Angeldelight
05-02-2006, 19:06
I will always love you
'If I should stay I would only be in your way. So I’ll go but I know, I’ll think of you every step of the way.'
Chrissie Moon lay comfortably in her own bed, on fresh sheets that didn’t smell like a hospital. Her skin had the pale grey cast of the sick. She hadn’t looked in the mirror for weeks now, not daring to see what was happened to her appearance, to her body. She didn’t want those who loved her to suffer as she was, she wanted only as less pain as could be allowed and today was the day her clock would began to count down her time left. A precious few weeks at most to spend with the people she loved most in her life. She turned her head to look at the framed photograph on her bedside cabinet, a brown haired man, a blonde curly haired woman and their curly haired girl smiled back at her, this time was for them. She lifted herself up into the sitting position as the door opened and the man from the picture walked through. ‘Morning gorgeous’
Chrissie laughed, she knew she was far from gorgeous ‘morning’
‘How you feeling?’ Jake sat on the bed next to her smiling
‘Okay’ she took his left hand in hers so their wedding rings pressed together ‘I love you’
Jake lent forward and kissed her lips gently ‘I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you’
Chrissie smiled but knew that this would never be easy; she laid his hand on her cheek ‘you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, I love you so much’
‘hey there’s no need for talk like that’ he stroked his thumb over her cheek, he couldn’t bear to think about what was to come. ‘Lauren can’t wait for you to come down’
‘Better get up then’
Jake placed his arm around her waist to help slide her off the bed and into her shoes ‘are you ready?’
Chrissie looked down at the new pyjamas ‘why don’t you go and make a cuppa and I’ll get dressed’
‘You sure?’
‘I’ll be fine’ she kissed him and then walked slowly to the en suit and closed the door. Now she could do what she hadn’t in months and lifted her head to look at her own reflection. She gasped at the sight of a woman with thin pale grey skin and tears falling down those grey cheeks. Things would only ever get worse she knew, the cancer had spread so quickly she hadn’t had a chance, Lauren wouldn’t have the chance to know who her mum really was, she wouldn’t have her through out her whole life.
‘And I will always love you. I will always love you, you, my darling you.’
Jake stood in the kitchen of 23 Albert square with his daughter eating cornflakes and his wife upstairs trying to make herself look better for the girl now smiling at him. Soon they’d have to say goodbye to Chrissie, wife, mother, lover, friend, she was all those things and they were the reasons he’d never be prepared, never be able to let her go as easily as the others. His gaze lifted and landed on the photo of their wedding day. She’d looked gorgeous as usual, stunning in a long gown of white and yellow sunflowers held in her hands, he’d stood next to her in complete amazement, she’d been the only one for him, was the only one for him, always would be.
‘Morning’ Chrissie stood in the doorway
‘Morning mummy, I’m eating all my cornflakes’ their daughter smiled up at her
‘Glad to hear it, did you want a glass of milk?’
‘Yes please. Mummy?’
‘Yes darling’ Chrissie placed the glass of milk in the table and a hand on her daughters shoulder
‘Are you taking me to school today?’
Chrissie glanced up at Jake and nodded ‘both me and your dad’
‘Yes, can I see aunty Sharon and Uncle Dennis after school? Pretty please?’
‘We’ll see, why don’t you go and get you bag ready’
‘Ok’ the small girl stepped down from her chair and bounced out of the kitchen
‘You sure your up to it?’ Jake placed an arm around her waist
‘It’ll be fine’
‘You look a little…’
‘Jake don’t please’ she turned in his arm and laid her head against his chest ‘let me take our daughter to school, were still a family remember’
Jake kissed her hair and gripped her tighter ‘ok we’ll walk our daughter to school’
‘Bittersweet memories that’s all I’m taking with me. So goodbye, please don’t cry. We both know I’m not what you need.’
Chrissie sat on the sofa a week later, her head rested against Jake’s arm and her eyes were closed, her breathing a little difficult but controlled.
‘How you feeling?’
‘A little nackered, walking there and back really took it out of me’
‘You don’t have to go you know’
‘Jake can we talk about something?’
