Self-harming

[Chloe-Elise]

Hi. My friend has recently staretd self-harming. I really don't understand it, she won't listen to anyone and shes really hurting herself. Does anyone know anything about it?

[Tori]

people mostly do it if they are depressed, however, some people think its fashionable to do it atm.

my friend used to do it and her arms not have scars everywhere, lots of lines etc. she needs to see a counsellor

[SoapRach]

some people think its fashionable to do it atm.


You're kidding!! I think if people are self harming it's a cry for help, i would seriously hope they don't do it just to be "in". If they're crying for help, help them, get them in touch with a counsellor. They obviously want to get better.

I had a friend at school who did it, and she just needed to have someone to talk to and help her through a hard time that was happening.

[Tori]

You're kidding!! I think if people are self harming it's a cry for help, i would seriously hope they don't do it just to be "in". If they're crying for help, help them, get them in touch with a counsellor. They obviously want to get better.

I had a friend at school who did it, and she just needed to have someone to talk to and help her through a hard time that was happening.

i am being 100% serious.

[SoapRach]

That is awful, makes it even worse for the people who genuinely have a problem and see self harm as the only way to release their problems! tut tut.

[Tori]

yeah. that is the sad world today

[squillyfer]

I know people that do it just to be "in" too some of them are even proud of it and go round showing off the scars they know exactly how to do it so it isnt as dangerous. I dont get it why would anyone do that unless they had a genuine problem

[pip_kin]

lots of my friends have self-harmed, i aint though dont see the point, things may be bad when you do it, but things can only get better!!!

[Behemoth]

I know people that do it just to be "in" too some of them are even proud of it and go round showing off the scars they know exactly how to do it so it isnt as dangerous. I dont get it why would anyone do that unless they had a genuine problem I think any form of cutting yourself is dangerous. What if the blade had been used by someone who has the HIV virus? What if you accidentally cut an artery? or a tendon? or a nerve? What if you pass out from pain and bleed to death?
There is nothing safe about cutting yourself.

[Angeltigger]

Your so Right rob

[Tori]

yeah... some people do it with saw blades

[.:SpIcYsPy:.]

I know this sounds really mean but I know some people who do this (scratching scare wise not bleeing ones) and I couldn't give *anything*!! They are just stupid and if you try to help them they push you away.. they have to deal it in their own way if they don't want help

[Luna]

Quite hard to write about this but here we go....

I started self harming just after my father died i was 11 alot of other stuff happend around that time too which didn't make it any easier. I saw it as a realise. Everytime i punctured the skin it was as if all my problems where flowing out of me.

At the time it felt brilliant to do (i know how stupid it was now)

Luckly my sister noticed the scarring on my arms and legs and dragged me to the doctor.

I am now covered in scars across my arms and legs. Some of them are actually so close to viens that the doc was suprised i hadn't actually killed my self my nicking on of them.

your friend needs help!! Do you know anyone in her family that you think would not over react to hearing this news? If you do talk to them your friend wont thank you for it but she will see that it's for the best in the long run.

If there isn't anyone talk to her yourself make her see what she is doing is wrong.

Try here to get some more info about it http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/selfinjury.cfm

[.:SpIcYsPy:.]

So as an experinced person you are saying you should still stick by the person who is scarring themselves? Let them know you are there sort of thing?

[CrazyLea]

my mate self harms.. she did it when she was going through a bad time (being bullied/parent truoble and stuff) but now shes happier she still does it she says its like an addiction or something... but now she doesnt slit she just cuts and she is realising its a problem and doesnt do it as much no more. but i found it better to leave her to it and if she wants to talk about it listen like.. but thats personal experience everyones different though.

[xsoftladybugx]

I know two of my good friends do this, They dont normally bleed i dont think just scratching, But they both seem happy at the mo so hopefully things will change and they wont do it no more :D

[Luna]

So as an experinced person you are saying you should still stick by the person who is scarring themselves? Let them know you are there sort of thing?

Yes i am saying that - she need someone there for her to be able to talk to when she finally realises that she is doing something wrong

[squillyfer]

I think any form of cutting yourself is dangerous. What if the blade had been used by someone who has the HIV virus? What if you accidentally cut an artery? or a tendon? or a nerve? What if you pass out from pain and bleed to death?
There is nothing safe about cutting yourself.

