View Full Version : Harry Potter and The Goblet of fire comedy.
Hiya guys. I saw the movie yesterday and it's quite funny in itself. I thought i would do some comedy of certain parts though.
After the ball, Hermione has been with Victor Krum and is angry with Harry and Ron for badmouthing him.
Hermione: Why do you two always have to wreck everything.
Harry: Everything?
Ron: What have we wrecked, apart from our schoolwork?
Hermione: You two, bed now.
Ron: OMG :eek: , does she actually want a threesome??? SICK!!!!!! :sick:
Replies appriciated.
lil baby tash
20-11-2005, 08:42
tee heee ron is so funny!!!!
In the graveyard after Cedric Diggory and Harry touched the cup at the same time, which happened to be a graveyard.
Cedric: Where are we?
Harry: In a graveyard.
Cedric: I know that. But where is this graveyard situated?
Harry: Yes, but what you don't know is i've been here before in my dreams.
Cedric: And I've been to the moon in mine.
A gravestone catches Harry's eye.
'TOM RIDDLE', it read.
Harry: Oh s**t, that's only the grave of Voldermort.
Cedric: What do we do?
Harry: Go back to the cup obviously.
Something that looks like it's forgot to take it's costume off after halloween appears, carrying with it something wrapped in a bundle.
Cedric: Oh bless, it's carrying a baby in it's arms.
Harry: That's no baby, it's b****y Voldermort.
Voldermort: Kill him.
Peter Pettigrew: -
Voldermort: Do it.
Peter: Sorry about this young man, you must die, Avarda Kedavara.
Peter and Voldermort have a discussion about Peter bringing Voldermort back to power.
Harry: I don't mean to be rude, but I see enough of this in my dreams, could I go please?
Peter: No you may not. *Cut's Harry's arm and traps him*
Harry: Excuse me, what do you think I am, a jam doughnut?
Peter walks up to a object that looks rather like a large bird pool. He puts three drops of Harry's blood, from the knife into it, and on the third drop Voldermort returns to power.
Harry: Hey, the rule of three, that's a principal of comedy, is this supposed to be funny?
Harry has a duelling fight with Voldermort, their wands connect, and he sees the people who Voldermort has killed.
Cedric: Hey, you could have told me he was going to kill me, but never mind, just take my body back to my father.
Lily and James Potter appear.
Lily and James: We'd love to stay and chat, but you must go back to the castle now.
Harry breaks the connection between the wands.
Voldermort: Oh f**k, I'm discintegrating again, what is it with that boy?
Harry: Yay!
Harry: So now he's come back through a diary, professer quirell's head and some dodgy bird bath. What could possibly be next I wonder, a wall?
lil baby tash
20-11-2005, 09:46
hahahahahahahaha im loving it!!! lol this is funny!!!
Harry is trying to get the clue out of his golden egg in the prefects bathroom.
Myrtle: Hey, who'se a handsome boy.
Harry: Cho?, OMG, Myrtle.
Myrtle: That's me, but I'm still dead.
Myrtle: *Suddenly jumps into the bath, which looks more like a flooded room, beside Harry.
Harry: Oh man, have I been giving out the wrong signals. 1, I am underage. 2, I don't do ghosts.
Myrtle: *Moves closer to Harry*
Harry: Noooo, I never knew the abasilisk could give you tempoary deafness aswell as kill you.
Myrtle: Oh, sorry Harry, what was that? Im back on the right planet now, well for dead people anyway.
Harry: Nothing. I must go now.
Myrtle: Boo hoo. Send me a postcard, It gets rather boring stuck in a bathroom.
Harry: Closes door behind him. Man, what is it with her.
Ron: *Wasn't really there*. Mate, could be worse.
Harry: Oh yeah, hows that? She's a ruddy ghost.
Ron: Be grateful McGonagall didn't catch you start naked.
Harry: Are you trying to give me worse dreams than I already have?
feelingyellow
20-11-2005, 10:52
:rotfl: do more soon, it's fab! :cheer:
Hermione: Why do you two always have to wreck everything.
Harry: Everything?
