eastenders comedy

[Kim]

Tuesday 13th December EE

JOHNNY: *sits on Ruby's bed and looks at her teddy bears. This is rather disturbing.*
RANDOM GIRL: *makes a sudden reappearance after weeks of being invisible, and proceeds to snog him to death. I would like to know what she sees in him exactly. Answers on a postcard please.*

ALFIE: *is managing the Vic once more.... YAY!*
PEGGY: Yay!
JIM: Yay!
EVERYBODY: Yay!
*Kat sneaks up behind him and they have a rather flirty conversation, during which Kat pinches Alfie's bum. Several times. She also randomly starts tickling him.*
ALFIE: *hums dreamily to self* Yeah, I'm sure there's absolutely no chemistry between us at all.
KAT: I WANT YOU SO BAD.
ALFIE: Better get back to my bottle-rattling-randomness!
KAT: ... God, why did I marry him? More to the point, wasn't it only a month or two ago that we were both crying and snivelling because I said I couldn't be his wife anymore and -
ALFIE: *bends down to pick something up*
KAT: Ooooh....

RUBY: This is all my fault! I let myself down, I let everyone down-
STACEY: Hey, that reminds me of that joke about the balloon!
RUBY: MY LIFE IS RUINED.
STACEY: Girl, please. Have you listened to me lately?
RUBY: I love Juley!
STACEY: ... Obviously not.

*Johnny and Phil happen to just-about walk into each other.*
JOHNNY: ....
PHIL: ....
JOHNNY: ....
PHIL: ....
JOHNNY: ...
PHIL: ...
DOT: Will you two stop making eyes at each other?

ALFIE: Nana isn't answering her phone oh noes!
PEGGY: Relax! What's the worst that could have happened?
ALFIE: .... OMG SHE'S DEAD!
NANA: Hi, Alfie.
ALFIE: Nobody panic, but my grandmother may be slightly dead!
NANA: ... I'm right here.
ALFIE: Yippee!
*They organise a day out at the races, which is not at all terribly sadly ironic. Ahem - Friday! Sniffle...*
ALFIE: I'm looking forward to spending the day with the most important woman in my life. *gazes fondly at Nana*
KAT: Hmph! *looks disgruntled*
ALFIE: Oh yeah - I forgot about you. Thanks for today, Kat.
KAT: *brave sniffle* That's what mates do, isn't it? Mates. Yes. Mates. I haven't been following you around all day like a little puppy or something. Totally not.
ALFIE: *friendly smile*
KAT: *friendly smile back* OMG he's standing next to me!
ALFIE: Sooo... isn't it lovely, just being mates.
KAT: *facepalm*

JULEY: Ruby's in love with me, it's not fair!
PHIL: *appears menacingly from the shadows with an evil laugh* My evil plan is working! Squee!
*And... that was the corniest ending ever.*

*Postcard*

Pound signs!

[Tannie]

just read it all it is brilliant so funny. :rotfl: oh and by the way chrissie's cell mate is gail lol

[Elect-Death_13]

NANA'S DEAD *cries*

[crazy_purple]

NANA: Kat - here, I got something for you.
KAT: Ooh, a Christmas card-
NANA: No! Don't open it until after.
KAT: After Christmas?
NANA: ...No.
KAT: After New Year?
NANA: ...No.
KAT: ....
NANA: *eyeroll*
KAT: OMG! No don't die! *cries*
NANA: You... say that like I have a choice.

ALFIE: So Nan, what do you want for Christmas?
NANA: A dancing penguin!
ALFIE: ...Ooookay...
NANA: Things never stay the same, do they Alfie?
ALFIE: *tear*

KAT: *sitting in her kitchen* I really wanna know what's in that envelope.
*Her hand twitches towards it.*
KAT: Nooo! Restrain yourself!
THE KITCHEN TABLE: You know, that's exactly what I was thinking, but you never listen to me, do you?
KAT: ...
THE KITCHEN TABLE: I get nothing but disrespect! And people getting it on on top of me! This was not in my job description! I-
KAT: *leaves*
THE KITCHEN TABLE: *fumes*

ALFIE: You're selfish.
JAKE: Yeah? Well, you're a clown!
*They move closer to each other*
ALFIE: ...
JAKE: ...
I: *am slightly disturbed*
ALFIE: And you can't love! You never loved anybody! Hah!
JAKE: Apart from Chrissie...?
ALFIE: You're stoopid!
JAKE: RAR! *throws Alfie down onto the sofa*
I: *have a warped mind - I half-expected them to start going at it, for some reason. Eurgh. Somebody shoot me.*
KAT: *coming in* OMG Alfie don't hurt my Alfie!
JAKE: What? *swings round, whacks Kat upside the head by accident*
ALFIE: Kat!
KAT: Alfie!
ALFIE: Kat!
KAT: Alfie!
JAKE: ...
NANA: You boys! Apologize!
ALFIE: But-
NANA: Say you're sorry!
JAKE: He started it-
ALFIE: I did not!
NANA: NOW.
ALFIE: *mumbles* Sorry.
JAKE: Sorry.
NANA: YOU DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
ALFIE: Sorry, Jake.
JAKE: Sorry, Alfie.
NANA: THAT'S BETTER.
KAT: Awwwww... this family is so weird.
*She runs outside when she realises that Nana keeps the family together, but poor old Nana is gonna die, nooo.*
KAT: Nooooo! *sobs*

JAKE: You fight like a girl.
ALFIE: I do not!
*He does.*
JAKE: Hehe. What you gonna do, slap me around Walford?
ALFIE: Yeah! Anywhere, matey!
JAKE: ...
ALFIE: ...Well, obviously not slap you around. I'd be punching you in a very manly way. Wouldn't I?
DEAD GANGSTER MAN: *voice echoes* Noooo.... He fights like a girrrrl....
ALFIE: Who said that?

KAT: You can't do all this!
ALFIE: Can too.
KAT: Can not. Look, you gotta act normal.
ALFIE: *panics* HOW?!

*Jake and Alfie make friends again; get drunk together; then curl up on the sofa together; and eventually give in to their desires, forget about Kat and Chrissie and give in to cousinly love. On the sofa. Shut up.*

NANA: Yay you got a dancing snowman! Ooh, presents! *starts towards them*
ALFIE: *restrains her* Nope! Not until Christmas!
THE GODS OF EVIL, EVIL IRONY: Mwahahahahaaa.
NANA: Hmph.
*The batteries on the dancing snowman run out, in a terribly nasty bit of symbolism on the writer's part. Writers, hang your heads in shame, please.*
ALFIE: Oh, let's have a look at this-
NANA: *sigh*
ALFIE: ...Nan?
THE AUDIENCE: *all simultaneously burst into tears*
ALFIE: But we were going to have a good Christmas and everything... You haven't opened your presents...
NANA: *echoing voice* Well whose fault is that, Mr Not Until Christmas?!
ALFIE: *cries*

[Kim]

Fab:D.

[crazy_purple]

NANA'S DEAD *cries*

Don't tell me you actually cried... :rolleyes: :D

[crazy_purple]

Lost, Wednesday 14th December (channel 4)

We do have a freeview box, but for some reason they hooked it up to the TV downstairs, where my mum and dad don't even watch it. I could make much better use of it in my room :wall:

SOME AMERICAN GUY: Previously on Lost...
I: *am strangely attracted to his voice, although he only ever has the same 3 words every episode*

JACK: OMG Boone!
BOONE: *gargles on his own blood*

*Here begins another lovely, gory episode of Lost. I was surprised that I seem to have got resistant to the horrific blood and guts stuff, when I used to be pathetically squeamish. (I also cured myself of my fear of injections, but that's a whole other story.)*

*On the island od Not Quite So 'Pretty Pretty People', More Like 'Blood-Splattered People'. Yay.*
JACK: I WILL SAVE YOU BOONE!
BOONE: No you won't. *his lung collapses*
JACK: Hah! I can cure that! *seems to stab him in the lung. Pardon me, but... I don't quite see how that will make him better... But then, I'm not a sexy bald doctor. Mmmm, Dr Jack.*
BOONE: *miraculously starts breathing normally again*
JACK: Yay!
BOONE: *eyeroll*
JACK: Kate! Bring me alcohol!
KATE: ...
JACK: I need booze, dammit!
KATE: Okey-dokes. *runs off*

*Kate finds Sawyer and his stash and I forget all about Dr Jack omgsawyer can I have your babies plz? Man, this is like virtual adultery. Yay.*
KATE: Sawyer! I need all your alcohol! NOW!
SAWYER: *doesn't even look surprised* Sure.

*In the forest*
KATE: Run run run. I like running. Hmmm... what was that thing? About running with a backpack full of glass? That's easily smashable?
A MEAN, MEAN TREE BRANCH: That you shouldn't do it. Heh.
KATE: Damn it.
*But her falling-over-ness wasn't entirely useless, because she finds Claire. Who is, incidentally, in labour.*
KATE: OMG you're having a baby!
CLAIRE: You never noticed until now?!
KATE: What do I do what do I do what do I do!
CLAIRE: ... Okay. Relax.
KATE: I CAN'T!
CLAIRE: Breathe! In, out, in, out- hey, wait a minute, I'm the one in la-
KATE: HEEEEEEELP UUUUSSSSSS!
CLAIRE: ...I think my eardrums just burst.

*Unfortunately, the only person who hears them is the only person on the island who doesn't speak English.*
JIN: *runs up to them*
CLAIRE: Hey, how did you know we wanted help if you don't-
KATE: No time! Go get Jack!
JIN: ...Jack. *perks up* Jack. Doctor.
*Am I the only one who went "awwww Jin's learning English yay!" and just wanted to hug him then? Or am I just a sl*t for all the men on Lost? Who don't actually exist in real life? Um...*
KATE: *is not quite so amazed* Yeah, doctor! Get him!
JIN: *thinks* I'm not Lassie, you know.

