Funny Thoughts

[di marco]

i thought id post these as i was reading them off another site and some of them are really funny! feel free to add any if you wish :)

[di marco]

When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?

Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

[di marco]

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Which way does a compass point in space?

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

[di marco]

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?

Can bald men get lice??

Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?

If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?

If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides?

Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?

When something's funny why is it called a "knee-slapper" when you actually slap your thigh?

If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the cast off?

Is sign language the same in languages other than English?

Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?