“If you’ve got a problem with a lass or fella,
Pop in’t back and talk to Stella”
And so say all of us! Stella's helped everyone round these parts. She’s been raising money for them starving kiddies in hot countries an’ that by embarking on a ‘Therapathon’ - where folk sponsor her for therapeutic sessions in the back room of the Rovers - or "Stella's Surgery" as she calls it - so she can give ‘em advice on a number of issues ranging from problems with their marriage to the best way to boil an egg using nowt but a flask of tepid water and a lace hankie. I've even heard rumour she’s going to singlehandedly look for Gail McIntyre’s dad who’s been missing presumed Ted!
The only folk round here who don’t seem to be impressed with Stella’s superhuman ability to understand the inner thoughts and insecurities of us lesser mortals are Peter and Carla! She's onto 'em! I’m not flamin’ surprised though, it’s only a matter of time before their secret is out. I’ve been getting taxis for the pair of ‘em to fandangle with one another for weeks now and I reckon it’s gonna end in tears – Simon’s probably, poor lad. Still, at least if it's all out in't open they won't have to meet in a back passage.
After finding a cancer cure and developing a non-genetically modified way of growing hairy vegetables that will feed the world’s hungry while providing them with warm clothes, Stella is probably gonna buy the Rovers if she can find the money… after she’s run a marathon in aid of blind hamsters and troubled stoats… AND after she’s raised awareness for men’s baldness by shaving her own hair off and re-growing it using the patent hair follicle repairing lotion she created using the distilled tears of joy from orphans she has helped to find homes…
Actually, now I come to think about it, Dev in’t too happy with Stella either. It’s not been going well for the Alahans of late . Sunita has been very down and confided in Stella (well why not? It’s not like she’s a virtual stranger) about her worries. Stella isn’t the only casual acquaintance Sunita has been papping on to about her problems, she’s been telling me about Dev’s inability to satisfy her appetite! Apparently he never cooks enough food to go round and prioritises Aadi and himself over the two lasses (or three when Amber’s round their house for a meal) - sexist!