View Full Version : Garry Bushell's Reviews on EastEnders
This is the most recent one but the rest are older, you'll see any newer ones though at the end of the topic. I'm just posting some older ones first though. It's kind of back to front.
BBC1 is trying to make EastEnders funnier. It's like putting tinsel on a gallows. The soap does comedy about as well as the California legal system convicts celebrities. This week’s laugh-fest had driving instructor Michael Rawlins making a pass at chain-smoking pensioner Dot Branning. Naturally Michael’s attempts to interest her in the black arts of front-seat reclining, use of horn in day-time, and advanced clutch work back-fired like Jim’s old banger on a frosty morning. Dot was so shocked she just got the L out of there. She wasn’t the only one. Is there really a man alive who would find Dot irresistible? The sanctimonious old windbag is so far beyond frigid that she refused to get jiggy with husband Jim on their wedding night. If Dot lay on a waterbed it’d ice up. What would Michael see in her? And if his eyes are that bad should he be driving?
June Brown is a marvelous comic actress. But like the equally gifted John Bardon, she needs humour drawn from dialogue, character and believable situations; not corny, seventies-style sitcom set-ups. Parked cars that suddenly roll down hills are as desperate as the soap’s usual comic staple: animals on the loose. In truth Zoe’s big punch was funnier. She would have done Chrissie more damage by swinging her enormous new knockers at her. But if Walford’s comedy doesn’t pass muster, it’s vital that we buy in to the big storylines. I can’t, can you? On Friday, they were back: love’s young scream, Dennis and Sharon for yet more borderline incest; while Thursday laid the foundations for reuniting Alfie and Kat. Kat spoke about “papering over” the problems in her marriage the way her parents had done. But her mum’s fling with a milkman is hardly on par with Kat sleeping with a (plastic) gangster, sodding off for half a year and going on the game. There may be blokes who would take her back, but I don’t know any. Every time Alfie went out he’d be expecting to come back and find her under a busload of sailors. Face it, Enders won’t get better till Grant kicks down Chrissie’s front door, pours himself a pint and knocks her up on the Queen Vic carpet.
Face it, Enders won’t get better till Grant kicks down Chrissie’s front door, pours himself a pint and knocks her up on the Queen Vic carpet.
im sorry but that is funny!
but the rest is too harsh, who is this pillack? who does he think he is ripping the nation's best soap opera
someone should go around to his office and bitch slap him where it hurts!
bondboffin
FAT Pat will be Dot’s new driving instructor. Hurrah. That’s Pat who killed a girl while driving drunk. Next: Graham the rapist returns to run a charm school…
BlackKat
19-06-2005, 16:42
While he may have some good points (for example, I don't think comedy is EE strong point), they're completely overshadowed by the fact that his remarks are rude and completely unnecessary.
EVERYONE is talking about EastEnders, and mostly they’re saying when did Zoe's boobs get so big and bouncy? What’s happened here? Zoe’s chest has expanded like Sonia’s backside. And yet no-one in a market full of trappy traders seems to have noticed. Lovely Zoe, played by Michelle Ryan, is about to quit Albert Square. Can you blame her? Look what she’s been through: her uncle was her dad, her sister was her mum, her best friend was a brass, her boyfriend ran off with his sister, his dad forced her into bed, and then she helped kill him. It’s a wonder she’s not leaving in a designer straight-jacket.
WHAT a week on EastEnders. We heard Minty sing for the first time (and let’s pray the last.) Alfie worked the market stall in drag. While in an all-action Thursday, Johnny had the Brannings round for tea. And they say the soap is getting better… It probably will, with the Mitchells returning, but it needs kamikaze not karaoke. Line up the writers and have them fall on their pens. There have been more smiles lately. More banter in the market. Kat back and on form, flogging “dresses that don’t crease no matter ‘ow ‘ard he squeezes”, and the immortal Dot and Jim (“No drinking out of yer saucer!”). But the next big storyline is Sharon and Dennis returning as an item which still feels creepy. And they need to keep the characters consistent. Appalling Pauline was almost reasonable this week. It’s unheard of. Poor Garry once had three women on the go at the same time. Since moving in with Minty, he’s had the sex-life of a Trekkie with halitosis. And surely Johnny would be better as a semi-retired villain than a Good Samaritan? It wasn’t gangsters viewers objected to but plastic ones.
EVERYONE is talking about EastEnders, and mostly they’re saying when did Zoe's boobs get so big and bouncy? What’s happened here? Zoe’s chest has expanded like Sonia’s backside. And yet no-one in a market full of trappy traders seems to have noticed. Lovely Zoe, played by Michelle Ryan, is about to quit Albert Square. Can you blame her? Look what she’s been through: her uncle was her dad, her sister was her mum, her best friend was a brass, her boyfriend ran off with his sister, his dad forced her into bed, and then she helped kill him. It’s a wonder she’s not leaving in a designer straight-jacket.
lmao WALFORD QUEEN, u r creasing me up!!! ur a very funny person!!!
i'm luving your comments, keep it up
bondboffin
I HAD a guided tour of EastEnders set this week. The Beeb even sent a car for me – sadly not Jim’s Morris 1,000; that was otherwise engaged, possibly on MTV’s Pimp My Ride. But it was all very enjoyable. Close up, you notice odd things. For example, there’s a Harley Davidson poster hanging up at Alfie’s place. So now we know what Nana does at weekends. Wicksy’s car is still parked up off the square (just as well Walford is outside of the congestion charge zone). But oddly there’s no sign of Mark Fowler’s motorbike, which he left to gormless Garry Hobbs. That seems as forgotten as Johnny’s stolen cars and the £3grand he lent Billy.
lmao WALFORD QUEEN, u r creasing me up!!! ur a very funny person!!!
i'm luving your comments, keep it up
bondboffin
They're Garry Bushells. I'm turning this into his official thread.
WALFORD mysteries: Zoe asked for two cans of orange on Friday, so why did Sam give her two cokes? And how did Johnny Allen get Dot that sofa in under a day? DFS take six to nine weeks! Forget nightclubs, honest Johnny should go into furniture delivery.
