View Full Version : Blonde Jokes
Just found these on a website, sorry for any blondes out there: :searchme:
Funny Blonde Jokes::
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
she called me to get my phone number.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to
death.
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
she studied for a blood test.
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home,
she moved.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice
instead.
when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left" she turned around and went home
He he he he, they're good even if thy are mea to blondes
I'm just like that!
di marco
16-07-2005, 12:05
how offensive! only joking lol! i love those jokes even though im blonde! :D
I'm a brunette, but i swear i should be blonde, i act like all of hte above
Hey I used to be blonde, but it wasn't natural! It's my usual colour though.
These jokes were hilarious, thanks! :D
.:Kitz:.
16-07-2005, 12:49
lol!! i'm a true brunette but i have blonde steaked throught my hair so every body calles me a wanna-be-blonde. But they also say it gives me an excuse for my miss-haps aswell...................
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 16:49
how offensive! only joking lol! i love those jokes even though im blonde! :D
You don't seem blonde to me!!
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:03
You don't seem blonde to me!!
awww thanks! :) but trust me, i can act so blonde at times, but its a good excuse for things, just blame it on being blonde lol! :D
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:09
lol. BTW loving the blonde jokes!! Shall try and get some on here!!
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:10
lol. BTW loving the blonde jokes!! Shall try and get some on here!!
i know loads, will try and find them!
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:15
One day there was a brunett jogging down the road
saying, "66....66....66..." etc. Later down the road a blonde
comes up to her and asks her what she is doing. The brunett
replied "66...66...66" so, the blonde went to the other side of
the road and started jogging down the road
saying "66...66...66" after a while, the brunett hollers over
to the blonde and said "It's alot more fun in the middle of the
road." "Ok." replied the blonde and started jogging down the
middle of the road. Just then, a monster truck comes by and
hits the blonde. The brunett still kept jogging down the road
sayin "67...67...67."
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:15
One day this blonde walked into a store and said
"I`d like to buy that TV."
The salesman said "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
The blonde went home and dyed her hair red. She went back to
the store and said "I`d like to buy that TV."
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The man replied again.
She went and dyed her hair black, then returned to the store
and said "I`d like to buy that TV."
Again the man said "Sorry we don't sell to blondes."
The blonde finally asks "How did you know I was a blonde?"
The man said "Because that`s not a TV its a microwave."
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:21
good jokes! :) id heard the one about the tv before
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:25
Two factory workers were talking.
"I think I'll take some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to climb up to the rafters and hung from them upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling and asked him what on earth he was doing.
"I'm a light bulb," answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss.
So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too.
The boss asked her where she thought she was going.
The blonde answered, "Home, I can't work in the dark."
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:28
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna" again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.
The blonde opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "he makes his own lunch."
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:32
lol the factory one was funny! :D and ive heard another version of the other one with an englishman, scottishman and irishman and its the irishman who makes his own lunch
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:38
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.
The blonde said that her mother had passed away.
The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.
The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.
She asked her why she was crying this time.
''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:41
Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.
Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded.
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:41
haha lol!
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:45
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building.
Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."
She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:46
hehe! :) never heard that one before, thats a good one
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:49
There was this blonde who bought a coach ticket to go to Chicago.
She boards the plane and sits in the first class area.
The stewardess comes over and says "ma'am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area".
The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".
The stewardess says "you must move to the coach area".
The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".
The stewardess goes over and gets the head stewardess. The head stewardess comes over and says "ma'am you must move to coach."
The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".
The stewardesses look at each other and decide to go get the captain.
The captain comes over and says" ma'am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area".
The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".
The captain shakes his head and bends down and whispers in her ear.
All of a sudden she jumps up grabs her luggage and goes over to the coach area.
The stewardesses look at each other and ask the captain "What did you say to her?"
The captain says " I told her first class wasn't going to Chicago."
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:50
lol! :D ive heard that one before
.:Kitz:.
16-07-2005, 17:51
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:51
A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway.
He started chasing after the speeder .
When he got close he's saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.
The cop yelled, "Pull over!"
