Suicide

[Abi]

How can i help one of my best mates get over a suicide of someone else, without my mate doing the same thing?

(EDIT: I know this sounds really vague, but i can't, and dont really want to, go into a lot of details. Its way too deep, and complicated)

[Jojo]

I've been through it Abbey - its hard, you've just got to be there for your mate as much as possible - the only way I got through it was by talking and being around the people that meant the most to me, knowing that people cared really helped.

[Abi]

I've been through it Abbey - its hard, you've just got to be there for your mate as much as possible - the only way I got through it was by talking and being around the people that meant the most to me, knowing that people cared really helped.
He's being really....distant though. He doesn't want to talk, so thats the problem really.

[Jojo]

Was it very recent, as if it was, he probably doesn't want to talk right now, but as I said, knowing that you are there for him will really help - everyone deals with grief in different ways - most need a bit of time to think, then the rest of the process starts. Keep close to him, keep him company, not even necessarily saying anything.

[Abi]

Yeah, i get what you mean. I guess its because i'm so used to him talking, that know this girl has actually died, and he's not talking... i dunno. I've had to handle a lot of deaths, and he knows that. Before he would have spoken to me about things like that....but now he's not. I guess untill he opens up, theres nothing i can do...

[Jojo]

Unfortunately not, I still remember my experience really well, even though its 11 years ago now - you kind of shut yourself off from everything to try and prevent being hurt any more than you already are, but by being there for him, when he is ready, he knows he'll be able to rely on you.

I hope it helps Abbey and his knowing that you have been through it will ensure that he knows where he can turn when he is ready..

[Abi]

Yeah, i hope it does. Cheers for the advice, Em x x

[Em]

Yeah, i get what you mean. I guess its because i'm so used to him talking, that know this girl has actually died, and he's not talking... i dunno. I've had to handle a lot of deaths, and he knows that. Before he would have spoken to me about things like that....but now he's not. I guess untill he opens up, theres nothing i can do...

Suicide is different to a normal death, as your left wondering if its your fault and if you could have done to stop it. A lot of it is a guilt thing.

He probably just needs to deal with it in his own time. I know its a cliche but it does get easier with time.

As Ems says,you should just be there for him, not necessarily talking just having somone near makes all the difference.

Im sure he'd be chuffed to know how much you care about him, and i think its great you want to be there for him :)

[Abi]

i really feel i need to explain a bit more about the situation to you guys...

My mate was going out with this girl a few months ago. They split under really bad terms, and a lot of **** was said. Anyway, she never totally got over him, thats why she tried to commit suicide. She sent him a letter through the post, and they only found her after he reported it to the police. Anyway, now shes in a coma and might not pull through- hence all the guilt. And seeing as we dont know how long it will take for her to pull through, i dont know how long it will take him to get over it. You say it takes time, but i know that if she dies, he will blame himself, and will probably do the same thing.

[samantha nixon]

has your mate been to the hospital and spoken to this girl as in a coma you can still hear people and if your mate explains how he feels it might make him feel better and it could also make this girl better asit does happen

[Em]

i really feel i need to explain a bit more about the situation to you guys...

My mate was going out with this girl a few months ago. They split under really bad terms, and a lot of **** was said. Anyway, she never totally got over him, thats why she tried to commit suicide. She sent him a letter through the post, and they only found her after he reported it to the police. Anyway, now shes in a coma and might not pull through- hence all the guilt. And seeing as we dont know how long it will take for her to pull through, i dont know how long it will take him to get over it. You say it takes time, but i know that if she dies, he will blame himself, and will probably do the same thing.

DO you think he would? it takes a hell of a lot of nerve to do that. My friend had tried to call me before he did what he did, and i missed the call. ive carried guilt for ages thinking if id answered it would have been different. BUt you learn to stop thinking about it, and though I miss him and wonder how things might have been, the best thing i can do for him is live my life. i saw how cut up his mom and dad were, I would never wish that on my parents no matter what.

Be there for him. chances are he will get over it, but it will take time (and it could be a long time!)

[Jojo]

I agree with Em, Abbey. I was the last person to speak to my godmother - she wanted to for a drive that weekend, and i was busy and couldn't. It was the first time i had said no, and she killed herself that weekend.

The guilt does stay with you for a bit, it turns to anger too, but time is what is needed and by being there for him, just to keep him company, it helps. If things weren't right with them when they split, it wouldn't have changed in the future, so he shouldn't blame himself for that.

[xStephaniex]

i think yourr matee need to chat to somee quickyl!!!!..ibe tried to kill myself 3 timess and at thee end of the daay yourr hnot achieveing anythink. myy best matee killed herselff a feww yearss ago when herr sisterr died and itt hitt alot of peoplee, wheen thingss got hard forr me i tried it and first time it didn't work, i workedd myselff into depression and tried it again and again, and then i haad sense knocked into me. and i think you need tootedll your friend, she hass her wholee life ahead off her, people who love her, and friednns who care, bee there n support her and try nn get her helpp n quick, she need to talk bout her feelings.

[di marco]

im not sure if this will help but i thought id write it anyway in case it might. and i know its not the same situation either before anyone says. well anyway, as some of you know my sisters friend died suddenly last week, so it came as a shock to everyone, much like this girl committing suicide probably. anyway, my sister and her friends and everyone were worried about this girls boyfriend cos he took it really badly and they were unable to get hold of him properly for ages, so they thought he might try and committ suicide cos of it or something. anyway, they can stop worrying now cos hes not going to do anything like that, and the reason is cos hes seen how distraught her parents are and knows that if he kills himself then he will make his parents feel like that and it will also make it worse for her parents. he has now gone and seen her parents everyday and talked to them and that has really helped him. so anyway, back to your problem, i think maybe if your friend was to go and visit his exs parents and could see how upset they are over it then he might think before he does something stupid himself cos he knows how it would affect his parents. as i said at the start, i know its not the same situation but i thought it might help so thought id suggest it

[*-Rooney-*]

well i dont know how to coment on this because im on the other end of the story, i tried to end it. what i can say is when i did try it wasnt anyone elses fault and the way i was feeling no one could have done anything

[kinkybootz]

My best friend suzie that was daisy and hazey sister hung herself, daisy found her hanging in the childrens toy cupboard, it took us years to get over it daisy went to councelling for a year to stop the night mares.
But when people are depressed it is hard to talk to them to stop them hurting themselfs. They need hospital help and antidepressents.

[Tannie]

One of my friends is talking about commiting suicide she even says she knows how she wants to commit it, me and my other friend have tried so hard to make her see sense but it's not helping at all as she gets bullied and kicked in it's really upsetting. I thought about it more then once because of bullying i never got really depressed but then i decided against it.