Ron: What have we wrecked, apart from our schoolwork?
Hermione: You two, bed now.
Ron: OMG :eek: , does she actually want a threesome??? SICK!!!!!! :sick:
Replies appriciated.
:lol: brilliant - that did acutally pop into my head when she said it.
During the first triwizard tournament challenge.
Harry: Im only fourteen for christ sakes, why does it have to be me that has to face the worst dragon of the lot?
Harry struggles against the dragon, getting hurt in the process.
Harry: Oh s**t. Why the hell didn't I just shove my broomstick up down my trousers, Malfoy went down Crabbe's after all.
Harry: Accio firebolt.
The dragon chases Harry away and Harry loses his broomstick. He was left clinging to part of the castle, fighting to get his broomstick back whilst the dragon was trashing the roof.
Harry: How rude, people have to learn here you know.
Me: It's dummer than a troll, hoe's it supposed to understand?
Harry is still hanging from the castle.
Harry: Boo hoo, being clothes on a clothesline is not my favourite pastime.
*Nearly falls when he tries to grab onto the window ledge.
Harry: Nooooo, I don't fancy absailing today.
:lol: brilliant - that did acutally pop into my head when she said it.
Mine too, thats when I first thought of writing these.
Chloe-Elise
20-11-2005, 11:28
Lmao :lol: This is brilliant,well done:D more soon please
Second triwizard tournament challenge.
Harry puts the gilliweed into his mouth that had been given to him by Neville.
Harry: Urrrgh. Did Neville stick this down his pants when he stole it to avoid getting caught, or did he just urinate all over it for the fun off it.
McGonagall: Are you alright Potter?
Harry: Yeah fine, it's just that even Polyjuice Potion doesn't taste this bad.
Harry: Oh s**t, why the hell did I tell her that? *Does Dobby impression*
McGonagall: What was that Potter? Sorry I accidently turned my i pod up rather than down.
Harry: I said I'm fine, just a little nervous.
The champions jump in the lake.
Harry: Urrrgh, and this plant think doesn't even work.
A few seconds later.
Harry:Aaarrrgggh, I spoke to soon, my feet and hands are like a mermaids, heeeellllp.
I think I'm gonna be sick, but no one will notice because this water is disgusting enough already, some vomit would go down nicely.
Chloe-Elise
20-11-2005, 16:40
Lmao, I loved the i-pod bit,brilliant,more asap :)
feelingyellow
20-11-2005, 17:19
:rotfl: fab! can't wait for the next part! :cheer:
Contenders for the triwizard tournament in the Great Hall are putting their names into the goblet of fire.
In walk Fred and George, some potion in their hands.
Hermione: Hem hem.
George: Gaud Hermione, when Umbridge gets here you'll give her a run for her money.
Hermione: Completely ignore me if you please, but I'm the smartest student round here and I'm telling you, you won't get your names in that Goblet.
Fred: Really, we have got hands you know.
Hermoine: You're underage.
Fred: Spoilsport.
Hermione: Im telling you, Dumbledore drew an age line around the goblet, you won't get past it.
George: Not now maybe, but we will once we drink this.
Hermione: Ok, be t***s all your life and make a spectacle of yourselves.
George: You ready Fred?
George: You ready George?
Hermoine: You're underage.
*drink potions*
George: Yuck. I prefer alcohol to this.
Hermione: You're underage.
George: Someone must have poked the repeat button.
They step forward and put their names in the goblet, but then get thrown back out of the circle and turn into old people.
Neville: Ohmigod. GOBLINS HAVE ESCAPED FROM GRINGOTTS.
Fred: George you're such a ruddy i***t, you didn't tell me that we were supposed to turn into old wierdos before we tried to put our names in that goblet, plank.
George: Just let me reffer to my filafax a minute, I have a feeling it's insult a brother day. Why not Ron?????
Hermione: Told you you wouldn't get past that line, tee hee.
feelingyellow
20-11-2005, 20:16
fab, next part soon please :cheer:
Right at the start of the movie.
I read the book when I was like 9 or 10, so I had completely forgot about this bit and when it came on I was like WTF, have they got the wrong movie or something.