The blonde shouted back, "No! It's a sweater!"
:rotfl: That was jokes!!
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:52
LOL Kitz!!!
.:Kitz:.
16-07-2005, 17:52
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?" :rotfl:
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:52
lol to both them jokes!
.:Kitz:.
16-07-2005, 17:53
he he he, i know we shouldn't poke fun buts a laugh isn't it?!
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 17:54
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Scroll down...
Scroll up...
di marco
16-07-2005, 17:54
he he he, i know we shouldn't poke fun buts a laugh isn't it?!
well its ok as your poking fun at me and im laughing so...........
.:Kitz:.
16-07-2005, 17:57
well its ok as your poking fun at me and im laughing so........... some of my friends are blonde and they would kill me if they heard I was saying this stuff! lol
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 18:01
They just go :eek: + I go hey guys its a joke... they chill out though... eventually :p I liek blonde's who can take jokes!!! Coz these are good!!
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 18:02
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds.
She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 18:04
Phew that's me done for today but I will read this over and over again and laugh!!
.:SpIcYsPy:.
16-07-2005, 18:35
Someone give me mroe blonde jokes....
I think I must have heard just about every blonde joke in the book - I'm blonde too and a natural one at that!!
How do you know if a blonde has been using the computer?
There's Tippex on the screen.
How do you kow if another blonde has been using the computer?
There's writing over the Tippex.
A blonde and a brunette both jump off a building - who hits the ground first?
The brunette - the blonde stops to ask for directions!
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel!!
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an "F" in sex.
Thats all for just now!!
$sTaCeY$
16-07-2005, 21:13
:rotfl: Hahaha nice joke!!!
Chris_2k11
16-07-2005, 21:16
:rotfl: Hahaha nice joke!!!lol they're good aint they Stace! :lol:
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
.:SpIcYsPy:.
17-07-2005, 11:57
Lol
di marco
17-07-2005, 14:42
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an "F" in sex.
lol that ones funny! :D
di marco
17-07-2005, 14:43
some of my friends are blonde and they would kill me if they heard I was saying this stuff! lol
i just laugh, what else can you do? i know that although i am pretty stupid, im not as bad as some of the jokes! and its a good excuse anyway, if you do something stupid you can blame it on being blonde!!! :D
Lol, my friend sent me an email of those the other day.
BLONDE PASSENGER;
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE 1ST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES: "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES: "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO & I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE"
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS: "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS: "OH, I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASK HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. "I TOLD HER, FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO.
phils little sister
18-07-2005, 13:58
:rotfl: lol very good
.:SpIcYsPy:.
18-07-2005, 15:45
I read that one on a site!! Its jokes!!
true.moon
19-07-2005, 08:37
hey im blonde!!!
well fair
i was bright blonde as a baby but now it has kinda faded
the jokes are quite funny though even if they are offensive
phils little sister
19-07-2005, 10:17
Im going out to buy a brown hair colour today :crying:
di marco
20-07-2005, 06:05
hey im blonde!!!
well fair
i was bright blonde as a baby but now it has kinda faded
the jokes are quite funny though even if they are offensive
yeh im blonde too, but theres no point being offended, thyere only jokes!
funnily, i had black hair when i was a baby lol!
true.moon
20-07-2005, 07:34
lol
weird aint it
di marco
20-07-2005, 08:16
lol
weird aint it
im thinking the photo is not me even though my mum says it is lol!
true.moon
20-07-2005, 14:40
did you sye your hair or did it do it naturally
JustJodi
20-07-2005, 15:05
Blonde on a Diet
A Blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
http://funnies.com/doctalk/doctor_thoughtful_lg_wht.gif
He tells her, "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the Blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The Blonde nods and answers, "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asks the doctor.
"No", replied the Blonde, "From skipping".
true.moon
20-07-2005, 18:23
dont get it
.:SpIcYsPy:.
20-07-2005, 21:22
You dont :eek: I will explain!!
He tells her, "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
The Blonde nods and answers, "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asks the doctor.
"No", replied the Blonde, "From skipping".
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