Hollyoaks fiction - the past always catches up in the end

[anna42hmr]

chapter 22

Three weeks had been and gone since they landed back in England and there lives had started to get back to normal, all the gang had gone there separate ways, back to there own homes, jobs and lives, but still keeping in contact with one another, and Jess tried to come to terms with the fact that her and Kris would never be, and that she had to carry on being a lone parent with her little angel.

Kris had never been one for tidying, so was only just getting round to sorting out things from his suitcase. As he was emptying his suitcase, he dropped his book on the floor, and in the corner of his eye, he saw something poking out the side of it. He walked over to take a closer look, it was then he realise what it was. He was puzzled as to how it got there as he threw it in the bin before he left Majorca. Suddenly it occurred to him “Zac, that little…” He walked over to his bin and threw the letter away, and headed out to work at the radio station.

Later that night he was in bed, but was unable to sleep, he walked up to the bin, and retrieved the letter, he sat on his bed with the un-open letter in front of him. He slowly opened the envelope and removed the letter, but as he was doing so, became angry with himself for being weak when it came to her. In a mood, he ripped the letter into pieces and threw them back in the bin, not noticing the photos that had fell on the floor. Kris subsequently decided to go back to bed.

It was not until the next evening, that he noticed the 3 photos being kept together by a paperclip. He picked them up, and started at the photos, the first one was just black and white, and could hardly make out what he was looking at, the second was of a new born baby, being held in someone’s arms, but the person who was holding her could not be seen, and the second was of a beautiful little girl, who he realised was the little girl who was with Jess at the beach. It was then that it dawned on him that the 3 pictures were of the little girl Jess claimed was his.

He just sat on his bed staring at the photos in front of him; he was unable to take his eyes from the pictures. Part of him thought that it was fate that he had found them today, he had tried to forget what day today was but was unable to it was fathers day, a day that he was no longer able to celebrate since his parents had cut him off, but maybe, just maybe he could have a family afterall.

It was then, for the first time since Steph had given him the letter, had he decided he finally wanted to find out what Jess had to say. He went to his bin, got the pieces of paper out and sat for the next half an hour, putting together the jigsaw that the letter had become and celotaped it together.

[anna42hmr]

chapter 23

Kris had finally taped the pages of the letter together, and got the courage to read what she had written.

“Kris, I never thought I would be writing this, so I have no idea where to start, I know most people say start from the beginning, but for us that has always been complicated, is that from when we first met, or the first time we kissed playing spin the bottle, the bathroom incident, valentines day, the stuff that happened with will or your family etc, the list goes on, so much so I don’t even know when it was I fell in love with you, I guess since day one a part of me always has done, you were so different, so infuriating, so argumentative, and sure of yourself, but at the same time sweet, loving, funny and kind, and I know you are dying to read it, you are sexy as well.”

Kris could not help but laugh at this, also remembering making love to her for the first time on Valentines day.

“We went through so much you and I Kris, and you know as well as I do our relationship was always interesting, it sometimes felt we were leaping from one crisis to another, but all through it my love for you never stopped, and if I am honest it still hasn’t. I still love you with all of my heart, part of me wishes I didn’t, as it would be so much easier, but you cant make yourself fall out of love with someone. I am not expecting you to still love me, or even like me, I cant blame you for hating me and not speaking to me after all I have done, and this letter is not to try and force you to forgive me either, I just need to set the record straight, and to try and undo some of the hurt and harm I caused by leaving how I did.

I wish so badly that I could turn back time, and take that back, but I cant, so here I am trying to explain to you what had happened. We had just gotten back together when I found out, I was so afraid Kris, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to tell you, but I did not want to rock the boat, it never seemed to be the right time, there was always someone else around or when it was just you and me, I did not want to spoil the moment. You remember that not long before I left, Rachel, from your course got pregnant, I tried to broach the subject then, but your response made me more afraid to tell you, that she was too young, that she was throwing away the degree etc, and I knew deep down you were right, and that just like her, if I kept the baby our life would be changed completely. It was then that I decided to go to the clinic, I had an abortion booked, and even went there on the day it was meant to be, but just as I was walking in I realised I couldn’t do it, I wanted our baby, no matter what the consequences were. Over the next few days, I tried to work out how to tell you, then all hell broke loose between us, you thought I had been cheating because I had become slightly distant (when infact I was nervous and confused about telling you), then when you realised I was telling the truth, we got back on track again, that night was the best night ever, and it was then I decided to tell you once and for all about the baby.

I was lying in your arms, and we started talking about families, and children, and how families can screw each other up, and how you never wanted to put your child through what you had with your family. Looking back, I know it was a flippant remark you made, and I cant even remember exactly how it was said, but it was that moment I realised you did not want a baby with me, or in your life at that time, that you wanted the freedom to do what you wanted when you wanted and that you would resent such a tie. It was also at that point when I reflected on how our relationship had been that it was so on and off, and from one crisis to another, I realised that it was not the best kind of relationship to bring a child into.

That night I was lying in your arms, you were fast asleep, your hand was on my stomach, right above the child you were not even aware of existing. I was trying so hard to stop my tears, hoping you would not wake up, because I knew if you woke up with me crying there was no way I would be able to hide the pregnancy from you, and my biggest fear was of you rejecting us, I was scared and could not handle that possibility. Looking back, I wish you had woken up, because no matter what would have happened then, would not be as bad as this.

I remember that morning I woke up with you looking down at me, watching me sleep, and your smile when you realised I was awake broke my heart, you kissed me with so much passion, I never wanted to let you go, you made love to me and I wanted to remember every second of it, as I knew it would be the last time we would be like that. I could not handle saying goodbye or the confrontation, and I knew if I had to say goodbye I would not have the strength to do so, so when everyone had left the halls, I packed up everything and got in the taxi.

I went at first to mum and dad, and explained everything to them, I was nervous at first to tell them, but they were amazing. I needed to get away from everything for a while, so a friend of my parents said I could stop with them for a while over here, (by the way Kris, the guy you saw me with was their son, he is a friend and nothing more, I swear to you, there has been no one since you, all those years ago). After a while I started to settle in Majorca, I landed a job, and managed to afford the apartment, so I decided to stay here with Katie and make our life here.

