Starting a family??

[Gem288]

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone could help please.

My partner and I are discussing the possibility of starting a family.

However, there are many worries that I have about pregnancy and birth etc.... that I need to talk to someone about before I go into this.

Can you suggest who I can go and sit down with and have a good chat and get some good sound medical advice etc.....?

My doctor’s surgery is always so busy, that a doctor would not have the time to sit and chat about my worries and insecurities, and I’m unsure how qualified midwives are at the medical stuff??? I don’t mean that disrespectfully at all!!!

Or is there any Mums or Mum's to be on here that think they might be able to help???

Sorry if I have rambled on a bit!!!

I just have some real worries and my partner and I don’t really know who to turn to??

Thanks in advance if you take the time to reply!!

Gem xxxx

[Jojo]

I'm a mum of four boys the youngest being 5 1/2 months if I can help at all??

A lot depends on what sort of medical concerns/worries you have on who you would then speak to.

[Siobhan]

I'm a mum of four boys the youngest being 5 1/2 months if I can help at all??

A lot depends on what sort of medical concerns/worries you have on who you would then speak to.

Like Em, I am mother too but would be unsure of the medical question (some I could possible answer depends on what is asked)

There is a lot of mothers here so ask if you have any worries. Welcome to the boards btw

[Chloe]

You could always try a magazine such as Pregnancy & Birth, or Prima Baby. These both include interviews from mums and mums-to-be, as well as medical advice from midwives etc.

[Gem288]

Hi

Thank you to those who have offered to listen and see if they can help!! That’s very kind

I hope these boards are judgement free and that everyone is entitled to their feelings and worries??

Please accept my apologies for my rambling over the next few paragraphs, I just have a lot in my head and it’ll all be trying to get out at once – I hope it all makes reasonable sense!!!

My first big worry is that I have Cerebral Palsy, Downs Syndrome and Breast Cancer in my family and I want to know what my chances are of my baby and/or me (obviously just the breast cancer) developing any of these and what tests are available to me and what the risks of these tests are? And what my options are afterwards??
The Cerebral Palsy is my second cousin, The Downs Syndrome is my brother and the breast cancer is both of my Nan’s and an Aunty on my Mums side.

My other big worry is that I have in the past (very badly) and still occasionally do now, suffer from Anxiety and panic attacks. I have been offered anti depressants in the past but have always declined them and luckily managed to get myself through without the need for them.
I will take a Diazepam (Valium) tablet once in a very very blue moon, if I really do struggle.
My worry is that will pregnancy and childbirth increase my anxiety and panic or will it help it or will it depend on the person??
Obviously I cant take meds like this during pregnancy, so I am worried if it gets worse during pregnancy – what on earth am I going to do??? What if I can’t cope??
Has anyone ever suffered from Anxiety and panic and had babies? How did you cope/find it?

Should I plan my pregnancy so that I am pregnant in the good weather (sunny and hot) or so the baby arrives in good weather – as my anxiety and panic are slightly better in the good sunny weather!!

Giving birth – well where do I start here!!! Everything about this worries and terrifies me.
Injections going wrong, bleeding to death (I’m so dramatic aren’t I), still birth etc…..
What options do I have, what pain relief is out there and what are their benefits and risks etc…
I know all women worry about this and I know its just something I have to do, but I am genuinely terrified!!!

All the above aside, I really really do want nothing more than to become a Mum, I have a huge family and I love kids and I am great with them, I am god mother to some of my friends babies and I ache ever time I say good bye to them, I really am ready to be a Mum, its just the getting there!!
And now we (my partner and I) have said we’ll start to try – all these worries have overwhelmed me!!!

And what if I can’t protect my baby while it’s growing inside me??? – I’ll shh now, I promise!!

I am sorry if all the above just seems like a good old moan, and if I have come across as someone who just likes to moan about how bad things are – because that is not my intention!!
I realise that compared to some people’s problems, mine are nothing.
But theses are my thoughts and worries and I would love some advice/help please.

Now you can see why I needed to know who I can go to about all this, coz I think my doctor will just get board and either kick me out or have me sectioned Ha Ha!!!!

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this and I hope you’re not board or fed up!!!

Much Love Gem xxxx

[Siobhan]

Gem..

