chance
18-06-2005, 09:49
Derek opened his heart to Big Brother in the Diary Room and admitted that he's missing his lovely home and personal cook.
The uptight Tory complained he felt, "flat, bewildered, puzzled and surprised," to still be in the house and said he wanted to be rescued.
"As each day goes by I can't keep up the pretence of liking anybody very much." admitted Derek, adding that he was worried about missing Wimbledon.
"I had every expectation of going and I had planned how I was going to spend the evening outside of these prison walls," he whined. "I'm beginning to feel like an inmate of Porridge."
Then, in a moment of confusing contradiction he said: "I want to get on without background noise which is not of my choice - If I wanted background noise I'd put on Celine Dion, not these shrill voices that could shatter glass."
"If you're into bondage or M&S, or whatever it's called, it might be the place for you, but not for me. I'm a civilized man and I don't want to end up speaking estuary English which I might do if I stay here much longer - that would be ghastly!"
Unused to being away from his cook, he went on to moan about the food: "The food here is like prison food because none of them can cook apart from Roberto. The one person they want to get rid of is the one person our bloody survival depends on, which shows you how brain dead they all are!"
Then the old fusspot reached the gloriously-camp highlight of his hissy fit: "Gosh, I could scream and scream and scream until I am sick! What am I doing here? Rescue me somebody! And be tall, dark and ********** handsome! I want to get out!"
Poor delicate Derek...
The uptight Tory complained he felt, "flat, bewildered, puzzled and surprised," to still be in the house and said he wanted to be rescued.
"As each day goes by I can't keep up the pretence of liking anybody very much." admitted Derek, adding that he was worried about missing Wimbledon.
"I had every expectation of going and I had planned how I was going to spend the evening outside of these prison walls," he whined. "I'm beginning to feel like an inmate of Porridge."
Then, in a moment of confusing contradiction he said: "I want to get on without background noise which is not of my choice - If I wanted background noise I'd put on Celine Dion, not these shrill voices that could shatter glass."
"If you're into bondage or M&S, or whatever it's called, it might be the place for you, but not for me. I'm a civilized man and I don't want to end up speaking estuary English which I might do if I stay here much longer - that would be ghastly!"
Unused to being away from his cook, he went on to moan about the food: "The food here is like prison food because none of them can cook apart from Roberto. The one person they want to get rid of is the one person our bloody survival depends on, which shows you how brain dead they all are!"
Then the old fusspot reached the gloriously-camp highlight of his hissy fit: "Gosh, I could scream and scream and scream until I am sick! What am I doing here? Rescue me somebody! And be tall, dark and ********** handsome! I want to get out!"
Poor delicate Derek...