It was hard at first just me and her being here, but we settled, she reminds me of you so much Kris, so much that it breaks my heart looking at her sometimes, but at the same time it is comforting, as part of you is with me, so I am never totally alone.”

Kris continued to read Jess’s letter, but it was harder for him to focus, as the tears streaming down his face were blurring his vision. Jess went on to tell him more about Katie, their life, and how she felt about him and also how to contact her, with her home, and work addresses and phone numbers, in the hope that one day he would change his mind and be a part of their lives. Jess’s letter then finished with the following paragraph, which is the one that broke Kris heart in two.

“I have enclosed 3 pictures of our little girl, one is of her scan, one of me holding her when she was born, and one taken only a few weeks ago, look at the recent picture Kris, and you will see why she reminds me so much of you. By the way, Katie’s full name is Katie Kristina Francis Harris, I hope you don’t mind, so I wanted her to have something of yours, even if you aren’t in her life, so I decided to change Kris to Kristina, and use Francis, I know you hate that name and that is why you use Kris, but it is part of you.

I understand if you want nothing to do with me, I don’t blame you, and whilst my heart screams for us to be together, I understand that it is too late for us, that I have betrayed and hurt you too much for you to be with me, no matter how much I want that, but please if you ever change your mind about Katie, please please I beg you, contact me, I wont put pressure on you, but I would love out daughter to know what a wonderful father she has. If you don’t even want to see me, I can arrange for friends of mine to act as go between if you want to visit who can bring her back and forth if seeing me is too much for you.

You are always in my heart and mind, I am so sorry Kris, I know that words cant take back what I did to you and Katie, by leaving how I did and by not giving you the choice. I know that this may sound like excuses, but it is how I felt and my reasons at the time, whether they were right or wrong.

All my love
Jess
xxx

[anna42hmr]

chapter 24
It had been a few days since Kris had read the letter, the content of his letter going around and around his head, he knew in his heart what he wanted to do but he did not know if he could do it, if he could risk being hurt again. Kris had arranged to meet up with Zoë for the weekend, with her in London, he did not see her all that often, but she had a presentation in Manchester for work, so they had arranged for her to come and stay before she went back to London. Zoë could tell that he was distracted and could guess who it was over. Since she had gotten back, she became less angry at Jess as Steph had told her bits and pieces about what had gone on, but she could not forgive or forget what had happened.

The pair of them had just come back from fetching some chips and a dvd, and had decided to sit and watch the film, Kris however was distracted, Zoë realised this and switched the dvd off

“Whats wrong Kris?”
“Nothing, I am fine”
“No your not, something is up Kris, Spill it”
“Before we left Majorca, Jess gave Steph a letter for me, I chucked it in the bin before we came back, this is it,” Kris pulled the letter out of his pocket, as he had a habit of carrying it around with him, afraid if he put it down somewhere he would loose it
“How is it here then, if you chucked it out there”
“It seems that Zack retrieved it from the bin, and hid it among my stuff, I only found it a few days ago.”
Zoë looked at the pink envelope that Kris had passed to her.
“Read it Zo”
“Kris, I cant this is private between you and Jess,”
“I mean it read it, it may give you some of the answers you need to Zo, I know her leaving hurt you badly too”
Zoë felt strange at first reading what was obviously a private letter between two former lovers, but in reading it, she had a greater understanding on what Jess was going through and why she did it. Zoë too ended up crying whilst reading the letter, but in many ways the letter was cathartic also. Kris had left Zoë in the lounge of his flat to read the letter, but soon after she had finished, he came back into the lounge carrying the three pictures, and proudly showed her the pictures of his little girl.
“What are you going to do?”
“I haven’t a clue Zo, I really don’t”

[anna42hmr]

chapter 25

It was late on a Friday afternoon; Jess had finished work, and was lying by the pool at her apartment, watching Katie play near by. It had been 7 weeks since Kris had left, and in her heart, she knew that the dream of them being a family would forever remain that way, a dream. Whilst that thought broke her heart, she realised for her and Katie’s sake she would have to accept that, and move on. She had made a vow that tomorrow was a new day, and a new start, that she would put behind her any dreams and hopes she had that her and Kris would work out, and that from tomorrow, her birthday, she would concentrate on her and Katie’s future, just the two of them. She had no idea what she would tell Katie as she grew up, but Jess decided she would deal with that when the time came.

“Katie, come on sweetie, time to go in,” She called to her daughter as she picked up her belonging she had bought down with them, and hand in hand the two climbed the two flights of stairs to the apartment. Jess cooked the two of them some dinner, and then bathed her daughter. Katie loved to play in the bath, and from how wet Jess had gotten, you could be excused for thinking that Jess was the one that had the bath, not Katie. Jess loved these times, when it was just her and Katie playing carefree, and listening to Katie’s giggles made Jess feel complete, a feeling that was often absent in Jess’s life.

Once Jess put Katie into bed, she decided to open a bottle of wine, and decided that since she made the vow that from tomorrow she would put the past well and truly behind her, she allowed herself an indulgence, she opened a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and her old photo albums, before she put them away once and for all.

Jess had been flicking through the albums for over an hour, some of her growing up, with her family and friends, some of Katie when she was born, but one album caught her attention, the ones of her and her friends from HCC. The memories came flooding back to her, of RAG weeks, of the balls, of nights in watching the telly with the gang, to the silly spin the bottle games of truth or dare, her attention drawn to one photo in particular, of her and Kris, it had been from a ball they had gone to together, one of the first times they went as an “official” couple, she could not help but think how amazing they looked together. Kris had his arms around her protectively, and the look in her eyes was indescribable. Kris was wearing “normal” clothes a tailored “monkey suit” as he nicknamed it, not that it bothered Jess what he wore, as no matter what, she thought he was attractive, and Jess was in a bright red long ball dress, with her hair curling up around her face.

She had been staring at the photo for half an hour or so, Jess was lost in the memories of the past; she did not register the knocking at the door. Whoever it was had been knocking for at least 5 minutes before she had realised. Wiping away the single tear that had trickled down her face, she stood up and went to the door; curious as to who it would be at this time of the evening.