KAT is back in EastEnders. Hurrah! She’s had six months of light prostitution and prison, and now Alfie is the wrong’un for not welcoming her with an open fly. Eh? The Beeb and their tame hacks keep saying the soap is “back on form.” I can’t see it. Yes it’s great that Grant, Peggy and Frank the Plank are returning, but it won’t mean a light unless they get the writing right. And there are more holes in this show than in Rosie Miller’s drawers. Is Dot’s house council? Nowhere else in the Square is. Why has non-gardener Jim got a compost heap? Why doesn’t the dramatic dialogue ever sound like real people talking? Plans to bring back Cindy Beale are even madder. She died in 1997. Lesson from Dallas number 305: bringing characters back from the grave will destroy any credibility a show has left. If Cindy and Den can live again, why not Mark or Pete or Loopy Lou Beale? They’ll never be able to pan round the allotments without us expecting to see grubby gardener Arfur Fowler arising from the rhubarb, his little dibber in his hand.
KEITH Miller, soap’s most famous illiterate, takes part in the Queen Vic’s karaoke contest next week. Not sure what he’ll sing, but we can probably rule out the Jackson Five’s ABC.
FINALLY some smiles on EastEnders. Dot drives like she’d been taught by Vic Reeves while auditioning for Police, Camera, Action. If she’d hit Alfie’s stall she could have caused £3 worth of damage. Naturally the Beeb blew it, lacing the comedy with feminist clap-trap. But the biggest let-down was Pauline NOT stepping out in front of her… Elsewhere the Millers found a free computer (Next week? Magic beans!) And Minty legged it from blind date. Why? OK, Siobhan was loud and lardy but she was also up for it…and Minty hasn’t had a woman for at least three years. (He lost his last girlfriend one November; when he pinned a poppy on her and she deflated.) On the other hand, she did look the dead spit of Shaun Williamson on Gender Swap, so maybe he called it right. What baffles me most is what kind of “lunch” were he and Garry planning to treat the girls to in the Vic? They could have had a prawn cocktail starter, and beef for main course, but I’ve never seen apple pie flavoured crisps on sale anywhere.
They're Garry Bushells. I'm turning this into his official thread.
oh well he's funny then
altough he is insulting my fav soap i cnat help but laugh
bondboffin
NOTE: Dot’s car is a battered Morris 1000 Traveller. (To see another thousand unsightly travellers, go to Cray’s Hill, Essex.) In a nice touch, it smokes nearly as much as she does.
PAULINE called Sonia a cold fish. How unfair! I’m sure the walrus is warm-blooded.
WHO on EastEnders lost that pantomime dame size bra that’s hanging up in the launderette’s lost property section? I keep waiting for Pat to walk in and claim it. It probably belonged to Roy. Mind you, one more op and Sonia could be wearing it.
GARRY and Minty went speed-dating on EastEnders (in Minty’s case, spud-dating.) Was that really a new experience for them? Doesn’t pretty much every conversation Garry ever has with a woman go along these lines: Garry: “Hello darlin’, can I buy you a drink?” Girl: “No, get lost.” Dates don’t get much quicker than that. Oddly they asked Alfie for advice; the same Alfie who took a year to bed Kat - a woman who has handled more packages than Royal Mail - and is now dithering about cluelessly with Little Moan. What are the odds he won’t get round to kissing her until the exact moment Kat walks back into the Vic? (Other Mystic Gal predictions: Johnny Allen will never remember his three stolen cars, or the £3K he lent Billy. Real Walford will never play again. The Chloe storyline will drag on tediously…)
DOT says Jim can’t see a hand in front of his face without his glasses on. So now we know who’s been cutting Pauline’s hair.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: this man is a comedy genius!!!!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
bondboffin
WHAT a week on EastEnders! Phil ‘The Fugitive’ Mitchell burst back onto the Square after a year on the run. Where had he been hiding, in a pie factory? He looked like the Phil-bury Dough-boy. He must have been kipping too close to the ovens too, cos his face looked redder than Keith Miller’s bank statement. Phil’s dramatic return triggered the biggest man-hunt since Cindy Beale’s hen night. I counted twenty cops, plus a police dog that looked suspiciously like Wellard. That’s a lot of Plod. So I’m guessing Phil must have notched up some pretty serious motoring offences while he’s been away. Walford constabulary doesn’t get any brighter though. When they came knocking at Phil’s old front door they didn’t think to put anyone round the back to cover his escape exit. Doh!
Steve McFadden’s half-crazed performance kicked some life back into the ailing show. He was like Bill Sykes at the end of Oliver. All he needed was a Nancy to rough up. Sadly Derek was unavailable but Ian fitted the bill. Phil bolted into Beale’s backyard, where Ian just happened to be hanging about, possibly enjoying some amateur astronomy. (Isn’t it always the way? You’re looking out for the Plough and suddenly the Great Bear looms into view…) Wasting no time, Phil smacked Ian in the temple, giving him a nose-bleed (eh?) before sticking his head down the kharzi. Grange Hill, eat your heart out. Sadly Phil had to leg it before he got round to flicking Ian’s ears, giving him a wedgie and finishing him off with a Chinese burn. It was all so exciting you didn’t have time to dwell on nagging questions, like how did the cops know Phil was back? Why didn’t he just phone up Billy in advance to organize the cash he needed? Why didn’t Billy notice that the Square was crawling with “Filth”? And why, when Pat said she needed her beauty sleep, didn’t some wag quip: “We’ll wake you up in 2012 then”? OK, I’m nit-picking. It was the best week since Den’s death, what with Phil throwing punches and Chrissie throwing a St George’s Day party like a proper East End publican too. In the immortal words of Annabel Chong, let’s hope they can keep it up.