Frank: B***y kids.
*Goes next door*
Frank walks up the stairs, only to find Voldermort and some others plotting in a room.
Frank: *Out of earshot*. Ooopsieee, i've done it again, I must be going cenial, i'll need a cafta next boo hoo.
Frank: Hey, this looks like fun, can I join in?
Peter: Yeah sure.
Voldermort: PETER!
Everyone else in the room says exactly the same thing one after another.
Peter: That's my name, ...... you've just worn it out.
Peter: Urrrr, WTF was I doing.
Frank: Oh, by the way, I don't suppose theres any chance of a cup of sugar is there?
Peter: No, im all out, sorry. Btw you can have some baking powder or a surprise.
Frank: Ummmmm?
Peter: I take it you don't know then?
Peter: But what the heck, have the surprise anyway Avarda Kedavara
feelingyellow
20-11-2005, 21:17
:rotfl: that was fab, can't wait for the next part! :cheer:
Just a short one, my mum's like 'Kim, you've got school tomorrow, off that thing.
Harry is warning Cedric about the dragons in the first challenge.
Harry: Cedric, there's dragons in the first task, got to be quick, Mad eye's spying on me like a CCTV camera.
Cedric: There's what? My hearing aid fell out.
Harry: Dragons. Must dash he's got his eyes fixed on me like he's spying for the FBI with those kinda zoom in binocular thingy.
Cedric: Dragons, right, what thingy Harry?
Harry: Zoom in binoculars.
Cedric: WTF?
Harry: Thats modern technology for you. Byyyyeeeeee. *Leaves*
crazy_purple
20-11-2005, 21:59
:D very good please do more asap
feelingyellow
20-11-2005, 22:16
short but fab :cheer:
big bro fan
21-11-2005, 16:56
Second triwizard tournament challenge.
Harry puts the gilliweed into his mouth that had been given to him by Neville.
Harry: Urrrgh. Did Neville stick this down his pants when he stole it to avoid getting caught, or did he just urinate all over it for the fun off it.
McGonagall: Are you alright Potter?
Harry: Yeah fine, it's just that even Polyjuice Potion doesn't taste this bad.
Harry: Oh s**t, why the hell did I tell her that? *Does Dobby impression*
McGonagall: What was that Potter? Sorry I accidently turned my i pod up rather than down.
Harry: I said I'm fine, just a little nervous.
The champions jump in the lake.
Harry: Urrrgh, and this plant think doesn't even work.
A few seconds later.
Harry:Aaarrrgggh, I spoke to soon, my feet and hands are like a mermaids, heeeellllp.
I think I'm gonna be sick, but no one will notice because this water is disgusting enough already, some vomit would go down nicely.
That dobby thing was so funny im not joking i actually sat here and laughed it was just pure comical genius please do more soon :lol: :lol:
In Mad-Eye Moody's defence against the dark arts lesson.
Mad-Eye: Right, today I will be teaching you imbeciles the three unforgivable curses. The ministry says you're not allowed to learn these thingys but what the heck, I'm an imposter and breaking the law is my favourite pastime. Tee hee. Anyway, you'll all be glad you learnt them when you see the stuck up b***h the ministry will shove in my place next year.
Hermione: Could you repeat that please professer, I didn't hear the last part.
Mad-Eye: Never mind, It wasn't anything important.
Hermione: But I'm the world's greatest goody goody two shoes. Ph :crying:
Mad-Eye: Okay, she's crowned the strangest student in this classroom.
Mad-Eye tests the first curse on a load of animals.
Mad-Eye: Well, you have to test things on something, have you lot never heard of animal testing?
Then, Mad-Eye demonstrates the second of the three unforgivable curses.
Mad-Eye: Why the f**k has Longbottom freaked out?
Harry: Because thats the cursre that Voldemort used to crazify his parents sir.
Mad-Eye: Oh yes, it's coming back to me now.
Draco: Someone should hand him Longbottom's rememberall.
Ron: What the-
Mad-Eye: Nothing.
The animals start acting crazy.
