I was just reading your post on sexual assault I was 11 when I was assaulted and I still find it really difficult to deal with eight years later. I only told a couple of mate and my brother.
I couldn't tell my parents I didn't even realise it was wrong but now when I go out I feel like I have to play up to men flirting with them and sometimes it goes further than I want it too my mates make jokes about my behaviour but it doesn't help and I end feeling dirty and like it was all my fault.
I had a lot of problems at school I even tried suicide and self harmed for a while but I'm putting it behind me I think even if I still feel suicidal at times I have counselling but if things get too much I feel very alone
Please can you help me
I think your problem with playing up to men stems from low self-esteem, when go out and get attention from men it make you (for a short time) feel better about yourself, and then after worse. So you go out and do it again. It sounds like it may have turned into a vicious circle effect.
When you go out try to concentrate on going out and having a good time with friends and just talking to blokes rather then doing anything else. I don’t think your friends are helping by joking about it. You have to remember that you are doing nothing wrong flirting with men - its natural and if you look around you, you will see it happen all the time, sometime subtly, sometimes overtly.
It is thought in some cases self harm may occur due to guilt or other thought patterns. For example, self harm may be used as punishment when a person thinks they have done something wrong. Self harm may also be used by sufferers to temporarily blunt emotional pain.
I think you need to keep up with the counselling as regards to the self harming and suicidal thoughts, if you feel the first councillor didn’t work then seek out someone who does as this is very important. A doctor could put you in touch with someone, or I could give you numbers for agencies such as the Samaritans or childline who could help.
Positive thinking and coming to terms with the abuse you suffered will allow you to move on. Suicide is not the answer. Just remember that when all options seem closed to you, all you need is someone to talk to and show you the other options.
Please remember you did nothing wrong, and you should not make yourself suffer as a result.
should you want any more help, email me
Aunt Sally
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