‘About what?’ his thumb skimmed down her pale, pale cheek and her eyes opened and fixed on his.
‘I don’t have much time left and I just wanted-‘
‘Chrissie don’t’
‘Jake’ she took his hand and linked their fingers ‘Jake I’ve got cancer, I’m dying’
A tear slipped unnoticed down Jake’s cheek ‘I know’
‘Lauren doesn’t understand, not really, and when I’ve gone I want you to remember all the good times, I don’t want her to forget me Jake, I’m scared she’ll forget’
‘She won’t forget, she’ll never be able to forget, neither of us will Chrissie, you girls are the light of my life’
‘I’m nearly out of time and I’ll never be able to do all the things I wanted to do. But I want you to promise me something’
‘I will’
‘That when the times right, when it feels right, you’ll move on’
‘Chrissie don’t, I can’t-‘ both of them were crying now tears running freely down their cheeks
‘Listen to me Jake, I don’t want you to feel guilty or shut down. I need to know that you’ll be ok, that you and Lauren will be able to stop hurting and see the world around you, she’ll need a mother figure.’
‘She has a mother, she has you’
‘But I’m not going to be around and that’s one of my biggest regrets, I’ll never be able to see her grow up. I’ll never be able to give her a brother or sister, but you can Jake, you can give her back her family, you just have to be open to it, it’s the only thing I’ll ask you to promise me.’
‘How can I promise you that?’ he kissed her pale lips, savoured her taste
‘Please Jake I want you to be happy, I want my daughter to be happy.’
‘I’ll try. I can’t promise you more than that’
’It’s all I want; all I’ve ever wanted is you the two most important people in my life to be happy. Lauren was happy this morning, did you see her grin as she walked into the playground?’
‘Yeah, yeah she is. Why don’t you have a nap, go to bed?’
‘Come with me’
‘Ok’
‘I hope life treats you kind and I hope you have all you dreamed of. And I’m wishing you joy and happiness but above all this, I wish you love.’
Jake lay with Chrissie curled into his side, her head resting on his shoulder, her arm slung around his waist. ‘Chrissie?’
‘Yeah’ she replied her eyelids closing with sleep
‘We’ve done good haven’t we?’
‘I hope so’
‘We’ve given Lauren everything she’s needed’
‘We’ve done everything we can to prepare Jake. She’s strong just like her mum’
‘Yeah she is. She been sticking up to the school bully, sounds like someone else I know.’
‘I’ve had the best of life Jake; I’ve had everything I ever wanted, ever needed. I’ve done some bad things and you always pay for them but I had what I wanted before I had to’
Jake stroked her hair and kissed her nose ‘I love you, I will always love you, no matter how far part, no matter what’
‘You know I love you Jake. You and Lauren are the most important people to me, I will always love you.’
‘I just wanted you to know. Because we’ll always love you too, always’
‘I know’ Chrissie smiled happily and closed her eyes as sleep took over
‘And I will always love you, I will always love you, I will always love you, I will always love you.’
Jake looked at his daughter lying in his arms tears rolling down her cheeks in grief. She’d come home from school to the news she’d never see her mummy again. That when she’d stood and waved goodbye and listened to her mother tell her she loved her and hoped she’d have a good day was the last time she’d see and speak to her mummy.
Jake had woken to find Chrissie lying peacefully beside him, she’d died in her sleep liked she wanted to, a peaceful and less painful way for him and Lauren to accept that she’d gone.
‘Daddy’
‘Yes sweetheart’
‘Is mummy in heaven now?’
‘Yes she is sweetheart and she loves us very much’
‘Will she be allowed to watch over us?’
‘I’m sure she will, she’ll want to know we’re ok’
‘What’s going to happen today daddy?’
‘Today everyone’s going to get the chance to say goodbye to mummy’
‘Will they all be sad like us?’
‘Yes sweetheart, they all loved your mummy’
‘We loved mummy didn’t we daddy, lots and lots’
‘Yes we did, we still do love her, lots and lots’
Lauren turned to face her father and wiped his tears away ‘we still love her lots and lots’
‘I will always love you; I will always love you, you, darling I love you. Ooh I’ll always, I’ll always love you.’