JACK: He needs blood!
CHARLIE: I have blood!
JACK: A-negative?
CHARLIE: Nope.
JACK: YOU SUCK!
CHARLIE: *whimpers*
JACK: Oh wait, I'll match!
CHARLIE: Couldn't you have said that before?
JACK: No.
CHARLIE: But-
JACK: Shut up.
CHARLIE: Yessir. *mumbles under this breath* I'm the only Brit on this damn island and I'm also Dominic Monaghan! All shall love me and worship me and I'm a hobbit squee!
JACK: What?
CHARLIE: Nuthin'.

JACK: Okay Sun, listen up. A vein is like a wet noodle.
SUN: ...I'm beginning to wish I hadn't learnt English.
JACK: I've got to find something thin and sharp enough to pierce a noodle with.
CHARLIE: Mmm, noodles.
JACK: ...
CHARLIE: *cries*
ME: Don't worry Charlie, I love you... and Sawyer... and-
*Sun stops this train of thought before it gets too disturbing and finds Jack a weird plant thing.*
JACK: Ooh yay. *immediately does a blood transfusion*
BOONE: Why won't you just let me die already?!

*Just then, Jin appears and tries to tell them what's up. Sun has to translate and there's a Jin+Sun moment yay! ... Man, this is worse than EastEnders.*

CHARLIE: Kate, you gotta deliver this baby.
KATE: I can't!
CHARLIE: Somebody has to!
KATE: Why can't you?!
CHARLIE: Because... um... well, me and Jin are gonna go sit over here, in a manly, old-fashioned way.
KATE: GAH!
CLAIRE: *is scared* Have you noticed it's all the Americans who are crazified?
CHARLIE: Shhh, Claire. I love you.
KATE: Right. Claire. Don't be scared. It's not like I'm a fugitive on the run from the law or anything.
CLAIRE: ...

BOONE: *is more or less deaded*
JACK: I'LL SAVE YOU!
SUN: I'm pretty sure he's dead, or nearly dead.
JACK: ...
SUN: I'm sorry, Jack-
JACK: Let's chop his leg off!
SUN: ...Let's not?
JACK: *prepares to do it*
SUN: *facepalm*
BOONE: No... don't.... *is less dead than previously suspected*
JACK: I thought you were dead!
BOONE: Nah. Tell Shannon this - it's very important - tell her - tell her - *flops over dramatically*
JACK: Er... okay.

*Elsewhere, Claire has the baby and it is soooo cute awwww yay! Ahem. Now I've got that off my chest - SAWYER!!!*

[Elect-Death_13]

Yesh I cried STFU =(

[crazy_purple]

Yesh I cried STFU =(

Hahaha.. Actually so did I :D only a tiny bit on Friday, but I watched the omnibus just now and I was crying buckets :o Though that might have been because my dad was cleaning the bathroom and the fumes were drifting into my room so I was kind of choking anyway. Never mind. Nobody cares :p

[feelingyellow]

Excellent! :cheer: more soon please!!

[crazy_purple]

Ooh, I can't wait for tonight's episode - from the looks of it there'll be a ton of Kat and Alfie :cheer: (I'm not obsessed...) :p

[feelingyellow]

Ooh, I can't wait for tonight's episode - from the looks of it there'll be a ton of Kat and Alfie :cheer: (I'm not obsessed...) :p

and i'll eat sprouts :rolleyes:

[crazy_purple]

I'm only doing about the Kalfie bits because the rest bored me. ..How will I cope after Xmas? :eek:

*The phone rings and goes to answerphone*
ALFIE: Hello, me and Nana aren't here right now-
NANA: Yes I am, I'm right here!
THE SLOWER VIEWERS: OMG WTF?!
ALFIE: No Nan, it's the message, see?
*The beep goes*
THE SLOWER VIEWERS: Oh.
KAT: *leaving a message* Alfie? Nana? Alfie? Nana? Alfie? Nana?
ALFIE: *in the house* ....
KAT: Alfie? Nana? Are you okay?
ALFIE: *cries*

*Kat demonstrates her amazing law-breaking skills and smashes into Alfie's house, just to prove how crazee she really is.*
KAT: NANA?! SPEAK TO MEEE!
ALFIE: That doesn't upset me at all *sniffle*
KAT: What?
ALFIE: *sniffles louder* I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE, OKAY?
KAT: *catches on suddenly* OMG!
ALFIE: *cries*
KAT: OhAlfiecomehere! *huggle*
*For some reason, Alfie did not seem even the slightest bit surprised that his ex-wife just broke into his house. Maybe this is the kind of thing she does all the time.*

KAT: Come on, you've got to eat something.
ALFIE: I'm not hungry.
KAT: Soup? Soup solves everything!
ALFIE: No.
KAT: Or a sandwich? I'll make you a nice sarnie, and tend to all your hurt and hug you and pet you because you are my squishy.
ALFIE: ....
KAT: ... So, tell me everything!
ALFIE: I don't want to talk about it.
*Five minutes later*
ALFIE: She just slipped away... and they came to pick her up in.. in...
KAT: What?
ALFIE: I can't... it's too horrible...
KAT: *puts her hand on his leg, because... ahem.*
ALFIE: ...in... A VAN!
KAT: Gasp!
ALFIE: *cries*
KAT: Awwwwwwwww.... *huggles his head, because she just seems to love hugging him.*
KAT'S CHEST: *almost takes leave of her top*
ALFIE: *glances sideways* Heh.

KAT: Do you know what happens next?
ALFIE: ... Well, I don't know, but I heard there's lots of angels and harps playing, and-
KAT: No, I mean.... funeral arrangements.
ALFIE: She kept a list in her bedroom. I can't go in there...
KAT: *takes his hands in hers* Come on. It's alright. *she leads him up the stairs*
ALFIE: Ooh, just like old times.
KAT: *finds a pearl necklace*
*If you found anything remotely strange about that above sentence, I will tell you that you have a dirty, dirty mind and you should hang your head in shame. If you didn't, then that's lovely. Well done.*
*Alfie fastens the necklace around her neck*
KAT'S EXPRESSION: *rocks so much, and she looks quite...less tarty in the necklace. I'm gonna shut up before you all start looking at me weird.*
*They find evidence that Nana knew she was going to die soon, awwww*
ALFIE: Hell, I didn't even know she was a gambling woman.
KAT: Touch my neck again?
ALFIE: What?
KAT: It's all so sad...

ALFIE: I'm all alooone...
KAT: No you're not.
ALFIE: I am.
KAT: You've got me...
ALFIE: Oooh...
KAT: And by the way, I'm staying over here tonight.
ALFIE: Oooooooooh!
KAT: I'm just gonna go get my stuff, I'll be ten minutes.
ALFIE: Make it five?
KAT: Okay!
ALFIE: Ooooooooooooooooh.....

PEGGY: Kat? Are Alfie and Nana okay?
KAT: Yeah, they're fine. Well, that's half true, at least.
*She remembers the note Nana left her. It says "Make my Alfie happy".*
KAT: ....How could I do that? Besides letting him have a threesome with me and Little Mo? Hmmm.... I'll have to have a think about that....

[feelingyellow]

lmao, fab especially the last line!! can't wait for more!! :cheer:

[Kim]

Did you get that from Daily Mail's soapwatch by any chance? Lol.

Hmmm? Why was he not surprised? Maybe he wanted double glazing and she saved the window fitters a job? lol.

I agree, the rest was boring, apart from Ruby's fit at the end. This is great.

[crazy_purple]

Did you get that from Daily Mail's soapwatch by any chance? Lol.


The threesome bit? Yep :D The woman who writes it is ace, I even read it for the soaps I don't watch... I'd love to write a column like that for papers and get paid for it - brilliant :p

[Kim]

Yeah, i like reading that, the awards bit can be good aswell. It was funnier written by you though. I'd rather write that column than go to stupid school.

[crazy_purple]

Went to see this today; it was quite good, but only a PG so there were no wonderful stabbity scenes. And what the hell happened to the White Witch exactly? *~SPOILERS WARNING~* in case you haven't seen it and you're planning to, don't read. Or do, whatever.

*We sit in the back, eat lots of Revels, stare at the pre-show curtains like meh.*
SOME RANDOMS: *come in, go to sit in the back but then realise that we're there* I'M NOT SITTING AT THE FRONT! *they then stomp around for a while, giving us the dead-eye. How pleasant.*
*There is no trailer for King Kong and that makes me sad.*

BOMBER PLANES: Fire in the hole! Bombs away! Wheeeee! *etc., etc., etc.*
*We are introduced to the something-or-other family. They have a surname, which is mentioned a lot, but somehow they always seem to mumble it: "I'm Lucy mumblemumblethingy". I thought this gave the film a very mysterious air. No, really.*
EDMUND: Dad!
THE AUDIENCE: OMG their dad's in there?!
*EDMUND runs back in to get a photo and nearly gets himself killed*
PETER: *shaking head* Doofus.

*They get evacuated to somewhere in the countryside. Their accents distract viewers from the film. You get used to it.*
LUCY: Wardrobe yay!
....
LUCY: Old brown coats yay!
....
LUCY: Cold... wintery... forest... Yay? Hey, why is there a lampost?

*Some more stuff happens, but it wasn't funny, so moving on....*

SUSAN, PETER and LUCY: Ruuun! It's that witchy person!
*Several minutes later*
ME and BECKY: OMG IT'S SANTA YAY!!!!
*Yes, we are 16. But SANTA WHEEE!*

*We grew to hate EDMUND, as you might see.*
BECKY: He needs a good slap.
ME: Yeah. Someone give him a backhander.
THE WHITE WITCH: *b+tchslaps him sideways*
BECKY AND ME: ... *die laughing*

*The evil, evil WHITE WITCH and her CRONIES torture ASLAN*
THE WHITE WITCH: Shave him!
SUSAN and LUCY: Gasp!
THE WHITE WITCH: Stabbity!
SUSAN and LUCY: Noooo!
ME: Noooo! Not Jesus!
SOMEONE ELSE: ....
ME: Allegory smmmf STFU.

LUCY: *cries*
SUSAN: Aww, Mary Magdalene, I'm so -
LUCY: Eh?
SUSAN: .... Lucy. I said Lucy, okay?!