IT was St George’s Day on EastEnders, you didn’t have to look far for the dragon. She was celebrating her birthday. Pauline is 60, but she’ll always look faulty to me. Well done to the Beeb, and to Sound TV, for making special shows for England’s patron saint. It wouldn’t hurt ITV to have a knees-up for St Geo next year: celebrating all that is great about English culture. Would it kill middle class TV execs to bury their self-loathing for one day? There’s a lot for the English to be proud of: rock stars, sporting heroes, authors, actors, comics… And not least, our tolerance and sense of fair play.
JOHNNY Allen isn’t as tough as we thought. One glimpse of Dot in her nightie and he shot straight back indoors.
RUBY was sleepwalking on EastEnders. She got the idea from watching the writers work on the scripts. Aren’t these storylines listless? The threat to Martin’s turnip monopoly, Keith’s illiteracy (just spell NO!)… If BBC1 want a new slogan for EastEnders, how about: it can't get any worse? I like the idea of Johnny Allen ruling the streets but suffering indoors. It smacks of Tony Soprano, only without the realism, intelligence or casting. Can you believe Stacey and Ruby (the bitch and the snitch) are the same age? Ruby looks 12. Johnny wants her to see a shrink. She’s already shrunk.
BIG Mo star Laila Morse loves to sunbathe naked on nudist beaches. That’s one way to stop a Tsunami. If the tide went out it’d never come back in. On the plus side, it must help keep the flies off her Mivvy.
LAILA says Mo spied on Minty in the shower “for the crack”. I’m guessing it was a big one.
WALFORD mysteries: why did Tina need a van to move in but only a taxi to move out? Why has Johnny got just three names stored in his mobile phonebook? What new game show did Charlie want to see on Friday? Why has Patrick stopped playing ska? Why hasn’t there been a black teenage girl in the show since Hattie? And why is there a new menu on the wall of the Vic? No-one eats, no-one cooks!
LET’S hope EastEnders keep Chrissie out of the witness stand. You wouldn’t want that nose to get any bigger. Chrissie should seduce Jake Moon in the cellar before he leaves though. If only to prove Den right when he said she’d be unfaithful over his dead body…
TINA asked Johnny Allen if she should she wear a bag over her head in public. It might help. I can’t ever watch her without wondering what surgery she’s had. A face-lift or Botox? You decide.
MOVING scenes in Walford this week as Keith Miller came clean about his illiteracy. Shame that the EastEnders A-Zzzz showed an earlier scene of Keith reading a TV listings mag. Doh! Attention to detail…not the soap’s strong point. The same two-hour special spelt Shane Richie’s surname wrongly through-out. But it did remind us how brilliant the show once was. Grant’s anguish when he heard Sharon’s taped confession…Den when he was dirty, not seedy…Arthur’s breakdown. This was soap gold, with believable, giant characters. I genuinely miss Ethel Skinner, Frank Butcher and Tiff. They deserved better than this slapdash ‘tribute’ with its uninspiring talking heads and glib script. Jon Ross is a funny bloke but he’s more over-exposed than Jodie Marsh’s midriff.
ON EastEnders A-Z, Jonathan Ross reckoned the soap “has featured some of Britain's most beautiful actresses." Yeah, Michelle Fowler, Pat Butcher, Irene Hills…
ALBERT Square mysteries: why would Danny Moon, who works for a villain, grass someone up for selling stolen jewellery? Has Johnny Allen forgotten his three stolen cars? Why was there no ‘G’ for gangster in The A-Z of EastEnders? Or ‘F’ for football come to that? Real Walford are as forgotten as Walford FC. And how many courses did Mo and Alfie have? They went for lunch and came out after dark.
THE Ferreiras finally quit Walford on Tuesday. Hurrah! All five of them crammed into a four-seater Toyota. It was the tightest squeeze since Kylie’s corset. Were they John Lennon fans? Only they had no possessions; just a few cases in the boot. You’d take more on a fortnight’s holiday. Kareena left in just the clothes she was standing in. How very like every woman you’ve ever known. The Ferreiras had a bum deal since day one. The BBC wanted Asian characters to make the soap more authentic, but ran a mile from anything remotely gutsy: racism, caste prejudice, arranged marriages, fundamentalism. Dramatically, they were still-born. For a soap that boasts of its grittiness, reality in Albert Square remains in short supply. This week, Adi spotted Sasha leaving Billy’s place after a night of rampant disappointment. It was by the market, near Walford tube. The usual postman was doing his rounds. On Friday, Billy missed his bus home. Eh? Pat then did what anyone would do if they saw a neighbour miss a bus: she invited him to move in with her. Of course! EastEnders: keeping it foolish.
Then I'll post anymore recent ones here. On as is available basis.
i swear i have never read anything funnier than all this!!!! :rotfl:
bondboffin
They are fab! :)
just a pity that they are slagging off eastenders, does he do this toi any other soaps?
bondboffin
just a pity that they are slagging off eastenders, does he do this toi any other soaps?
bondboffin
He does all kinds of reviews. Corrie gets mostly good ones so I'm not going to make a thread for those because it makes them less funny. I'll do some more of his reviews in the TV & Radio forum later on though for other progs.
He does all kinds of reviews. Corrie gets mostly good ones so I'm not going to make a thread for those because it makes them less funny. I'll do some more of his reviews in the TV & Radio forum later on though for other progs.
cant wait.,..im still recvoering from these ones!
bondboffin
di marco
19-06-2005, 17:36
although some of the things he says are quite harsh, they are funny, especially the one about jim cutting paulines hair! :D
He's not a Doctor Who fan for starters.
Okay I've started a thread in the TV & Radio forum.
LET’S hope EastEnders keep Chrissie out of the witness stand. You wouldn’t want that nose to get any bigger.
No offence but that is actually racist. ManyJewish are traditionally born with big noses, so I dont find that funny. But he is quite funny otherwise.
xxx
No offence but that is actually racist. ManyJewish are traditionally born with big noses, so I dont find that funny. But he is quite funny otherwise.
xxx
I know, I did e-mail to complain about that one. He can be pretty harsh, he's also homophobic.
