pipette
30-03-2011, 18:46
Found this on yahoo after a recent press confrence with Capello in which he stated that he only need 100 to communicate with the English players
Fabio Capello has insisted that he needs just 100 words to fulfil his £6 million-a-year job as England manager.
The Italian has been in charge for nearly three and a half years now, but is still struggling to learn the language.
At his press conference on Tuesday he responded to criticism of his linguistic skills by saying: "I think when I speak with them (the players), they understand everything.
"If I need to speak about the economy or other things, I can't. But with tactics, I don't have to speak about a lot of different things. Maximum 100 words."
We don't know what 100 words Capello has decided to master, but here are some stock phrases that we think would make his job a hell of a lot easier.
1. You are my captain
Could prevent huge confusion when the players look around at each other wondering who exactly is the England captain at any given time.
2. You are not my captain anymore
Again, a useful phrase that could clear up lots of issues, especially when the current captain gets up to some mischief that merits the stripping of the armband. Should also be said to Rio Ferdinand next time he sees him.
3. Hands off
Useful phrase that can be used in numerous incidents, such as "hands off the ball", "hands off that striker who keeps diving" or "hands off your team-mate's girlfriend".
4. What did Steve McClaren do?
If there is any confusion during training or matches, this could help clear things up.
5. Do the opposite
Standard reply after someone answers question four.
6. Don't 'do a Gascoigne'
There are all sorts of troublesome things that England players can get up to. Capello would never have any chance of learning them all, but this stock phrase should cover most of them.
7. Shoot THE BALL
A seemingly obvious message, but could be handy for one player in particular. We won't embarrass him by naming him here - let's just call him Cashley Mole.
8. The big man
Can refer to Peter Crouch or Andy Carroll or whatever big lump England have stuck up front to try and salvage a match.
9. The little man
Again, if you only have 100 words to work with, why waste time learning everyone's names? This covers the likes of Jack Wilshere, Ashley Young and Jermain Defoe. He could then also use 'the ugly man' to refer to Wayn... no, that's just cruel.
10. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse...
What he can say to the media whenever they ask him how he hopes to persuade a club manager to release a key player. (We didn't want to pepper this feature with cheap mafia gags - but we're allowed one, surely?)
11. Playing away
Capello probably hears this phrase all the time in his line of work, but he needs to learn that there are two meanings to the phrase. It can also mean you have a fixture away from Wembley, Fabio!
12. 4-3-3
The answer to all England's problems - a formation that can beat any team. Or at least a team that is 15 places below Antigua and Barbuda in the world rankings, at least.
13. The lad was triffic, just triffic
One way to quash the barrage of speculation surrounding Harry Redknapp succeeding the Italian would be to adopt a few of the East Londoner's mannerisms.
14. Have you got an English granny?
Worked for Ireland in the late Eighties/early Nineties. Could see a whole new crop of players added to the national pool.
15. What would Jose do?
The accepted fact that Jose Mourinho is the new messiah could prompt the Italian to adopt this life-changing maxim into his everyday work.
16. Show me your medals?
Another useful phrase he can use if any Arsenal or Manchester City players decide to give him some lip.
17. Pretend you're German
To be shouted at any player who goes up to take a penalty for England.
18. Have you got Roberto Mancini's number?
The Manchester City boss hasn't been in England nearly as long as Capello, but seems to be doing pretty well with the language. If Fabio ever gets stuck, surely he could just ring Roberto for a quick translation?
19. I didn't see it
People praise the managerial and linguistic skills of Arsene Wenger all the time, so Fabio could slip in the Arsenal boss's favourite phrase whenever one of his players is accused of a dirty tackle.
20. It will cost you
All Fabio needs to say if the FA ever tries to get rid of him early.
Fabio Capello has insisted that he needs just 100 words to fulfil his £6 million-a-year job as England manager.
The Italian has been in charge for nearly three and a half years now, but is still struggling to learn the language.
At his press conference on Tuesday he responded to criticism of his linguistic skills by saying: "I think when I speak with them (the players), they understand everything.
"If I need to speak about the economy or other things, I can't. But with tactics, I don't have to speak about a lot of different things. Maximum 100 words."
We don't know what 100 words Capello has decided to master, but here are some stock phrases that we think would make his job a hell of a lot easier.
1. You are my captain
Could prevent huge confusion when the players look around at each other wondering who exactly is the England captain at any given time.
2. You are not my captain anymore
Again, a useful phrase that could clear up lots of issues, especially when the current captain gets up to some mischief that merits the stripping of the armband. Should also be said to Rio Ferdinand next time he sees him.
3. Hands off
Useful phrase that can be used in numerous incidents, such as "hands off the ball", "hands off that striker who keeps diving" or "hands off your team-mate's girlfriend".
4. What did Steve McClaren do?
If there is any confusion during training or matches, this could help clear things up.
5. Do the opposite
Standard reply after someone answers question four.
6. Don't 'do a Gascoigne'
There are all sorts of troublesome things that England players can get up to. Capello would never have any chance of learning them all, but this stock phrase should cover most of them.
7. Shoot THE BALL
A seemingly obvious message, but could be handy for one player in particular. We won't embarrass him by naming him here - let's just call him Cashley Mole.
8. The big man
Can refer to Peter Crouch or Andy Carroll or whatever big lump England have stuck up front to try and salvage a match.
9. The little man
Again, if you only have 100 words to work with, why waste time learning everyone's names? This covers the likes of Jack Wilshere, Ashley Young and Jermain Defoe. He could then also use 'the ugly man' to refer to Wayn... no, that's just cruel.
10. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse...
What he can say to the media whenever they ask him how he hopes to persuade a club manager to release a key player. (We didn't want to pepper this feature with cheap mafia gags - but we're allowed one, surely?)
11. Playing away
Capello probably hears this phrase all the time in his line of work, but he needs to learn that there are two meanings to the phrase. It can also mean you have a fixture away from Wembley, Fabio!
12. 4-3-3
The answer to all England's problems - a formation that can beat any team. Or at least a team that is 15 places below Antigua and Barbuda in the world rankings, at least.
13. The lad was triffic, just triffic
One way to quash the barrage of speculation surrounding Harry Redknapp succeeding the Italian would be to adopt a few of the East Londoner's mannerisms.
14. Have you got an English granny?
Worked for Ireland in the late Eighties/early Nineties. Could see a whole new crop of players added to the national pool.
15. What would Jose do?
The accepted fact that Jose Mourinho is the new messiah could prompt the Italian to adopt this life-changing maxim into his everyday work.
16. Show me your medals?
Another useful phrase he can use if any Arsenal or Manchester City players decide to give him some lip.
17. Pretend you're German
To be shouted at any player who goes up to take a penalty for England.
18. Have you got Roberto Mancini's number?
The Manchester City boss hasn't been in England nearly as long as Capello, but seems to be doing pretty well with the language. If Fabio ever gets stuck, surely he could just ring Roberto for a quick translation?
19. I didn't see it
People praise the managerial and linguistic skills of Arsene Wenger all the time, so Fabio could slip in the Arsenal boss's favourite phrase whenever one of his players is accused of a dirty tackle.
20. It will cost you
All Fabio needs to say if the FA ever tries to get rid of him early.