*True to form, ASLAN rises from the dead.*
LUCY and SUSAN: Yay!!! Allegories are useful!

*A battle ensues, that would be more interesting if there was more stabnation and people getting squished by large rocks. In surround sound. Maybe I'm just too old for PG films... awww, I'm gonna go cry now.*
PETER: For Narnia! And for Aslan!
THE OTHER SIDE: .... RAAAA!
ME: ...I think I prefer 'raaaa', to be honest.

*ASLAN arrives and chews the WHITE WITCH's head off. Or something. We don't get to see. Hmph. Mr Tumnus lives. Hurrah.*
ME: Kong, I'm a-coming!

[feelingyellow]

lol, i saw this saturday it was quite good though no comedy was really in it ... so this is fab!! :cheer:

[Kim]

I haven't seen it yet, but good comedy. Are you going to be doing any more of the random Kalfie thing?

[crazy_purple]

I will do some more of the Kalfie story tomorrow - I've got to watch Lost now :cheer: I'm obsessed with Sawyer

[Kim]

ok, can't wait. I don't watch lost so I don't know who Sawyer is.

[feelingyellow]

i haven't watched much of lost, it's too scary lol but charlie mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

[crazy_purple]

Yep, Charlie too :p I'm in love with half the men in it, that's why I watch... :D Only a short one because it wasn't all that funny and I'm all excited about Christmas yay!

*Shannon is hugging Boone's lifeless body*
ME: Has she been doing that for a week? Ew...
SAYID: Can I help you? *sounding for all the world like a shop assistant*
SHANNON: *plays with her dead brother's hair*
SAYID: ... See what I mean? American characters = crazee.

*They have a makeshift funeral for Boone*
JACK: Shannon, do you want to say anything? Seeing as there's no-one else here who really knew him?
SHANNON: ... Nah, I'll pass.
JACK: Um... well... ah, screw it, bury him. See if I care.
SAYID: Waiiiit! On our sixth day here, a woman DROWNED. No-one could save her. Especially not the only doctor.
JACK: Gee, thanks.
SAYID: But Boone was the first to jump in after her. Which proves he was very very brave *tear*
JACK: Yeah, but I jumped in second and then I had to save his a$s, which wasted valuable time, so the woman died indirectly because of him. Which proves he was very very ANNOYING.
SAYID: Jack-
JACK: Also, he slept with his sister. Gross, huh?
SAYID: Jack!
JACK: And he wouldn't let me chop his leg off. I call that petty.
SAYID: JACK!
JACK: What?
LOCKE: *appears suddenly, covered in blood* It was my fault he died.
JACK: *goes completely crazee and hurls himself at Locke, his arms swinging like a gorilla or something* I KEEL!
*The others stop him, because... Locke's shiny head is so irrestistible. I don't know.*

*OMG Claire's baby is so cute awww! And... strangely large, to say he's supposed to be only about a day old or something.*
CHARLIE: Can I take turnip head out?
CLAIRE: Sure.
CHARLIE: Yay. Hey, turnip.
*But the newly named Turnip Head won't stop crying*
HURLEY: *sings "I Feel Good", and rules. This is the best moment of the series.*
*But poor old Turnip isn't impressed. But, as usual, Sawyer saves the day, because Turnippy loves his fantastically sarcastic Deep South accent. Well, he's only one day old and he's definitely got the right ideas.*
SAWYER: I liked that thing better in than out!
TURNIP HEAD: Yay!
*I dribble over Sawyer*

SHANNON: *goes crazee* He killed my brother!
JACK: *stares at Locke*
LOCKE: *stares at Jack*
SHANNON: ...Are we sure there isn't something going on there?
SAYID: *pushes her aside*
*The bullet seems to get Locke right in the gut, but then... he's completely fine. Er...*

[feelingyellow]

fab!! my mate's getting the lost series for christmas so i'm gonna borrow them from her and start watching again - though i'll probs be running behind the sofa cos it's really scary sometimes! lol, but charlie will make it all better! :wub: more soon please :cheer:

[crazy_purple]

I'll write the EE funeral episode tomorrow - i know I'm getting behind :( it's because of Christmas - hey, I'm not complaining :D Presents!

My lovely (:p) version of the Xmas day episode will probably be up on Monday or Tuesday. My mum would stuff the turkey with me if I went on the computer, let alone a messageboard on Christmas Day. :rolleyes: Ooh, I can't wait! Kalfie!

[Kim]

I'm coming on if I can. My sadistic aunt is coming off and is welded to the computer, to play a stupid game on windows xp called spider solitare. Well I can talk, im superglued to the computer to come on these boards lol

[crazy_purple]

We've got spider solitaire too, it's the most annoying game ever :p My mum never stops playing it, it's all she uses the computer for. It's getting slightly scary :D

[Kim]

That's my mum, and my aunt. My aunt doesn't have her own computer, but my mum doesn't even know how to get on the internet or put a password on her account!

[Elect-Death_13]

Maybe I would have enjoyed the film with you n Becky if there wasn't a fat guy inbetween us.

*shifty eyes*

I totally enjoyed it on my own. Fat arms are good for a headrest.

[crazy_purple]

Maybe I would have enjoyed the film with you n Becky if there wasn't a fat guy inbetween us.

*shifty eyes*

I totally enjoyed it on my own. Fat arms are good for a headrest.

Awww you can't say that! :D True though... we were laughing our heads off at serious bits and everything - when Aslan was breathing on the dead guys, I said to Becky "Pickled onion breath!" and we cracked up :rolleyes: Rovers lost btw :(

[Elect-Death_13]

I know.

[crazy_purple]

Merry Christmas everyone - it's nearly Santa time! :cheer:

[feelingyellow]

Merry Christmas everyone - it's nearly Santa time! :cheer:

yay merry christmas!! :D

[crazy_purple]

Little Mo seems to turn into Obi Wan Kenobi or someone with her random pieces of wisdom for Kat.

ALFIE: Half an hour, yeah?
KAT: Yay!
MO: Happy endings...
KAT: I get the message!

SHARON: I'm... pregnant...?
DENNIS: Whaaaat?
SHARON: Yay!
DENNIS: Yay!
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: *look away, whistling* Such a shame, really...

KAT: *walks towards Alfie in bare feet*
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: Everybody loves a nice bit of symbolism.
MO: Happy endings!
KAT: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, STOP SAYING THAT!
ALFIE: So, do you fancy it?
KAT: Yes please! *sounding eerily like a four-year-old*

-----
I might add some more later, I'm not feeling too well :thumbsdow

[feelingyellow]

Little Mo seems to turn into Obi Wan Kenobi or someone with her random pieces of wisdom for Kat.

ALFIE: Half an hour, yeah?
KAT: Yay!
MO: Happy endings...
KAT: I get the message!

SHARON: I'm... pregnant...?
DENNIS: Whaaaat?
SHARON: Yay!
DENNIS: Yay!
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: *look away, whistling* Such a shame, really...

KAT: *walks towards Alfie in bare feet*
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: Everybody loves a nice bit of symbolism.
MO: Happy endings!
KAT: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, STOP SAYING THAT!
ALFIE: So, do you fancy it?
KAT: Yes please! *sounding eerily like a four-year-old*

-----
I might add some more later, I'm not feeling too well :thumbsdow

lol, aww that's funny and sweet :wub: and poor you, and at this time of year :(

[Elect-Death_13]

Oh no, heaven forbid any one be poorly at THIS TIME OF YEAR

[Kim]

Poor you. Hope you feel better soon.

[crazy_purple]

JOE: Martin!
MARTIN: *does a brilliant impression of Kevin the Teenager, or whatever that guy was called*
JOE: YOU SUCK!
MARTIN: ...
JOE: Straighten up and fly right, kiddo, or you're getting a kick up the backside!
MARTIN: *cries*
ME: YAY!

KAT: *dances her trademark I'm So Drunk Hee Hee! dance, and flirts terribly with the extras.*
LITTLE MO: *sighs, laughs*
STACEY: She's fantastic, isn't she?
KAT: I need heeeelp! Look at me! I'm down to flirting with the extras! Extras, I tell you!
LITTLE MO and STACEY: She's having loads of fun, obviously not embarrassing herself or anything! Let's just leave her over there where she could get her drink spiked at any moment, like the loving family members that we are.

*Finally..*
LITTLE MO: Kat, don't you think it's time to stop?
KAT: No! Here, why don't you tell me a fairytale, eh?
LITTLE MO: ...What?
KAT: A lovely festive, jolly, Christmassy tale, about a brokenhearted woman who just wanted to crawl away somewhere and DIE.
STACEY: Once upon a time-
KAT: The happy ending... where she'd be all clean, and she wouldn't be alone anymore, and she'd have the man in the moon, and -
LITTLE MO: P.s. - wait about five minutes.
KAT: I won't! *runs to.... the Vic loos? Seriously? Wow, they've really done the place up.*
STACEY: Shall we go with her?
LITTLE MO: And stop her from having a breakdown, or possibly trying to kill herself again?
STACEY: Yeah.
LITTLE MO: ...Nah.
*In the amazingly refurbished toilets, Kat wipes off all her makeup. ENOUGH WITH THE SYMBOLISM ALREADY. She then walks out of the Vic barefoot into the snow, and sees...*
ALFIE: Look at you! *posing against the car*
KAT: *can't say anything except squeak, and think YAY!*
ALFIE: *starts walking towards her through the snow like in an advert or something. I'm prepared to bet that scene was airbrushed too.*
KAT: Why did you come back?
ALFIE: For you, you muppet.
KAT: Yippeee! Because you love me so much and you can't live without me?
ALFIE: No. You made my nan a promise, and I'm holding you to it.
KAT: Oh, well that's nice. So very romantic.
ALFIE: Do you fancy it?
KAT: Squeee! *Kalfie snog*
LITTLE MO: Happy endings!
KAT: I KNOW! Go water your hair or something!
*They get in the car and drive off, although Kat doesn't have any shoes or her suitcase. Oh dear.*

[feelingyellow]

:rotfl: love it more soon pleas!! :cheer:

[Kim]

*They get in the car and drive off, although Kat doesn't have any shoes or her suitcase. Oh dear.*

That's Fab:D. Glad to see I wasn't the only one who noticed she didn't have any shoes or her suitcase.