No offence but that is actually racist. ManyJewish are traditionally born with big noses, so I dont find that funny. But he is quite funny otherwise.
xxx
wow is tracy anne jewish? you learn something every day?
bondboffin
wow is tracy anne jewish? you learn something every day?
bondboffin
I think she is.
A MOVING moment on EastEnders as Johnny told Ruby about Val Smith, a girl he’d once had a crush on. Sadly Val only had eyes for a kid called Johnny Kebab. (I knew his sister, Donna). Here’s my question: did Val ever fancy Kebab when she was sober?
SEPARATED at birth: Big Mo Harris from EastEnders and a manatee? One is the cow of the sea; the other…just a cow. (And I cleaned that up).
DR Who is back, but it could be worse. It could be Dr Trueman.
A MOVING moment on EastEnders as Johnny told Ruby about Val Smith, a girl he’d once had a crush on. Sadly Val only had eyes for a kid called Johnny Kebab. (I knew his sister, Donna). Here’s my question: did Val ever fancy Kebab when she was sober?
lmao! this is so my kind of humour!!!
bondboffin
You should see the ones in the TV & Radio section!!!
You should see the ones in the TV & Radio section!!!
*rushes to tv and radio section* :D
bondboffin
Will do more later.
thank you walford queen
this man is just hilarious!!!!
bondboffin
Do you like his other ones better or his EastEnders ones?
Do you like his other ones better or his EastEnders ones?
eastenders one as i can relate to them more...but they are all bril
bondboffin
Did you see his one on Cosmetic Surgery Live?
Did you see his one on Cosmetic Surgery Live?
ive read them all they are ace!
bondboffin
That one had me in stitches.
* KAT and Zoe spent half of Friday’s EastEnders in the gents. Risky, for a soap that's going down the pan… It was typical of the week: lively but madly contrived. For starters, Kat considered grassing up Zoe for Den’s murder. It wouldn’t happen, any more than Johnny Allen would let Dennis mug him off in public. Men like Johnny wouldn’t stand for it, no matter how much they wanted to reform. Loss of face means a ruined reputation. His need for revenge would fester inside, gnawing away at him like a tumour. Yet I bet the writers just let it pass. What else? Dennis and Sharon stayed with Pauline. (Wasn’t there anywhere more hospitable available? Like Finsbury Park mosque or the lion enclosure at Walford Zoo?) Pauline said Den’s spirit left him after Sharon went (true - he died that very night). And although everyone else leaves by taxi, Zoe, whose dad (grandad/uncle) owns one, went by tube… I did love seeing Charlie throwing his weight around, though. Derek Martin always played a great heavy. And face it, they don’t come much heavier than Chas. He weighs more than most tag teams. The last three rounds he did were full of cheese.
* ROSS Kemp says he was horrified to meet an evil gang who dream of world domination. You married in to News Corp mate.
* NICE line on Enders. After the big row in the Vic Minty quipped: “I only came in for a ploughman’s.” Although it would have made more sense if we’d ever seen anyone serve or prepare grub in there.
Jessie Wallace
26-06-2005, 14:49
Nice one. :) He's quite funny :rotfl: , but borders on being a bit rude at times. :nono:
di marco
26-06-2005, 14:56
* NICE line on Enders. After the big row in the Vic Minty quipped: “I only came in for a ploughman’s.” Although it would have made more sense if we’d ever seen anyone serve or prepare grub in there.
they served garry and minty food in there the other week
they served garry and minty food in there the other week
There's been a menu on the wall for years though and nobody has eaten there lol.
di marco
26-06-2005, 14:58
There's been a menu on the wall for years though and nobody has eaten there lol.
maybe not but theyre obviously starting too
maybe not but theyre obviously starting too
Not alot. Who cooks the food and where?
There's been a menu on the wall for years though and nobody has eaten there lol.
i dont think the den meat sandwhiches have become popular with the regualrs yet :rotfl:
bondboffin
He is funny, but its quite rude about people at time, he is right EE dont do comedy well, their much better a drama.
di marco
26-06-2005, 15:50
Not alot. Who cooks the food and where?
i dont know where or who, but in one of the epis little mo or tracey (cant remember which one) brought minty out a ploughmans and he ate it at the bar with garry
i dont know where or who, but in one of the epis little mo or tracey (cant remember which one) brought minty out a ploughmans and he ate it at the bar with garry
"heres one i made early" emerges from under the bar
bondboffin
di marco
26-06-2005, 15:54
"heres one i made early" emerges from under the bar
bondboffin
lol!
lol!
"no takers for the BLT bagueet? aww well it'll keep"
bondboffin
It's the same with the Rovers in Corrie they do serve food etc but it's cooked in the normal kitchen. Atleast Emmerdale have a proper kitchen for cooking food.
It's the same with the Rovers in Corrie they do serve food etc but it's cooked in the normal kitchen. Atleast Emmerdale have a proper kitchen for cooking food.
And a proper Chef!!!
And a proper Chef!!!
whats betty!!!? a plump lump of nothing???
bondboffin
di marco
26-06-2005, 16:09
It's the same with the Rovers in Corrie they do serve food etc but it's cooked in the normal kitchen. Atleast Emmerdale have a proper kitchen for cooking food.
its like that in hollyoaks too. they sell food in the pub but theres no where to cook it
whats betty!!!? a plump lump of nothing???
bondboffin
She magically produces hot pots for no-where, you never see her in the Kitchen. Is that the only food the produce in the Rover?
She magically produces hot pots for no-where, you never see her in the Kitchen. Is that the only food the produce in the Rover?
no, thats just their speciality...i always see betty coming in and out of the kitchen during scenes so it isnt magic at all
bondboffin
She magically produces hot pots for no-where, you never see her in the Kitchen. Is that the only food the produce in the Rover?
She's only there because of that hotpot.
She's only there because of that hotpot.
shes like gus once was a character and now has been demoted to recurring extra
id love fred or to ban betty's hotpot from the rovers, i say i sau ban betty's hotpot from the rovers
bondboffin
That pub should be closed down.