I agree but its hard to get that through to them they still think its cool I just think that harming yourself for no reason is just stupid

[Chloe-Elise]

Thanks for the information Luna, my friend is actually in a similar postion to what you were. Her dad died when she was 12, and shes never really got over it. I think she sees it as a way of helping herself, though I don't see how. Im just trying to help her and help her to see that there are better ways of expressing her emotions. Thanks everyone :)

[squillyfer]

You sound like a good friend and I hope you can help her through what is obviously a difficult period in her life

[xStephaniex]

i think people that self harm use it as a way of dealing with things when they cant talk to anyone or are scared to. this sounds stupid but after a while like lea said it may become an addiction or something because once there so used to coping that way it doesn't hurt anymore. i have a friend who does it and admitted she just wanted some attention and to talk to someone, where as my other mate does it because of family problems. If you just offer her support and let her know your there for her always then she'll get through it.
if im honest my stomach, legs, arms and chest are covered in scars from self harming and i did it because of losing my grandad,bullying, and some other personal stuff but i tried the councelling for 2 years and it did help in a way. but even if your friend dont want the councelling if she talks to someone about it, it will really help.
at the end of the day your just doubleing your problems with cutting yourself, get her to talk to someone clo and let her know your there for her, she'll apreciate it in the long run. hope it all goes well for her :)

[leanne27]

i think its just as a way to escape, i have never cut myself but when things get me down i find it so much easier to harm myself (just scratching) i wouldnt dare cut myself however i have it under contol and only do it now and again but believe me it is addictive, you feel worse afterwards but pick yourself up and get along with it. Its just my way of coping like people write in diaries to get their emotions out well harming is my way of coping. I never used to understand it but when it happens to yourself you understand it.

[Cherryz]

Hi, as a previous self harmer, i can offer some insight and advice.

People can self harm for many reasons, here are just some:
*being as a cry for help
*a way of emotional release when feeling depressed, angry, guilty etc.
*to feel 'real' and not so detached
*as a form of self punishment
*they feel its 'the only way' because there's no one to turn to
*a problem with self-image

Most people assume that people who self harm are attention seekers - but the majority of self harmers hide any evidence by covering up with clothing, or making excuses etc. because you'll find that most of them don't want what they do to be discovered because of the assumptions people will make and accuse them of, making them feel worse. Also they may be scared that their coping method will be 'taken away' from them - if people start watching out for signs of harm, hiding things from them, telling them to stop etc.

It's also important to note that self harm can come in many forms, not just cutting! These include:
*hitting themselves
*hitting their head against walls / punching walls
*extreme nail biting - to the point of bleeding
*picking / peeling their skin
*hair pulling
*at the most extreme breaking bones

Self harm can be one aspect of a number of problems. Although a problem itself it is seen as a coping method to the self harmer to deal with other problems, which need to be dealt with in order to stop the self harm as well.
Some people have mental illnesses, such as manic depression etc. which make means they might take harmful actions on themselves or others.

It is also very important to note that self harmers do not intend to kill themselves! For some people, before suicide attempts, self harm is a factor in their lives, but for the majority it is a coping method and a way of getting relief.

People tend to have a stereotype of self harmers but it is much more common than you think - even people who seem perfect and have it all are capable of self harm.

More and more famous people have spoken out about their experiences. Famous self harmers include:
*Richey Edwards
*Marilyn Manson
*Christina Ricci
*Johnny Depp
*Angelina Jolie
*Elizabeth Wurtzel

(This is not a way of saying look at these people, aren't they 'cool' for doing that. This list was to demonstrate various peoples experiences).

Self-harm is an issue most people choose to dismiss, but it is one of the more leading and dangerous issues amongst teenagers today, up there with binge drinking and drug taking. It cannot be ignored - there should be more help and awareness.