[crazy_purple]

Thoughts on 2005...

Run like the wind, Bullseye! ... I mean, Dennis!

I'm still not entirely sure that Sharon and Dennis's marriage was even legal, but hey, it's EastEnders. At least Den only had one wedding to pay for :D

...If he had been alive, that is. Chrissie going down = boo! All three (Sam, Chrissie, Zoe) should have been put in prison and we could have had a Porridge-type spinoff :p

I'm convinced that Honey is a mirror version of Little Mo. But Honey is more annoying. Two Little Mos - :eek: And to top it all, the more pathetic one is stealing Billy! Hmph! Normally I wouldn't care, but... I think Mo has taken Honey under her wing to teach her how to have weird expressions and be mousey.

I like Joe, he's funny. And this year he actually made Pauline smile. Wonders never cease!

Dawn and Mike annoy the hell out of me. Leave Keith alone.

I miss Kalfie already. :crying: They got together, they split up, they got together, they split up, they got together, they split up... and finally they - you'll never guess! - got back together! Yay!

Who remembers Pathetic Gangster Andy? He had brilliant one liners... "What's your favourite animal?" - "Leg of lamb." Quite :love: too.... But he did pay Kat £7000 to sleep with him, so he can't have been all there exactly.

And Johnny's Handshake of Doom! Falling.. falling... falling... "ah!"
JOHNNY: That's it? 'Ah'?
SOUND EFFECTS: Car horns beeping, train going over tracks, lightning... what? Make your minds up.

They've arrested Betty?!

[the_watts_rule]

Thoughts on 2005...

Run like the wind, Bullseye! ... I mean, Dennis!

I'm still not entirely sure that Sharon and Dennis's marriage was even legal, but hey, it's EastEnders. At least Den only had one wedding to pay for :D

...If he had been alive, that is. Chrissie going down = boo! All three (Sam, Chrissie, Zoe) should have been put in prison and we could have had a Porridge-type spinoff :p

I'm convinced that Honey is a mirror version of Little Mo. But Honey is more annoying. Two Little Mos - :eek: And to top it all, the more pathetic one is stealing Billy! Hmph! Normally I wouldn't care, but... I think Mo has taken Honey under her wing to teach her how to have weird expressions and be mousey.

I like Joe, he's funny. And this year he actually made Pauline smile. Wonders never cease!

Dawn and Mike annoy the hell out of me. Leave Keith alone.

I miss Kalfie already. :crying: They got together, they split up, they got together, they split up, they got together, they split up... and finally they - you'll never guess! - got back together! Yay!

Who remembers Pathetic Gangster Andy? He had brilliant one liners... "What's your favourite animal?" - "Leg of lamb." Quite :love: too.... But he did pay Kat £7000 to sleep with him, so he can't have been all there exactly.

And Johnny's Handshake of Doom! Falling.. falling... falling... "ah!"
JOHNNY: That's it? 'Ah'?
SOUND EFFECTS: Car horns beeping, train going over tracks, lightning... what? Make your minds up.

They've arrested Betty?!

Hehe. That was good!

[Jada-GDR]

Thoughts on 2005...

Run like the wind, Bullseye! ... I mean, Dennis!

I'm still not entirely sure that Sharon and Dennis's marriage was even legal, but hey, it's EastEnders. At least Den only had one wedding to pay for :D

...If he had been alive, that is. Chrissie going down = boo! All three (Sam, Chrissie, Zoe) should have been put in prison and we could have had a Porridge-type spinoff :p

I'm convinced that Honey is a mirror version of Little Mo. But Honey is more annoying. Two Little Mos - :eek: And to top it all, the more pathetic one is stealing Billy! Hmph! Normally I wouldn't care, but... I think Mo has taken Honey under her wing to teach her how to have weird expressions and be mousey.

I like Joe, he's funny. And this year he actually made Pauline smile. Wonders never cease!

Dawn and Mike annoy the hell out of me. Leave Keith alone.

I miss Kalfie already. :crying: They got together, they split up, they got together, they split up, they got together, they split up... and finally they - you'll never guess! - got back together! Yay!

Who remembers Pathetic Gangster Andy? He had brilliant one liners... "What's your favourite animal?" - "Leg of lamb." Quite :love: too.... But he did pay Kat £7000 to sleep with him, so he can't have been all there exactly.

And Johnny's Handshake of Doom! Falling.. falling... falling... "ah!"
JOHNNY: That's it? 'Ah'?
SOUND EFFECTS: Car horns beeping, train going over tracks, lightning... what? Make your minds up.

They've arrested Betty?!
i like that :D

[Jada-GDR]

just to let everyone know - im not sure we can expect many more scripts from this writer due to the permenent absence of Kalfie :crying:
lol :D
i haven't read these in ages and they're still great! dont let the permenent absence of Kalfie :crying:put you off doing any more ^_^

[crazy_purple]

just to let everyone know - im not sure we can expect many more scripts from this writer due to the permenent absence of Kalfie :crying:
lol :D
i haven't read these in ages and they're still great! dont let the permenent absence of Kalfie :crying:put you off doing any more ^_^

I'm getting through it, one day at a time... :crying: *wipes tiny tear from eye* :D

[crazy_purple]

JOHNNY: Care for a drink? You know, I prefer talking to you rather than Phil. With you we just banter, but with Phil it's -
*Dennis creeps up behind him and smashes his head into a tableful of broken glass. Oooh. ...That's Johnny's head, not his own. The other way would have been cool, but stupid.*
JOHNNY: - something like this.
DENNIS: Somebody ordered an a$s-kicking?
JOHNNY: No!
DENNIS: Are you sure?
JOHNNY: I definitely didn't order-
DENNIS: Well, you're getting one anyway! Raaaa!
THE SCRIPTWRITERS: Three cheers for pre-watershed violence!
ME: Hooray!

JOHNNY: Please... I'm dying...
DENNIS: Such. A. Wuss.
JOHNNY: I don't wanna dieeeee...
DENNIS: *eyeroll* Fine. If it'll stop you being such a whiny girl. *gives him his phone*
ME: DO NOT GIVE HIM HIS PHO- Oh, you gave him it. Well. You jacka$s.

*Dennis is cleaning the blood off his hands when Sonia and Rebecca come in. Rebecca hugs him. Awww. Somebody please tell me I wasn't the only one who was expecting a kind of Maggie thing from the Who Shot Mr Burns episode of the Simpsons? That would have been so much more disturbing. And fun.*

*Sharon and the rest pile out of the Vic to watch a drunk man setting fireworks off. Er... BBC? Hello....? Never mind. Sharon and Dennis's eyes meet from a distance*
DENNIS: I'll be there in a minute - hey! *someone bumps into him*
*The viewers are left indignant by the stranger's frankly impolite treatment of our hero, while the camera pans off to watch the pretty, pretty fireworks.*
SOME KID IN THE BACK: So it's New Year's Eve tonight?
SOME OTHER KID: Shut up.
DENNIS: *looks confused* He didn't even apologize...
SHARON: *stares into his eyes*
DENNIS: *stares into her eyes*
THE DIRECTOR: Er... aren't you forgetting something?
DENNIS: Oh yeah... *reveals a stab/bullet wound? The jury's still out on which. *
THE AUDIENCE: OMG NO!!!!
DENNIS: *is still confused, and still dying, but manages to wander over to Sharon*
SHARON: Oh dear.
DENNIS: We did it! *dies*
SHARON: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*See, Johnny Allen? That is how to die like a man. You big girl.*

Let's all take a moment to say: NOOOO NOT DENNIS!!!! DEEEEEENNIIIIIISSSS! HE WAS SO STUDLY! NOOOOOOOO! ...Okay, I'm done.

[Kim]

:rotfl: . That's good.

[Elect-Death_13]

I missed the last five minutes :(

[feelingyellow]

:rotfl: that's fab hun!!! :cheer:

[Charmed]

Good comedy! :cheer:

[crazy_purple]

Yay I finally got to see it :cheer: and Meadowhell is not so evil as I thought before, there's a mini Pizza Hut in the oasis *drools*

*It's pretty boring until they see THE WALL. Except OMG GOLLUM SQUEEE! Shut up.*
JIMMY: There's a wall!
CARL: OMG!
JACK: OMG!
ANNE: That's... a pretty crappy wall.
CAPTAIN: We're gonna hit!
SOME GUY WHOSE REAL NAME IS LUMPY, BUT WE SHALL CALL HIM GOLLUM: Stop the damn boat then!
CAPTAIN: ... Full steam ahead!
GOLLUM: *facepalm*
ANNE: It's just bits of rock.
*They run aground on the... wall-thing.*
ANNE: ... I still say it's crappy.

*JIMMY is reading a book, Heart of Darkness, and this scares me slightly because it's totally the book that Australian Guy, who is coming to visit us, gave me 2 years ago, and that I just read for the 1st time in the last few days. Coincidences are freaky, yo.*
JIMMY: Hey, why does Marlow carry on up the river when it's all scary and stuff?
ME: Pick me! I know! I know! Pick meee!
SOME GUY WHOSE NAME I DON'T REMEMBER: Because he's an idiot, son.
JIMMY: This isn't an adventure book, is it?
SOME GUY: No.
JIMMY: It's eeeeeevil!
ME: Yay!

*That scene which you might have seen in the trailer, where Jack is telling Anne to scream and then something calls eerily back from the jungle... has apparently been cut. Damn.*

*But the freaky natives rule so much. They should have got more time on screen, because of their sheer freakiness.*
JACK: Chocolate? Take the damn chocolate! *stuffs it in the Creepy Native Girl's hand*
CREEPY NATIVE GIRL: Aaaaaar! *bites him*
JACK: Hey!
*More creepy natives appear from... somewhere*
JACK: It's okay! I'm sure they're harmless! Just OAPs and kids, look!
*But then SOME EXTRA gets arrowed through the chest for his trouble.*
JACK: ... Oh dear.
*The next few minutes are creepy and involve someone getting his head smashed in on a rock, and we may or may not actually see this, I don't know, because I was hiding. We sure as hell hear it, though. Think eggs smashing.*
ME: *staring at floor* This is so much better than Narnia.