That pub should be closed down.
if charlie has he way...no one will want to go to the rovers...close rovers and close corrie, it is as dull as betty's dishwater!!!
bondboffin
di marco
26-06-2005, 16:31
if charlie has he way...no one will want to go to the rovers...close rovers and close corrie, it is as dull as betty's dishwater!!!
bondboffin
i agree, its really awful
i agree, its really awful
Here, here :D
Jessie Wallace
26-06-2005, 16:40
They could have a spit roast with Den's body, that would be one way of getting rid of it!! :lol:
They could have a spit roast with Den's body, that would be one way of getting rid of it!! :lol:
im surprised that eastenders didnt invent some farfetched idea like that!!!
bondboffin
Jessie Wallace
26-06-2005, 16:48
[QUOTE=bondboffin]im surprised that eastenders didnt invent some farfetched idea like that!!!
Lol.
Prohaps we should have given them that story line!!
I still like the idea of Chrissie keeping all the bodies in bubbling vinegar tanks in the loft and one day there's a powercut at the pub and the generator goes off and the bodies stop bubbling.
I still like the idea of Chrissie keeping all the bodies in bubbling vinegar tanks in the loft and one day there's a powercut at the pub and the generator goes off and the bodies stop bubbling.
bodies? who else you planning on killing off lol?
bondboffin
di marco
26-06-2005, 16:58
bodies? who else you planning on killing off lol?
bondboffin
everyone from the sound of the other thread!
I'd like to see Gus hit over the head. I wonder what object they can use this time. We've already had irons and doggy shaped doorstops.
I'd like to see Gus hit over the head. I wonder what object they can use this time. We've already had irons and doggy shaped doorstops.
the queen vic bust!!! saying that gus isnt worthy of that...it would have to be saved for pauline or ian
bondboffin
the queen vic bust!!! saying that gus isnt worthy of that...it would have to be saved for pauline or ian
bondboffin
It's made of plastic!
It's made of plastic!
so is paulines frying pan, the iron and the doorstop....well they are made of foam but anyways
it isnt meant to be plastic
bondboffin
so is paulines frying pan, the iron and the doorstop....well they are made of foam but anyways
it isnt meant to be plastic
bondboffin
They do have an iron doorstop which they use but the one Den was clobbered with was the foam one.
And how could we forget the Ashtray?
They do have an iron doorstop which they use but the one Den was clobbered with was the foam one.
And how could we forget the Ashtray?
amazing how simple objects can be used for the best storylines around..wonder how they decide what to use... writers meetings "so what next then guys?" *looks menacingly at the photocopier*
bondboffin
amazing how simple objects can be used for the best storylines around..wonder how they decide what to use... writers meetings "so what next then guys?" *looks menacingly at the photocopier*
bondboffin
I have a feeling the doorstop was chosen on purpose.
When Den (supposedly) died by the canal the daffodils were remembered significantly and I think the producers realised they had to have a remembered object that the audience would remember when remembering Den's second death. They didn't fail if you ask me. A dog shaped doorstop :rotfl:
di marco
26-06-2005, 17:50
I'd like to see Gus hit over the head. I wonder what object they can use this time. We've already had irons and doggy shaped doorstops.
paulines fruit bowl should be the next murder weapon!
paulines fruit bowl should be the next murder weapon!
loving the idea!!!!! sonia clouts her round the head...just before she dies "put that bowl back where it belongs" then she dies
bondboffin
di marco
26-06-2005, 17:54
loving the idea!!!!! sonia clouts her round the head...just before she dies "put that bowl back where it belongs" then she dies
bondboffin
lol! pauline moaning at sonia til the end! :D
As long as it's nothing boring like a monkey wrench :D
Pauline's frontbowl was actually used when Sonia hit Sarah over the head with it although she wasn't dead.
lol! pauline moaning at sonia til the end! :D
the amount sof times pauline has mentioned that bowl it has got to be used to bump or if if or when she goes
bondboffin
It should have it's name on the cast list with Sharon's black jacket.
di marco
26-06-2005, 17:59
It should have it's name on the cast list with Sharon's black jacket.
lol! they appear a lot more than some of the cast members! :D
I think Dots cigarettes should have their own name on the cast list too. Lamburt and Butler :D
lol! they appear a lot more than some of the cast members! :D
i think id prefer to see the fruit bowl than gus smith
storyline: sonia discovers martin's affair with pualine's fruit bowl, and she wondered why them apples were tasting perculaur these days...
bondboffin
im surprised that eastenders didnt invent some farfetched idea like that!!!
bondboffin
If Lb had still been in charge she would have used it by now
If Lb had still been in charge she would have used it by now
Too true. Mind you she can't be as bad as Bill Podmore.
Too true. Mind you she can't be as bad as Bill Podmore.
What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LB was solely responsible for the downfall of your favourite programme - what can be worse than that. Do you want the Borerrias back??? :rotfl:
What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LB was solely responsible for the downfall of your favourite programme - what can be worse than that. Do you want the Borerrias back??? :rotfl:
Just watched the Rovers fire - it was still as wooden as I remembered it :D Bill Podmore, tut tut.
* KAT got a postcard from Zoe on Tuesday’s EastEnders. She only flew to Ibiza on Friday. This must be the fastest card in history. With the writers’ grasp of geography it’s a wonder it wasn’t postmarked Brazil. Ted Hills left for Dubai and turned up in South Africa.
(I thought Ted had always gone to SA or he'd moved, I can remember Kathy mentioning a move too)
* DOTTY June Brown was so chuffed to win Best Performance In A Soap at last weekend’s Heritage Foundation Awards that she climbed on her chair. Isn’t it time June was made a Dame? She’s a comic joy, an absolute icon and one of the few consistently great things about EastEnders. (Wendy Richard deserves one too. Don’t scoff. I may call her Appalling Pauline but she’ll always be Miss Brahms to me). Awards voted for by People readers went to Little Britain, Joe Pasquale and Wendi Peters of Corrie.