Jess was speechless when she opened the door, and was not sure if she was imagining what she was seeing. In front of her was the most handsome man she had ever seen, with a big cuddly teddy bear in one arm and a huge bunch of roses in the other.

chapter 26

They stood at the door staring at one another for a few moments, neither knowing what to say, Jess opened and closed her mouth a few times but nothing came out, so Kris could not resist commenting “turned into a fish whilst I was away” he joked with a grin on his face, suddenly the ice had melted between them, and both burst into laughter, at what neither could say.

Jess invited Kris into the apartment; he gave the roses to Jess, and then explained the teddy bear was for Katie. Jess was touched with his gesture; she kissed him on the cheek and went to the kitchen to put the roses into a vase. Kris took his chance whilst he was alone in her lounge to have a look around the room, his eye caught several photographs lined up along a shelf, one of Jess and Katie caught his eye, and looking at the photograph he could understand why Jess had said in the letter she had reminded her of him, even from a small photo, Kris could tell she had his smile and facial features.

“Scary isn’t it” she asked as she walked back into the room, with a nervous, shy smile on her face,
“What do you mean?”
“How much she resembles you, when she was first born, I thought I was imagining it, but the older she has got, the more she reminds me of you, from her smile, to her eyes, to her cheeky grin, and her mischievousness”

Jess offered Kris a glass of wine, and he put the photo back on the shelf. “You do know, you don’t just have to look at the photos you know, she is in the room down the hall, you can go and see her if you like.”
“You sure Jess,”
“Of course, she is your daughter, just try not to wake her, she is a nightmare to get to sleep at night, she will have you reading to her for hours”

Kris smiled, as Jess took his hand and led her to Katie’s bedroom. Jess opened the door quietly, and Kris got his first close up glimpse of his little girl. Kris walked towards Katie’s bed and knelt down on the floor, he just stared at her, for what seemed like hours, but in reality was merely a few minutes. As the little girl moved in her sleep, her hair fell over her face, Kris could not resist gently moving it back behind her tiny ear. He leant over and kissed the sleeping child on her cheek, all the while taking care not to wake her.

All the while, Jess was watching this, leaning on the doorframe, with a tear trickling down her face, but unlike the tears she had shed earlier, this was a tear of happiness and joy, as the moment she had dreamed of had just come true. She had witnessed the two people she loved most in the world, finally be in the same room together. Jess’s heart surged with a new hope, that maybe things would work out in the end.

Kris and Jess spent the next few hours talking, about Katie, about Jess leaving, and their lives now. The only subject that both were to frightened to raise, was their feelings for one another, as both were afraid of rocking the boat, or of being rejected by the other.

It was 2am before Kris eventually left the flat to return to the hotel he was staying that, just as Kris was leaving, the two of them hugged goodbye, not wanting to let go, but knowing that they had to.

[anna42hmr]

chapter 26

They stood at the door staring at one another for a few moments, neither knowing what to say, Jess opened and closed her mouth a few times but nothing came out, so Kris could not resist commenting “turned into a fish whilst I was away” he joked with a grin on his face, suddenly the ice had melted between them, and both burst into laughter, at what neither could say.

Jess invited Kris into the apartment; he gave the roses to Jess, and then explained the teddy bear was for Katie. Jess was touched with his gesture; she kissed him on the cheek and went to the kitchen to put the roses into a vase. Kris took his chance whilst he was alone in her lounge to have a look around the room, his eye caught several photographs lined up along a shelf, one of Jess and Katie caught his eye, and looking at the photograph he could understand why Jess had said in the letter she had reminded her of him, even from a small photo, Kris could tell she had his smile and facial features.

“Scary isn’t it” she asked as she walked back into the room, with a nervous, shy smile on her face,
“What do you mean?”
“How much she resembles you, when she was first born, I thought I was imagining it, but the older she has got, the more she reminds me of you, from her smile, to her eyes, to her cheeky grin, and her mischievousness”

Jess offered Kris a glass of wine, and he put the photo back on the shelf. “You do know, you don’t just have to look at the photos you know, she is in the room down the hall, you can go and see her if you like.”
“You sure Jess,”
“Of course, she is your daughter, just try not to wake her, she is a nightmare to get to sleep at night, she will have you reading to her for hours”

Kris smiled, as Jess took his hand and led her to Katie’s bedroom. Jess opened the door quietly, and Kris got his first close up glimpse of his little girl. Kris walked towards Katie’s bed and knelt down on the floor, he just stared at her, for what seemed like hours, but in reality was merely a few minutes. As the little girl moved in her sleep, her hair fell over her face, Kris could not resist gently moving it back behind her tiny ear. He leant over and kissed the sleeping child on her cheek, all the while taking care not to wake her.

All the while, Jess was watching this, leaning on the doorframe, with a tear trickling down her face, but unlike the tears she had shed earlier, this was a tear of happiness and joy, as the moment she had dreamed of had just come true. She had witnessed the two people she loved most in the world, finally be in the same room together. Jess’s heart surged with a new hope, that maybe things would work out in the end.

Kris and Jess spent the next few hours talking, about Katie, about Jess leaving, and their lives now. The only subject that both were to frightened to raise, was their feelings for one another, as both were afraid of rocking the boat, or of being rejected by the other.

It was 2am before Kris eventually left the flat to return to the hotel he was staying that, just as Kris was leaving, the two of them hugged goodbye, not wanting to let go, but knowing that they had to.

chapter 27

The next morning for the first time ever, both Jess and Kris woke up with a renewed sense of hope, and peace. Jess was rushing around the apartment with her wet hair up in a towel, sorting her stuff out. She had slept through her alarm and Kris was due any time now. Kris walked up the steps to the apartment, he was excited and nervous and afraid all at once, as he was finally going to meet his little girl. He had watched her sleep for over 20 minutes the previous night, but this was different, he would finally meet her properly, and he was scared that she would not like him, or was afraid of him.

Kris knocked on the apartment door, to find a flustered Jess on the otherside, “Sorry, I missed the alarm, I am running a bit late,”
“No problem, and happy birthday Jess” Kris replied as he kissed her gently on the cheek.
“I am just going to wake Katie up, I’ll be back in a minute”
Jess walked down the apartment hall and went into Katie’s room
“Wakey Wakey time to get up”
The little girl moved slowly, clearly reluctant to get out of the warm cosy bed. “Come on Little Miss, time to hey up, we have a guest”
“Up mommy, up” The little girl said with her arms held in the air. Jess knew Katie wanted to be picked up, so she did.
“There is someone I want you to meet in the lounge Katie”
“Who mummy?”
“I very dear friend of mine, his name is Kris”
“Kwis?”
“No,” Jess laughed, “Kris”
The little girl tried again, but did not quite get it right. The previous night, Jess and Kris had agreed that they would not tell Katie that he was her father immediately, that they would let her meet him as a person first and see how it went.