Draco: Wait till I tell my father that Moody's had us watching animals try to jump each other.
The animals start landing on to the desks and some of the students.
Draco: Tee hee, that one's got bored, It's trying to jump Potter.
Crabbe and Goyle: It must have got very bored indeed, that's the last resort.
One of the animals lands on Draco Malfoy's face.
Draco: *Screams*
Ron: Open wide.
feelingyellow
21-11-2005, 17:25
fab! next part soon please! :cheer:
Chloe-Elise
21-11-2005, 17:55
Lmao :lol: I love this, more asap :D
Harry has just woken up after the latest of his reality dreams.
Hermione: *Enters* OMG, Harry, are you having nightsweats?
Harry: No, more reality dreams about Voldermort, not so smart now, are you? Tee hee.
Hermione: Ronald, get up-
Ron: Heeeelllllp, my mothers here.
Hermione: No but she want's you down for breakfast.
Ron: Oh Hermione, even worse.
Hermione: Ronald can you hear me? Your mother wants you down for breakfast.
Ron: Course I can hear you, but if she wants me up faster and down at the breakfast table she'll have to buy me an alarm clock!
*Hermione leaves*
Ron: Grrrr, thank the lord, I'd rather find Snape in my bed than have her in my earhole first thing in the morning.
feelingyellow
21-11-2005, 18:11
fab! more soon please :cheer:
Will have more up later, but I've got to go now.
Someones trial, not sure who.
'He's a death eater, she's a death eater'.
Me: This doesn't look like a courtroom.
Jury: Blah, blah, blah.
'Severus Snape is a death eater'.
Jury: Heard it all before.
Judge: I've had enough of your coblers to last me a lifetime, back to Azkaban you go.
Jury: Byyyyeeee, send us a postcard.
Defendant: Noooooo, Im gonna dieeeee in there.
feelingyellow
21-11-2005, 22:26
:thumbsup: fab next part soon please
Hagrid takes Harry into the forbidden forest to show him the dragons that he and the other champions have to face in the first task.
Hagrid: Put your b****y coat on now Harry. Hagrid demanded as he sae Madame Maxime approaching them.
Harry: B b b but, I'm not cold.
Hagrid: Tuff, I can't have you being seen by her.
Harry: Why, would she be ashamed that your here with me? I think it should be the other way round, I should be ashamed to be seen with you!
Harry puts on the invisability cloack and walks towards Madame Maxime. Madame Maxime goes to kiss Hagrid.
Harry: God, Hagrid and Madame Maxime shacked up, now I'm gonna have even worse nightmares than I'm already having!
Madame Maxime: Hello Hagrid.
Hagrid: Shouldn't you say that before you try to snog my face off, gaud, get your priorities in order woman.
Harry: Oh dear lord, I'd hate to see what any kid of there's looks like, It would have bad luck for life for cracking mirrors and even more than that if you can get bad luck for cracking cameras!
Chloe-Elise
22-11-2005, 19:37
Hagrid takes Harry into the forbidden forest to show him the dragons that he and the other champions have to face in the first task.
Hagrid: Put your b****y coat on now Harry. Hagrid demanded as he sae Madame Maxime approaching them.
Harry: B b b but, I'm not cold.
Hagrid: Tuff, I can't have you being seen by her.
Harry: Why, would she be ashamed that your here with me? I think it should be the other way round, I should be ashamed to be seen with you!
Harry puts on the invisability cloack and walks towards Madame Maxime. Madame Maxime goes to kiss Hagrid.
Harry: God, Hagrid and Madame Maxime shacked up, now I'm gonna have even worse nightmares than I'm already having!
Madame Maxime: Hello Hagrid.
Hagrid: Shouldn't you say that before you try to snog my face off, gaud, get your priorities in order woman.
Harry: Oh dear lord, I'd hate to see what any kid of there's looks like, It would have bad luck for life for cracking mirrors and even more than that if you can get bad luck for cracking cameras!
