View Full Version : Valentines Day Is Getting Close
JustJodi
09-02-2006, 15:43
Ok girls I thought I would start off with a joke my friends sent me..this is basically for all of us who have UNROMANTIC MEN in our lives:rotfl:
here goes :
Jac wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces
himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of
aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to
them, a single red rose! Jac sits down and sees his clothing in front
of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees
that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins,
cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the
bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast
is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jac
asks "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You
broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye
when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a
rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, "Leave me alone,
you tart, I'm married!"
Broken furniture £85.26
Hot Breakfast £4.20
Red Rose bud £3.00
Two Aspirins £0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless
that's class! i wonder how many men would actually do that!!
lol, it took me a bit to understand that but thats really good.
OMG!!!!! really funny!!!!! i will have to tell my mates they will pee themselves!!!!
Penguin8191
09-02-2006, 20:25
lol thats realy funny can you post more jokes they are really good
Chloe O'brien
09-02-2006, 20:41
jodi that's classic we should post funny valentine poems as well
Well excuse me but I am a born romantic and I am takng my lover out for a romantic candlelit meal
JustJodi
09-02-2006, 23:00
jodi that's classic we should post funny valentine poems as well
Chloe if u dig one up post it here..this will be cool,, every body post something VALENTINES RELATED..:wub:
JustJodi
09-02-2006, 23:01
Well excuse me but I am a born romantic and I am takng my lover out for a romantic candlelit meal
:wub: awwww good for you Alan, pssst I won't tell her but what are you getting her as a valentines prezzie ???:love:
squillyfer
09-02-2006, 23:26
Thats really funny, you would be kinda pleased in your hubby did that at least it shows he remembered lol
I don't know how many of you did it when you were younger but wrote silly verses in a card like:
Roses are red
Voilets are blue
Sugar is sweet
and so are you!!
We could post verse here for a giggle or to give other inspiration for their cards
I don't know how many of you did it when you were younger but wrote silly verses in a card like:
Roses are red
Voilets are blue
Sugar is sweet
and so are you!!
We could post verse here for a giggle or to give other inspiration for their cardsI used to write a few but never received any so gave up :crying: I'll have to see if I can remember any of them :D
JustJodi
10-02-2006, 14:36
all of us may wish we had a hubby like this :rotfl: :rotfl:
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
* MAN: "Hello"
* WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
* MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2006 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$80,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
:lol:
Penguin8191
10-02-2006, 19:31
lol! thats really good! i can iamagine the face of the man who owned the mobile when he got home!
twinkle_eyes83
10-02-2006, 22:21
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: oh come on do some more lol
Angeltigger
10-02-2006, 22:32
all of us may wish we had a hubby like this :rotfl: :rotfl:
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
* MAN: "Hello"
* WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
* MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2006 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$80,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
:lol:I knew that one- and it is still funny:lol: :rotfl:
JustJodi
10-02-2006, 22:50
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're
Too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at
A nice
Hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and
Then get
Back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a
Bill
For $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells
The clerk although it's a nice
Hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00.
When the clerk tells him $350..00 is the standard rate, the man insists
On speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the
Hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and
A huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife
to
Use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have,"explains the Manager. He goes
On to explain they could have
Taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best
Entertainers from New York,
Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we
didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
Pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he
says,
This check is only made
Out for $50.00."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping
with
My wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have
feelingyellow
13-02-2006, 14:44
Lmao! Loving these, especially the phone one! :lol:
twinkle_eyes83
13-02-2006, 15:14
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're
Too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at
A nice
Hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and
Then get
Back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a
Bill
For $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells
The clerk although it's a nice
Hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00.
When the clerk tells him $350..00 is the standard rate, the man insists
On speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the
Hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and
A huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife
to
Use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have,"explains the Manager. He goes
On to explain they could have
Taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best
Entertainers from New York,
Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we
didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
Pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he
says,
This check is only made
Out for $50.00."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping
with
My wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have
:lol: these are really good :rotfl:
here's a stupid soppy one that was on a card i got when i was about 11!
a ring is round,
a church is square,
just name the day and
i'll be there.
di marco
12-03-2006, 11:36
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're
Too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at
A nice
Hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and
Then get
Back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a
Bill
For $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells
The clerk although it's a nice
Hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00.
When the clerk tells him $350..00 is the standard rate, the man insists
On speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the
Hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and
A huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife
to
Use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have,"explains the Manager. He goes
On to explain they could have
Taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best
Entertainers from New York,
Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we
didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
Pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he
says,
This check is only made
Out for $50.00."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping
with
My wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have
omg that is so so so funny lol! :D
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