone new and sort of suspicious scares me a bit.
I flirt quite a bit too... though I'm only 14 so I don't really meet many guys, but with ones at school I do a bit... I don't know if it's because I'm scared or because I actually like them.
Drinking's great and all... but at the end of the day it doesn't make the pain go away. :(

[xStephaniex]

yaaaaaaaaaay leanne !!!! congratulations hun !! and i wish you all the best for the furture :) .... and JBL...sorry to hear bout your assault! i dont think people realise how much it effects people who have been attacked until they expierience it themselves. :(

[leanne27]

instead of starting a new thread i thought i would just post it here to let you know im self harming again- i dont even know why i just feel fine one minute and then all depressed the next i did it 4 times in 2 days and i just cant stop i dont know what to do, the guy i like know's and is being really supportive but we are at a confusing stage in our relasonship at the moment we are really close friends but we talk on the phone for hours and he comes over to mine for hours too, im so confused about everyone and everything i have let myself slip back into the way things were i never scratched myself for 2 months and now i cant stop any advice please anyone?

[moonstorm]

Hi Leanne

Sorry to read all about your problems and I hope you don't mind me joining in. As funny as it sounds self harming can be seen as a way of reasserting control over your life. You seem pretty mixed up at the moment and your hormones must be running riot cos of the baby. Do not be too hard on yourself but please try to get professional help. It sounds as if your Mum thinks this is beyond her and she probably wants to help but has no idea where to start, this can make Mums to and say stupid things, it can make them defensive cos they think they are being a bad parent and dont want to admit it. I dont live in the UK but I think there are plenty of help lines - just to start? If not, would you please think about going to see a counsellor, you dont have to see the first one you choose. They wont get offended if you change, so dont worry about that. In the meantime do anything absolutely anything that takes your mind off self harming, go for a walk, listen to loud music, anything you like doing that breaks your thoughts and takes your mind off your probs. I am here if you need to talk, my MSN address is Best of luck.

[xStephaniex]

leanne hunni dont get back into self harming !!!! instead of cutting find a bear you dont want and cut his arm or hit a pillow ! or just talk about it to someone your going to ruin your body hun and im sure you dont want to !!! you have a fab future ahead of you a little girl on the way and good stable relationship and all your friends and us here :D !!! - please please let us know how you are getting on hun! we care about you and so do alot of people around you x

[xStephaniex]

same goes for me hun im here if ou ever want to talk !! i self harmed for years and haven't done so for about half a year or so ! my email address is in my profile and im always on msn !!! lol ... so im always here for you hun ! always x

[leanne27]

thanks for the advice guys :) you see the thing is my two friends who know are really worried, my mum doesn't know that i have started again as i only did from yesterday and i dont want her to know, mainly because she would kill me! i dont see the harm in doing it now and again like this morning i just felt like i HAD to so i could have a good day, or get through it, i dont cut myself just badly scratch myself and if its my way of coping surely that is ok yeah? this is where me and my friends disagree

[moonstorm]

No I really dont think it is ok to cut yourself just a little bit, what happens when a little bit is not enough and you have to go a bit further and then a bit further. Please, please seek help. If not for your then for your baby?

[feelingyellow]

Leanne, please please please stop for the baby... I know stratching may not be much just to you - but you never know it could harm the baby and you can't allow that - although things may make you really want to do it, you have something to always look forward to at the end of the day and that's your baby and she's your main priority.
I personally don't think stratching is much either... if it doesn't make you bleed and doesn't really hurt it doesn't really make a difference but does help you to get through the day when times are hard.

[leanne27]

i have been a alot better today, i have had a good day and have not harmed myself once and have also not felt the need to :)

[feelingyellow]

i have been a alot better today, i have had a good day and have not harmed myself once and have also not felt the need to :)

Aww yay! :D Just keep looking on the bright side hunni :)

[leanne27]

however thanks all you great people for replying to me and i did take what each and everyone of you said on board and thankyou for all the advice :)

[xStephaniex]

leanne even if you hit a wall its not Ok to self harm !!! deep deep down i think you know its a big problem !! some one told me that when you self harm your left with scars that remind you of why you done it and at the end of the day your not coping with it atall !. my mum constantly reminds me what are you going to tell your little girl when she gets older and sees the scars and asks mummy what are those on your arm ?? and i was speachless. but it made me stop. so please stop !!! - ive had these scars on my arms and stomach for well over a year now and they haven't even gone down a bit ! and there right im just reminded of why i done it , but i regret it now. and i done it for the same reason - my way of coping. but its the wrong way, you just need to open up and talk. dont hurt yourself because you'll be reminded of it later on in life. :(

[leanne27]

sorry to hear that you are still reminded of it all steff but when i scratch myself they scars or marks or whatever dissapear within a day then i feel lower forever i feel like all the aggrivation of it isnt even worth it as there is no marks its as though it was all for nothing and i feel as though i cant even self harm right, it looks perfectly normal within the next day

[Jessie Wallace]

i promise you Leanne, self Harming is not the way forward, it may seem like it at times, but it's not. If you feel like punching thing, get yourself a punch bag, or hit some cushion's. By hurting yourself, your letting the other person win, and are doing no justice to yourself.

