View Full Version : can you ever be just good friends with an ex?
Bad Wolf
06-10-2005, 18:12
until a few months a go i could say that i wasn't really friends with any of my ex boyf's, most of my split up's havent been particuarly nice but recently i have become very good friends with two of them, one of them lives at home and we might be doing something (as friends) when i go home- we havent seen each other in years but reguarly text each other
as much as i know nothing will happen, i'm curious to know whether it it is possible to be just good friends when you have been so intimate (not recessarily in that way) with someone
the thing is i'm a total basket case when it comes to him- he is lovely we get on well and he is honed and toned he can say he played for england (university squad but all the same) and very attractive
so can you be just good mates with an ex?
.:Kitz:.
06-10-2005, 18:15
tricky...but i think you can. But then again i've never had that kind of expreience. I'm either mates with my Ex's or enemys!!
Bad Wolf
06-10-2005, 18:16
i'll let you know what happens at the weekend- whether i get that fuzzy feeling when i see him (hopefully not)
.:Kitz:.
06-10-2005, 18:20
i'll let you know what happens at the weekend- whether i get that fuzzy feeling when i see him (hopefully not)lol, so i take it you don't actually want to be having feelings towards him?
Bad Wolf
06-10-2005, 18:22
no!!!! i still have a boyf!!!!!
yup totally i was friends with an ex for years (although we are back together now) but we were just friends - he got married and i got engaged in that time and it didn't bother any of us.
Bad Wolf
06-10-2005, 18:29
how long was it before you got back together?
xsoftladybugx
06-10-2005, 18:29
I'm not quite sure about this one.... It might be a bit weird being mates with someone if you have been intimate with them, and could be embarrassing!
Bad Wolf
06-10-2005, 18:32
i dont mean intimate like that (well i do, but not only that bit) i mean when you go out with some you tell them all kinds of stuff you wouldnt under normal circumstances
how long was it before you got back together?
split when i was 15-16 been seeing him since i was 12 and then just go back together again so 6 years
yeah.... i think you can!! providing the relationship doesn't come up because it just goes stony cold then
xXxJessxXx
06-10-2005, 20:09
I'm not sure about this. i'm not mates with any of my ex's. two of them are total idiots and the others i havnt seen in ages. I think if you have feelings for the person still then its harder to just be friends beacuse its alwasy at the back of your mind that you like them. it also depends on how you broke up i think. if it was a messy break up and caused argueing then its bound to be the same as your both still the same people (your selves) and it could happen again which isnt great from friends as well as people in a relationship. (if that makes sense)
i think there will always be something between you if you've previoiusly had a relationship, because at one time you would have felt strong feelings for each other and as you get to know each other again as friends the things you fell in love with in the person are still going to be in their character and they could form again. I'm completely sure on this as its never happend to me. lol, so these are only my guesses.
If you said you had a boyfriend beware he could become jelous!
I'm really good friends with one of my ex's (theres only been 2) we go out for a drink every now and again and talk on the phone lots. It was difficult at first but I hated that you could be so close to someone and then it could just be over in an instant.
My boyf doesnt mind, well he didnt have a choice as I've said from day one that I was friend with my ex and he had to take it or leave it.
He's also good friends with his ex and now she's a friend of mine as well.
SoapRach
06-10-2005, 21:33
I think it depends...as long as you both think of it in the same way it shouldn't be a problem. if one of you is still attracted to the other then it's more likely to be a problem! i think the fact that you've been intimate and know each other that well may help you as friends as you already have that foundation.
Scrapp what I said about the boyf not minding, apparently he does. But apparently its different with his ex. The old one rule for one, another for another rule? dam men!!!
SoapRach
07-10-2005, 22:22
Lol Jade - Dam men! talk about double standards! I take it it won't stop you being mates with your ex?
Nope, at the end of the day, he knew what he was getting into 6/7 years ago he cant change the tune now. Well he can, but if he starts getting all posessive, i'm off and he knows that.
SoapRach
07-10-2005, 22:33
Good for you.. you'd think after 7 years he'd have got used to you being mates with your ex!