* WALFORD mysteries: could Fat Pat technically ever be a small businesswoman? Have Garry and Minty giving up looking for women? What’s happened to the Millers’ computer? Do they store it under the Queen Vic pool table? And if BBC1 really want to spice up the soap, why not sign up Danielle Brent as the new Cindy Beale, Terry Alderton as a lost Mitchell brother, tough guy Terry Stone, and talented Tash Monie – they haven’t had a feisty black London woman in the cast since Hattie.
Does he even watch the programme?, the Queen Vic pool table got taken out and the Millers PC is still there at the back of the room
di marco
03-07-2005, 13:27
Doesn't he even watch the programme?, the Queen Vic pool table got taken out and the Millers PC is still there at the back of the room
probably not, he just wants to find something to be nasty about, and he obviously couldnt think of anything else!
I thought everybody knew that Chrissie told Den to get rid of the pool table.
di marco
03-07-2005, 14:25
I thought everybody knew that Chrissie told Den to get rid of the pool table.
obviously everybody except him! :D
These critics don't even watch all of the episodes.
* WALFORD mysteries: could Fat Pat technically ever be a small businesswoman? [/B]
:rotfl: lolol!!!! funny man he is.
how dumb am i?? i hadn't even noticed that the pool table had gone!!! :wall:
bondboffin
:rotfl: lolol!!!! funny man he is.
how dumb am i?? i hadn't even noticed that the pool table had gone!!! :wall:
bondboffin
You need to start watching it properly then lol.
i do its juts... but how could i miss a big item like that!!!???
saying that it was gone by christmas wasnt it, becuase the watts ahd their big family meal in that spot
i forget little details like that, thats my problem
bondboffin
No it didn't go until 2005.
No it didn't go until 2005.
oh i wonder where it went on xmas day then.... unless they put a dining cloth over it!!!!
bondboffin
oh i wonder where it went on xmas day then.... unless they put a dining cloth over it!!!!
bondboffin
They didn't eat in the same part as the pool table.
They didn't eat in the same part as the pool table.
they ate by the side of the bar and the door into the hallways, wich is where the pool table was???
bondboffin
they ate by the side of the bar and the door into the hallways, wich is where the pool table was???
bondboffin
They ate near the front the pool table used to be just outside the toilets.
Gary Bushell:
EASTEND SOAP DUDS JUST WON'T WASH ANYMORE
Garry Bushell
EVERY camera used on EastEnders is now hand-held so the picture wobbles constantly, and not just when Fat Pat flops out of bed. Apt, given the shaky ground the soap is on.
This week's hot action revolved around Dennis not leaving Sharon (below right), Alfie not dumping Kat, and millionaire gangster and property magnate Johnny Allen inexplicably moving in with Pat.
For light relief, businessman Ian Beale took his family to Aikido (ai-no-kid-o) for the express purpose of looking a prat.
At least we were spared any more of Shane's pitiful attempts to a) cry, B) get angry, or c) convey any emotion other than cheeky chappiness.
Thursday and Friday's episodes, written by Sarah Phelps, had more zip than usual. Unfortunately they were still lumbered with the familiar pea-brained plotting.
The effect was like gilding a turd. Up close there's no escaping the smell.
SOAP MYSTERIES Jul 17 2005
What is Alfie supposed to see in Little Moan? And if you asked for Moosehead in the Queen Vic, would you get introduced to the landlady?
i havent even seen the funny side of this review, it is just offence this one with my comedy at all
Sometimes he writes something really witty where you just have to laugh but that was a bit of a boring one.
ALFIE and Little Moan had a picnic in the park on Monday. Was it in Lilliput? This was the smallest park in the world. The picnic blanket very nearly covered every inch of grass. Alfie clearly thinks, “Better hamper than hump her.” It’s hard to tell what’s lower at the moment, his sex drive or his IQ. He was in his bedroom with Kat about to make love for the first time this year. The doorbell rang. Alfie knew it was Mo, but he let her in anyway. D’oh! Mo or Kat? It’s a tough call. It’s like having to choose between a Fiesta and a Ferrari. Alfie’s solution? Leg it! This is where the soap goes wrong. In real life, Jude Law went from Cold Mountain to nanny mounting, but EastEnders hasn’t had a sex scandal for six months. It’s got no spark, no totty. This week’s new addition was a plain bird in a boiler suit. Thanks. That’s what comes from women running the show. For Pete (Beale)’s sake liven it up. Let Alfie bed both sisters. And then have Mo comb his hair with her iron.
THE faces of old EastEnders favourites rained down on balloons at Dennis and Sharon's party. Oddly the only one missing was Debbie Bates, whose head actually was shaped like a balloon…
WALFORD mysteries: How do they afford so much champagne? Does sex-starved Kat like it doggy-style? And why are her lips so red? It looks like she’s just licked a freshly painted post-box. (Kat’s certainly no stranger to the second class male…)
Don't know if I posted this one:
MOVING scenes on EastEnders as out of the blue Pauline decided to throw a 21st “birf-dee” party for Fat Pat. Even though she’s 62 and it isn’t her birthday until December. Pat had missed her real 21st back in 1963, you see. It was a touching story. On the night of her big do, she’d had to take one of Johnny Allen’s hookers for a backstreet abortion. Afterwards he was so chuffed he made her his brothel madam. (All together: “She’s got the key to the whores, never been 21 before...”) But hold on a minute. There’s a hole in this plot you couldn’t fill with Shane Richie’s head. How old was Johnny in 1963? It was only a month ago that he and Dot were pouring other pictures of him as a small child at the Coronation. If he was three in the summer of ‘53 he’d have been thirteen when Pat was 21. Was he running brasses at play-time? Picture the scene: Johnny bunks off school with a catapult in one pocket and a supply of Fisher Price condoms in the other. “Where are you going, boy?” asks a teacher. “Sex education, sir” he squeaks. “But it’s long jump this afternoon.” “That’ll cost you 3 and 6 an hour.”
