max factor

[chance]

Maxwell was persuaded to let Saskia put mascara on him after she and Derek had complimented the gooner on his pretty eyes.

"He has the most beautiful eyes. I could look at them all day," said Derek.

"I wouldn't go that far," sniped Craig.

Maxwell could only manage a muttered "*******ing 'ell, Derek."

But when Saskia wanted to give his mince pies a butcher's, he was all ears. She suggested putting mascara on him after pointing out his long luscious eyelashes.

"What's good about that?" asked Maxwell, baffled.

"It's the best quality in a man," she insisted.

"Get him in the gym. He'll be drop dead gorgeous," said Derek, showing more interest in Maxwell than he ever had done.

"Poor bloke. He's alright as he is," said a sympathetic Craig.

Derek continued to coo as Saskia applied the make up. "They're beautiful. Do you think if we put mascara on his c**k it would get bigger?"

"I wouldn't hold your breath on that one," said Craig.

Once his make up session was over, Maxwell went to the mirror to check out his new beauty. "Oh my God," he said. "Take that off!"

But Craig had the last laugh, telling him, "In your own words, you mincer!"