I've been there myself, and if you want someone to talk to then feel free to e-mail me (You'll find it in my profile) I'm not happy to talk about this kind of thing on here, as i don't think it's very helpful.
Any way just to let you know i'm, here if you are anyone else wants to talk or anything.

Stay safe and be happy, always look to the future and never ever look back you can't change the past.

[Trinity]

I have just read this thread for the first time. I am proud of the way you girls can talk about these issues and the support that you are giving each other.

The best way to get revenge on these b*****ds is to go on being strong and to have successful happy lives dispite what they did to you. You being happy is one way to take the power away from them. They did awful things, but you must not let them have power over your future. Be strong, remember that THEY are the bad ones - you have done nothing to be ashamed of.

I am really sorry that some mothers cannot talk to their daughters about this. It could be that they feel guilty at not being able to protect you?


Edited out for personal reasons

Don't get drunk in clubs etc - and if you are drinking in a public place never leave you drink unattended.

Don't accept drinks from strangers.

Always leave with a friend - it makes sense to have a designated driver who is stone cold sober!

Watch out for your friends, and have your friends watch out for you.

Be safe and be happy.

[xStephaniex]

trinity thats horrible whats happened to you ! but good on you hun for not let it run your life. My mum said shes worried when i turn 18 and start going clubbing, but i was talking to my art teacher the other day and we were talking about things like this that happen and he was giving me advice on going clubbing in 2 years time which seems ages away but its not!. and i think most girls go clubbing to have fun but drink too much and then they become an " easy " target for the cruel men out there. but it really knocks sense into you, dont leave your drink unatended or accept drinks off strangers because its that easy to be drugged !!!

[Becksfanz]

It make me mad if i see these stupid stories being made up about being raped ie Big Brother Lesley coz its easy to see that she lied and wanted attention... If peeps who has been raped or nearly, as long you have your family and firends in your life being there for you.
Hope this post don't offend anyone.. let me know if it did, if so then sorry.

[xStephaniex]

i know what you mean becksfanz. i had a friend who made up being abused when i confided in her when it had happened, i was really confused and i didn't know who to turn to and she was my best friend and she was always there for me but the next day at school i was really scared being around the male teachers and boys and she said i was perfetic and then she wouldn't talk to me and when i asked her why it turned into an arguement she said she was abused and i had brought it all back to her. it really hurt me. the next day she said she only made it up to see my reaction and it made me very mad !. not only did she make something like that up she used the subject as a joke and its not it really affects people in different ways. i haven't spoke to her since. and its nearly a year now. i dont see how some one can make something up like that, you have to be really sick in the head to do so.

[leanne27]

sorry but she sounds a right b***h of a friend! lying about something like that, and im still wary of men and any males really its something that wont seem to go (for me anyway) and for her to make fun of that, for you that must have been awful and im glad she's no longer in your life to make you feel any worse than you have to. People dont understand the hurt it causes when people lie about it, unless it has happened to you personally you can not understand the hurt it can cause by lying or simply joking about such an issue.

[feelingyellow]

Your friend is just a really sick person Steff, how anyone can actually make stuff up like that for attention or as a joke is really, really sick - I'm glad you're not friends with her anymore - that is just unforgivable.

People in my school are always saying stuff about rape as a joke, and I know they don't know anything about what happened and that it offends me, but still... rape or anything similar isn't a joke in any way.

[xStephaniex]

im glad im rid of her aswell to be honest. no friend is worth keeping if they joke and lie about the issue in any form. even if she was my best friend. All my mates hate her aswell for lying.

[Becksfanz]

Thats good that you got rid of her. you need a fresh start and that include making new friends and good ones! Just like I did when I left school and I am much happier coz I've got new friends and some old friends that have stuck with me all the way :) xx

[leanne27]

just incase you dont look at my other pregnancy thread just thought I'd let you know i now have a baby girl :D she was born prematurely and had to stay in hospital for 4 days after she was born because she was so small and had jaundice she is fine and healthy now and I've decided to call her Caitlin Stephanie :) she is just perfect and i couldn't be more proud!! :D lol

[xStephaniex]

just incase you dont look at my other pregnancy thread just thought I'd let you know i now have a baby girl :D she was born prematurely and had to stay in hospital for 4 days after she was born because she was so small and had jaundice she is fine and healthy now and I've decided to call her Caitlin Stephanie :) she is just perfect and i couldn't be more proud!! :D lol

CONGRATULATIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow im so happy for you !!! brilliant name aswell :D i glad mother and baby are both well !!. how are you feeling ? keep us updated hun :) congratulations and enjoy motherhood !!

love steff x x x x x x