Other lads got the cane; Johnny supplied one, with handcuffs, for ten bob extra. His minder was his imaginary friend. You can see him now, scaring off rivals by snarling: “Legs will break…when my voice does.” To add to the absurdity, Johnny revealed he’d had a crush on Pat and often pondered how different his life would be if they’d got together. Surely if he had fancied her back then, he’d look at her now and thank his lucky stars that they hadn’t? Elsewhere, Alfie struggled with two puddings: Mo and Kat. Is this much of a storyline? When Alfie first hit the Square he was a silver-tongued wide-boy who could charm the drawers off a nun. Now he can't even talk Little Moan into postponing a dinner date. Eventually he'll sleep with both of them, but will he take his leather coat off first? Alfie joked about joining the Foreign Legion this week. Even in the Sahara, he'd keep that poxy coat on. People join the Legion to forget. They should just move to Walford. There’s no-one more absent-minded than the EastEnders writers.
OVER on EastEnders, the world’s least convincing lovers are still rowing. What on earth do Dennis and Sharon see in each other? He’s pig-headed and sulky, while she’s the exact opposite – sulky and pig-headed (literally). The only good thing about them marrying is that they’ll make two people miserable instead of four.
ON EastEnders Pauline threw a surprise birthday party for Martin, 20, with a cake, balloons and everything. What, no pass the parcel?
FIVE is axing Family Affairs. Wouldn’t gorgeous Ebony Thomas make a lively edition to Albert Square – as Patrick’s long-lost daughter?
WALFORD mysteries: if Minty is such a big West Ham fan why didn’t he celebrate when they got promoted? How did Martin’s birthday cake fall face down yet land safely on its base? Why did Pauline still throw it away? And why is Chrissie so worried about Sharon going to Spain looking for Den? She knows she isn’t going to find him. Den said Sharon and Dennis would wed over his dead body. If they have the ceremony in the Vic he’ll be proved right.
HAPPY days! Thanks, EastEnders, for all the laughs this week - those Steve McFadden dogging claims were hilarious. Sadly, the cast’s real lives are far more enjoyable than the scripts, which are so wretched and depressing they must come covered in a thin dew of despair. Let’s see: misery, recrimination, death…Walford hadn’t seen this much woe for several days. Dimbo Demi went from detesting heroin on Tuesday to over-dosing on it on Thursday. Why? Cos Leo was a few minutes late back to their bijou squat. He found her and instead of calling 999, decided to OD himself. Naturally the NHS couldn’t save him. (In this show, it stands for No Hope of Survival.) In an unsurprising twist, every drug dealer, low-life, hooker and smack addict in South London was white. The soap would be a libel on Cockneys, if there were any in it. Dot’s driving test woman was Welsh, the nice black copper sounded posh, and even ‘Dagenham Dave’ is a Northerner. I’m expecting Toucan Cabs to be re-opened shortly by the ********horpe branch of the Four Horse Men of the Apocalypse. Corrie may sometimes feel like cartoon nostalgia, but EastEnders remains a joy-less, social workers’ vision of Londoners. Gertcha.
FIVE is axing Family Affairs. Wouldn’t gorgeous Ebony Thomas make a lively edition to Albert Square – as Patrick’s long-lost daughter?
now how brillaint would that be!!
FIVE is axing Family Affairs. Wouldn’t gorgeous Ebony Thomas make a lively edition to Albert Square – as Patrick’s long-lost daughter?
for those unaware whome ebony thomas is here is a picture of her:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1350000/images/_1353903_ebony.jpg
I know what she looks like but I don't know who she is because I don't watch FA so I couldn't tell you if I think she'd be good in EE :)
pops110874
15-08-2005, 23:41
I know what she looks like but I don't know who she is because I don't watch FA so I couldn't tell you if I think she'd be good in EE :)
im the same....i havent really seen fa since it began (remember the harts??) wouldnt know about her acting skills.....
As we are talking about actors good for ee......
Does anyone else think that Zoe Lucker (tanya from footie wives) would be good for ee?
An ideal partner for Grant! (since chrissie wont be around, and if he decides to sign up for good!)
im the same....i havent really seen fa since it began (remember the harts??) wouldnt know about her acting skills.....
As we are talking about actors good for ee......
Does anyone else think that Zoe Lucker (tanya from footie wives) would be good for ee?
An ideal partner for Grant! (since chrissie wont be around, and if he decides to sign up for good!)
Nah Zoe Lucker is best suited to playing superbitch Tanya Turner.
I know what she looks like but I don't know who she is because I don't watch FA so I couldn't tell you if I think she'd be good in EE :)
she is a real comedy performer, but can also do drama very well, she had a recent storyline where she married a con man, who played on her inferitiyly, telling her to sell her home to buy a baby off the internet, she did and then he ran away with her dosh. and she was part of the interactive vote storyline aswell, she does her comedy and drama both aswell and would be fantastic in eastenders!
im the same....i havent really seen fa since it began (remember the harts??) wouldnt know about her acting skills.....
As we are talking about actors good for ee......
Does anyone else think that Zoe Lucker (tanya from footie wives) would be good for ee?
An ideal partner for Grant! (since chrissie wont be around, and if he decides to sign up for good!)
as much as i adore miss lucker, one of my all-time favourite actresses, her in eastenders would not happen!
1) she'd stick out like a sore thumb - if kat is meant to be glamorous, then it shows theres a lack of it in walford, so zoe would just stick out too much
2) we ent seen her in nought but FW, and her acting in that is camp and poor, its to reflect the show i know, so until she does another acting role i wouldnt like to risk her on eastenders
3) she's greedy, million pound contracts for FW, she'd want too much money to join the show
pops110874
16-08-2005, 10:52
Nah Zoe Lucker is best suited to playing superbitch Tanya Turner.
But dont you think thats what EE needs?
A proper uberbitch character? The nearest we have at the mo is Chrissie, who will be leaving...
But dont you think thats what EE needs?
A proper uberbitch character? The nearest we have at the mo is Chrissie, who will be leaving...
i prefer her in FW, i tell you what soup she'd fit into, corrie, noit that im a corrie fan but she seems the kind that would go down better in weatherfield than walford :searchme:
JustJodi
16-08-2005, 10:56
I know what she looks like but I don't know who she is because I don't watch FA so I couldn't tell you if I think she'd be good in EE :)
Thought this thread was about east enders,, seems like ppl are talking about other programs,, I am confused :confused:
JustJodi
16-08-2005, 10:58
But dont you think thats what EE needs?