Jess carried the sleepy girl in her arms, towards the lounge, the sight took Kris’ breath away, as the two of them were a picture, Jess no longer seemed to be the spoilt, self centred rich kid he had once known, but an adult, a loving caring mother who’s child was the centre of her world. Katies head was leaning on her mums shoulder, Kris walked towards them
“Hello Katie”
“Hello,” she replied shyly, then hid her face in her mum’s neck,
“Oh dear, someone has gone shy have we” Jess teased her daughter “Wheres the little girl that usually cannot be quiet for two minutes” Jess paused in thought and could not help but add, “like someone else I know” Jess stated looking at Kris, with a grin on her face
“Ha Ha Jess, pot, kettle and black springs to mind” he grinned back

Whilst part of Kris was upset that his daughter was shy and nervous of him, his heart soared at the same time at the adorable little angel in front of him. Katie slowly turned towards him, and gently smiled, as she did so, Kris was taken aback, he knew she resembled him, that was clear when he saw her last night, but right at that moment, she looked so much like he did in photos of him as a child, they had the same eyes, smile and nose.

After a few minutes of chatting, (all the while Katie was in Jess’s arms) Jess put Katie on the floor, with some toys and went to the kitchen to do the three of them some breakfast, Kris offered to help, but Jess declined, as she decided to leave the two of them alone to be acquainted with one another, and Jess knew if she stayed in the room, Katie would probably cling onto her.

Kris was not sure what to do at first, whether to talk to her, to ask her for a hug, or to see if he could play with her, he did not have long to worry about it though, as Katie soon made it clear what she wanted “Kwis down” “Kwis play” as she stated as she tried to pull him down to where she was sitting on the floor. Kris knelt down on the floor beside her and the two of them played games with her ‘My Little Pony’s’ that were scattered over the floor. Kris had known for a while that he was a father, but it was only now that it seemed real to him as he was sitting beside her playing with her toys.

Jess purposely took her time to prepare the breakfast, hoping that Kris and Katie were becoming comfortable with each other in her absence. When she could not drag the task out any further, without ruining breakfast, she walked towards the lounge, and peeked through the doorway, making sure that neither was aware of her presence, and watched the two of them laughing and giggling at the imaginary games they were playing with the toys. A smile spread upon Jess’s face, at seeing the sight in front of her, though at the same time, there was a tinge of guilt behind it, because she knew that they could have had years of this before had she not kept her secret from Kris.

“Come on you pair, breakfast is going to get cold,” both jumped up and walked towards the dining area, and sat down as Jess dished the breakfast up.

[anna42hmr]

chapter 28
It was now 8 in the evening, and Kris was back in his hotel room thinking and remembering the day he had just spent with Jess and Katie. The day had been magical, they had spent the morning playing on the beach and had a picnic, then they had taken Katie to Sealand, Kris could not help but adore the little girl as she watched with amazement the dolphins and seal shows, and the parrot show. Not to mention all the fish, the penguins, the crocodiles and alligators. On the drive back towards the apartment, the three of them stopped of at a nearby play ground, and Kris had the time of his life, sitting on the swings with his little girl on his lap, all the while he and Katie were begging Jess to push them faster. Kris looked at some of the photos he had taken with his mobile phone, and flicking through he found two that Jess must have taken without them realising, one it was him and Katie sitting together on the swing, his arms around his daughters waist, and the other one was of the two of them building castles in the sand, both had smiles on their faces, and Katie was leaning against Kris’ side. After Kris had gone back with them to the apartment, he and Jess chatted for a little while, and then gave Jess her birthday present, a silver necklace with mating earrings and bracelet, Jess kissed him on the cheek and thanked Kris for the present.

Jess was currently having a birthday meal with friends, she had all but begged Kris to join her, but he insisted he did not want to intrude, and said he could do with a lie down at the hotel. He did agree to meet them at a local club later that evening though. Jess was having a lovely meal with her friends, but could not help feel a bit distracted, wishing Kris was here with her now. She had told her friends about Kris during the meal, and what an amazing day they had had, but all the while she was unsure what would happen once he went home, as he only had 2 more nights until he was flying back to the UK. Jess could tell from the way that he and Katie had bonded with one another earlier in the day, that no matter what, Kris would be in Katie’s life one way or another, but her thoughts were bought back to the letter she had wrote him, more particularly the part that she would not push him into being with her, and that if he never wanted to see her, and only see Katie, she would not force him, however Jess could not help but fear that this may happen, she had finally got him in her life again, and was afraid to hear that it was only their daughter he wanted anything to do with. Jess’s friends tried to reassure her that if that was the case, then why would Kris buy her the roses the previous night, the jewellery for her birthday, and why would he be coming to meet them at the club tonight. All of which Jess held on to with hope, but at the same time would not allow her to get her hopes up. Jess started to relax and wind down though having a few glasses of wine and a chat with her friends. Katie was staying the night with her parents friends, so she would not have to pick her up until the next day, so Jess was determined to have a good night, as it was not often she was able to have a proper night out.