'If I should stay I would only be in your way. So I’ll go but I know, I’ll think of you every step of the way.'
Chrissie Moon lay comfortably in her own bed, on fresh sheets that didn’t smell like a hospital. Her skin had the pale grey cast of the sick. She hadn’t looked in the mirror for weeks now, not daring to see what was happened to her appearance, to her body. She didn’t want those who loved her to suffer as she was, she wanted only as less pain as could be allowed and today was the day her clock would began to count down her time left. A precious few weeks at most to spend with the people she loved most in her life. She turned her head to look at the framed photograph on her bedside cabinet, a brown haired man, a blonde curly haired woman and their curly haired girl smiled back at her, this time was for them. She lifted herself up into the sitting position as the door opened and the man from the picture walked through. ‘Morning gorgeous’
Chrissie laughed, she knew she was far from gorgeous ‘morning’
‘How you feeling?’ Jake sat on the bed next to her smiling
‘Okay’ she took his left hand in hers so their wedding rings pressed together ‘I love you’
Jake lent forward and kissed her lips gently ‘I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you’
Chrissie smiled but knew that this would never be easy; she laid his hand on her cheek ‘you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, I love you so much’
‘hey there’s no need for talk like that’ he stroked his thumb over her cheek, he couldn’t bear to think about what was to come. ‘Lauren can’t wait for you to come down’
‘Better get up then’
Jake placed his arm around her waist to help slide her off the bed and into her shoes ‘are you ready?’
Chrissie looked down at the new pyjamas ‘why don’t you go and make a cuppa and I’ll get dressed’
‘You sure?’
‘I’ll be fine’ she kissed him and then walked slowly to the en suit and closed the door. Now she could do what she hadn’t in months and lifted her head to look at her own reflection. She gasped at the sight of a woman with thin pale grey skin and tears falling down those grey cheeks. Things would only ever get worse she knew, the cancer had spread so quickly she hadn’t had a chance, Lauren wouldn’t have the chance to know who her mum really was, she wouldn’t have her through out her whole life.
‘And I will always love you. I will always love you, you, my darling you.’
Jake stood in the kitchen of 23 Albert square with his daughter eating cornflakes and his wife upstairs trying to make herself look better for the girl now smiling at him. Soon they’d have to say goodbye to Chrissie, wife, mother, lover, friend, she was all those things and they were the reasons he’d never be prepared, never be able to let her go as easily as the others. His gaze lifted and landed on the photo of their wedding day. She’d looked gorgeous as usual, stunning in a long gown of white and yellow sunflowers held in her hands, he’d stood next to her in complete amazement, she’d been the only one for him, was the only one for him, always would be.
‘Morning’ Chrissie stood in the doorway
‘Morning mummy, I’m eating all my cornflakes’ their daughter smiled up at her
‘Glad to hear it, did you want a glass of milk?’
‘Yes please. Mummy?’
‘Yes darling’ Chrissie placed the glass of milk in the table and a hand on her daughters shoulder
‘Are you taking me to school today?’
Chrissie glanced up at Jake and nodded ‘both me and your dad’
‘Yes, can I see aunty Sharon and Uncle Dennis after school? Pretty please?’
‘We’ll see, why don’t you go and get you bag ready’
‘Ok’ the small girl stepped down from her chair and bounced out of the kitchen
‘You sure your up to it?’ Jake placed an arm around her waist
‘It’ll be fine’
‘You look a little…’
‘Jake don’t please’ she turned in his arm and laid her head against his chest ‘let me take our daughter to school, were still a family remember’
Jake kissed her hair and gripped her tighter ‘ok we’ll walk our daughter to school’
‘Bittersweet memories that’s all I’m taking with me. So goodbye, please don’t cry. We both know I’m not what you need.’
Chrissie sat on the sofa a week later, her head rested against Jake’s arm and her eyes were closed, her breathing a little difficult but controlled.
‘How you feeling?’
‘A little nackered, walking there and back really took it out of me’
‘You don’t have to go you know’
‘Jake can we talk about something?’
‘About what?’ his thumb skimmed down her pale, pale cheek and her eyes opened and fixed on his.