*Some more stuff happens. The highlights: more creepy natives with only the whites of their eyes showing offer Anne up to Kong on a stick. Yes, on a stick. Like a roast marshmallow or something. But Anne befriends Kong and - I WANT ONE OF THOSE NECKLACES. Meanwhile, Jack, Carl and the crew go after her. A cool scene involving DINO PILE-UP! and then we meet... THE RAPTORS. Incidentally, they have scared the hell out of me ever since Jurassic Park. THIS BROUGHT IT ALL BACK! Ahem.*

GOLLUM: There's only one thing that could have made a footprint that big.
EVERYONE: ...
GOLLUM: The Abominable Snowman.
*This actually happened.*

SOME GUY: Jimmy, if I tell you to run, what do you do?
JIMMY: ... Cry like a girl?
SOME GUY: Run.
JIMMY: What, now?
SOME GUY: No! If I shout 'run'!
JIMMY: Oh, okay.
SOME GUY: *looks into a cave, finds Kong, conveniently for the scene* ...Run!
JIMMY: ...
SOME GUY: Dammit, Jimmy! *shoots Kong, gets squished*
JIMMY: Noooo!
SOME GUY: *dying words* Jimmy, run! Run, Jimmy! Jimmy! Jim! Run, Jimmy... JIIIIIMMMMMYYYYY!!!!!
JIMMY: *cries like a girl*
*I really shouldn't have laughed at that scene.*

*Anne gets mixed up with a t-rex but escapes. That is, until-*
T-REX 2: *stares at her*
ANNE: *doesn't see it*
T-REX 2: *sniffs her hair*
ANNE: *doesn't see it*
*My mum burst out laughing at this, which proves I at least have an excuse. Crazy family.*
T-REX 2: Sigh. I could wait all day. *conveniently waits until she sees it, and has a chance of escaping, to try and eat her. Nice creature.*
*But Anne finally senses two tons of gristle about to make mincemeat of her.*
ANNE: *sees it* ....Oh sh*t.
*There follows a battle between Kong and 3 t-rexes, which... Kong wins? Dude. Anne has to trapeze about trying to avoid a t-rex's jaws, which made me laugh. There's something wrong with me, I swear. Kong tears the last t-rex's jaw off. Yay.*

IN THE CINEMA
Some guy two rows in front of me, his phone RANG and he actually ANSWERED IT. My GOD. If he had been sat directly in front of me, I think I would have strangled him. And he was recording the film near the end too on his mobile. I should have thrown my bag of melted Revels at him. They had turned into chocolate soup. Mmmm, chocolate soup...

*More stuff. The men who fell into the ravine thing get chewed on by giant insects, and GOLLUM DIES! NOOOO! That made me sad... Ahem. Then Jack - or was it Carl? I don't know. The one with the big nose. He rescues Anne, Kong gets chloroformed, and School of Rock Guy sets up a Broadway show with Kong. The idiot. Kong escapes, he and Anne play on a frozen lake - awwwwwwwwww! They climb up the Empire State Building, where Kong is shot down and dies... I DID NOT CRY. Oh, who am I kidding.*
SCHOOL OF ROCK GUY: It was Beauty that felled the Beast.
ME: No, it was you chloroforming him and chaining him up in a show in New York and subjecting him to screaming audiences! You a$s.

[crazy_purple]

I think I've kind of stopped watching Eastenders. I haven't seen it since Dennis died, anyway. And I just can't be bothered anymore. Maybe now I'll actually do some useful things, like actually revise for exams for once.:rolleyes: Good idea, since it's GCSE finals in June time :eek: (pardon me while I go and cry "nooooooo" in my corner.) So... that's it. No more EE parodies. Meh.

[feelingyellow]

I think I've kind of stopped watching Eastenders. I haven't seen it since Dennis died, anyway. And I just can't be bothered anymore. Maybe now I'll actually do some useful things, like actually revise for exams for once.:rolleyes: Good idea, since it's GCSE finals in June time :eek: (pardon me while I go and cry "nooooooo" in my corner.) So... that's it. No more EE parodies. Meh.

:eek: NOOOOOOO! COME ON PLEASE JUST ONCE A WEEK OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Elect-Death_13]

*cries* one more for old times sake...

I will poke you til you do. Watch the omnibus and do a massive one on the whole thing. Or be poked.

[Jada-GDR]

as always, great stuff. you should keep on doing ee ones though cause i don watch lost so i have no idea whats goin on lol

[Elect-Death_13]

^Same here..

[di marco]

wow ive just read them all the way through from the beginning and theyre great, so funny, i couldnt stop laughing! :D please please please write some more ee ones, they brightened up my dull boring day full of revision!

[Tannie]

Please write more ee one's because i don't watch lost but you're brilliant at them please?

[feelingyellow]

WRITE MORE. NOW. OR ELSE. :p

[crazy_purple]

Oh, go on then.
--------

*SHARON sits and stares sadly at the sexjar, and i really shouldn't call it that, but hey.*
ME: I KNEW THAT WAS A PLOT POINT!
SHARON: Dennis is dead...
ME: Check page 18 and everything!
SHARON: *weeps*
ME: I CAN PREDICT EASTENDERS FUTURE!
SHARON: This is such a sad time...
ME: *dances*

PAULINE: What songs are we having at his funeral?
DOT: The Lord is my Shepherd.
ME: Shepherds, pffft. Why not Poets? *cheer*
PAULINE: Oh. Sounds nice.
ME: Actually, it's that one that goes "Yea, though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil".
PAULINE: That won't upset Sharon at all! Yay!
ME: *eyeroll*
*OMG no more Dot and Dennis moments! Awwwwww....*
DOT: *sniffle* I loved that boy.
ME: We all did *cry*

*We meet Deano, who has a silly name, and a pink shirt. Someone once gave me some advice: "Never trust a man in a pink shirt." There you go. Interesting randomness for you.*

*The entire Square mourns Dennis's death, as he takes with him all that is hunky.*

*This Wellard thing is annoying me no end. I shall get leaped on and probably burnt at the stake for saying this, but I actually agree with Ian. So sue me.*

[Tannie]

that's brill hunnie thank you for doing an eastenders one:p

[feelingyellow]

fab! :cheer:

[Jada-GDR]

yay more ee! thanks VERY much!

[Jada-GDR]

*This Wellard thing is annoying me no end. I shall get leaped on and probably burnt at the stake for saying this, but I actually agree with Ian. So sue me.*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :mad:

[crazy_purple]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :mad:

Well if a huge dog bit me in the a*se like Wellard did Ian, I'd be a bit mad. Dog bites are not much fun, and I'm not sure but I think you have to have injections after severe ones. Plus you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. And what if a little kid was messing about with him and he went crazy?

[Jada-GDR]

Well if a huge dog bit me in the a*se like Wellard did Ian, I'd be a bit mad. Dog bites are not much fun, and I'm not sure but I think you have to have injections after severe ones. Plus you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. And what if a little kid was messing about with him and he went crazy?i wouldn't have him put down though :(

[Elect-Death_13]

--------
ME: Shepherds, pffft. Why not Poets? *cheer*



Gah. :moonie: That's what I say to you. :thumbsdow

[crazy_purple]

Gah. :moonie: That's what I say to you. :thumbsdow

*points* Ha ha.

[crazy_purple]

OMG it's nearly the end of the series, after this there'll be no more Sawyer until series two! *cries*

Flashback: in the airport
SAYID: Excuse me, will you look after my bag?
SHANNON: Sure.
*Teh lovely SAYID wanders off*
*BOONE and SHANNON have a frankly odd conversation about how much of a b*tch SHANNON is.*
SHANNON: Look, I'll prove it. *finds a security guard* An Arab man just left his bag with me. And I totally didn't abandon it even more than he did.
GUARD: Do you have a description?
SHANNON: ...Um, Arab?
MANY, MANY PEOPLE: *have a sudden urge to throttle her*
SHANNON: Yay.

JACK: *is depressed, woe*
SOME RANDOM WOMAN: What's up?
JACK: ... I'm sorry, do I know you?
SOME RANDOM WOMAN: No, but you will. My name's Ana-Lucia.
THE FANS WHO CAN'T RESIST SPOILERS: Holy crap!
JACK: That's nice. Now shut up.
ANA-LUCIA: I'm in seat 23thingummy. *I can't remember*
JACK: I'm in 42alsothingummy.
THE OBSERVANT FANS: OMG!

Back on the island of pretty, pretty people
SAWYER: *is chopping trees WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON AND ALL SWEATY OMG.*
JACK: Lumberjack.
SAWYER: ... I'm sorry, what?
ME: *launches into song* I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day!
JACK: Nothing, it's just... never mind.
SAWYER: *picks up a tree or something and all his muscles clench and WHY ARE THEY TORTURING ME?!*
JACK: Um... bye. Anyway.
SAWYER: Oh, by the way... *takes pity on Jack* I met this guy in a bar, name of Christian, he and his son were both doctors, he wanted his son to know that he forgave him and all. Just a quick story. For no reason at all.
JACK: DADDY LOVED ME! *cries*
SAWYER: Yeah. Good luck, Jack.

*Later, Sawyer is sad because Kate isn't coming to say bye to him. That other fugitive-Kate. Not me. I wish.*
SAWYER: *sniffle*
ME: Don't worry, Sawyer, I love you... I didn't just say that.

*Sun and Jin get back together, yay! They're like the new Kalfie! But Korean!*

[di marco]

are you going to do anymore ee ones? cos i dont watch lost and i need something to make me laugh after all these exams and revision :(

[Jada-GDR]

its called eastenders comedy, so stopping eastenders ones it a bit odd lol :D

[Kim]

Yeah, but there isn't a way to change the thread titles lol

[Jada-GDR]

oh i thought you could.. ahh well... please keep on doing ee ones! Pwease!