One of the most annoying questions people kept asking me was "why do you do that?" and also "how can you do that to yourself?" like I knew all the answers. The truth was, I didn't even know! Not until i got help I needed. To get a better understanding, I think people should learn exactly what the issue entails before making assumptions and dismissing it as a 'pathetic problem thats a waste of time'.

www.self-injury.net (http://www.self-injury.net) is a very useful site for self harmers, and people who know or suspect others who are self harmers. It has great FAQ's and advice for stopping, it has a forum, and people can express how they feel with poems, art and writing about their experiences. There's also a booklist, and much more! It's very insightful for all visitors.

I hope this was useful to people.

[.:SpIcYsPy:.]

One of the most annoying questions people kept asking me was "why do you do that?" and also "how can you do that to yourself?" like I knew all the answers. The truth was, I didn't even know! Not until i got help I needed.
So how would you approach someone who is self-harming themselves?

[xStephaniex]

So how would you approach someone who is self-harming themselves?

tell tehm to takj to someone . at thee end of the day, it is only mounted problems, coz then u regreet it n urr left with reminders of y u done it. whaat ever reasson u did it for the scar may bee there for yearss , everytime u see it u think of the problem.

[Lisa321]

It is a sensitive subject and i do think it is becoming increasinly an issue which needs to be dealt with, because people do do it a lot. Whether its a trend or a cry for help.

I've done it before, i went through a really bad time, and didnt talk to the people i could turn to and regret it so unbeliveably much. Its driven a wedge between me and my dad and even though ive 'recovered' and im over it. Its still hard.

My reason for doing it was because i had family problems that made me feel unwanted and rejected and therefore i didnt feel as though i wanted to be in this world. I looked for some self help site (which is how my family found out) and they did help me, i started writing poems (in the arts section of sb) to help me, like a release mostly instead of cutting.
They did help me, but when my fmaily fpound out they stopped me writing them, so i got depressed again, but i found help in my friends.
Now were closer than ever even though im half way across the world now, and im happy. There you go xx
<3 lisa

[dragoneye454]

My friends does exactly the same. But as well as cutting herself, she burns fags into her arms. Shes not as bad as she used to be but she had a lot of problems in her life and she just needed someone to talk to.

[Penguin8191]

sometimes self harmers are so ashamed of themself that they would never ever tell anyone and they try to cover there scars up so its not attention seeking. as a self harmer myself i cannot imagine anyone doin it for attention, why would anyone go through that much pain just to get noticed!

[di marco]

sometimes self harmers are so ashamed of themself that they would never ever tell anyone and they try to cover there scars up so its not attention seeking. as a self harmer myself i cannot imagine anyone doin it for attention, why would anyone go through that much pain just to get noticed!

i agree that most people wouldnt do it for attention, but i did have one girl in my class who admitted she just did it for attention

[CrazyLea]

yeah but alot of people do. i had a mate who used to do it. and every time she would announce it like ' oh look what i did last night' blah blah, which you could tell that it was attention. like you said if its not for attention people cover it up or at least try to.

[samantha nixon]

a girl at school has done it and i think she still does but she has had a lot of problems with her family, but has tried to stop but cant.
at one point i felt like doing it as i was really down but i didnt and im happier now

[eastenderfan_91]

i thought about it a while back but havent done it like extreme

[hunterz_girl]

ive had alot of family problems and i started to delf harm, i found it as a way to release my anger

[Cornishbabe]

ive had alot of family problems and i started to delf harm, i found it as a way to release my anger
Yeh it realeases anger.FOr many people its a way to stay alieve not to kill themsleves they dont want to die

[emma_strange]

This is a sensitive subject to be talking about, and i hate the assumption that people do it for attention. If that's true then there are loads of things with a lot less hastle that people could do.

I self harm. I did a year or 2 ago, nothing major, about 8 or so cuts on my arms/stomach/legs, with a razor blade i had taken out of a razor. I did it because things were getting too much and it felt liek there was no-one to talk to. After a while i stopped but recently everything has been getting to much for me, i dont understand anythng thats going on in my head and i feel like i have no-one to turn to, so i started cutting again. It's not that i want to be cutting, it's just it's a relase for me. When the emotional pain gets too much, i cut and the physical pain replaces it.

I don't think you can ever understand why somoen turns to self harm. It's a very personal thing and such a hard thing to explain. What people need is someone to talk o them. Not to force them to talk, force them into help, just someone to listen. My opinion anyway.