‘I don’t have much time left and I just wanted-‘
‘Chrissie don’t’
‘Jake’ she took his hand and linked their fingers ‘Jake I’ve got cancer, I’m dying’
A tear slipped unnoticed down Jake’s cheek ‘I know’
‘Lauren doesn’t understand, not really, and when I’ve gone I want you to remember all the good times, I don’t want her to forget me Jake, I’m scared she’ll forget’
‘She won’t forget, she’ll never be able to forget, neither of us will Chrissie, you girls are the light of my life’
‘I’m nearly out of time and I’ll never be able to do all the things I wanted to do. But I want you to promise me something’
‘I will’
‘That when the times right, when it feels right, you’ll move on’
‘Chrissie don’t, I can’t-‘ both of them were crying now tears running freely down their cheeks
‘Listen to me Jake, I don’t want you to feel guilty or shut down. I need to know that you’ll be ok, that you and Lauren will be able to stop hurting and see the world around you, she’ll need a mother figure.’
‘She has a mother, she has you’
‘But I’m not going to be around and that’s one of my biggest regrets, I’ll never be able to see her grow up. I’ll never be able to give her a brother or sister, but you can Jake, you can give her back her family, you just have to be open to it, it’s the only thing I’ll ask you to promise me.’
‘How can I promise you that?’ he kissed her pale lips, savoured her taste
‘Please Jake I want you to be happy, I want my daughter to be happy.’
‘I’ll try. I can’t promise you more than that’
’It’s all I want; all I’ve ever wanted is you the two most important people in my life to be happy. Lauren was happy this morning, did you see her grin as she walked into the playground?’
‘Yeah, yeah she is. Why don’t you have a nap, go to bed?’
‘Come with me’
‘Ok’
‘I hope life treats you kind and I hope you have all you dreamed of. And I’m wishing you joy and happiness but above all this, I wish you love.’
Jake lay with Chrissie curled into his side, her head resting on his shoulder, her arm slung around his waist. ‘Chrissie?’
‘Yeah’ she replied her eyelids closing with sleep
‘We’ve done good haven’t we?’
‘I hope so’
‘We’ve given Lauren everything she’s needed’
‘We’ve done everything we can to prepare Jake. She’s strong just like her mum’
‘Yeah she is. She been sticking up to the school bully, sounds like someone else I know.’
‘I’ve had the best of life Jake; I’ve had everything I ever wanted, ever needed. I’ve done some bad things and you always pay for them but I had what I wanted before I had to’
Jake stroked her hair and kissed her nose ‘I love you, I will always love you, no matter how far part, no matter what’
‘You know I love you Jake. You and Lauren are the most important people to me, I will always love you.’
‘I just wanted you to know. Because we’ll always love you too, always’
‘I know’ Chrissie smiled happily and closed her eyes as sleep took over
‘And I will always love you, I will always love you, I will always love you, I will always love you.’
Jake looked at his daughter lying in his arms tears rolling down her cheeks in grief. She’d come home from school to the news she’d never see her mummy again. That when she’d stood and waved goodbye and listened to her mother tell her she loved her and hoped she’d have a good day was the last time she’d see and speak to her mummy.
Jake had woken to find Chrissie lying peacefully beside him, she’d died in her sleep liked she wanted to, a peaceful and less painful way for him and Lauren to accept that she’d gone.
‘Daddy’
‘Yes sweetheart’
‘Is mummy in heaven now?’
‘Yes she is sweetheart and she loves us very much’
‘Will she be allowed to watch over us?’
‘I’m sure she will, she’ll want to know we’re ok’
‘What’s going to happen today daddy?’
‘Today everyone’s going to get the chance to say goodbye to mummy’
‘Will they all be sad like us?’
‘Yes sweetheart, they all loved your mummy’
‘We loved mummy didn’t we daddy, lots and lots’
‘Yes we did, we still do love her, lots and lots’
Lauren turned to face her father and wiped his tears away ‘we still love her lots and lots’
‘I will always love you; I will always love you, you, darling I love you. Ooh I’ll always, I’ll always love you.’