[di marco]

Yeah, but there isn't a way to change the thread titles lol

cant you change the thread title if you edit the first post?

[Kim]

That only changes the title at the top of the first post, not the whole thread. The title of the first post has been changed once already to encorporate lost into the thread, but it didn't change the thread title.

[di marco]

That only changes the title at the top of the first post, not the whole thread. The title of the first post has been changed once already to encorporate lost into the thread, but it didn't change the thread title.

oh right ok i didnt know that

[Elect-Death_13]

*points* Ha ha.

What's that? Yeah, we do have more points than you.

[crazy_purple]

So.

The announcer seems very happy. Apparently, Yolande's name is pronounced 'Yolander'. And she needs to wake up and smell the coffee. What coffee? That doesn't even make sense. She's already found out about PatPat, so... uh? Who writes these things?

Turn that alarm off nowwwww. Hmm, Patrick has a string vest.

There is one of the traditional EastEnders market Walk Of Doom!s. Cue the extras mumbling "rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb... CUSTARD!" Big Mo and Ka- I mean, Stacey, snickering at Pat. Some random new character moans at them (this always happens.) Ka- no, Stacey responds "none of you are straight!" Hmm... a hint at a future plot maybe?

Pat's house. Who the hell are all these people?!

Patrick desperately tries to make it up to Yolander (Yes, I know it isn't really spelt like that.) No smoked salmon?! Dump him! Dump him! Dump him! Yolander rocks. Patrick's string vest is distracting.

Martin buys Rebecca some sweets. Is it me, or is that child constantly looking sweet and happy? Does the director put something in her Ribena? Sonia doesn't like the sweets. They don't give Rebecca "that sort of muck"! No! Not those filthy Midget Gems!

Carly can't act. Some other guy (her father OR IS HE?!) looks at her phone and announces that "he's followed her". Do I care? Does anyone care?

Ooh, an 'impressive' new camera style. It's like Hollyoaks.

Go Yolande. Peggy doesn't help. At all. They start talking about Frank, which is odd, since I don't think Yolander ever met him. Peggy didn't want Frank anymore, "not once that trust had gone". Not once that underwear had gone either.

I miss Kat and Alfie.

Pat's earrings = spheres of dooooooom.

The Minute Mart. Jim thinks Patrick "mustn't go against her wishes" - who is she, the Pope?

Pat goes to talk to Yolander. I like the colour of Yolander's front door. Pat says that she'll shout and the whole Square will hear if she has to. She will! She will! Tumbleweed blows across the screen. Pat is finally allowed in. Their conversation goes like this:
PAT: Slap me if it'll make you feel-
YOLANDER: *slap!*
Yay.
Pat could at least take her hands out of her coat pockets while they are having this big emotional discussion. Are they welded in there? I end up thinking of that sketch in T*ttyT*ttybangbang where the girls pretend to be Jamaican.

Some restaurant. This Nice guy is supposedly here. But... earlier they said he'd followed whatsherface... eh? Kev breaks a plate, and the restaurant guy's all "What is it with you? Always with the plates?!" Hee.

Yolander sends Pat away - "Get out!" She didn't add "Harlot!" though.

The Nico guy is a good actor. Kev! Bev! Kev! Bev! Kev! Bev!

Pat's house. Carly is showing off her cleaning. Oh wow, you can swirl around with a duster.

SNOW! Apparently, Wednesday is very important to Kev!Bev!. Why do I get the feeling these people won't be leaving any time soon? God 'elp us.

Pat's wave. Hee.

Nooo! Don't pack, Yolander! You rock!

Ooh, "consensus" from Patrick. Big word.

Stacey has a moment of niceness with Yolander. I like Stacey; she's mini-Kat. And maybe that ginger dude is shaping up to be a mini-Alfie! omg!

I really don't like Carly. I shall call her Ponytail. Kev!Bev! gets angry but doesn't drop the plate. A breakthrough!

Why did Patrick have to poke that woman as he ran into the station? She looked terrified. "Don't leave me!' "Why?" - Thinking... that ad for those biscuits... Show her the biscuits, Patrick! Show her the biscuits! "Forgive me, man..." Yes, forgive him, man!

They all talk about Kathy, and how she will love Jane etc.

Yolander comes back! "I sat on the platform.. a train came... but I couldn't get on it..."
Patrick: Cut to the chase, woman!

Ian is unusually cheerful. Ohhh dear. Jane leads up to it gently but then goes "KATHY'S DEAD!" right in his face. D'oh.

[feelingyellow]

:rotfl: I love this! Random thoughts rule! :thumbsup: Please do more soon, I'm your biggest fan! :D

[crazy_purple]

Missed the announcer. Poo.

Kev!Bev! encourages Ponytail to get back together with Nico. She somehow works out that he's invited him round later. Whoo... psychic? She does the usual and storms out. This is getting to be a regular thing.

Awww, poor Ian...

Lil-Mo is suffering. Heh.

I thought Kev!Bev! hated Nico last episode? ...I wish I found them remotely interesting. He tells Ponytail that "the boy's grief-stricken, stricken by grief!" Er... Did she really need the dictionary definition? Whaaat?

Lil-Mo's abandoned her son in a launderette. Nice.

Sonia has an emo fringe! Boo! Hiss! Dot "won't have Pauline saying Martin is under-nourished". Dot, no-one will say that.

Pat's earrings = more restrained today.

Ponytail keeps saying "Nicko". Isn't it said Ny-co? Learn your husband's name, woman. She uses her psychic powers on Pat to find out that her beloved's whole family are coming round. Guess what she does next. Go on, guess.

Ian reminds me of Gollum. Pat says "I don't believe it!", Victor Meldrew style, when she finds out Kathy is dead. Riiiight. Does she want proof? Jane hugs her, and can barely fit her arms around her.

Kev!Bev! is incredibly creepy to watch when you don't have the sound on. Try it sometime.

News of Kathy gets round the Square in the usual manner - comic misunderstandings and the like. Peggy tries to get in the cafe. Jane rocks. Martin kind of agrees with Jane, and then goes "Lemme 'ave a go!" and tries to bash the door down. Awww Ian.

Ponytail's grin when she sees Nico is also creepy. She probably inherited it from her dad OR DID SHE?! (I like saying that.) Is it me or is Anna a man?

It's suddenly night time. Ian opens the door to Martin. Why? He's a buffoon.

'Mum' has a point. Everything has to be on Ponytail's terms. But she's still a man. Are they running out of extras or something?

Sonia's cheesed off. Martin and Ian are all purpley. Ooo. Ian's mean - "You'd know all about that wouldn't you?" Martin - grumpy face.

Kev!Bev! stands in the middle of the room and starts off with "I wanna thank you all for being here". Strip! Strip! Strip! Nico's quite good-looking, despite apparently having two fathers. People only get to talk when they're holding Cupid. Ooh, it's gone all Lord of the Flies. Anna makes good points.

Ben is Ian's bro? How much did I miss? What's with the purpleyness, anyway? Am I hallucinating again? Awwww poor poor Ian, I just wanna hug the old git...

So, back with the Addam's familyand co., Kev!Bev! won't accept anyone else's opinion but his own. Bah. They get arguing and Nico's dad gets angry - oh what joy, the BBC is bringing out the Stereotypes box again. Anyway, Nico's dad speaks in Greek and Nico translates it as "the strong bull wastes his seed on the sick cow". Ewwww. Are you sure it wasn't something like "Well, this has been a nice argument, may we stay for tea? We brought crumpets!"

Sonia is all high and mighty at Martin until he says that Kathy is DEAD, and wanders away quietly. Sonia got denied. Hee.

Ian leaves in a taxi, after telling Jane to "look after them for me". Presumably he means the kids, but then they both look at a point about 10 feet up in the air. Bloody hell, they must have grown.

Kev!Bev! tells everyone that "I'll get the next plane out of here". Thank the Lawd. Ponytail can't believe what her dad did. Whaaat? A minute ago she hated Nico. Make your bloody mind up. I almost feel sorry for Kev!Bev! Almost. Ponytail storms out. Wasn't expecting that. Duf-dufs on Kev!Bev!'s gurn.

[feelingyellow]

:rotfl: Love'd that hunni! :cheer: Please do more! :cheer:

[crazy_purple]

Missed first 15 mins.

In the Minute Mart. Apparently we are in an ad for some random jar of sauce. Are these the new EE sponsors? Brad not-Pitt, Hole buys a top-shelf mag, the dirty boy. Jim, you are many things, but a caveman isn't one of them. As soon as Sonia gets outside she starts harmonizing about the jar of sauce again. What the hell is this?

Yay! A postcard from Kat and Alfie! They are apparently in Texas! The camera zooms in on the card, the producers' way of saying "LOOK! This show was interesting once!"

Ponytail... doesn't have a ponytail today. Aww. She'll have to have a new nickname. ...Nah. It's still, like, a metaphorical hairdo.

Sonia is staring at a kitchen knife like something out of Psycho. Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Naomi joins in. There is a chicken.

That restaurant again. Kev!Bev!'s eyes widen scarily. Ponytail whinges. Shut up, girl. Why does Nico seem to be turning into another Leo?

Brad Hole can't play poker OR CAN HE?! Mints foresees that the game will be like taking candy from a baby. I can see where this is going. Yawn.

Brasses? Naomi = angsty look @ Sonia. Oh God, not this again. In the Vic, Martin says "Let's play some cards!" in the same tone as "Unleash hell!" in Gladiator.

Hee at Patrick.

Sonia = angsty.

Nico turns up in the living room - wait, how did he get in there without them noticing? Ponytail and Nico make up.

Mints - "Why do you always show me up?!" to Garry... hee. Anyway, Brad Hole wins the game. I never saw that coming.

What's with Ponytail's fishnets?

Sonia = angsty.

She says "If you value this marriage, you'll stay!"

Martin = slightly angsty.

Martin leaves.

Sonia = v. v. angsty.

