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Thread: Just for Alan "The Alan45 Joke Thread"

  1. #21
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    Just for Alan "The Alan45 Joke Thread"

    Tricks



    A few years back, in a small Texas town, the local madam also operated the local telephone service.


    When the police finally arrested her, they found her book of "talent." Each police officer was then assigned to investigate some "girls" from her book.


    After a week, the Chief summoned each cop to report his findings.


    "Detective Smith, what did you learn about the hookers on your list?"


    "Chief, I'm sorry, but I need to disqualify myself," said Smith. "One of the women I interviewed is eighty-four years old and so charming that I have fallen in love with her."


    "Dammit, boy!" shouted the Chief. "I'm surprised at you. You've been a cop for 25 years and here you go, falling for the oldest trick in the book!"
    Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe

  2. #22
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    Oh my word they're getting worse Alan

    Thanks to Vicky for my great new banner xxx
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  3. #23
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    Oh gawd Alan - I actually groaned out loud at that one!!

    Keep them coming!!

  4. #24
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    Listen pal you'd better improve you're joke telling when you come to Scotland or we may have to throw you in the loch with concrete boots on.

    Thanks to Vicky for my great new banner xxx
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  5. #25
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    Just for Alan "The Alan45 Joke Thread"

    A Hankerin'



    The old prospector walked his old mule into a western town after six months alone in the desert without a drop of whiskey. He stopped at the first saloon he came to and tied his mule to the hitching rail.


    As he stood there brushing off the dust, a gunslinger came out of the saloon with his gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. He looked at the old man and laughed. "Hey, old man! Have you ever danced?"


    The prospector said, "Nope. Never had no hankerin' to."


    The gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the man's feet.


    Everybody laughed as the poor old prospector hopped around the street.


    When the gunslinger's weapon was empty, he holstered it, and headed back into the saloon.


    The prospector grabbed his shotgun from the mule's pack and cocked both hammers. Everyone heard the loud click, including the gunslinger and the street got real quiet, real fast.


    The gunslinger slowly turned around and found himself staring straight down the shotgun's barrels.


    The prospector quietly asked him, "So, young man! Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?"


    The gunslinger swallowed hard and then said, "Nope. But I always had a hankerin' to!"
    Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe

  6. #26
    Jojo is offline **Debs Official Stalker**
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    You're right Alan, not quite as bad a joke as normal...they're getting better!

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    Thats so bad, Alan!!

  8. #28
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    Alan were on earth are you finding these terrible jokes. I can't beleive I'm laughing at them.

    Thanks to Vicky for my great new banner xxx
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  9. #29
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    Just for Alan "The Alan45 Joke Thread"

    Mature Couple



    An older couple were lying in bed one night.


    The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."


    Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.


    A few moments later, she said, "Then you used to kiss me."


    Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.


    Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."


    Angrily, he threw back the covers and got out of bed.


    "Where are you going?" she asked.


    "To get my teeth!"
    Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe

  10. #30
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    oh my word Alan you're killing me. Anyway I've a joke for you so I'm invading you're thread.

    Two dwarfs were on a night out and met up with too girls at a night club. the girls took the dwarfs home with them. In the bed the first dwarf was frustrated and angry as no matter how hard he was trying he couldn't get a hard on. Things didn't help when all he could here coming from the room next door was his mate shouting 1,2,3 here I come again.

    The next morning the dwarfs were having breakfast and the 1st dwarf was in a foul mood, his mate asked him what the matter was. The 1st dwarf told him, the 2nd dwarf said to him you think that's bad. I spent all bloddy night trying to climb up on to the bed.

    Thanks to Vicky for my great new banner xxx
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