It was 9.30pm by the time they had arrived at the club Jess and her friends got a table and were chatting, laughing and dancing the night away, Jess kept looking around to see if Kris had arrived yet, but it was 45 minutes later that he arrived. She saw him instantly, and there eyes locked with one another, Jess walked towards Kris as he was walking towards her, and gave each other a brief hug, as Jess took his hand and lead him towards her friends, Jess introduced them one by one, she had already told them about his cross dressing so they were not too shocked to see him wearing eyeliner and nail varnish. It was not long until the old good-humoured banter between Jess and Kris had re-started, and Jess’ friends watched on with amazement, all seemed to like Kris though, as they realised that they were seeing a sparkle in Jess’s eyes that they had never seen before.


chapter 29

By now it was the early hours of the morning, the whole group were on the dance floor, enjoying every minute of the night out. Jess’s new shoes had started to hurt her, so she and Paula had decided to go and sit down, Kris was at the bar ordering them some drinks.
“God I am knackered, I am out of practice at this” Jess commented to Paula as she sat down
“You enjoying yourself though?”
Jess did not reply. Paula realised she was distracted
“Earth calling Jess, Earth calling Jess!” her friend laughed, whilst waiving her hand in front of her face, as Jess was starring towards the bar
“Sorry, what was that, I was miles away”
“I noticed, I asked if you were enjoying yourself”
“I am thanks, I am loving it”
“I take it that its mainly to do with him though”
“I have no idea what you are talking about”
“Very funny Jess, you’ve hardly been able to take your eyes off him all night” Jess blushed at her friends statement, knowing that it was true “I will admit Jess, he is not someone I would’ve imagined you with, he just seems so different”
“I know what you mean, but that’s part of the attraction in a way, that he’s not afraid to be himself, he is fascinating, intelligent, beautiful, funny, stubborn, argumentative, and he does not let me get away with anything, he does not pander to my every whim, he stands up to me, and sometimes that’s what I need, don’t get me wrong, he is the kindest, sweetest most loving person to me, but if he thinks I am acting like a brat, he is more than happy to point it out.”
“You’re still in love with him” It was more of a statement than a question, as both Paula and Jess new the answer, “Tell him, whilst you have the chance”
“He already knows how I feel, I told him everything in a letter, look I cant push it, for all I know he could still be angry at me, and not trust me and I don’t blame him, this could all be because he wants to have a relationship with our child”
“But Jess if that…” Paula was unable to continue that sentence as Kris had reached the table with their drinks
“Ladies here you go,”
“Thanks Kris”
“Yeah thanks”
Kris sat down beside Jess and the three of them started chatting, slowly one by one Jess’s other friends came to sit down and join the conversation.
It was then that Kris decided to stand up
“Right, time for a toast to the birthday girl, Happy birthday Jess, hope all your dreams come true”
“To Jess,” her friends chorused.
Jess blushed, “Thankyou everyone, today has been amazing, thankyou all”

The music had started to slow down at the club, so it was then that Kris whispered in Jess’s ear “Dance with me?”
“I’d love to” she stated as Kris took her hand and led her towards the dance floor.

chapter 30

Jess had been dancing in Kris’s arms with her head resting on his shoulder for the last 20 minutes, neither had said a word, both caught up in their own private thoughts and emotions, about finally holding each other after all these years, and were both oblivious to everything but the feel of holding one another. Kris was the first to break the silence between them “you look amazing tonight”

“Thank you” she blushed as she looked up at him
“I take it you like the jewellery then” he asked realising Jess was wearing the gift he had given to her earlier
“I love them thank you, they are beautiful” They smiled at each other, Jess leant her head back on his shoulder.
“Kris,”
“Yes?”
“Thank you have no idea what today meant to me, it has been the best birthday ever” And she was telling the truth, sure as a child or teen she had the best birthday parties, and got all the presents that she wanted, none of it matched up to today, to be able to spend the day with the man she loved and the child they shared.

“I think I know Jess, today has been amazing for me too”
The two continued to dance, and neither said another word for 10 minutes as both yet again returned to their own thoughts.

That was until Kris pulled away from Jess slightly, and gently lifted her chin with his finger. They looked into one another’s eyes.
“I love you” A smile spread across Jess’ face and her eyes lit up, at hearing those words. “I love you too Kris”

Kris and Jess moved closer, the kiss was gentle, tentative, at first, but the more sure they were of each other, the more passionate the kiss became, neither of them caring that they were in the middle of a crowded dance floor. After a while the kiss broke apart, mainly for the need of oxygen than any desire to stop, they still had there arms around one another and looked at each other, their eyes giving away the love and passion held within them.

The young lovers continued dancing together, alternately kissing, talking, laughing or just holding each other, both happy to finally be together again.

[anna42hmr]

chapter 31

They had all stayed at the club until the very end after Jess and her friends had said their farewells, Jess and Kris walked arm in arm, together, they decided to go towards beach and walk along the beach front, and had a nice chat, with the odd kiss thrown in here and there.

The two of them walked onto the sand and sat down, Jess sitting infront of Kris, between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her and they both sat watching the moon and stars sparkle reflecting in the tide. Kris gently kissed, sucked and nipped at Jess’ neck, knowing that this was one of her most sensitive spots, she let out a soft moan at his attentiveness, amazed that after all this time he still knew exactly how to touch her to get a reaction. She gently moved her head to the side leaning against his back, to give him better access to her neck, and entwined her one hand in his hair, the other over his arms that were cuddling her.

The two of them stayed like this, relaxing in one another’s presence for a long while, they were actually at the beach that long they watched the sunrise over the ocean. After the two had watched the sunrise in the sky, Kris cuddled Jess closer, and whispered in her ear, “Stay with me today, come back to the hotel, please?” she smiled, “of course I will” she replied as she turned her head to kiss him. After the kiss the two of them stood up, and walked hand in hand towards the hotel Kris was staying at, Jess had never been so grateful that her parents’ friends had offered to have Katie until noon that day.

The two of them arrived at the hotel, and as soon as Kris closed the hotel room door, passion took over them, the two of them made love like never before, full of emotion, desire, happiness that had been missing from both of their lives since Jess had left.

Jess woke up to find Kris staring down at her with a smile on his face, “Morning beautiful” “Hello gorgeous” they both giggled. The couple kissed and held one another basking in the glow of being together again.