Lmao,loved the kid bit! Brilliant, more asap :lol: :D
feelingyellow
22-11-2005, 20:31
lol, fab more soon
big bro fan
23-11-2005, 16:02
fabulous fantastic amazing funny comical hilarious magnificent great tremendous gob stoppingly brilliant very funny wow side achingly funny guranteed to get you laughing
is there anything i missed out please do more soon :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
At the welcome feast in the Great Hall.
Dumbledore: This year, Hogwarts is very proud to be in the triwizard tournament.
Hermione: So we're not going to have many lessons! Disgraceful! You call this a school!
The students from the two schools enter, accompinied by their head teachers.
Ron: B****y hell, Im surprised that Madame Maxime woman can fit through the door! She's even bigger than Hagrid.
Madame Maxime: My horses need seeing to, they only drink single malt wisky by the way.
Dumbledore: Alcoholics!
Madame Maxime: Excuse me, don't ever talk like that again.
Dumbledore: Bossy boots! What the hell rattled her cage?
feelingyellow
23-11-2005, 16:41
fab more soon please :D
Someone from the ministry: For safety reasons, the ministry has said that entrants to the triwizard tournament must be 17 or over.
Fred: The ministy sucks! Haven't they ever heard that 16 is the age of consent?
George: Safety, we aint b***** mudbloods.
SFM: Rules are rules i'm afraid.
George:..... Gay.
Fred: So why bother b******g saying anything then? Most people in this room are not 17. Is it really necessary to rub our noses in it?
Chloe-Elise
23-11-2005, 18:23
Lol, its great,more soon please :)
big bro fan
23-11-2005, 19:56
fantastic
Will do more either tonight, tomorrow or Friday.
Hermione: Will you two write in the holidays?
Ron:I wont.
Hermione: Ronald!
Ron: What - I've run out of stamps!
Hermione: We are not muggles Ronald.
Ron: Well if I don't use a post box the letters won't get to you, you know what our b****y owl is like.
Hermione: Get some more then.
Ron: I can't anyway,..... my pen has run out.
Hermione: You're turning in to a muggle Ron. Wizards have never heard of b******g pens!
Harry: I'll write to you, Hermione.
*Hermione leaves*
Harry: Ron, did you really have to say all that to her?
Ron: What, would she prefer that I told her I think she's not worth the parchment because all she ever does is moan at me?
Chloe-Elise
26-11-2005, 17:29
Brilliant :)
After Cedric's death.
Professor Dumbledore comes into Harry's dormitory.
Dumbledore: Hello Harry.
Harry: Professor, uh hi, you could have caught me half naked you know.
Dumbledore: I don't think so Harry. You're supposed to be packing your trunk.
Harry: Yeah but still.
Dumbledore walks over so he is closer to Harry.
Harry: OMFG, what the hell is he doing???
Dumbledore: Calm down Harry.
Harry: Ummmm, you wer'nt supposed to hear that Professer.
Dumbledore: Blame the writers and JK Rowling , Harry. It's one of those things that always has to happen.
Harry: WTF is he trying to do? I'll be calling him Harry Slater before long.
Chloe-Elise
27-11-2005, 19:18
Thats great,more asap :lol:
feelingyellow
27-11-2005, 20:08
lol, fab more soon please :D
the_watts_rule
29-11-2005, 09:13
:rotfl: That's great!
I'll have to change this to all four of the Harry Potter films, I can't think of any more from the Goblet of fire.
Gilderoy Lockhart is at the entrance to the chamber of secrets.
Harry: You first.
Gilderoy: No, you first, don't mind me.
Harry: Why.
Gilderoy: Youngest first.
Harry: This isn't payday you know!
Gilderoy: No, It's an act of kindness.
Ron: Pfft!
Harry: We insist, you first, we were taught to respect our elders.
Gilderoy: You call this respect boy?!
Harry: Well I don't call your actions caring for safety of students either.
Ron: Get down there, you fraud.
Gilderoy: How disrespectful, I'm offended!
Ron: Now, come on, we're getting old and dying here.
Gilderoy: B b b bu but, I don't wanna die *Is pushed down*
Gilderoy: I want my mommy! *Cries*
feelingyellow
03-01-2006, 12:23
fab hun :)
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