[Kim]

:rotfl: I love this! Random thoughts rule! :thumbsup: Please do more soon, I'm your biggest fan! :D

Yes, random thoughts rule, but my computer totally does not. It takes ages to read them because of my screen. And guess what my Dad does today....... buys a fridgefreezer. Man, I want a computer screen NOW! I shall stop going on about my screen now. These are looking great, looking forward to being able to read them properley when-. Ooops I have failed miserabley.

[feelingyellow]

Missed first 15 mins.

In the Minute Mart. Apparently we are in an ad for some random jar of sauce. Are these the new EE sponsors? Brad not-Pitt, Hole buys a top-shelf mag, the dirty boy. Jim, you are many things, but a caveman isn't one of them. As soon as Sonia gets outside she starts harmonizing about the jar of sauce again. What the hell is this?

Yay! A postcard from Kat and Alfie! They are apparently in Texas! The camera zooms in on the card, the producers' way of saying "LOOK! This show was interesting once!"

Ponytail... doesn't have a ponytail today. Aww. She'll have to have a new nickname. ...Nah. It's still, like, a metaphorical hairdo.

Sonia is staring at a kitchen knife like something out of Psycho. Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Naomi joins in. There is a chicken.

That restaurant again. Kev!Bev!'s eyes widen scarily. Ponytail whinges. Shut up, girl. Why does Nico seem to be turning into another Leo?

Brad Hole can't play poker OR CAN HE?! Mints foresees that the game will be like taking candy from a baby. I can see where this is going. Yawn.

Brasses? Naomi = angsty look @ Sonia. Oh God, not this again. In the Vic, Martin says "Let's play some cards!" in the same tone as "Unleash hell!" in Gladiator.

Hee at Patrick.

Sonia = angsty.

Nico turns up in the living room - wait, how did he get in there without them noticing? Ponytail and Nico make up.

Mints - "Why do you always show me up?!" to Garry... hee. Anyway, Brad Hole wins the game. I never saw that coming.

What's with Ponytail's fishnets?

Sonia = angsty.

She says "If you value this marriage, you'll stay!"

Martin = slightly angsty.

Martin leaves.

Sonia = v. v. angsty.

:rotfl: Fab as always! :cheer: I was wondering the same with Ponytail's fishnets lol ... there was a like a close-up on them! :p

[feelingyellow]

Yes, random thoughts rule, but my computer totally does not. It takes ages to read them because of my screen. And guess what my Dad does today....... buys a fridgefreezer. Man, I want a computer screen NOW! I shall stop going on about my screen now. These are looking great, looking forward to being able to read them properley when-. Ooops I have failed miserabley.

Aww, you'll really enjoy them when you do and hope your screen gets fixed or something! :)

[crazy_purple]

There's a scruffy old guy at the tube station. Being the nice guy that he is, Brad Hole gives him some money because he thinks he's a beggar. Awww. But it turns out that the scruffy old guy is a Northerner. Well, that obviously explains everything. He calls Brad Hole a ponce, which is meeeean.

Sonia seems to have got over her angst and wants to snog Martin's face off. Martin objects to this.

Ponytail and Nico want to buy a flat. Is he insane? She can't even say his name right.

The scruffy old guy has a terrible taste in jumpers. He talks to Garry and basically tells him how much he hates all Londoners. Well, an obvious solution would be to... not go to London? Why doesn't Garry just punch him? Scruffy old guy flirts with Yolande and she actually seems interested - what the...?

Stacey and Brad Hole nearly get together but then they don't. I swear they're like the mini Kat and Alfie.

Scruffy old guy mentions barn dances. What with that and his cloth cap, horrible jumpers etc., we're suddenly in Emmerdale. Will someone please take note that not all people from the North are like this. I don't think I've ever been in a barn in my life and nobody I knows does that thing where they say "t'shop" instead of 'the'. Glad that's sorted.

Ponytail and Nico have a huge argument and he wants a divorce. Yay! Anyway, Kev!Bev! decides he can't go after all, and tells Deano "Phone Charlie Slater, tell him to unset his alarm clock. Parklife!" :D He does this weird thing where he rolls his eyes around like something from the Exorcist.

[feelingyellow]

:rotfl: Fabolous! Can't wait to see some more! :D

[crazy_purple]

A very dog-themed episode, for some reason.

Honey seems less annoying than I thought before, when compared to Ponytail. Billy is worried about the visit from Honey's dad. She kisses him and Billy makes a weird dog face, and I swear he looked like he said "ruff!"

Honey's dad arrives and he is teh funny. Peggy's seemingly disembodied head floats by his car window with her "angry hair". I like this guy. "We're not in Kansas anymore..." He also has a dog, but it isn't called Toto. Shame.

Billy will do "a chilli"? Blimey, that'll be hot. Does he mean a chilli con carne?

Mr Ben is sweet. Pauline calls Betty "mummy's baby girl" and entreats her to roll over so she can tickle her tummy. I think she has some issues. Bert appears and gets sprayed in the face for his trouble, with what I thought looked like bleach in the eyes. Ooh, Pauline! Vicious! Bert looks strangely like a big, scrawny, grey chicken.

Stacey tells Lil Mo to "shut up". Lil Mo looks very shocked and for whatever reason the camera zooms in on her face, like it was a duf-duf moment. Well... okay.

Peggy still hasn't gotten over Honey's dad's comments. What? They were quite funny.

Ponytail sobs "he's ruined everything!" No darling, that was you. Kev!Bev! tries to reassure her. For God's sake man, just slap her. Parklife!

Honey's dad pretends to be a plumber. He is another of the horrible jumpers brigade. I think he and Bert would get on. I liked Billy's comment about "nosedive off a flyover" :D God, I miss Andy now. Billy asks Mr Honey if his daughter's bloke (this gets confusing) is a "bit of a numpty". And then his apron. Yes, Bill.

Seeing as Pauline has just got back from her honeymoon, Martin thinks it would be mean to break the news just now, so he - no, wait. He just goes "Kathy's dead!" D'oh, again.

Stacey insists "We're just mates!" The infamous line! omg mini-Kalfie! I'm sorry. You know I'm ever so slightly obsessed.

"Demented gerbil". Perfect description of Peggy :p Actually, my sister had a demented gerbil once. We used to let it out for exercise in the bath (empty, obviously). It had a passion for biting your fingers and not letting go even when you tried to flick it across the room. Anyway... I have a new nickname for Peggy. Whooo. She asks "Am I short?" Bad question, D.G. Everybody pretends not to have heard.

Bert turns all nasty on Mr Ben and totally starts giving him evils and stuff. :D Bloody Northerners. Oh God, so nice Mr Ben seems to have a dark secret. Doe she have to?

Honey's keeping the baby a secret from Mr Honey, so obviously Billy will mention it to his 'plumber'. Ho hum. Billy is going on about Terence. What's with the dog theme tonight? Or is that just my imagination?

I like Lil Mo's purple coat.

Ponytail gets drunk and chucks a brick through Nico's front door, just at the moment that a police car drives up. I'm intrigued; did he call it? He probably got annoyed with his crazy snivelling wife standing out side screaming his name repeatedly and SAYING IT WRONG. That's even worse.

Mr Honey wields a plumbing thingy (possibly called a wrench, but what do I know?) menacingly at Billy.

Bert has bought Pauline one of those singing cod ornaments. I've always wanted one of those! She isn't very impressed. I'll have it!

I don't know what happened after this because I had to dash, but I'm betting Mr Honey had a hissy fit because of the baby and probably Honey went in and went "dad!" or something and then Billy = oops. That's without looking at the BBC site too - am I right am I right am I right? Please not that if I am then I'll jump up and start doing my "I was right!" dance. (Pretend like you're holding a stick horizontally in front of you with your fists together and make them go round in circles, while singing "I was right, I was right, uh huh, uh huh" Try it sometime. :rotfl: )

In other news, it's pancake day tomorrow omg yay! I'm also going lifesaving in PE so I may drown before I get to the pancakes. If that happens, I'm getting it put on my gravestone "RIP Kate T- She Did It For The Pancakes." :D

[feelingyellow]

:rotfl: That was fab! You were wrong about the Mr Honey thing though :p Please do more! :D

[Tannie]

aw brilliant hunnie that made me laugh espicially the demented gerbil one haha

[crazy_purple]

The last couple of weeks, condensed: (promise I'll do some properly next week!)

There is a party and Sonia and Naomi get drunk. They are having fun, so Sonia decides to kiss her. Naomi is all "Whaaaaat?" Me too.

Ickle baby Freddie gets whacked with a stick by Demon Child Bobby. Social Services think Lil Mo might have hit the Fredster herself (well, it gets boring when you're doing the ironing) so they send a woman round. Lil Mo goes crazee.

Mr Ben still has a secret, Pauline is still angry at him for God knows what, Bert still looks like a chicken.

Dot is all gossipy and Lil Mo gets upset because suddenly everyone thinks she is evil because Freddie cries a lot. Have they never met any babies before? Anyway, Mo breaks down and cries and feels all aloooone, woe. I actually feel sorry for her (but not her hair).

Keith proposed and Rosie = squee!

I can't remember what else happened. Oh yeah, it all came out about Honey's baby and Mr. Honey was sad. Honey wants him to leave. No, don't leave! He is teh funneh. Well, he was, until he had been in the Square for more than ten minutes.That place must be really depressing.

And Sonia leaves her husband to go off with her best mate. As you do. Martin walks in on Naomi in her dressing gown and Sonia in bed naked and the gears turn in his head and he is all "Oh."

[feelingyellow]

Lmao! Fabolous! :cheer: Especially like DEMON CHILD lol :D

Yay, more next week!

[kirstienod]

demon child :p its brill. more soon

[Kim]

screaming his name repeatedly and SAYING IT WRONG. That's even worse.



:rotfl: It sounded more like Knee Co. Does Ponytail mean Knee and Co? Never heard of that before, must keep an eye out. Someone go and threaten the editor of the daily mail please. You really should take over from Jaci Steven, your writing is a whole lot more entertaining than hers'.