As Kris started to kiss down Jess’s body, a sense of uncertainty and self-consciousness had over come her, “Whats wrong Jess”
“Nothing” “Please tell me”
“Its just…” she was too embarrassed to continue
“Just what?”
“I don’t look the same as I did before Kris”
“I don’t get it, what do you mean, you look the same beautiful Jessica to me, maybe a couple of years older, but hey so am I” he joked
In the heat of the passion earlier, Kris did not notice the scar on her tummy, or the feint stretch marks on her belly.
“Kris please, its not funny”, she turned her head from him and looked towards the window, it was then he realised she was serious.
“Come on baby, what’s wrong?” he asked when gently kissed her neck
“I had a few complications with my pregnancy, Katie had to be born through C Section,”
Kris realised then that it was the scar on her tummy she was self conscious of, he turned Jess towards him and looked into her eyes, kissed her briefly on the mouth and slowly removed the sheet covering her body, and kissed down along her body until he reached the scar, when he reached the scar on her tummy, he peppered gentle, loving kisses along the length of it, “Its beautiful, just like you are Jess” A tear of happiness escaped her eyes, and her and Kris made love again, but it was different to when they made love earlier, this time was more gentle, slow and loving.


chapter 32

Kris and Jessed dozed in each other’s arms, but time had past quickly, and it was nearly time for Jess to pick Katie up. The two of them took a nice long shower at Kris hotel, then Kris took Jess to the apartment to get changed out of the clothes she wore last night, and went to pick Katie up.

“Hello mummy, hello Kwis” the little girl greeted them with a hug. The young family decided to go for a late Sunday lunch at a nearby restaurant, after dinner, Katie managed to get them to agree to take her to the park, it was then that he realised, that just like her mother, this little girl had him wrapped around her little finger. He could not help but chuckle at the thought, that god help him, he would have two spoilt girls in his life.

Katie was worn out by the end of it, and wanted to be carried home, and the little girl was fast asleep in Kris arms before they even made it to the apartment. Kris revelled in the feeling of having his little girl in his arms, and the woman of his dreams beside him. They arrived at the apartment and decided to take Katie straight to her room; they got the sleepy little girl in her nightie, and put her into bed. He gave Katie a kiss on her cheek, and watched Jess as she tucked him in, it was then that he realise he was not only in love with Jessica, but he already loved Katie, despite only knowing her for a couple of days.

Jess and Kris returned to the living room and decided to open a bottle of wine, they had intended to watch a film, however the film was pretty much ignored, as they were too interested in kissing, cuddling and caressing each other, Kris eventually picked Jess up in his arms and carried her into her bedroom, laying her on the bed the two made love again. Neither got much sleep that evening, as they spent most of it talking, kissing, cuddling and making love. Both were dreading the next day, as they new that by 3 the next afternoon, Kris would be at the airport boarding his flight home.

They had awoke early in the morning, Jess had been due to go to work, but Kris had managed to talk her into throwing a sickie so they could spend the last few hours as a family before he flew back home. Nothing spectacular happened that day, but to Kris and Jess it was the most perfect day in the world, the three had fun together in the apartment, they played in the swimming pool at the apartment complex, had lunch on the balcony and Kris and Katie decided it would be funny to jump all over Jess and tickle her senseless, until she begged for mercy. Jess soon got her own back on Katie, as her daughter was as ticklish as she was, but could not stop the grin on her face when she turned to Kris “You wait Kris, I will get my own back soon” “Is that a threat” he grinned back, “No that’s a promise” she winked.

All too soon, it was time for Kris to go back home, as he was on air at the radio station later that evening. There was a very tearful farewell at the airport, though they knew they would see each other again soon; they could not bare the thought of being apart again.

Four hours after she left him at the airport, Jess received a text message that bought a smile to her face

“Missing you already, Love you both K XXX”

[anna42hmr]

chapter 33

The next six months passed quickly, Kris joined Jess and Katie every other weekend in Majorca, they loved the time together, and although it was hard for them to be separated, they chatted nearly every day either by phone, text, email or private messaging on the net, and it made the long weekends together all the more special. It became a routine for Kris to catch a flight after his Friday night radio show straight to Majorca, and to stay until Monday afternoon, and he just made it home in time for his broadcast on the Monday evening. Kris and Jess would be the first to admit that it was not a usual family set up, but then again, they were not exactly a normal everyday couple.

Jess was sitting on the sofa in her apartment, flicking through a magazine, when suddenly her phone rang, noticing it was Kris, she was confused as she had only spoken to him a few hours earlier, and it was unusual for them to talk more than once a day (unless you count the odd saucy text message)

“Hey Baby, whats up?”
“Its… Its,” Jess could tell he was crying, but couldn’t get the words out
“Hey Kris, comeon, you can tell me”
“Its Nana Collins, Aunt Helen called, she is hospital, she is really ill, they don’t think she is going to pull through” Kris sobbed, Nana Collins was his mothers mom, she and Kris’ great Aunt Helen, were the only members of Kris’s family who had not cut him off and disowned him, they were his only relatives that were not ashamed or embarrassed by him.

Jess’s heart went out to Kris, as he knew what she meant to him. Not long after Jess and Kris got back together, he bought Nana Collins and Great Aunt Helen out to Spain for a holiday to meet Jess and Katie, They were dear old ladies who clearly doted on Kris. Helen had no children or grandchildren of her own, so she too treated Kris like a grandson. Jess was so glad that Helen had felt that way about Kris, as she knew without a doubt, that none of Kris other family would contact Kris with the news of his grandmothers illness.

“Jess, I need you both, please…” Kris did not have to finish the sentence, she knew that he wanted her and Katie with him, “I’ll arrange the next flight out of Majorca, Do you want me to meet you in Ireland or in Manchester?” “Ireland please, if that’s OK, Aunt Helen has said we can stay with her at the cottage, if that’s alright” Kris was trying hard not to breakdown on the phone
“Course it is silly, we will be there as soon as I can be, have you your plane booked to Belfast?”
“Yes, I should be there by 5 tonight, let me know what time your plane gets in, and I will meet you”
“You don’t have to Kris, go to the hospital, I will meet you there”
Kris gave the hospital details to Jess and headed to Manchester airport to get the plane, fearful of what was going to happen, he was upset at the thought that his grandmother may not even be alive by the time he gets to the hospital, and was nervous about seeing his family after all these years, he just hoped they could show Nana Collins some respect on her death bed not to start any arguments.


chapter 34

As soon as Kris arrived in Belfast, he got a taxi to the hospital, he was greeted with a warm and loving hug from his great aunt, both were tearful, but Kris was relieved to find out he was not too late to say goodbye to his beloved grandmother. Kris and Helen walked towards her car in the hospital car park to put his bags he had bought with him in the boot. During the entire flight, Kris’s head was filled with emotion, and questions, he was apprehensive about seeing his parents and brother and sister again, he was dreading saying goodbye to his Nan, and had no idea how his family would react when they saw Jess and Katie, he just hoped that they would get here soon, as he had never needed them more in his life than he did now.