Yep you'd have thought so. Think he was just looking for a fight, and thats the only thing he can find. Its strange casue its the first time he's made an issue of it.
SoapRach
07-10-2005, 22:37
what a weird species men are!
Yep Ithink the real issue was i'd been out for a few beers with the guys from work (inc the ex) and he was at home waiting for me. God knows why as he knows friday nights are my night off.
Bad Wolf
10-10-2005, 11:43
it didnt happen..........he dislocated his shulder a few weeks ago and was unable to drive...............grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
i usually stay friends with my ex's but my last one was a different story. we'd hardly speak in public but we'd call to see each other and always ended up in bed! we're talking about getting back together now so we'll see how that goes.
Bad Wolf
10-10-2005, 12:20
good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am confused here, OI think that it sounds like you are holding a wee bit of a tourch for your ex. if this is the case, and you seriously want to stay with your current boyfriend, I would keep away from your ex! Why walk into the way of temptation?
I had one ex that I kept in touch with. I was still 'mates' with him when I was going out with my husband as we all live in London at the time. It turned out that he though I still had the hots for him and that he just had to say and I would just jump back into bed with him! So, that was then end of that!
LUSHLOOKE69
12-10-2005, 01:34
I'm quite undecided on this to be honest the only way i think it can work is if neither of you want anythng other than friendship otherwise one of you will only only be friends with the other in the hope that you will rekindle the relationship. If you get what I mean?
emma_strange
14-11-2005, 18:44
I would like to say yes, but with me and my ex, we always ended up back together and then breaking up. We're back together at the moment. Other guys...well, I actually dont talk to them now, so is not good there. I do think with my current boyfriend there was always something there, like something I could never get over.
bridgekelly2004
03-01-2006, 15:36
I don't think you can become friends. I split up with my boyfriend two months ago. I really didn't want to lose his friendship but it just became too difficult. It stopped both of us moving on. We live really near each other but now it's best if we just acknowledge each other when we see each other but keep walking. Maybe in a years time I'll feel differently, but I think it's very difficult to go from being very intimate with someone, to just being mates. There will always be an overlap!
SarahWakefield
04-02-2006, 03:36
well me and my boyfriend had been together for 3 and a half years. he finished with me over a txt msg! 3 and a half years and i get a txt! he said he wanted to stay friends but ever since we split i tried to keep in touch he was been really awful to me! i think when they say we will stay mates its just to make it a nice break up!!
Penguin8191
04-02-2006, 11:09
i think it is possible! im still friends with all my ex's and best friends with one of them. it can be difficult to start with as there can be some awkward moments but it is definetly possible!
Keating's babe
09-02-2006, 13:29
I don't think you can actually stay friends with an ex. There is either one or both parties who probably still carries a torch. I think if you are in a relationship then you have no need to speak with your ex partners. Unless the relationship is not serious. I think if you want to move on then you have to leave your ex-partners where they belong - in the past.
Btw, this is not a personal attack on anyone, just my general view.
I still see my ex husband and we get on well together.. thing is that we don't have feeling for each other anymore so it makes it easier to be friends. it is harder if there is feelings involved.
leanne27
09-02-2006, 15:59
its probably possible i guess, but there will always be that touch of chemistry there wont they? it will probably never fully go
nicole28
20-02-2006, 17:33
You may be able to, if you were a really good frien then it shouldn't be a problem, but if you weren't then it could be very hard to get over :(
alkalinetrio
20-02-2006, 19:31
im friends with one of my ex's emily we get on alright dont really speak much but we dont hate each other or anything
xStephaniex
20-02-2006, 21:52
my exx seems tos hate mee andd thinkk i sfdumped him fro another bloody guy. howww loww dcan they get !. stupidd blokeed dont tknow yourr hurting too. i thinkk you can only bee friedns with your exx if they let you but what do i kno.
Cornishbabe
20-02-2006, 22:56
ive never had an ex which its been possible to be just friends with after, But then when ive turned frineds down its the same.
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