Rebekah Gibbs has breast cancer

[samantha nixon]

taken from the mirror

EXCLUSIVE: Casualty's Rebekah Gibbs, 35, reveals her shock at being given the devastating news she has breast cancer
"By the time you read this, I will be lying on an operating table as surgeons try to cut out a lump from my breast.

It's a fairly small lump really, about the size of a walnut, but it is doing a great job of trying to screw up my life at the moment.

It was only last week that I got the final diagnosis - grade three breast cancer.

First a male doctor asked me gravely: 'What do you know about cancer? I think you've got it.'

Two days later a cancer specialist nurse told me gently that his hunch had been right.

She didn't use the word aggressive, but I know that it is. I don't need to look up statistics on the internet to know I may not make it.

You may remember me from Casualty a couple of years ago where I played Nina, a paramedic.

Then medical emergencies and hospital wards were all in a day's work for me. Maybe I never realised the full reality of what hospitals and doctors mean to people until now. Before, I left the chaos behind at the end of the day.

I've never even had an operation before today. And I'm scared.

It seems incredible now that only 11 weeks ago I was in hospital giving birth to my first baby, Gigi.

Then it was a moment of total joy.

This time as I pack my bag to go in it's with a different set of emotions.

I can't bear the thought that I might not be around as Gigi grows up. She's only 11 weeks old - she needs me for God's sake

I already know instinctively what she needs. I know when she cries or just wants a hug. I know what she likes and what she doesn't. If I'm not here who will smile at her in the morning?

I can't imagine her growing up without me - the thought of it is what makes me break down crying.

I have absolutely got to get through this. When I was pregnant I packed up boxes of photos, keepsakes and memories as a legacy for my unborn baby, I wanted to have my things in order.

I just didn't imagine I'd need to do it so soon.

During the operation, the lump, which is below my armpit on the side of my left breast, will be removed. The surgeons will also remove lymph glands and do tests to see if the cancer has spread.

I first felt the lump when I was seven months' pregnant back in November.

When you're pregnant you are obsessed with your body and know it inside out, so lying in bed I was immediately concerned when I felt a lump.

I went to see my GP who at the time reassured me she didn't think it was anything to worry about but that I should keep a close eye on it.

I'm not cross she didn't pick up on it straight away. It was her job to calm a heavily pregnant and hormonal woman. Then I noticed it was still there.

I went back and again my GP reassured me. Pregnancy does strange things to your body. It was probably just a lump or bump.

The funny thing is deep down my gut instinct told me it was breast cancer.

But I allowed my more practical mind to take over. I was so young it seemed unlikely, and I had becoming a mum to worry about.

On January 30 Gigi was born. It was the happiest day of my life.

But as I nursed her in the night and breast-fed her I could still feel the lump. It was still there and I was sure it was bigger.

It was my fiance Ashley, 40, who kept on pushing me for a second opinion. This time my GP didn't hesitate and I was immediately referred for tests.

I kept thinking back to a storyline I was involved in on Casualty when my stepsister had cancer. I didn't want cancer to creep into my real life. But it had.

When the diagnosis finally came I just felt numb. My consultant was talking about booking me in for surgery and that I'd need to stay in hospital for three days. All I could think about was 'Shall I get a babysitter for Gigi?' and 'What'll Ash do for his dinner?'

I do feel weak at times and the temptation is there to roll up into a little ball in a darkened room and refuse to get dressed. But I can't.

I will get up every morning and give Gigi her bottle (sadly I can't breast-feed any more) and I will cuddle her when she cries in the night. I need to be her mum.

My emotions change by the minute. Sometimes I'm sad and cry but other times I laugh. Sometimes I tell myself, 'It's only little. It's a little lump and soon it'll be gone.' Then other times I'm distraught.

There have been real feelings of anger too. It makes me angry that I have to do this when Gigi needs her mother. Why did it have to happen now?

I was the healthiest person I knew; I go to the gym all the time and my diet is rich with vegetables, fruit, fish and water.

My grandmother had breast cancer in her 80s, but I'm only 35! Why have I got it? I don't want to be on this journey, but I am.

So when I'm out of hospital I'm going to go for lovely walks with my baby and only then will I start to think about the next step of the journey - chemotherapy.

I'm going to make plans, go for nice lunches, have friends round, visit the theatre, sit in the garden and finally use my picnic hamper. Ash and I are engaged but before I wasn't bothered about getting married.

Now I'm thinking of setting a date, possibly for next year. It'll be something to look forward to.

In the meantime I'm going to spend every precious moment I can with Ash and Gigi.

I'm going to get up, shower and dress every day - and put my lipgloss on. No matter what, I'm painting on a smile."