When they walked back into the hospital Helen took him towards his grandmothers room, he took a deep breath before opening the door to her room, he had been trying to prepare himself on the plane, but he could not believe the sight of his Nan lying in the hospital bed, the woman who her despite age always had seemed to be full of life and energy, was now very pale, and frail looking, seeing her like this broke Kris heart. She was sleeping when he got there, but her breathing was not calm, her breath was laboured.

His father and brother refused to acknowledge his presence in the room, and his mother and sister looked as if they wanted to say or do something but he did not know what. Helen took a seat beside Kris, at his Nan’s bedside, and took his hand; well aware of the shock Kris was feeling at seeing her sister like this. They all sat like this in silence for hours, when Helen decided to get them all some drinks, the moment Helen left the room, Kris had never felt so alone in all his life, ironic considering everyone in the room was his family, yet they did not feel that way, and even over his Nan’s death bed, he could feel the looks of animosity coming from his father and brother, and the shame and embarrassment from his mother and sister. Kris did not dare to look in their direction; he could not handle seeing the looks in their eyes he knew was there.

Nana Collins started to stir from her sleep, she was confused at first them started to come to, “Kris?” she asked
“I’m here Nana,” he said, his voice breaking with emotion
Her eyes lit up for the first time since she had been in hospital, everyone else noticed this too, which caused more resentment and jealousy towards Kris, that he was getting the attention.
“Come closer, Kris, its hard to talk now, but I need to say something to you”
“Sure Nana, what is it”
“I need to remind you, you’re not alone, no matter what when I am gone …”
“Nana, please don’t” Kris cried, not wanting her to voice the fact that she was dying
“Please Kris, I need to say this, you have them Kris, take care of them, they are your true family now, don’t push them away in your grief”
Kris knew who his grandmother was referring to, but everyone else in the room was looking at each other with confusion in their eyes.
“I wont nana, they are coming tonight, as soon as they manage to get a flight over”
“That’s good, you deserve to be happy, the three of you” she smiled slightly.
“Thankyou Nana” and Kris placed a gentle kiss on his Nans cheek.

[anna42hmr]

chapter 35

The next hour or so was spent in silence in the hospital room, questions were running around Kris’s parents and siblings head about the conversation between Kris and his Nan, but none of them were willing to start a civil conversation with him, so decided to leave their questions unanswered, and continue to ignore him. That was until Kris looked at his watch for the third time in 20 minutes

“Got somewhere better to be?” Malachy snapped accusingly
“No, I haven’t besides its none of your bloody business” Kris snapped back
“They will be here soon,” his Aunt whispered to him reassuringly.
“Shame, as you don’t belong here” Kris’ dad joined in, “your not family as far as we are concerned”
“THAT’S IT OUT SIDE NOW, ALL OF YOU!” Kris great aunt demanded, they all looked at her in shock, but could tell by the look in her eyes she meant every word, so grudgingly they all filed out of the hospital in line.
“I will not have this, you should be ashamed of yourselves, my sister is dying in there, and all you can think about is this pathetic feud. Margaret, John, you have an amazing, loving, kind son, and if you cant accept him for who he is, you are the ones missing out, not him, as for you Malachy and Laura, he is your brother, I don’t get it, you all used to be so close growing up, what happened??”
“He is not my brother, I don’t know who he is” Malachy shouted
The family started shouting and arguing amongst themselves in the hospital corridor, all except Kris, who was silently watching this with tears streaming down his face, he decided to walk out towards the hospital entrance to get some fresh air, and get away from them.

chapter 36

Kris had been sitting on the bench, with his head in his hands for 15 minutes when a taxi pulled up. The young woman and child exited the taxi and got the bags from the boot, and almost walked past the lone figure on the bench, it took a minute for him to register that it was Jess and Katie, but when he did his heart surged with relief.
“Jess, over here”
She turned towards him, and could see his tear stained faced, and assumed the worse
“I am sorry Kris, I am too late aren’t I,” she asked whilst hugging Kris as hard as it was possible, with a sleeping child also in her arms.
“No, its not that, its…” Kris started crying again and through his tears, he told Jess what had been happening with his family, during this time the three of them returned to the bench he was previously occupying, Jess had placed Katie on Kris’ lap, and held them tight to her in her arms, all the while stroking Kris’ back to try and calm him. They then walked towards his great aunts’ car, as he still had her keys from earlier and put Katie’s and Jess’s bags along side his in the boot. The three of them walked towards the hospital, Kris carrying Katie with one arm, and the other around Jess, who was leaning her head on his shoulder. He realised in that very instant, that his Nuns words were true, he was not alone, he had a family of his own, and no matter what he would make it through for their sake.

Just before they walked into the room his grandmother was in, Jess held Kris back, and turned him to look directly into her eyes, “Just remember I am here, your not on your own in this” Kris gave Jess a small smile, and they two gently embraced in a kiss before they went in, both taking a deep breath in.

The three of them entered the room, at first none of Kris family looked in Kris direction, so they were not aware of Jess and Katie’s presence in the room, the only person who looked towards them was his Great Aunt Helen, who gave them both a gentle smile, and got out of her seat, Helen hugged Jess, and as she did so, whispered in her ear “I am so glad you are here, he really needs you here, even if he doesn’t admit it” as the hug ended, Jess nodded at Helen in recognition to what she had said, whilst this had been going on Kris has sat down in his previous position, but this time Katie was in his arms sitting on his lap.

“Do you want a drink Jess?” Helen asked, at this question Kris’s parents and siblings heads all shot up, suddenly becoming aware of the stranger in the room, “yes please Helen, do you want me to help?” “Yes please, Kris do you want another coffee?” “Please” Helen took a drinks order for the rest of Kris’ family, as she was doing so, Jess knelt down by Kris chair and laid her hand on his knee “You going to be alright here? I won’t be long” Kris looked directly into her eyes and nodded his head, “Don’t worry, they will behave,” she stated looking directly at her niece, nephew in law and great niece and nephew, what Kris did not know, was that after he had gone outside for some air, Helen had threatened each and every member of the family, that if any of them dared start another argument over her sisters death bed, she would have the hospital ban them and would disown them all herself, and that they should be ashamed that they were not allowing a dying woman peace in her last hours. They had decided to do what Helen told them, knowing that she was not a person to be messed with, knowing that it was not a threat, but a promise.