[Jessie Wallace]

This is a sensitive subject to be talking about, and i hate the assumption that people do it for attention. If that's true then there are loads of things with a lot less hastle that people could do.

I self harm. I did a year or 2 ago, nothing major, about 8 or so cuts on my arms/stomach/legs, with a razor blade i had taken out of a razor. I did it because things were getting too much and it felt liek there was no-one to talk to. After a while i stopped but recently everything has been getting to much for me, i dont understand anythng thats going on in my head and i feel like i have no-one to turn to, so i started cutting again. It's not that i want to be cutting, it's just it's a relase for me. When the emotional pain gets too much, i cut and the physical pain replaces it.

I don't think you can ever understand why somoen turns to self harm. It's a very personal thing and such a hard thing to explain. What people need is someone to talk o them. Not to force them to talk, force them into help, just someone to listen. My opinion anyway.

Do you have a friend who you would trust to talk to about these things? Or have you thought about seeing a counsellor, if you can't afford to see, one your gp can set you up with one. This is what happened to me, and it really helped. I never spoke to friends and family as that was too close for me, but but talking to a stranger it really did. I know this doesn't work for a people, but if your unhappy enough to self-harm then anything is worth a try it's it got the potential to help.

[Rach33]

I agree with you Emma this is a sensitive subject as a self harmer myself it took me two years to stop completely I was at a point in my life where I felt alone and very down and it seemed like the only way to stop myself from hurting inside was to hurt myself on the outside

I will admit it was a cry for help and a need for someone to notice I idn't have the courage to ask for help so I needed someway for people to notice me

[emma_strange]

Do you have a friend who you would trust to talk to about these things? Or have you thought about seeing a counsellor, if you can't afford to see, one your gp can set you up with one. This is what happened to me, and it really helped. I never spoke to friends and family as that was too close for me, but but talking to a stranger it really did. I know this doesn't work for a people, but if your unhappy enough to self-harm then anything is worth a try it's it got the potential to help.

I do have a friend who i tried to talk about it with yesterday. Though i just don't know what to say, i can't explain why i do what i do so i dont thik she understands in that way. she says she's worried about me, but i dont want to worry her. She's told me she needs totalk to me today as well, so guess I'll see if i can make thigns better by talking more.

Going to see a GP might be something that i'll do. It does seem like a better solution, talking to someone i don't know. That way I won't be embarassed by what i say.

Sad thing is, the person who really topped it all off, (not intentionally) is the one person i know could help me snap out of it. But he doesnt really talk to me much now.

[Jessie Wallace]

I do have a friend who i tried to talk about it with yesterday. Though i just don't know what to say, i can't explain why i do what i do so i dont thik she understands in that way. she says she's worried about me, but i dont want to worry her. She's told me she needs to talk to me today as well, so guess I'll see if i can make thigns better by talking more.

Going to see a GP might be something that i'll do. It does seem like a better solution, talking to someone i don't know. That way I won't be embarassed by what i say.

Sad thing is, the person who really topped it all off, (not intentionally) is the one person i know could help me snap out of it. But he doesnt really talk to me much now.

Can i encourage you to go to your GP then, and ask them to put you intouch with someone, who will beable to help to you work through this. Life is too short to feel crappy for too long. Good luck hun and i hope you do it and feel great after, as this is what everyone deserves.

[emma_strange]

Can i encourage you to go to your GP then, and ask them to put you intouch with someone, who will beable to help to you work through this. Life is too short to feel crappy for too long. Good luck hun and i hope you do it and feel great after, as this is what everyone deserves.

Thank You =)
I think i might ask one of my friends to come with me, might be easier that way.

[Cornishbabe]

yeh try not too go on your own. Ive tried that a few times and it reallly doesnt work. you go away feeling worse about yourslef for not being able to say anything and it ends up having a negative effect...

[Jessie Wallace]

Thank You =)
I think i might ask one of my friends to come with me, might be easier that way.

Good idea, you need as much support as you can get at times like this, take it from someone who didn't have much to start with, and now i got loads, and if i ever feel low, i just gotta call or text someone and i know they'll be there to help and support me even if it's just to sit with me and say and do nothing, it all helps.