Dumping a 'Friend'

[Amber]

Ok, basically there's this girl called Katie. She follows me everywhere and it really annoys me, infact I feel the hate for her bubbling inside me when I see her. It just really stresses me out.

Also, Katie has cerebral palsy (sp?). It shouldn't be a problem for anyone, but she really exaggerates her disability. It's hard to explain.

She's so clingy and I need some time to myself occasionally. I don't want to hurt her feelings (i.e by telling her to leave me alone) even if it does sound that way.

If I did talk to her about it (in a reasonable way), she'd probably go to the pastoral team (a bit like councellors but are allowed to punish people) and say I was bullying her. It sounds crazy but it's true (once she said someone was trying to beat her up when she got a piece of bread thrown at her).

It probably sounds like I'm the bad guy in this but I'm not, I promise.

PS - I also have another girl following me at school and a boy at drama too. Maybe I'm just too nice!

[DaVeyWaVey]

If it is annoying you so much Amber, i honestly suggest that you just tell this girl how you feel in the politest way possible. Maybe at breaktimes and lunchtimes, you could go to different places so she doesn't follow you around so much? Let her down slowly, tell her that you can't be with her today because you have to go to a certain place like a school club or something..if that doesn't work, i honestly just think you should tell her in the easiest way possible..if she does accuse you of bullying her or whatever, stand your ground and deny it.

Hope this helps in some way.

[Amber]

Thanks Dave.

It doesn't help that I go to the same place at both lunch and break . I didn't even think of going somewhere else!

[Kim]

I've been in a similar situation (Been the one with cerebal palsy and accused of being clingy.) The thing that wound me up when my mate dumped me was that I hadn't really been clingy, I was only doing it because she wanted to go off with one of the girls that was bullying me. Just don't walk off, you'll have to give her an explanation first, as just being thrown like a piece of rubbish makes you feel really small. Tell her you need to have time for other friends, but don't abandon her every break. Also, don't be around this girl with the other mates - it made me feel like others were better than me because they were 'normal.' I wouldn't say I was being bullied if I had one piece of bread thrown at me, but the more it happens the more victimised you feel, so it might not be entirely her being clingy. I'll admit I was a bit clingy back then, but I had a real shortage of friends and just felt as if people were really judgmental, so it just depends on the personal circumstances of this girl. I have a pastoral support worker and they can't really do that much - all they do is tell the staff at the school if you give them cause for concern, then the staff handle it from there.

[diamond1]

well you could give her a link to this thread joking

.

If I did talk to her about it (in a reasonable way), she'd probably go to the pastoral team (a bit like councellors but are allowed to punish people) and say I was bullying her

First of all explain the situation to them first about how your feeling and what you plan to do..be very careful about this Ill tell you a story which I dont tell too often


back in the days of when I was at school there was a clique type group I was one of the main members (one of the top) there was a girl who was very clingy and whingy and kept following us around and ringing us non stop and buying us gifts but we hated her so I made the mistake of actually saying to this girl that she was annoying and we hated her and in no certain terms told her where to go!she got really upset and ran away for a few days when she returned she confessed all to her parents and her parents came in to school to have it out with me.they told me a few home truths.I should of just let it slide but I didnt and I spread mallcious gossip in which everyone at school gave her a really bad time for it in the end she became depressed she was scared to come into school,when she did she would cry all by herself at lunchtimes and became very depressed I should of stopped it then but I thought t would blow over - but things got on top and she went out one night and started to drink and she drunk so much she got in a state and she fell from a wall on which she was sitting on-she gained a concussion but these events made me think about what had happened and I begged for forgiveness but rightfully she didnt! what happened after they transfered her to a diffrent school and I became a bit of a hated figure for a while and my behaviour grew a little worse but I changed for the better in later years after I saw her again and she told me what I had done made her want to die and things I thought I would have councilling to solve why I was like that which is a diffrent story but in the end we became friends and still are..but it is a bitter pill to swallow looking back on it

wow cant belive I let all of that out after all this time..anyway the point of the story is dont hurt her feelings be carefull what you say and if you can be freinds with her-why not? everyones diffrent for a reason and think one day you may need a friend for you for whatever reason-so dont blow it

[Katy]

Basically try and talk to her about it, I was in the same situation and reacted in the way you really shouldnt. It was a bit like bullying i didnt mean to i just have a temper. dont shout at her it makes it alot worse, like D1 said ( in my situation i was nearly suspended as she did what you said would happen went to the ABC (anti Bullying Council) Anyway think you need to talk to her and say that you just need space. Id explain the situation like you have with us, obviosly not the bit about exaggerating the disability, but the way you feel. Bottling it up, or avoiding her, (or hitting her like i did to the girl) isnt good for both parties in the short or long term.

[diamond1]

(or hitting her like i did to the girl).

see I can relate to that..I didnt resort to violence but I think we both used similar methods we shouldnt of really!

[Katy]

definitly the wrong methods.

The right way of everything is usually the opposite of what i did.

Amber yourll have to let us know how you got on with the girl.

[Amber]

Thanks for your help. I hope this gets sorted out.