Jess gently rose from her crouching position, kissed Kris on the forehead and walked out of the room with Helen.

[anna42hmr]

chapter 37

Despite Helens reassurances, Jess could not help feeling concerned about Kris being left in the room with them, she could not get over the heart broken look in his eyes when he had been sitting on the bench, she also could not help but remember back to all those years ago, when they were still at Hollyoaks, when the confrontation between Kris and his parents occurred, not long after Malachy had turned up in the village. To this day she could kick herself for making that mistake, sleeping with Kris’ brother to get back at Kris for him and Nathan, it made her feel cheap and guilty, and could not help but feel that way again when she was in the hospital room. She did not think he had recognised her before, and she was grateful for that, it had been years and years ago, but she knew it would be a matter of time before he realised she was the same Jess as the one all those years ago. She also could not help but be reminded the pain that she herself had inflicted on Kris by leaving how she did, and although things between her and Kris were better than she could have imagined, and was a dream come true, she still felt immense guilt, and she feared that would always remain, despite Kris’ reassurances that he had forgiven her and understood why she had did what she did.

Meanwhile back in Nana Collins room, questioning glances were exchanged between the family members, trying to work out who the little girl was that Kris was holding so tenderly in his arms. However Kris was oblivious to this, his attention was solely aimed at his Nan and daughter, alternately watching one and then the other sleeping, all the while gently running his fingers through the little girls hair.

Katie started to stir in her dad arms, bringing him out of his thoughts, he held her closer to him, “Hello sleepy head” The little girl looked up to him and beamed her smile, that was so identical to the one that usually occupied his face. She slowly looked around the room.
“Daddy?” the little girl questioned looking at Kris confused, as when she went to sleep she was in her own bed in Majorca, and now she was waking in her dads arms in a strange room with people she had no idea who they were
“Its ok angel,” he said reassuring her.
“Where’s mummy?”
“Mummy’s here” Jess replied as just at that moment, her and Helen walked in the door with everyone’s drinks.

Kris and Jess could not help but smile to themselves when they saw the shocked look on his parents and siblings faces, “Hello Katie, haven’t you grown” Helen said to the little girl, “Hi” she said shyly, then she hid her face into her daddy’s neck “You remember Aunt Helen don’t you, Katie? She visited with Nana Collins a while back” Kris asked, Katie slowly looked back towards the old lady and slowly recognised her, and gave her a smile and a wave. Just as she did this, Jess passed Kris his coffee, as Helen gave the rest of the drinks out, “Katie, you thirsty, do you want some juice”, Kris asked
“Yes please daddy” she said whilst leaning over towards where Jess had placed the juice.
“Careful Katie, daddy’s got a hot drink, you don’t want to burn yourself on it”
“OK mommy”
Helen sat back in her seat, to the one side of Kris, and Jess had sat in a chair to Kris other side, when she did he put his arm around Jess, and she leant towards him and their child, laying her head on his shoulder, and he leant his head on top of hers and kissed her hair, Helen looked on at the young family with a smile, and the rest of those in the room, looked on with a shocked amazement.

They sat like that for a good 20 minutes or more, the whole room was quiet, apart from the odd question from Katie, then Nana Collins started to wake, this time you could tell she was getting weaker, her breathing was more laboured, each breath became more difficult and painful for her. She turned her head whilst lying in her bed to see all the occupants in the room, eventually she was facing Kris, Jess and Katie,
“You made it here” she struggled to say, “I am glad you two made it, I’ve been waiting” Jess was honoured by the statement, “Take care of him for me Jess, he is not as strong as he likes to make out,”
“I will, I promise” Jess replied tearfully.
“Be happy the three of you, you deserve it, take care of each other” she said quietly, “We will Nana, I promise” stated Kris, crying as he knew it was close to the end “I love you” “I love you too” And with that, she peacefully passed over.

It was then that everyone in the room realised that she had fought to stay alive those last few hours, so she could make sure Kris was not alone, and so she could see her great grandchild for the very last time.

chapter 38

They all sat in the room crying quietly. Jess had moved from her seat beside Kris and was kneeling beside him, embracing him and their child completely, as Kris sobbed into her shoulder. “I’m here sweetie, I’m here,” she said as she was soothing Kris. The hospital staff came in and out of the room, declaring her time of death, checking the readings from the machines etc, but Kris was oblivious to everything but his grief and his two angels.

Shortly afterwards, they all left the hospital, Kris, Jess and Katie walked with Helen towards her car, to go to her cottage in a village on the outskirts of Belfast. The car ride was silent, all of them locked in their own thoughts and feelings.

Eventually they arrived at the cottage, Jess could not help but admire the pretty little cottage, they had been at the hospital all night, and they arrived at the cottage at sunrise, none of them wanted to do anything though, all had been exhausted from the emotions of the night. Helen showed Jess and Katie around the cottage whilst Kris made them all a cup of tea, he new the cottage like the back of his hand, as this was where he would escape to as a child or teenager when he had fallen out with his parents, so he would either come here or to his Nans house around the corner in the same village. They were his escape, and both accepted him for who he was and what he was, and the only people before he had met Jess that did. He knew he would miss his Nan terribly, however he remembered what she had said, and he knew she was right, he was never alone, he had Jess, Katie and Aunt Helen, and he liked to think that some how Nana Collins was still with him too, watching down on them.

After they had drank the tea, they all decided to have a lie down as they had no sleep during the night.

Kris and Jess were lying in each other’s arms on the top of the bed, all the while Jess was stroking Kris hair, “How are you feeling Kris?” she asked full of concern
“Honestly? I don’t know, I just wish she was here still”
“I know sweetie, I know”
Jess and Kris lay talking for an hour or so, Kris telling Jess about stories of him and his Nan as he was growing up, of the laughter, the games, the arguments, the teasing. The memories soon got too much for Kris so, as he ended up breaking down in tears, sobbing into Jess’ neck, whilst she held him, comforting him, and knowing she could not give him the one thing he wanted, his Nan back on this earth.