[crazy_purple]

:rotfl: It sounded more like Knee Co. Does Ponytail mean Knee and Co? Never heard of that before, must keep an eye out. Someone go and threaten the editor of the daily mail please. You really should take over from Jaci Steven, your writing is a whole lot more entertaining than hers'.

ooh that reminds me, I haven't read her column for this week yet... must go nick the paper off my dad. :p i watched Friday's ep and I'll do it in a min:angel:

[crazy_purple]

Potato Head's back! Ben is amazing in his awwwwww factor. Are they really related?

Yolande declares to Pauline that she's going to have an affair to get her own back on Patrick. Yes. That should solve everything nicely. (You know, I could have sworn that affairs were supposed to be secret things, not the kind that you announce in a launderette in the same tone of voice as "I'm going to a party!")

Lil Mo's hair makes her look about fifty.

Anyway, Yolande doesn't have an affair in the end. Sigh. Well, she tells Patrick about that, and then gets kind of p*ssed at him because he doesn't want to leave her. And then she tells him that if he ever does anything like it again, she really is leaving. I think I speak for us all when I say: eh?

Sonia and Naomi saunter around the square. It's funny how, now they're together, the characters don't have anything to do except wander around getting the deadeye given to them because they're Jacksons. :D (Harry Hill rules.)

Phil threatens Ian with a birthday cake. Ian trembles. Look, mate, you could just have blown the candles out from there, you realise that don't you? Ben walks in and is all "MY CAKE!" Or possibly it was "my brother!" I don't know. I'd have gone for the cake.

Peggy and Jack are gonna get it on (in the event of an emergency, oxygen masks will drop from above your head) but someone walks in. This always happens.

Stacey and Brad are also gonna get it on but turns out Brad is all shy and cute. Shut up.

Phil and Ben are eventually making friends quite well (and I learnt how to start a car, so hide the keys) until Ian comes in and screams "MOIDERER!" at him. No, not really. Ben is all "Run away! Run away!" like in Monty Python and drops his model car on the floor where it BREAKS SYMBOLICALLY, showing the SHATTERED BOND between father and son. Seriously EE, you could make it a bit more difficult.

[feelingyellow]

:rotfl: Lmao! Fabolous! I was thinking about the candles lol :p More soon please! :cheer:

[crazy_purple]

An opening sequence which is just pure WTF. Argh. There is a countdown going and Phil rushing around panicking, which gives the impression that he is going to explode or something when it gets to zero.

Now he has blood on his hands like Lady Macbeth... OMFG Phil killed Dennis?! OR DID HE?! This is like a music video. Extremely crap graphics of fireworks exploding. Johnny appears and is all "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Then the screen starts going sideways so we realise it's all a dream. Thank God for that. (For a moment I thought they were going to say that the whole New Years Eve thing had been a dream, and Dennis was alive and hawt, but sadly no.)

Grant is ace. Tracy spoke! Everybody faints. Phil lurks in the Arches and then brings out another Tape of Doom and Exposition (yay!) Is it wrong that I find Grant attractive?


Then Billy moans for a bit so Phil gives him a random job to shut him up, and Phil 'n' Grant get in their Range Rover to drive off somewhere. This whole episode has a golf theme, you may notice. At this point I started to despair because I had no clue what was going on. It's not good to be so confuzzled.

They are on the motorway. There is background music. I wish Grant would keep his eyes on the road. "Mullering"! Now yoghurt has a whole new meaning. Ah, golf. Ah, matching jumpers.

Garry and Minty call Billy a "pull ranker" repeatedly, to get the max innuendo possible out of 8pm on Monday night. Tsk, tsk.

"Right Said Fred have reformed" by some random - hehe. Grant moans at Phil for holding a vodka bottle. Phil protests that he was in fact practising for a play, and the bottle was being Macbeth. See? See? That's also why he had blood on his hands in his dream. There's an explanation for everything... And he won't tell Grant because his passion for the theatre isn't manly and it is his secret shame. Yes. ....I'll get on with it, shall I?

Oooo, he said "smartar$e".... What's with the blokes taking the mess? It was funny when it was just one random thing earlier. Lads - learn how to be funny properly. I like the "Ow!" offscreen.

I've discovered something amazing. The Mitchells are actually quite entertaining. And their car number is S203 KGM, if anyone is interested. You could get it off eBay. XD

Is it just me, or does Grant seem increasingly gay? "This. You. Me. Our kids." Phil is all "but I'm not ready for commitment!"

They aren't going golfing, are they? Phil's off on that hunch. Or maybe he isn't, they're at a golfing place. Or maybe not! Man, I love it when I'm right. JOHNNY!

I haven't worked out yet whether it was supposed to be actual Dennis's blood, or metaphorical for Phil's guilt at letting Johnny get away with it. I'm currently going for the second... EE's more interesting than I thought (especially because I can laugh at it at the same time.)

[feelingyellow]

Lmao! Fabolous, last night's episode was so dull but you've mad it a hell lot better! :cheer:
I find Grant attractive too! So no it is not wrong! :lol: :p He better not be gay lol :p
More soon more soon! :cheer:

[the_watts_rule]

Well Done. That made me laugh :D. More soon please.

[Jada-GDR]

this stuff actually makes me laugh, like, physically, and not much manages to make me do that! You go girl!!!

[crazy_purple]

:angel: merci

Tuesday

Phil and Grant arrive at Johnny's house. He isn't best pleased to see two walking, talking potatoes turn up and knock on his front door. Well, would you be? Mr and Mrs Potato Head get separated, or something, and it ends up that Phil is cornered by Johnny and also Danny. Johnny has a pink jumper. I'm sure he's gay.

But in the nick of time, Grant reappears, I start drooling, and they leg it. Yay. Johnny also runs away, to wallow in his Bottles O' Booze. But Ruby has found them and is maaaad. I wish she'd shut up. She doesn't care that two potatoes are roaming the house, and instead starts smashing his precious vodka. Johnny is all "Bothered?" right up until the last bottle, which he cradles like a dying cat. Ruby = "Pfeh."

Now Phil is in Johnny's office (?) I did watch these episodes, I'm just checking it on the BBC website because I can't even remember what day it is. Johnny asks Phil what he wants - is he here to kill him, torture him, spay him or what? No. Phil wants a signed confession of Johnny's guilt, which conveniently will remove any blame from Phil. The nincompoop.

Elsewhere, Grant is confused by the organic goat's milk he finds in the fridge. Organic? Goat? He and Ruby have a nice chat, while Phil is strangling Johnny in the next room, all "Why - won't - you - die!" Ah, the fun.

[di marco]

lol that was so funny, brilliant! :D

[crazy_purple]

Thursday

Apparently, Ruby told Grant all about her secret shame with Juley being paid to sleep with her by Phil. Because that's what you do when a complete stranger breaks into your house and holds you hostage. Yes. Grant can't believe his brother would do such a thing - oh, come on - and starts strangling Johnny. That guy is really having a bad day, isn't he?

Phil is so desperate to kill Johnny that he threatens to shoot his brother. You can't make this stuff up.

Anyway, there's then a huge, rather silly car chase - "Catch that pigeon!" - you know... Dastardly and Muttley... man, I feel all old. Johnny phones the potatoes while he's driving, naughty naughty. He babbles on about something and ends with "...Peggy's fingers are next! Mwahahahahaaa!" Meanwhile, Danny drugs Ruby up and plays with his gun. ...Ahem.

They end up in some factory yard. Johnny taunts Phil to come and fight him. He seems to have gone all crazee and Phil and Grant are sat there like "WTF?" But it's all a trick - I tell thee again, never trust a man in a pink shirt - and Johnny escapes with his crazee intact.

Jake, in the Vic, somehow realises that Danny is in danger and knows exactly where he is. Man, I wish I could do that. He goes to Johnny's house where he finds his little creepy brother in bed with Ruby. Boo! Hiss!

There is a lovely picture of Grant on the BBC website. (I'm ashamed. But I'm also dribbling.) Phil tries to run him over and gets crushed by two skips... and survives. I'm confused. Is he secretly Superman?

Jake can't get Danny to go home with him. Instead Danny and Johnny go kidnap the potato heads. I wish they'd all make their minds up who's kidnapping who, who's strangling who, etc....

[Kim]

:rotfl: can't wait to see your version of friday's. Fab stuff :cheer:

[Layne]

Ohhh just caught up this stuff is fab :lol: well done x

[feelingyellow]

Lmfao fabolous! I found the pink shirt a bit disturbing too! :p More more more! :cheer:

[crazy_purple]

Friday

I've left it so long (well, 3 days) that I can't remember what happened. I think it's the revision's fault. Remembering stuff about left ventricles etc has pushed all EastEnders out of my brain. Damn. Anyway...

It turns out that Ruby gets Johnny to confess to everything he's ever done in 40 years (how old is he?), including crimes against fashion, simply by the POWER OF HER MIND. That is one scary kid.

Danny is going to shoot Grant and make Phil watch (nooooo! Kill Phil instead! Pleeease!) so Phil ....screws up his eyes and rolls his head around like it's on a stick. Yes. Grant does this ace final-moment deathface which is all full of woe. And I cry. There's a shot, and Phil stops looking like a constipated orangutan - only to find Grant still alive. Yay! You hear the cogs turn in both their brains - "Someone shot somebody... but we're both alive... huh?" and they turn around, slowly, to find Danny dearly departed. And Jake is stood there like "oops". And... scene.

Jake convinces Ruby to get in the car with him, and tells her Danny won't be around any more. Awww. He made a brilliantly camp villain. There is a - quite moving, actually - shot of some daffodils. And then the camera moves to show a spade stuck out of the ground. Very subtle, I'm sure.

The episode ends with Phil waving his stubby fingers at Ben, who waves back. Awww.

[Layne]

:lol: Fab very funny, loved it more soon x

[Tannie]

wow love it more soon please hun

[feelingyellow]

Lmao fabolous! :cheer: More :D

[bethh732]

Haha i have never laughed so much in my WHOLE life i wish you still made these xx can't wait for kat and alfies return