[CrazyLea]

I don't know whether this is because I'm drunk, but that made me cry .

I really hope she gets through this. If not for her then for her daughter.

She's so young. She doesn't deserve this!

Also bless her for carrying on despite how she feels I just want to cry loads now lol!

P.s I know this is posted in the Celeb gossip, but now in as much detail, so think it should stay open.

[Abbie]

Awwww this is so sad, and it did bring tears to my eyes, I think its cos its all in the first person and its personal that we are reading which makes us have an insight to her thoughts which is sadder

[StarsOfCCTV]

P.s I know this is posted in the Celeb gossip, but now in as much detail, so think it should stay open.

Agreed.

It's an awful thing to have so young and to happen to such a talanted actress awell.

[Katy]

She is so young for this to happen to her. I hope that the operation goes well.

[Jojo]

P.s I know this is posted in the Celeb gossip, but now in as much detail, so think it should stay open.

Agreed.

It's an awful thing to have so young and to happen to such a talanted actress awell.

Thats why its not been moved or closed

I hope she makes a full recovery.

My friend is undergoing treatment for her 3rd bout of breast related cancer and has just celebrated her 40th. She first got it 7 yrs ago.

[samantha nixon]

Sorry I never realised it had been posted I only looked in the casualty bit

and my aunt had breast cancer aswell and suffered with it for 4 years with it keep coming back and stuff, but she died december 15th she was only 37

[StarsOfCCTV]

and my aunt had breast cancer aswell and suffered with it for 4 years with it keep coming back and stuff, but she died december 15th she was only 37

Same. I'm not sure what age and date she died because I was 4 but it was around the same age. I don't really like to ask about it. My dad was really close to her so he'd get upset if I asked.
Horrible disease.

[Chloe O'brien]

Cancer shows no mercy to the suffers and their families of this terrible disease. It's no longer grandparents who suffer it can affect anyone at any age. Let's hope that Rebbeka makes a full and speedy recovery to see her beautiful daughter grow up. and not loose the battle like so many other young woman.

[samantha nixon]

"Well, the operation is over and it's such a relief.

Before going in I was full of nervous energy, cleaning like a mad woman! I organised everything Gigi could possibly need ready for her stay with her Grandma.

Then on Wednesday last week, the day of the op, Ash and I were at the hospital by 7am watching GMTV, just like we always do.

The penny didn't really drop until they started to wheel me down to the theatre. I wanted to jump off the bed and run away.

But I knew I had to stay put.

When the anaesthetist started briefing me outside the theatre all I could do was nod. I knew if I tried to speak I would start to cry.

As they put me to sleep I stared at the clock and saw it was 8.15am. The last thing I remember was an itchy feeling at the back of throat.

When I came round I wasn't in pain because of the morphine but there was a tight feeling where my chest was bandaged.

I realised sleepily I had a drip in one arm and a drain in my armpit. I sipped some water and then the porter took me back to my room where Ash was waiting.

I felt physically numb and drained. But I was cheered to find 19 text messages on my phone.

I was inundated with flowers too. I feel really touched to have such thoughtful friends and family.

I asked Ash not to bring Gigi to the hospital. It's no place for a baby who is only 12 weeks old .

So instead he brought me videos and photos of her.

Seeing Gigi grow every day is getting me through this.

On Saturday morning I had the drain removed. I cannot tell you how painful it was. The physio told me I would only be able to lift my arm half way. It's an alien feeling to be so inactive.

When Ash came to collect me I was already packed and waiting. We went straight to see Gigi, but she was asleep!

I didn't have the heart to nudge her so wafted my perfume to see if that would stir her, but she was out for the count.

When she finally woke it was amazing. I'm in agony from my surgery - the scar under my arm is three inches long and really hurts - but nothing would stop me from cuddling my daughter.

So I picked her up, winced and had a lovely cuddle.

On Saturday night, while Ash was downstairs, I lay in bed and had a little cry.

Everything else I've worried about in the past seems insignificant compared to this.

But I'm lucky, I could have come round and found they'd taken off a whole boob.

At the end of a very angry Monday I realised I hadn't taken Gigi out for fresh air and felt annoyed. I know getting angry only upsets me more.

On Tuesday, just as another angry day loomed like a rain cloud, Gigi cheered me up.

I'm always blowing bubbles at her and today she started blowing bubbles back, dribbling down her top. She's a clever little girl. It made my day.

So I put on my perfume, make-up and gladrags and met some girlfriends for lunch.

Tomorrow is a big day as I'll get my results.

During the operation they took away the lump, my lymph glands and some cells to be tested. So tomorrow they'll tell me if the cancer has spread.

I don't know how I'll feel if it has, but at least I'll know what I'm facing.

See you next week."