A proper uberbitch character? The nearest we have at the mo is Chrissie, who will be leaving...
If Stacey was older she would be a good superbitch :-P Cos she does have a mouth on her and doesn't take any,,,, from any one:moonie:
Thought this thread was about east enders,, seems like ppl are talking about other programs,, I am confused :confused:
we were on about zoe lucker coming into Eastenders, just so happened the conversation moved a bit towards her portryal as super bitch Tanya Turner in Footballers Wives
sorry just jodi rememberd you dont come from the uk, sorry, do you know about the show footballers wives?
pops110874
16-08-2005, 11:04
as much as i adore miss lucker, one of my all-time favourite actresses, her in eastenders would not happen!
1) she'd stick out like a sore thumb - if kat is meant to be glamorous, then it shows theres a lack of it in walford, so zoe would just stick out too much
2) we ent seen her in nought but FW, and her acting in that is camp and poor, its to reflect the show i know, so until she does another acting role i wouldnt like to risk her on eastenders
3) she's greedy, million pound contracts for FW, she'd want too much money to join the show
Yeah, she is glam but there has been glam characters in the past hasnt there? For example, Steve Owen, Tina etc
I agree with you - she is no dame judi dench, but ee has had some great characters who couldnt act to save their lives!!
Look at Nigel Harman, he has only mastered the mean, moody expresssion it was only in the last few months we saw him smile!!
Same for Shane Richie, completely one dimensional.....
You are right, she probably is too greedy. Did she get any acting offers when she "left" fw?
Maybe she would take a pay cut to join ee......
pops110874
16-08-2005, 11:07
If Stacey was older she would be a good superbitch :-P Cos she does have a mouth on her and doesn't take any,,,, from any one:moonie:
I completely agree! Think Stacey is a fab character!
with all rumours and stuff of slaters and jonny possibly leaving i say ruby and stacey should rent their own flat, save the two goodens and dispose of their useless families!
pops110874
16-08-2005, 11:14
with all rumours and stuff of slaters and jonny possibly leaving i say ruby and stacey should rent their own flat, save the two goodens and dispose of their useless families!
:clap: well said! What with the slaters becoming extinct, they need to establish stacey as a character in her own right.....
ruby and stacey.....the new tiffany and bianca? :cheer:
:clap: well said! What with the slaters becoming extinct, they need to establish stacey as a character in her own right.....
ruby and stacey.....the new tiffany and bianca? :cheer:
definatly, im sure this is what the producers were thinking when they paired them together!
Thought this thread was about east enders,, seems like ppl are talking about other programs,, I am confused :confused:We're talking about somebody who could join EE :)
i prefer her in FW, i tell you what soup she'd fit into, corrie, noit that im a corrie fan but she seems the kind that would go down better in weatherfield than walford :searchme:Definately she could be another one of their OTT panto characters.
as much as i adore miss lucker, one of my all-time favourite actresses, her in eastenders would not happen!
1) she'd stick out like a sore thumb - if kat is meant to be glamorous, then it shows theres a lack of it in walford, so zoe would just stick out too much
2) we ent seen her in nought but FW, and her acting in that is camp and poor, its to reflect the show i know, so until she does another acting role i wouldnt like to risk her on eastenders
3) she's greedy, million pound contracts for FW, she'd want too much money to join the showShe's only demanding so much money for FW because the show needs something and she's high in demand.
Bringing Tanya back won't sort FW's out though they still have other work to do :cool:
JustJodi
16-08-2005, 12:35
with all rumours and stuff of slaters and jonny possibly leaving i say ruby and stacey should rent their own flat, save the two goodens and dispose of their useless families!
whoo arent thos two a bit young to be sharing an apartment together,, i mean..Ruby seems to be more into her education.. Stacey is street smart enuff for the both of them,, should be an interesting pairing,, :)
Yeah, she is glam but there has been glam characters in the past hasnt there? For example, Steve Owen, Tina etc
I agree with you - she is no dame judi dench, but ee has had some great characters who couldnt act to save their lives!!
Look at Nigel Harman, he has only mastered the mean, moody expresssion it was only in the last few months we saw him smile!!
Same for Shane Richie, completely one dimensional.....
You are right, she probably is too greedy. Did she get any acting offers when she "left" fw?
Maybe she would take a pay cut to join ee......
She's in a show called "Bombshell" actually I think it's a series but it's not been on yet :D
whoo arent thos two a bit young to be sharing an apartment together,, i mean..Ruby seems to be more into her education.. Stacey is street smart enuff for the both of them,, should be an interesting pairing,, :) I think Stacey is a character in her own right :)
I think Big Mo is a great character, if they give her some storylines then they may be able to get another couple of years or so atleast out of her :)
She's in a show called "Bombshell" actually I think it's a series but it's not been on yet :D
its not being aired now, and they said if it does it will be on ITV2, not a sucess, which is a pity as she needed the chance to prove she could act more than Tanya
its not being aired now, and they said if it does it will be on ITV2, not a sucess, which is a pity as she needed the chance to prove she could act more than TanyaI wasn't looking forward to it anyways stuff like that never interests me :)
I was only going to watch it because Zoe Lucker was in it and I wanted to see what she would be like when she's not playing Tanya!
I wasn't looking forward to it anyways stuff like that never interests me :)
I was only going to watch it because Zoe Lucker was in it and I wanted to see what she would be like when she's not playing Tanya!
same here, the show sounded boring, but i would have watched it avidly becuase of my darling zoe
anyways going complety off topic, back to the reviews....
kirsty_g
17-08-2005, 15:19
im sorry but that is funny!
but the rest is too harsh, who is this pillack? who does he think he is ripping the nation's best soap opera
someone should go around to his office and bitch slap him where it hurts!
bondboffin
i agree
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.3 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.