1st, there is no judgements on here, we have opinions that some may not like but it is very well moderated so any personal attack on any users (old or new) will result in a ban for the person making the attack

Ok.. I will try answer as much as possible from my own experience... I am not sure about the risk (high or low) of breast cancer been passed to a child. Maybe someone with medical background can help you there

As for panic attack etc, every woman whether they have panic attacks or not will always feel fretty carrying a child.. I know I did but you have to keep thinking millions of women have done this, thousands are doing it every day and it is a beautiful wonderful thing to have happen to you. I don't think as a fretful person you should have any problems in that regards.

I had both my kids during summer (ish) one was in July so summer had just started and other was in September (after the summer) and I would much rather have a winter baby, Summer killed me. My sister had all winter babies and she said it was better cause by the time they were old enough and alert she could take them out in the summer and enjoy her days with them.. she didn't mind stay indoor for winter with new born

Birth going wrong, very very rarely happens.. if you or your baby is any sort of trouble the Doctors can deal with this.. As for pain relief, I had it all but then some people opt for home/water births and had no pain relief and enjoyed it.. Again this depends on the woman herself.. Me it took hours for both my kids and I had the epidural.. my sister took minutes to have her kids and she has nothing.. I wanted no pain relief on any of my kids but when the time came, I was a wuss and got everything I could.. You can change your mind anytime about pain relief.

BTW.. this is the best place to have a good ole moan and rant..
Hope some of this helps and I am sure other mum's will give their input to you

[Gem288]

Regarding the Breast Cancer comment, i meant that with all my hormones rageing would it increase my chances of getting it!!

Thanks for reading and taking the time to reply!!!

Gem xxxx

[Jojo]

Hormones raging during pregnancy, as far as I've heard, doesn't increase Breast Cancer chances and I know its highly promoted to breast feed to help reduce te risks (but I'm not a doctor)

My boys are in June, Oct and Dec and for me June and Oct were very hard, trying to cope with the hot weather whereas my Dec deliveries were easier as such because the weather was cooler when I was bigger.

Childbirth problems - the risks of something happening during labour are extremely rare - midwives are trained to notice any signs of distress and any problems, trying to ensure that all deliveries are as problem free as possible. Which the majority are. I've had a homebirth, as well as hospital births, all with no pain relief, which was my preference. But don't discount having any pain relief either as sometimes you will get in to the throws of labour and decide that enough is enough and you need some help coping. All people find the different pain relief's help them in different ways, so don't listen to horror stories from people about how bad the pethidine affected them, or how the epidural was awful, or how they coped with nothing - we are all different.

With regards to DS, CP etc - my youngest son after having a nuchal scan was 1:5 chance of having DS. I could choose whether to undergo a CVS where they take fluid from the amniotic sac at 12/14 wks which tests the chromosone make up. This also shows other syndromes such as Turners and Edwards and will also reveal the sex of the baby if you wished to know. I have a friend whose first daughter has DS but her two boys both haven't got DS. I have another friend whose eldest son is "normal" (if there is such a thing), her next son has DS, but then her newest addition, her daughter, is also "normal". I don't believe it to be a possibly hereditary condition (but again, I'm not medically qualified).

If you suffer from panic attacks etc, there is no reason to think they'll get worse when you are pregnant, I know women who suffer from depression and they have coped brilliantly during and after pregnancy. Their m/w's have kept a slightly closer eye on them during pregnancy, more by talking to them etc and the HV's the same, but if you are anxious etc, it doesn't mean that it will get worse, nor does it mean you could have PND.

Feel free to rant/moan/ask questions, anything - we are all here to help if we can and if we can't, we have very good ears to listen.

I hope some of the above helps and keep asking questions if you wish.

x x x

[Chloe O'brien]

My daughter will be 10 this year (feck were has the years gone) but every mother suffers from panic and anxiety at some point Gem because they don't know what is ahead of them. Have you made an appointment with the family planning do discuss your fears as they can give you more advice and leaflets on medical conditions.

I had Marley in September so I was pregnant during the summer. I had a brilliant pregnancy not one illness and I didn't have a huge bump, which worried a few doctors at the time. What can I say about the birth is a different story I had to have a C-Section as Marley got stuck and was having difficulty breathing. I had an epidural (wish they sold that stuff in Threshers), which was a godsend. When I found out I was pregnant I decided I was having everything cause I'm a coward, but I do know females who have given birth without any pain relief.

Don't worry about ranting on here Gem you can ask anything.

[Jojo]

Snip......

When I found out I was pregnant I decided I was having everything cause I'm a coward, but I do know females who have given birth without any pain relief.

Don't worry about ranting on here Gem you can ask anything.

Me

What you also have to remember is that every pregnancy, labour and childbirth is different for each child you have aswell.